The fact Caitlin could drink his blood and heal made him wonder if the same would apply to any human changed. He wondered if Caitlin, and Judith for that matter, could be more like the myth of vampires. They could not reproduce, drank blood, and remained frozen in time with the ability to regenerate.
He felt stupid for thinking it. They had a heartbeat and ate normal food. They were not creatures of the night.
He wished he could talk to Judith, he wished he could find out more about her life. He tried to remember more about their last conversation. It was hours before she died. Judith had talked about Charleston, about talkies, about love. He could not help smiling as he remembered her animated eyes. He shook his head, his lips drooping down again. The situation was hopeless. She had told him nothing.
The fact remained – Caitlin hated him.
He lowered his head into his hands. He had told her about the fact she could not have children and Caitlin had gone crazy. Her eyes had nearly exploded out of her sockets. He would never forget that look of horror, of sheer distress. She had held on to her stomach and rubbed it slowly, as though she was trying to fix her broken reproductive system. They had never spoken about children. They had never even discussed the idea, it was an assumption. He realised everyone thought they would be able to have children.
They had been so careful.
A part of him wished now they hadn’t been. If she had fallen pregnant before the change, Caitlin would not have to face the rest of her life without knowing what it would be like to have her own children. He hated what he had done to her. He could only hope that she would come around one day. That she would realise that a life without children might not be such a bad thing. He had never considered children, being an only child he had never sought the company of others.
The way he saw it, his feelings were irrelevant. He wanted Caitlin to be happy. He just did not know if it was the fact she could not have children, or the fact she was different, or whether she was still shocked after Emily attacked her.
He did not know a lot.
It was easier to hide his head in the sand, to pretend his life was over.
He needed to buck up his ideas. He needed to act normal, or as much as was possible. The concept of normal had never been so blurred.
He turned on the TV and the Xbox and got ready to play his favourite warfare game to clear his head. Then he would do what was necessary. When Jenson came, he would be ready. It was time to join the land of the living.
*
An hour later, he heard steps approaching and faced the door as he heard the lock click open.
Jenson walked in and grinned. ‘You look the same to me.’
‘Yeah, well, I decided to wake up,’ Steven said, his face serious, ‘it’s amazing how a man’s face changes with a shave.’
‘If I were you I would have stuck to the dodgy look. From what Catherine told me, even Ingrid looked like she was put off by you,’ he laughed raucously.
Steven made for his friend and gave him a friendly punch on the shoulder, ‘If you were a real friend, you would stop laughing at me. But hey, I’m nothing special.’
Jenson stood up straight, ‘Okay, okay.’ Serious, he continued, ‘I agree with you, you’re nothing special, but…’ a slight grin surfaced as he paused dramatically, and held up his thumb in the direction of the door, ‘every single female out there thinks you’re unattached and available. And now they know you have changed, it’s open season. So, good luck blending in,’ he smirked, and started for the door.
‘Oh great, just what I needed. For your information, I am attached and unavailable.’ Steven began to wonder whether the shower, shave and change of clothes had been a good idea after all.
‘Oh, I know that, the problem is they don’t,’ Jenson chuckled again, and then called over his shoulder, ‘You coming?’
‘I guess I am,’ Steven said. He took a deep breath, resigned to whatever fate lay ahead.
As they walked, Jenson talked, ‘So, anyway, I know that no-one is talking about Caitlin, and I’m not going to ask what’s going on. I’ve been told not to talk about it. So, if you want to talk we’ll go somewhere we can’t be heard, okay?’
Steven rolled his eyes. ‘I’m all talked out.’
Jenson nodded. ‘Lucky. Just so you know, given the circumstances, we have postponed the wedding. It’ll happen, just not until the dust settles.’
Steven swallowed, ‘You sure you want to wait?’
‘It’s no big deal. We can wait a few more weeks. We do have the rest of our lives together.’
Jenson sounded so matter of fact. It caught Steven off guard. He blinked a few times and wished he had shown the same restraint. ‘It’s a very nice gesture. I just don’t know how long it’ll take before Caitlin,’ he hesitated, ‘gets better.’
‘It’ll take what it takes, we’ll wait. You’ve agreed to be my best man, and we’re both really grateful. The least we can do is wait.’
Steven was lost for words. Jenson really was a true friend. It was hard to believe.
Jenson continued, ‘Anyway, the community has been told that you’re back. They know that Jeff, Judith and Emily are dead. You know about Emily’s funeral, right?’
‘Yes, I chose not to attend,’ Steven pursed his lips.
‘I can understand,’ Jenson nodded, ‘anyway, people understand you don’t pose a threat to any of us,’ he winked, ‘some are suspicious, as usual, but they never got to you in the past so why start now, right?’ he chuckled again. ‘Besides, I actually think a lot of them are glad Emily’s gone. She was never the heart and soul of the party. I felt sorry for her actually. Did you know she asked me to look out for you when you arrived?’
Steven glanced over. ‘Is that why you became my friend?’
Jenson slapped his shoulder. ‘At first, but I got your dry sense of humour straight away. I knew you were alright.’
‘I’ll take that as a compliment,’ Steven rolled his eyes, and then changed tack, ‘how’s Anna?’
‘Anna, hmmm,’ Jenson said, and then rubbed his rough chin. It looked to Steven like he was trying to grow a beard. ‘I’ve not seen much of her, but she looked distraught at the funeral if I’m honest. I saw her briefly the next day, and she seemed to lack her usual bounce. It’s no surprise. Everyone knew she had some strange link with her sister. I guess being a twin is not an easy thing.’
Steven nodded, and then saw the familiar sign up ahead for the dining hall. It had been a while. The last time he had arrived unannounced in the community they had all pretended he did not exist, he had no idea what it would be like now.
As soon as they walked in the hall his question was answered. The room froze and practically everyone looked his way, on their faces a mixture of anger, confusion, pity and sadness. He looked away, focused on the ground and kept walking.
Jenson made idle chit chat and greeted them as they walked past. He got mumbled replies, until Steven heard a familiar voice. He moved his head up just before he was crushed by a massive hug.
Susanna beamed, ‘Steven, great to see you.’ She let him go, still smiling as she linked arms with Jenson and kissed his cheek.
Steven gave a half-smile. Susanna knew how to put him at ease. Jenson was a lucky man. Susanna looked more confident, glowing. The change suited her. Her hair was slightly longer, a more vibrant sandy brown, and her eyes had an extra sparkle to them. Brown never looked so good. And he knew just by the way they looked at each other, they were madly in love. He could not help clenching his jaw as a jealous pang hit him.
The atmosphere around them seemed to have changed as everyone went about their business and resumed conversations. Susanna had broken the ice, he was grateful.
‘Time for food, I think,’ Jenson said, as he made for the serving counters.
Steven followed. His mouth salivated, as his senses of sight and smell took in what was in front of him – Spanish cuisine. Spanish omelettes, meatballs in a thick tomato sauce, prawns in a chilli dip, a
ssorted fish, a range of mixed salads and his favourite, paella. His mouth watered and he took a deep breath. If there was one thing he had always liked about this place it was the food.
After piling up a plate with a selection, he picked up some cutlery and followed Jenson to the familiar table. He gave a low chuckle, they still sat at the same place and a seat remained for him.
Another pair of familiar brown eyes glanced up at him. Susanna’s brother, Gideon, swallowed his mouthful, got up and gave Steven a firm handshake, ‘It’s good to have you home.’
Steven glanced up at Gideon, who had shot up since they last met. He had lost some of his gangly youth and looked more like a man with broader shoulders and a more chiselled face. His words also showed added wisdom.
Home – Gideon was right, this was his home now.
He sat down and started to tuck into his food. Susanna and Jenson held hands and closed their eyes in a silent prayer for a minute. He guessed Jenson was going to get married the traditional way, he knew Susanna had been raised with Catholic traditions. It was sweet to see them so united. He stopped eating out of respect for them, his stepmother would have been proud. With her Catholic upbringing, she had brought him up to thank the Lord before he ate. His dad had always followed suit even though before he had met her they had never followed the tradition.
He had got out of the habit easily once away from home. It was easier to ignore religion, to pretend it did not matter. Yet, now as he watched them he realised that perhaps a bit of faith never hurt anyone. He could do with some guidance now.
As they opened their eyes and started to eat, he tucked into the meatballs and relished the flavour. They were just like his stepmother made them. The thought made him choke. He still found it hard to believe Clara was dead, especially since his own, now dead, mother had killed her. He did not miss his real mother at all, but he would always remember the woman who raised him. Genetics could never compensate for real love. His biological mother had fallen short of the mark. She had never given him any sense that she really loved him. Emily might have claimed to love him, but her actions said otherwise. In a way, he thought her incapable of love. It hurt him to admit that he was glad she had died.
‘Sorry about Emily,’ Gideon said.
Steven was surprised at the remark. It was as though Gideon had tapped into his thoughts. Either way, he had not said his mum. He wanted to reply I’m not. Instead, he suppressed a smile and swallowed another meatball. With a full mouth, no-one would expect him to talk.
‘It’s been hard to understand everything that’s been going on. We still can’t believe Jeff and Judith are also gone. No one ever talked much about death until now,’ Gideon continued, then ploughed another huge helping into his mouth.
If he was expecting Steven to say much he would have a long wait. Steven ate, and diverted his eyes.
Jenson stepped in, ‘It’s been hard for everyone to understand. We still have a lot to learn.’
‘You can say that again,’ Gideon scoffed, as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
Susanna scowled at Gideon. ‘Give Steven a chance to settle in at least.’
‘It’s okay,’ Steven said, ‘You don’t need to pretend everything’s okay, but I appreciate the thought. Thanks, Susanna.’
Susanna beamed at him. Steven had been harsh with her in the past. After what Jenson had told him, he had no intention of being mean to Susanna again. He was still reeling from the news they would wait.
‘It’s not a problem, Steven. We all want you to fit in now.’
‘I know,’ Steven gave a half-smile. He could not help thinking how they felt about him was irrelevant. He was not the only one they had to make welcome.
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Chapter 25
Reality
Caitlin ran her hand through her auburn hair. It nearly reached her elbows now, it had grown so long and she had not exactly had time to visit a hairdressers. It all seemed so pointless now. None of it mattered. She hated what she was, who she was. It would be so much easier to end it all, to find a way out. She gritted her teeth and dropped her hands to her sides, then clenched them into fists and started to punch the wall. It hurt, but she carried on until her knuckles were bleeding. She stopped and stared at her hands, then brought them to her face and licked the blood off. The wound would heal.
She stared at the food they had brought in, a mixture of Spanish cuisine, her favourite. She would not eat it, regardless. The prawns alone brought back a memory. They were Steven’s signature dish. He had seduced her and then made her fall in love with him again. If only he had left her alone. She was starting to get her life back, she had met Daniel, and everything was going great. She shook her head convinced Daniel would have dumped her anyway. Daniel had known she was not a virgin, even though she had forgotten all about Steven. Well, not exactly forgotten, her memory had been erased.
Then Steven brought it all back. She did not know how to feel about that anymore.
She started to pace up and down the room, the smell of the food taunting her as she thought. The first time she met Steven she had felt an undeniable connection, she tried to argue that she had not fallen in love at first sight, but she knew the truth. Steven was the most attractive and compelling man she had ever met. She had loved everything about him. His amazing hypnotic amber eyes, his intellect and uncanny humour, his swimmer’s physique, his embrace, the way he listened, and the way he made her feel. Her stomach lurched at the thought. She loved how they connected.
When she had become like Steven, when she had changed, she thought it was all amazing. She felt fantastic. She was fitter, stronger, faster, smarter, better than before. She accepted it all without any hesitation. She found it hard now to understand why she would think it was acceptable to kill another human being. She was not proud of killing Adam, even though she could not stand him. No-one deserved to die. She could not understand what had happened to her.
And now, karma had happened.
Her selfish thoughts, her haste to be better than she should have been, her lust had all come at a price. She would never have children. She would never know the feeling of carrying a child, or holding her baby in her arms. She swallowed, her throat felt like sandpaper. She had never thought about children a lot. In fact, she had grown up wishing her parents had only had her. She had always pulled a face of disgust at the thought of being a parent. She loathed the responsibility, the thought of tantrums, and the commitment. Now, she was spared all that. She could not help thinking it was all for the best.
And yet, she was empty, her heart had been eaten whole. She did not know how to love. She wanted to love, badly. She wanted to be held by Steven and to know that everything was going to be alright, that nothing mattered. But, it did. It mattered a lot.
She wrapped her arms around herself. They could not make her eat and they could not make her drink. It was easier to let go of her life. It had ended. She had become a killer and now she deserved what was coming to her. Her vision clouded over and she wiped the tears off her face. Her eyes flickered over to the food as her treacherous brain forced her to look. Her stomach contorted now, angry.
She grimaced. Her nostrils flared, and she ran over and toppled the plate on to the floor. The wooden bowl made a loud bang as it landed and the contents whooshed out. Red tomato sauce splattered all over, it could have been blood. She fell on to her knees and banged the floor, then smeared the food into the ground, crushing it. She wanted it to disappear.
With the scent all over her hands she gave a primal scream, and then scurried over to the corner of the room. In a ball, she rocked back and forth, all the time resisting the urge to lick her hands.
After a few minutes, the door opened.
It was Catherine. ‘We’ll have to clean this up. Come with me, Caitlin. We’ll take you to another room.’
‘No,’ Caitlin screeched. She buried her head in her knees and started to cry. Her body shook as she let her guard down.
/>
She was vaguely aware of the fact the door had closed. After a few minutes, she managed to stop the tears and she peeked out to see if Catherine was still there. When she saw Catherine still standing on the same spot, she flinched slightly. ‘Why are you watching me?’
‘I was just waiting for you to finish. Do you feel better now?’ Catherine moved her head to the side, she was not smiling but she was not serious either. It was not a look of sympathy.
Caitlin brushed her tears aside with her hand and stood up straight. She kept her voice steady, even though she had to sniffle first. ‘I do feel better.’
‘Good,’ Catherine said. She walked closer to Caitlin, her eyes on the ground as though she did not want to stain her leather sandals. She adopted a teacher tone, ‘It’s time for you to snap out of this. You need to eat. You need to focus. Your life has not ended, you have a lot to live for.’
Caitlin could have shared a lot of thoughts with her, but she restrained herself and bit her inner checks instead. She bit too hard and tasted blood. Immediately, her canines extended. She was a monster. She opened her mouth slightly, exposed them, and snarled, ‘I am normal, right? I am NORMAL.’
‘You are normal to us, yes. And here you’ll be safe. Caitlin, I need to explain a few things. You’ve actually given us all a brighter future. I would like to share this with you. But first, you need to wash, you need to eat, and you need to trust us. Look, everyone’s eating at the moment. I have ensured that we have safe passage, we can leave here. It’ll help if you see the beauty of this place.’
Caitlin wanted to give a smart reply, but she was desperate to leave this place. She needed a change of scene. Her head hung low as she contemplated her erratic thoughts. None of this was really Steven’s fault. She had been willing, she had wanted the change. She had to remind herself to stay positive, hard as it was. ‘I’ll do as you suggest.’
The Evolution Trilogy: Hybrid, Complications & Return Page 79