For a long moment, we stared at each other. My laughter faded to be replaced by a painful ache deep inside me for something I didn’t think until this moment I’d ever have. I still didn’t know if I would. That something was beyond sex, beyond physical needs, and had always been a no-woman’s-land for me.
“Steele,” I whispered in a throaty, raspy voice laced with a liberal dose of lust.
“I’m…sorry. I don’t know what got into me.” He didn’t look sorry. He looked absolutely ready to fuck my brains out.
“Don’t be sorry. I liked it. Just don’t do it again.”
“Are you challenging me?”
“Possibly.”
“Only a fool challenges a man whose entire life revolves around competition.” His warning was heeded, but I wasn’t sure I’d obey. I’d never been good at following rules.
“I guess I’m a fool.”
He stepped closer and cupped my chin. His eyes went soft and gentle, so unlike him. I tilted my head, and my eyes drifted shut as his mouth descended to mine. The minute our lips touched, the fire lit, and we made out in the kitchen like I hadn’t made out with a guy since high school. Our hands roamed freely over our bodies through our clothes. Neither of us stripped off our clothes. I wasn’t sure why we didn’t, but we didn’t.
His mouth was all over my face and neck, and I rubbed my body against his, demanding more.
“Steele, I…I…”
“Shhh.” He shut me up with his mouth on mine again. His hands slid under my shirt, and he cupped my breasts through the thin fabric of my lacy black bra. Sexy bras and panties were my jam and a rare indulgence. I loved nice lingerie.
His thumb toyed with my hard nipple, and I nipped at his pec through his T-shirt. He chuckled.
“I can’t get enough of you. You’re truly making me insane,” he groaned.
“Same here.”
“Honey, I’m home,” called Ziggy from the hallway. We sprang apart, though later I wondered why we did. Ziggy didn’t bother to hide his affairs from us. There was no need to act like guilty teenagers. Ziggy probably imagined we were doing more together than we were.
He looked from one of us to the other and rolled his eyes. “Really, you two. Why don’t you figure out what you want and quit acting like you’re fooling anyone.” He shook his head and walked down the hallway, laughing to himself.
I staggered backward a few steps. The moment was destroyed. I turned my back on Steele and finished drying the dishes.
Steele wiped the counters. Neither of us spoke for a long time. I think we were both trying to get a handle on our libidos.
“Thanks for helping me clean the kitchen,” Steele said without emotion. Then just like that, he went to his room. I stood in the middle of the kitchen, staring down the hallway at his closed door. What had just happened? And even more so, why did it keep happening?
Steele and I wanted each other, but we continued to deny each other. Ours was an odd situation, and I didn’t know how to explain it or react to it. It was obvious Steele didn’t either.
Hockey players were a weird breed, and out of my comfort zone. I’d never known a guy like Steele.
Tomorrow, I’d have a long talk with one of my WAG friends. Maybe they’d give me more insight into hockey players as a whole.
Steele kept running from me, and I didn’t want to put myself out there if he wasn’t interested. Rejection sucked, and I didn’t like it any more than the next person.
This man was full of conflicting signals, especially for a tight-ass uber planner. And maybe I’d just hit on the problem. I wasn’t part of his plan, and he wasn’t a man to deviate from his plans. Either he’d learn you couldn’t plan every aspect of your life or I’d learn never to fall for a tight-ass.
Chapter Eighteen
Best-Laid Plans
~~Steele~~
Cin and I had had a close call, one that I wished we’d been able to act upon. Instead, I’d been left frustrated and horny with no relief in sight. At least, not the relief I wanted. I wanted Cin. The next day, I was up early and at the SHAC, hoping to work out some sexual frustration in the Sockeyes’ well-equipped workout room.
Lusting after Cin wasn’t part of the carefully laid-out road map I’d followed for the majority of my life. I’d only made minor changes to my plan over the years, and everything was on track, or had been until I’d met Cin. She’d shot a puck right through the middle of my schedule. As a result, I’d begun to doubt myself and my carefully orchestrated direction.
Everything had fallen into place until Cin. Playing in the juniors, making the pros before I was twenty-two, financially stable and looking at a nice contract in the off-season by twenty-four. Cin was my bump in the road. Nowhere in my plan did anything other than a casual fling fit until I was thirty, at which time I’d settle down and be married by thirty, kids by thirty-two, and retirement by forty, after which I’d coach or go into broadcasting. That was the plan.
This thing with Cin was not. I had to figure out what I was going to do about it.
I was playing well, but I was driven to play better. Currently, I wasn’t outstanding, only mildly remarkable, and I wasn’t content to be average. The coaches were happy with me, but I doubted impressed enough to give me the big contract I longed for. I had to step it up a notch, but I struggled with completely banishing Cin, especially off the ice. Usually I spent my waking moments immersed in hockey, talking hockey, looking at hockey tape, evaluating the other team, and talking more hockey. I still did that, but my typically unwavering concentration wavered while watching film and discussing my favorite sport. Without warning, a flash of something would remind me of Cin, and my brain defocused on my chosen sport and switched to Cin mode. This wasn’t acceptable.
My mom would most likely declare I’d finally figured out there was more to life than hockey, and I knew this. All in good time. For now, my life had to be all hockey, all the time, until I turned thirty and had amassed sizeable investments. But Cin came along, and my plan was thrown into a tailspin. My mom thought it was good for me to stretch my comfort zone. I wasn’t so sure.
After working out and going to our optional morning skate, I showered and dressed and went to the players’ lounge to get a bottle of water. Surprisingly, no one was loitering at one of the tables or watching the huge TV. I guess all the guys had gone home to get in a nap before the game tonight. I’d take one too, but not until after lunch. I had my routine, especially on game days. I wasn’t suspicious, but I was a creature of habit, one more thing that I didn’t have in common with Cin. She wouldn’t know what a routine was if it bit her in her fine ass.
Kaden entered the players’ lounge and glanced around. He grinned when he spotted me. “Want to get lunch?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said, distracted by my thoughts and yesterday’s conversation with my mom and the interrupted makeout session afterward. I ignored the concerned look Kaden cast in my direction.
“Let’s do it.”
Kaden and I walked down the block to a small café and found a private booth near the back. Usually the four original Puck Brothers had lunch together, but Axel and Easton had taken off after the skate like their butts were on fire.
Kaden ordered a burger and fries, while I had a chicken Caesar. I was trying to eat better, less junk food, more healthy stuff.
A slow, knowing smile crossed Kaden’s face. “Cin got to you, didn’t she?”
“Why would you say that?” I scowled, irritated by his smug expression, like he thought he knew something I didn’t know. He didn’t know shit about me. Okay, maybe he did, but I wasn’t that transparent. I was adept at concealing my true intentions and emotions.
“A salad? This place has some of the best burgers in Seattle.”
“My lunch choice has nothing to do with her,” I snapped defensively, and Kaden smirked.
“Right. What’s up with you and her anyway? As if I didn’t know.”
“Nothing’s up.” I embraced denial like a guy
embraced his first score in the NHL.
“You remind me of how I was a year ago. You can’t fool me. I’ve been there, done that.”
“In what way?” I tamped down my irritation, adopting an air of bored indifference. The bastard’s smirk grew larger.
“The way you’re playing, for one. Your preseason sucked. She threw you off your game. You got your act together for the regular season, but you’re still slightly off. Your passes are good, but they’re not crisp and laser-focused accurate like I know they can be. You’re a half step behind the puck when usually you’re right on it. All these things are small. Most people wouldn’t notice.”
“But you do?”
“Yeah, we’ve been playing hockey together since the juniors. We were the second-line defensemen all last year. I know you. You’re like a machine. You’re so dependable it’s scary.”
“Sometimes machines screw up.”
“Not you.”
“You do realize that the psychoanalyzing of teammates is my job?”
“I do, but that leaves no one to play shrink for you. I’m returning the favor you did for me when I went off the deep end over Lanie.”
“I’m not going off the deep end over anyone.”
Kaden laughed. “Oh, but that’s where you’re wrong. You are, you just don’t recognize it yet.”
“It? What is it?”
“Do I have to spell it out? Are you that dense?”
“I guess so.”
Kaden paused while our order was placed on the table. He took a few large bites of his burger and chewed. To my consternation, he didn’t abandon this conversation, he placed his burger on the plate. “You’re falling for Cin. Lanie and I predicted this would happen when you first laid eyes on her.”
“No way. We couldn’t stand each other.”
“Have you ever been in love, Steele?”
I mulled that question over in my mind. I’d had girlfriends here and there, but it’d mostly been for the convenience of having a sexual partner. I’d been fond of most of them, but I wouldn’t say I ever loved them. There sure as hell wasn’t an all-consuming need for them like I felt with Cin, but that was lust, not love.
“I don’t think so,” I finally answered.
“I bet you don’t believe you’ll fall in love because you have to be in control of your emotions, and it has to fit your timeframe. Well, buddy, I have news for you. Sometimes your emotions control you.”
I wanted to argue, tell him that I was nothing like he was, but I figured it was futile. He wouldn’t believe me. My situation was different. Kaden had been head-over-heels in love with Lanie from the second he met her. I wasn’t anything of the sort. I didn’t like Cin—not much anyway. We were cautious friends and one-time lovers, and our chemistry was off the charts. None of that meant she was my soul mate or any other such shit. Ever since my three buddies had fallen for their special someones, they’d been barely tolerable in the romance department, wanting everyone else to shackle themselves to a woman. The way I saw it, misery liked company. Though if I were being honest with myself, they didn’t seem that miserable, or they were suddenly masters at faking it.
Kaden shrugged and shook his head. “I know what you’re thinking. Not you. Not ever. Tell you what, I’ll drop the subject, but I’m here if you need to talk.”
“Thanks,” I said simply, appreciating the gesture.
“And don’t forget what a nice guy I am when comes to my penance. Just go easy on me.”
“Why would I do that?”
Kaden frowned and shot me a dirty look before biting into his hamburger once again. “Bastard,” he muttered.
“What? I didn’t hear that.”
“You heard me. Bastard.”
“Thank you. I earned that title.”
“Whatever.” Kaden and I ate in silence for a while until Kaden looked up as if he’d just remembered something. “Aren’t you supposed to be taking care of Ziggy?”
“Is that even possible?”
“Probably not.”
“I’m supposed to give him a healthy atmosphere to call home, but I’m sure as hell not babysitting him every second of the day. Besides, why do you ask? Did he do something again?”
“Nah, nothing like that. He seems off for some reason. I mean more than usual.” Kaden paused as if grappling with whether or not to tell me something. “I heard him on the phone talking to someone about owing money.”
“I think he might be a personal bank for his family.”
“No, that’s not it.” Kaden shook his head. “He was the one backpedaling and promising to make payments. You don’t think he’s in trouble, do you?”
I considered Kaden’s words and disregarded them. “He probably borrowed money for beer at a party or a poker game and didn’t have the cash. I doubt it’s much more than that.”
“I’m sure you’re right.” Kaden wasn’t convinced. We both knew if Ziggy caused any more trouble or drama on the team, he was gone. “Do you know what our two little activists are up to?”
“No idea. Why?” Cin and I didn’t discuss her causes. It’d just be grounds for another argument since we tended to be pretty far apart on such things.
“They have something up their sleeve. Cin’s been at our place a few times, and they stop talking when I walk into the room.”
“Who knows?” I dismissed the entire thing. It wasn’t any of my business what Cin did. I didn’t understand why she felt a need to march in protests. Not that her causes weren’t noble and worthy, but to my way of thinking, she should concentrate first on a stable career making a comfortable living wage.
Cin wasn’t my concern though. She really wasn’t. What she chose to do with her life didn’t involve me. I changed the subject to hockey, and Kaden gladly went along. We talked hockey the rest of the meal, paid for our lunches, and parted ways. Kaden was anxious to get home to Lanie, and I was anxious to stick with my routine.
We walked back to the SHAC, where Kaden had left his car, and I walked home. I was disappointed when I found everyone gone, including that damn dog. He’d actually jumped up to greet me the last few times, and I’d almost come to expect his enthusiastic welcome home.
Herc wasn’t the only member of this household that I looked forward to seeing and was disappointed when she wasn’t here.
I had a lot to think about, but first I had a game tonight, and that had to be my priority.
Chapter Nineteen
Now What?
~~Hyacinth~~
Herc and I left the condo early that morning to get supplies for a rush alteration job.
When we arrived home in the early afternoon, Steele was sitting at the kitchen counter by himself. Herc ran up to him, butt wiggling and slobber flying. Much to my surprise, Steele bent down and scratched his wrinkled head. I fought back a smile, not wanting Steele to know I was on to him. Those two had come to grudgingly like each other.
Steele threw the ball for Herc, who scrambled across the room and grabbed it. Typical lazy dog, he immediately lay down in his bed and took a nap after his brief exertion.
My gaze turned to Steele, who was watching me with his intense gray eyes. I smiled at him as a tendril of warmth and security curled through me. It was that same feeling a person got when they knew they were home safe and cared for. Only Steele didn’t care for me, so my own emotions misled me into thinking his hot gazes were more than lust. I’d never mistaken lust for genuine caring before, which was disturbing.
I skirted past him to get a glass of almond milk out of the fridge. Steele made a face. He was a whole-milk guy through and through. I felt his eyes on my back, more likely my ass, as I stared at the kitchen cupboards as if they were great works of art.
Turning back to face the object of my frustration, I searched for a way to defuse the situation and glanced around for Ziggy. I didn’t see him. Nor did I see signs he’d been in the house.
“Where’s Ziggy?” I asked.
“I thought you might know,” he said
.
“I haven’t seen him since last night.”
“He missed the optional skate this morning, not that he always makes those, but he usually drags his sorry ass home by now to get some rest before the game.”
Our gazes met, and his troubled one reflected how I felt. I cared about Ziggy. In fact, I cared about everyone. Even someone I’d just met. I was a kind person with a snarky side that I mostly used on Steele because the arrogant ass deserved it, and it was fun to tweak him.
“I’m worried about Ziggy,” I admitted.
Steele frowned and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and took a long pull. “Yeah, I am too. Something’s off with him. Kaden and I talked about it at lunch.”
“Do you have any idea what it is?”
“Not sure. I can’t stop thinking about the road trip to Vancouver. And that young girl he gave money to.”
“His sister?” I actually didn’t know a lot about Ziggy. He came off as an open book, but when I truly examined what I knew about him personally, it was next to nothing. He was a more private person than Steele who gave the false impression what you saw was all you got. Not the impression Steele gave. The guy standing before me had layers upon layers and chose to keep them well hidden, but I’d glimpsed what was underneath, and I wanted to see more.
“Yeah, supposedly his sister. What if she isn’t? What if he’s mixed up with something worse than his usual shenanigans?” Steele scrubbed his hands over his face and sighed deeply. He’d voiced what I’d been fretting about lately. Was Ziggy in some kind of trouble?
“I don’t know what we can do about it at this point. He’s a big boy,” I said.
“Yeah, I’ll keep an eye on him. I’m sure the other guys are too. It’s hard to pin him down long enough to get anything of substance out of him.”
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