Part of being an adult is confronting situations we would much rather avoid. If I want to keep my job, I would inevitably have to face my co-workers. I could have put it off for another day but I have one of those dreaded weekly team meetings today. I also have to see my therapist. I didn’t take any of them yesterday but I am a lot more composed than I was at the conference. I’m still a bit nervous to return to work though. Of course the supervisor from hell would be here, and everyone else who witnessed me make a fool of myself. I fled the stage, like a mouse, in the face of a few questions. Who would take me seriously now?
Sapphire, stop it! It’s exactly that thought pattern that’s the cause of your phobia in the first place. Remember the note reminder at your desk? “Think positive thoughts for a positive life.”
OK. On the positive side, at least the entire presentation wasn’t a total disaster and it was an honor to even speak at the conference at my age. I am only twenty- three after all, while the other speakers were thirty years or older. I should be patting myself on the back for my erudition.
Yes, but true intelligence is the ability to adapt to varied situations. You can hardly speak to a stranger and look them in the eye at the same time.
The elevator ride upstairs to my department floor is filled with more back and forth optimistic-pessimistic conversations with myself. I say a prayer and enter the office.
“Look who’s here!” Rafferty is deliberately loud. “Our resident star. We are so honored to be in your presence. Round of applause everyone.”
My co-workers look briefly in my direction and then pretend to be busy at work. Supervisor or not, Rafferty is really starting to piss me off. I realized his endgame a long time ago. He is trying to provoke me into an altercation with him so that he could report me as just another angry, violent mungu, thereby placing my job in jeopardy and possibly getting me in trouble with authority. Then the PIT serum would be coursing through my veins before I could say MUST Inc. He is threatened by my ability and this is his way of fighting back.
“Thanks so much Rafferty,” I say in my most tranquil voice. “You’re too kind.” I added my sweetest smile.
The pupils of his blue eyes become dilated and that silly smirk on his lips is now a straight line. He brushes his blond hair back with his hands and stalks away after he scowls at me. I grin at him. He expected that orchestrated scene, to ruffle my feathers. I love pissing him off.
“Who are you and what did you do with my best friend?” Natasha says, having witnessed the whole exchange.
“That swine is trying to get me fired girl.” I say “I won’t go without a fight though.” It is true. I love my job.
“Pffft! Girl they will be crazy to fire you. You’re one of our best and he knows that. He’s just insecure, that’s all.” Natasha is my biggest cheerleader.
“Understatement of the century. Insecure doesn’t begin to cover it.” I smile genuinely this time.
It wasn’t easy finding my place at this company. I started as an administrative assistant and remained in that position for a full year, even with my college degree, my perfect GPA and special awards. I took a chance one day and pitched a programming idea to Claudette, my then project leader. She loved the idea as it led to her promotion and she returned the favor by suggesting I get one as well. We’ve had a great relationship ever since. She would always say tell me to speak up more.
She is the first female mungu team lead MUST Inc has had. I guess slowly but surely, things are changing. All the other high level positions are filled by shetani men so Claudette has made history.
The CEO of company boasts of a zero tolerance policy on racial discrimination, yet it took so long to give Claudette this promotion. She practically ran the company, helping all her superiors with their duties while completing her own. She the most qualified and it’s glaring. I admire her and would aspire to be in her position one day except for the fact that she doesn’t seem very happy. She is the first to arrive and last to leave every day, with little time for family or leisure. She seemed to age ten years, and gain twenty pounds after her promotion. I don’t think I want that type of life.
It’s actually very nice to be back in familiar surroundings. The welcoming white walls and spacious environment always has a calming effect on me. A soft grey checkered carpet runs along the wide expanse of MUST Inc. and glass cubicles divide sections for employees. They spared no expense in the design of this building. The black and silver furniture matched well with the decor but the comfortable chairs are an appreciable perk for me because I spend most of the day at my desk.
I head to my cubicle, located in the left corner. Natasha begins to inform me of the events I missed yesterday. She tells me that Adrian, my annoying questioner from the conference, came by the office to see me. He wanted more information on my software.
“Didn’t he ask enough questions at the conference?” I fume.
“Apparently not, he spoke to Claudette for a long while.” She sounded concerned. “Do you know him?”
“That’s the thing, I’ve never even heard of the brute. I have no clue why he assaulted me like that.”
She eyes me.
“Assaulted?” She giggled a bit. “Did you take your anxiety pills?” She laughs loudly.
Natasha has the most infectious giggle.
“Verbal assault is still assault.” I argue.
She is making me laugh too.
“I feel like such a fool for fleeing the stage like that.” I cover my face with my hand.
“It wasn’t that bad. Cut yourself some slack.” She says. “We can’t be good at everything.”
“We’re not all Natasha.” I joke.
“But why does he care about your software so much?”
“I don’t know. I’m more interested in why he went at me like that. It’s almost like he knew I would break.” I say thoughtfully.
“So you think he knew about your phobia.” She places her hand on my shoulder.
“I don’t know. It just seems like he knew exactly which buttons to push.” I say.
“You shouldn’t make too much of that.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t.”
It is nice to have someone to converse freely with about my phobia. Natasha is the only one at work who knows about it and she would never betray my trust. Though she doesn’t fully grasp the way I feel, she provides a buffer between me and all of my co-workers at social gatherings. Everyone just sees me as Natasha’s shy friend. It’s easy to mask social anxiety as merely being shy. I just focus on my job and keep my nose down. It was a good strategy until I performed too well and got chosen to do that dreaded presentation. This phobia is a major hindrance to my success.
Rafferty walks up to my cubicle.
“Is the company paying you girls to gossip and grin?” He paused glaring at us “Team meeting in ten.”
“Sir yes sir!” Natasha stands up straight and gives him a salute. “Forward march!” She strides to her seat in a measured manner, like a soldier would, and then snickers at him.
She always stood up to Rafferty and he seldom bothered her. I wonder if my performance is the only reason he hates me. Maybe he feels that I’m an easy target. He loves exercising his authority and giving me unnecessary work to do whenever he had the opportunity. He loathed my relationship with Claudette because she wouldn’t allow him to take advantage of his position.
He stalks off again but I could tell he isn’t finished with me yet. This demon would never stop until I was jobless or dead, preferably both. I prepare for the team meeting I am to attend. It’s one of the low points of my job as it would sometimes require speaking in front of my co-workers about my progress on an assignment. This could mean more public speaking, I’m doing inward cartwheels.
The Rejected - Episode 1 of 9 (Urban Fantasy Dystopian Serial) Page 4