“Oh, that’s a rotten thing to say to the man who has made your life perfect,” Aric said, his voice unnaturally bright. “You wound me.”
“I’m going to wound you,” I warned, leaning on the rake as I looked him over. Something was up. I could always sense when he was tense or angry. This was something different. He was going to attempt to manipulate me. That could mean only one thing. “What does Sami want?”
“Oh, now, don’t take that tone,” Aric whined. “How do you know Sami wants anything?”
“Because she’s twelve and she has you wrapped around her finger,” I replied, not missing a beat. “When she wants something she runs straight to you and does an end run around me. I’m not stupid.”
“You’re definitely not stupid,” Aric agreed. “In fact, I think you’re the smartest woman I know.”
Oh, good grief. “Do you think I’m addled by age or something?”
“You are as pretty as the day I met you.”
He’s so full of crap sometimes. Although I have held up well over time, if I do say so myself. I haven’t held up as well as him, but he started out as something akin to a Greek god, so I couldn’t really expect the impossible. “What do you want?”
Aric scowled. “You’re extremely tactless sometimes. You know that, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Seriously, what do you want? Or, to be more precise, what does Sami want?”
“She wants us to cede the house to her for the party because she doesn’t want any of the really old adults bothering her,” Aric replied. “While I’m not thrilled with realizing I’m too old to party, I don’t hate the idea because they’re twelve-year-old girls and they’re going to be giggling and having pillow fights all night.”
“I think that’s a teenage boy fantasy,” I said. “Girls don’t have pillow fights.”
“Don’t ruin younger me’s fantasies,” Aric chided, although the corners of his mouth tipped up. “When you were in college I thought for sure you, Paris and Kelsey got in slutty pajamas and had pillow fights so fierce that feathers flew in every direction.” He got a far-off look in his eyes, which made me smile because he was so earnest.
“So, she wants us to sleep outside like dogs?”
“She has asked that we sleep in the camper,” Aric answered. “Actually, her first request was that they all be allowed to sleep in the camper, but I vetoed that right away.”
“That was probably good,” I said. “I don’t want them sneaking off into the woods and falling or something when they’re playing Truth or Dare.” I didn’t immediately make my decision about the sleeping arrangements because as much as I thought leaving the house to twelve-year-olds so they could run amok was a fool’s gambit, the idea of having to listen to them giggle and squeal all night set my teeth on edge. “I need to think a minute about the sleeping arrangements.”
“Just think, baby,” Aric said, grabbing me around the waist and tilting me so I fell on his lap. “It will be like a vacation for us, too. We’ll be able to get into the hot tub naked after they go to sleep. We can only do that when my parents or your parents take her every Saturday.”
That was another good point. “I don’t know,” I hedged, smirking as he rubbed his cheek against mine. He hadn’t shaved or showered yet, so his stubble was scratchy. “What if someone gets hurt?”
“They’re girls,” Aric said dryly. “I don’t think they can kill each other with nail polish and eye shadow.”
I smacked his knee. “That’s sexist and derogatory.”
“I can live with that,” Aric said, turning sober. “I’m going to be uncomfortable in the house with all of those girls doing … pink stuff. Quite frankly, so are you. I think we’re better off sleeping in the camper. If someone screams I’ll still be able to hear it, and if Sami needs something we’ll be close.”
“What is ‘pink stuff?’”
“You know, girls like pink stuff,” Aric replied. “I can’t go into detail because it will mortally wound me. As far as I’m concerned, Sami is still five and walking around with that stuffed dog she refused to part with. I was her hero then.”
“You’re still her hero.” He’s such a woman sometimes. He dwells on things that no one needs to dwell on.
“She had that Cassidy girl over the other day,” Aric said, glancing over his shoulder to make sure we were still alone before continuing. “I heard them talking. They want bras.”
I pressed my lips together to keep from laughing. “Oh, the horror!”
“It’s not funny,” Aric snapped. “She’s twelve. It’s way too soon for that.”
“I had my first bra at twelve.”
“Yes, well … we’re not talking about you,” Aric said. “We’re talking about our daughter. She doesn’t need a bra.”
“That will just make the boys think she’s loose,” I pointed out.
Aric was incensed. “What?”
“Think about it. You love Sundays because I don’t wear a bra,” I reminded him. “Ask yourself why.”
“Ugh.” Aric made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat. “Boys are pigs.”
“Yes, you are,” I agreed, laughing as he tickled my ribs. “Okay, if they want to sleep in the house alone, they can. They all have to stay in the living room, though, and we’re locking our bedroom. I don’t want them getting into our closet and opening that suitcase where you hide all of the … toys.”
“You bought most of that stuff!”
“And I still like it,” I said. “I just don’t want them going through our stuff. We’ll sleep in the camper and still be close enough to hear if something bad happens.”
“Like a nail polish revolt?”
“You’re a funny guy,” I said, poking his ribs and sighing as I rested my head against his shoulder. We still had a lot of work to do to get ready for the party, but the moment of respite was nice. It lasted only a few seconds before I heard the unmistakable sound of bare feet slapping on the deck above us.
“Dad, did you ask her?”
Sami. She was using her best “little girl” voice. Aric fell for it every time. While I love my daughter – no, really, I do – we’re practically at each other’s throats most of the time these days. She has too much of me in her. Two of me under one roof is pure torture for everyone involved.
“I asked her,” Aric said, his chest rumbling as he chuckled. “We’ve agreed to give you the house given you follow a few rules.”
Sami appeared at the edge of the deck, her long black hair swept away from her face as her dark eyes peered down at us. She may have my attitude – which is frightening by itself – but she looks exactly like her father. She boasts his high cheekbones and coloring, and she’s going to be a good three or four inches taller than me before it’s all said and done. She scowled when she saw how we were sitting.
“Oh, gross.” Sami wrinkled her nose and made a gagging sound. “You realize people can see what you’re doing, right? Stop being so … gross.”
“Start trying to expand your vocabulary,” I suggested. “We like being gross.”
“We do,” Aric agreed, making smacking noises as he kissed my cheek. He got off on embarrassing Sami. Heck, we both did. It’s one of the few joys in life parents of a pre-teen girl can embrace.
“Omigod!” Sami slapped her hands down on the wooden railing. “If you’re going to do that all night you can just cancel the party now. Is that what you want?”
I honestly didn’t care either way, but if I didn’t have to spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning that could only be a bonus. “If you’re going to do that you should tell me now,” I suggested. “I hate cleaning and I’ll gladly quit.”
“Oh, my little domestic goddess,” Aric teased, tickling me and causing me to squeal. “That’s not true. I clearly married you for your cooking and cleaning abilities.”
“You two make me sick,” Sami hissed. “Do you know that Katie Dolloway’s mother saw you kissing in Dad’s truck last week and told Katie y
ou were sex fiends? She said the windows were all fogged up.”
“Tell Katie Dolloway her mother is sleeping with the guy at the hardware store in town,” I suggested, earning a headshake from Aric. “What? No one needs that many screws. She’s going there for another kind of screw.”
“How many kinds of screws are there?” Sami asked.
“One … er, none … I mean … Zoe!” Aric was flustered. Whenever the topic of sex came up in front of Sami he couldn’t hide his discomfort. When it was just the two of us he was a chatty thing, though.
“Don’t listen to Katie Dolloway’s mother,” I ordered. “She’s crazy and mean, and all of that hair bleach is going to her brain. She doesn’t know what she’s talking about. It wasn’t cold enough for your father and me to fog up the windows in his truck that day. I know exactly when she was talking about and it was too warm to create condensation on the windows. She’s making that up.”
“Oh, my … gawd!” Sami stomped her foot on the deck for good measure. “That is so not the point.”
“What is the point?” Aric asked, shifting his body so I was more comfortable and we had a clear view of our pride and joy.
“The point is that I don’t want to be embarrassed tonight, so you and Mom need to … well, I know you won’t move to another country for one night, but if you could hide in the woods until we go inside that would be great.”
Aric and I exchanged an amused look.
“Perhaps we should just curl into balls and hide under the tarp by the wood bin,” I suggested. “That way no one will ever see us.”
“If you think you can be quiet for that long, I’m fine with that,” Sami sniffed, crossing her arms over her chest. “You got my cake and the stuff for s’mores, right?”
“Yes, milady.”
Aric snickered in my ear as his chest heaved. “We got all of the stuff on your list, Sami,” he said. “We got hot dogs, hamburgers, eight different kinds of chips, fruit, cookies, cake … we got it all.”
“What about the vegetarian patties?” Sami challenged. “You know that Katie and Clarissa can’t eat meat, right?”
Aric made a disgusted face. As a wolf the idea of vegetarians was highly distasteful. “I got them. They’re in the freezer.”
“Good,” Sami said. “All of the most popular girls are going to be here, and I don’t want to give them any reason to freak out.”
Sami was desperate to fit in with the popular kids. It was my one failing as a parent. I had no idea where she got that particularly dislikable trait. I wasn’t that way as a teenager. I was pretty sure Aric wasn’t either. “I think what Katie Dolloway needs desperately is to freak out,” I said. “In fact, I’d be more than happy to help her – and her busybody mother, for that matter – if they want a group rate for therapy.”
“Don’t say anything like that,” Sami hissed, narrowing her eyes to dangerous chocolate-colored slits. “Don’t be … you … tonight. That’s all I’m asking.”
“Hey!” Aric’s expression was dark enough to cause Sami to balk. “Don’t talk to your mother that way.”
“You say it all the time,” Sami protested.
“Yes, but that’s a game when I say it.” I shot Aric a dubious look, causing him to shrug. “Fine,” he relented. “We’re still adults, and when we say stuff like that to each other it’s because we’re equals. You’re not equal to your mother.”
“I’m a person in this house, too,” Sami snapped. “I have an equal vote.”
“No, you don’t,” Aric argued. “This is our house and we let you live here. You will treat your mother with some respect or I’ll cancel the party right now. I don’t care what Katie Dolly thinks.”
“Dolloway,” I automatically corrected.
“I definitely don’t care what she thinks,” Aric said, causing me to chuckle.
“Fine,” Sami sniffed, her lower lip quivering. “I’m sorry.” She was used to pulling out the waterworks to manipulate Aric. He was on to her machinations, though, and only fell for the act fifty percent of the time.
“Knock that off,” Aric warned, grimacing when the fake tears dried almost instantaneously. “You guys can sleep inside, but everyone has to stay in the living room. No one is to go in our bedroom or the office. Also, no one is to set foot outside of the house once you’re in for the night. Do you understand?”
Sami graced her father with a pouty nod. “Why can’t we go outside, though?”
“Because I said so,” Aric said. “Once you guys are locked in the house your mother and I are having our own party, and if you don’t want to be embarrassed, well, you’d better close the blinds.”
“I don’t understand.” Sami’s confusion lasted for only a few seconds and when it cleared she was outraged. “You’re so gross!”
“We are gross,” Aric agreed. “Keep your fannies inside and your faces from pressing against the bay windows. Your mother and I are celebrating Naked Sunday early this week and if you don’t want an eyeful you’ll mind your own business.”
“Omigod!” Sami flapped her hands, imitating something Aric’s mother did when she was upset. “If you get naked out here … .”
“You’ll what?” Aric challenged.
“I’ll move in with Grandma and Grandpa,” Sami threatened. “They love me and they would never do that.”
“Yes, but we control you thanks to a quirk of birth,” I pointed out. “You might want to close the blinds on this side of the house, too. That way you won’t be able to see the camper.”
Aric grinned. “That’s right. If you need something, call us on your phone – or do that telepathy thing you do with your mother – but if the trailer is rocking, don’t you dare come a knocking.”
“Omigod!” Sami’s face flushed with color. “You’re the grossest people ever. You clearly don’t care about me … or my birthday … or my friends. I hope you know that people can actually die of embarrassment. I read about it in the newspaper. If I die of embarrassment, how will you feel then?”
Aric shrugged. “I don’t know,” he replied. “We’ll probably be so busy with all the interviews thanks to our daughter becoming a medical marvel that we won’t have time to think about it.”
Sami was horrified. “I want new parents,” she screeched, stomping her foot and then turning on her heel and stalking toward the sliding glass door. “You’re just so … gross!”
Aric and I waited until we heard the screen door shut before giving each other a knowing look and speaking at the same time.
“She gets that from you.”
TWO
“H ow do I look?”
Sami appeared in the archway between the living room and kitchen and defiantly lifted her chin, as if daring me to pick at her choice of tan chinos and a violently bright peasant blouse. I’d learned my lesson about questioning her fashion choices long ago. At the time, I believe she insisted on wearing a princess dress with combat boots and a Batman cape. I thought it would’ve been a better look if she opted for the more colorful Superman cape. I was overruled by fake tears and screaming.
“You look cute,” I replied, narrowing my eyes at her flip-flops. “You can’t wear those around the fire later, though. You might stub your toe or something in the dark.”
Sami gave me her patented “well, duh” face. “I have tennis shoes out and ready for then.”
“Great,” I said, accepting the onion from Aric so I could chop it. He insists the only work I do in the kitchen be minor things, like chopping vegetables and fruit. He says I’m a menace, but I’m pretty sure he’s exaggerating. “As long as you’re prepared.”
“I think you look cute, too,” Aric said, smiling benevolently.
“I’m not trying to look cute,” Sami shot back, contorting her face into an expression I recognized from the mirror. She may look like her father, but her attitude is all me. Yes, I realize it’s karma. There’s no need to comment on it. “I’m trying to look popular.”
I pressed the tip of my tongue
against my teeth to bite off a scathing retort. This popularity mantra of hers is enough to drive me right around the bend – where I will promptly hurry back and make a scene if I’m not careful.
“Well, I think you did a good job,” Aric said finally, grabbing the containers of hamburger meat so he could start making patties. “Your friends should start arriving soon.”
“Yes, and I’ll be the one answering the door,” Sami instructed. “It’s my party. I don’t want you guys doing anything embarrassing. In fact … maybe you shouldn’t talk to anyone. Just hide in here or something.”
“Oh, man! I wanted to pick my nose in front of them, too,” Aric groused. “You’ve totally ruined my night.”
“Yeah, and I was going to talk about my malfunctioning underwire and how it makes my boobs lumpy,” I added. “I guess I’m going to have to find another way to entertain myself.”
“You two are … horrible,” Sami muttered, shaking her head and scowling.
“Go wait for you friends by the front door,” Aric ordered. “That’s the only way you’ll be ensured we’re not going to embarrass you.”
“That might work for your father,” I added. “I still think there will be plenty of chances for me embarrass you, so stay on your toes.”
“Other people have good parents,” Sami grumbled as she directed herself toward the front door. “Why couldn’t that happen to me?”
“Because the world wanted to punish me with a miniature version of myself,” I replied.
Aric waited until he was sure Sami was out of earshot before sliding me a sidelong look. “If we got her because the world was punishing you, what does that say about me?”
I shrugged. “Perhaps you’re a glutton for punishment.”
“I guess that’s a fair enough assumption,” Aric said, bopping his hip into mine. “It’s more fun when you punish me, though.”
“Hey, knock that off,” I chided. “You’re embarrassing me.”
Aric snorted as he returned to his food preparations. I could tell something was on his mind, but instead of trying to draw it out I let him get to whatever it was on his own. Finally he sighed and lifted his head again. “Are you as bothered as I am about this popularity thing?”
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