The woman turned to her computer and typed in the information. Without another word, she reached for the visitor passes and for a moment I wanted to rejoice that she’d let me in. At least until her next words sucked the air from my lungs.
“They have her in the ICU. Here’s the badge you’ll need to get in to see her.”
I couldn’t move, every muscle in my body frozen. I hadn’t noticed Heath had followed me inside until I saw him reach for one of the badges on the counter. He’d pulled a baseball cap on, his hair tucked up inside. Fear released its grip as I looked over at Heath.
“You don’t have to come with me.”
“Let me help you.” His hand covered mine and his eyes pleaded with me to agree. There was something in them that made saying no impossible.
“Okay.”
I turned back to the counter and picked up my own visitor badge. The woman sitting at the desk pointed toward the hall to the right.
“The elevator to that floor is down there and to the left.”
“Thank you.”
My hands shook as I tried to remove the paper backing on the sticker. Heath gently took the badge from my hand and after removing the sticker placed it on my shirt. I tried to thank him with my eyes, except my words got stuck in my throat the closer we got to the bank of elevators, afraid of what we might find when we got to her room. I wasn’t ready to let her go yet.
The second the elevator doors shut a feeling of being trapped overwhelmed me. The walls seemed to be closing in and I couldn’t draw a full breath. The shaking that had started in my hands radiated out until my whole body trembled. Once again, Heath wound his arms around me, calming me. He whispered words above my head, but I was so lost in the sensations I didn’t hear much beyond everything will be okay. Even though he couldn’t promise it would be, the words held a sense of comfort as we stepped off the elevator and presented ourselves to the nurse at the desk.
“I’ll show you to her room, but I want to warn you they had to place a tube in her throat and there’s a machine helping her breathe. The doctors are still trying to figure out what caused the problem in the first place.”
Heath kept his arm around my shoulder and held me tighter to his side with each blow the nurse delivered.
“She has COPD,” I whispered.
The nurse nodded. “The nursing home filled us in, but the doctors already ruled that out as a cause. After I take you to her room, I’ll let the doctor know you’re here. She can fill you in more.”
“Thank you,” I heard Heath say as my eyes darted around the area, trying to figure out where she was.
The nurse led us down the long hall to a room near the end on the right. All around us, I could see patients behind the glass walls, machines surrounding them. The constant hum and beep of the floor was unnerving. The nurse stopped outside of a room near the end of the hall and my heart leaped into my throat at the sight that greeted me.
Nana looked so small and fragile, lying on the stark white sheets. A machine above her head connected to the tube in her mouth. The constant buzzing as the pump lifted up and down mixed with the beep of the heart monitor made my stomach lurch.
“Give her a few minutes before you send the doctor in. I’m not sure she’ll hear anything they say if you send them in now,” I heard Heath say.
“There’s a chair next to the bed, and another in the corner if you wanted to pull one up next to her. It’ll take me time to find the doctor on call right now, but I’ll bring them back in a bit.”
“Thank you.”
“My name is Joel. If you need anything, I’ll be at the desk.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joel walk back to the nurses’ desk, while Heath led me forward to the chair next to Nana’s bed. He helped me sit down. Almost afraid to touch her, I slowly reached for her hand but stopped right before I touched her.
“It’s okay. Take her hand.”
I peeked over my shoulder to see Heath had pulled up a chair next to me. I took her hand in mine, her cool skin smooth and familiar.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, Nana.” I bent over and rested my forehead on her arm, needing to be close to her.
Heath rubbed small circles over my back as the tears leaked down my face. I’d missed my visit today. For what? An extra fifty bucks? The money wasn’t worth not seeing her. In that moment, I promised myself no matter what, I’d never put one of my jobs first again. I’d figure the bills out later.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but her familiar scent rose over the medicinal smell of the hospital, giving me a sense of peace. When the position became too much for my back, I sat up, still holding Nana’s hand, and looked over at Heath.
“Tell me about your grandmother,” he said softly.
“Huh?”
“Tell me about her. What’s she like?”
I glanced over at the woman who meant more to me than anyone in the world and realized I wanted to tell someone else how wonderful she was. Most people knew I was her caregiver, but very few knew how I’d ended up with that role in the first place.
“Nana is that kindest woman I’ve ever known. My parents were killed in a head-on collision, but I was in the backseat.” I forced the memories of that day back into the compartment I normally kept them in. They’d only make things worse. “Somehow, I’d made it out with a few broken ribs and a broken leg, plus cuts and bruises everywhere. Nana took me in.”
“Doug told me. I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “It’s not your fault. It was a long time ago.”
Heath wrapped his hand around my free one. “Don’t do that. Don’t push aside what you suffered like it doesn’t matter. That’s a lot for anyone to go through whether you’re seven or twenty-seven.”
“I know. I just never wanted to be known as the kid whose parents died. I wanted to be so much more than that.”
Heath narrowed his eyes. “Wanted to? Why can’t you be more than that?”
I gestured around the room. “These things don’t pay for themselves.”
“Your grandmother doesn’t have insurance?”
I sighed, wondering how I got into such personal conversations with the man, but he was so easy to talk to. “She does, but it doesn’t cover all of this.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Sometimes we get dealt a shit hand and need to deal with it.”
Unfortunately for me, I’d never been dealt a good hand. The hits seemed to keep on coming. First my parents, now Nana. More tears welled up in my eyes. Figuring I’d cried enough in front of a stranger, I needed something else to focus on.
“Tell me about your grandmother. It sounded like you two were close.”
CHAPTER 4
Heath
My heart picked up pace in my chest. It wasn’t often that I talked to anyone about the relationship I had with my grandmother. The woman had been more like a mother to me than anything. Don’t get me wrong, my dad was great, he just wasn’t home that often, which left me in the care of my grandmother. Sawyer had been one of the few people I let in that far. Not that I had much of a choice. He’d been there when she died and a part of me felt like it went with her. Exactly like I knew Jenna would need a shoulder to cry on, I knew she needed something else to focus on besides the noise of all the machines surrounding us.
It was something we shared after all.
“Well, my grandmother moved in with us right after I was born. Dad made enough to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table, but he wanted to save up to send me to college, too. We barely got by on my dad’s salary alone, so my dad got a second job and my mom-mom took care of me. She made me dinner and did my homework with me. Most nights, she put me to bed and read me a story because my dad didn’t get home until long after my bedtime.”
Jenna narrowed her eyes. “I’m sorry about your mom, but your dad was still there.”
I held up my free hand. Not for one second did I want her to think that having my dad alive and well
while I was growing up was a hardship I had to endure. “Don’t get me wrong, I will be forever grateful for all the things my dad sacrificed to get me where I am. Doesn’t mean a part of me didn’t want more time with him growing up. Hell, I would have killed for one chance to meet my mom.”
She tightened her hand on mine. “I can’t blame you for that. It couldn’t have been easy not knowing her. At least I got some time with them. But not seeing your dad had to be hard.”
Her eyes shimmered. A voice in the back of my head told me she was fighting the tears, so I kept talking. Kept trying to distract her.
“It wasn’t easy, but I got to spend more time with my grandmother than I ever thought possible. We’d go to the park after school even though we were supposed to go right home so I could do my homework.” I glanced over at Jenna, getting caught in the green of her eyes. “It was our place to talk. She knew I was more likely to tell her about my problems there than I was at home.”
“You hated school too? I used to come home every day and beg Nana to not make me go back again.” There was a glint in her eye and a hint of a smile at the corner of her lips. “Not that she ever went for it, but damn I hated schoolwork.”
“Schoolwork wasn’t the problem. Let’s say a kid who plays in the school band doesn’t get much respect.”
Her eyes roamed down to my toes and back up with a definite ‘are you kidding me?’ look. I had to give her that one. At six-foot-two, bullies seemed to be the least of my problems.
“Let’s just say I wasn’t always this tall.”
“Fair enough. I guess after you grew the bullies left you alone?”
“Pretty much.”
“So what did you and your grandmother talk about when bullies weren’t a problem?”
I could feel the ache in my chest as I thought about the day she and my dad came home from the doctors with the news. “By then the doctors confirmed her cancer had spread. She tried to be optimistic, but I was old enough to know better. That day I became her caregiver while my dad worked to help pay for both of us.”
I hadn’t noticed the tear slip free until Jenna brushed it away with her fingertips, the warmth seeping into my skin. “I’m so sorry.”
I covered her hand while it still rested on my face. “It was a long time ago.”
She quirked a brow. “Now who’s pushing emotions aside?”
She had a point. I’d always been better at focusing on others over myself. It was easier to fix their problems than my own. Not many people wanted to admit their own weaknesses. When I said nothing, Jenna looked back at her grandmother, taking her hand again.
Silence fell over the two of us. I watched as she rubbed her thumb across the back of her grandmother’s hand. My mom-mom had done the same thing to me when I had to get a shot or stitches or something I wouldn’t like. The simple gesture comforted me in a way words couldn’t.
In the quiet, Jenna’s words ran through my head until curiosity got the better of me. “You said you hated schoolwork, but earlier you said you wanted to be more. What did you want to be?”
She shook her head, a rueful grin on her face. “You’ll think it’s stupid.”
“Most people thought my dream was stupid too, but I made it happen.”
“What was your dream?”
That threw me for a loop, unless she hadn’t figured out who I was or who’d been at the club with me. By myself I could get away with hiding, but not usually with the whole band. For a moment, I almost pointed out what band I was in, but I stopped myself. If she had no idea, she hadn’t accepted my help tonight because of who I was. Instead she took it out of a common shared pain and hope for empathy.
“Music.” The truth. Just a very simple version of it.
She looked back at her grandmother. “I wanted to be a chef in a restaurant.”
“Why would I laugh at that? I think being a chef is an awesome career choice.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, how is someone like me going to become a chef?”
“What do you mean, someone like you? Remember I said I grew up with my dad barely making ends meet. How much money you have doesn’t determine what you can and can’t do.”
“It sure as hell helps.”
“It does. But there are other options, like working in a kitchen somewhere.”
“Then I have to give up on the tips I make serving.”
“Yeah, but it may be worth it in the end.”
She shook her head and looked between me and her grandmother. “Maybe, someday.”
After that, Jenna didn’t seem to want to talk anymore. Her gaze never strayed from her grandmother’s still form. Eventually the doctor came in to talk with her. She didn’t have much more information about why her grandmother struggled to breathe on her own. They’d put her in a medically induced coma to see if by relieving the stress on her lungs they could slowly ween her off the breathing machine. For now the only hope they could give Jenna was time.
Once the doctor left, the seconds turned into minutes, and minutes into hours, all the while Jenna watched to see if her grandmother would wake up. Even though I knew her brain told her it was too soon, it seemed as Jenna’s heart lived on hope. Anyone looking at her could see the mixture of hope and anguish on her face. As the night wore on, Jenna’s shoulder began to slump and the dark circles under her eyes became more pronounced. She needed sleep. I had a feeling she worked more hours in a week than most people. That on top of this stress seemed to be taking its toll. It wasn’t my job to make sure she got home and slept, I knew that. There was still a part of me that wanted to help and suggesting she let me take her home to rest was the most I could do.
“Jenna,” I whispered, afraid to startle her.
When she turned, the red in her eyes had become more prominent.
“Yeah?”
“Why don’t you let me drive you home to get some rest?”
She started shaking her head emphatically. “No. I can’t leave her. What if she wakes up?”
I squeezed the hand she’d been holding the entire time. Pins and needles raced up my arm, but I ignored them. “Listen to me. The doctors said she’s stable and they won’t even try waking her up until late tomorrow afternoon. They want to give her twenty-four hours to rest. You’re not going to do her any good when they wake her up if you’re exhausted and run-down.” She started to look away, but I gently cupped her cheek and brought her gaze back to mine. “I’ll bring you back in the morning. I promise.”
There was a spark in her eye and for one moment, I thought she would fight me, then her shoulders slumped. “You promise to bring me back?”
“Yes. As soon as you get some rest.”
I let go of her cheek and she looked back at her grandmother. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“You’re right. I’m no good to her like this. I’ll sleep while she sleeps and be back to see her open her eyes.”
“Yes, you will.”
Neither of us could guarantee she’d open her eyes again, but who would want to think about the alternative? I stood and slipped my phone from my pocket.
“Let me call the car and tell the nurses we’re going to come back in the morning.”
She released my hand and I walked out the door and down the hall to the nurses’ desk. Joel sat behind the computer screen, typing in information.
“Joel?”
His head popped up. “Hey. What can I do for you?”
I gestured my head to the room down the hall. “I’m going to take Jenna home for a few hours of sleep before the doctors try and wake her grandmother up.”
“That’s a good idea. I wanted to suggest it a little bit ago, but I wasn’t sure how she would take it. Our job up here isn’t just to care for the patients but their family members as well. She’s gonna need some sleep for the road ahead.”
“Yeah. Hopefully, she’ll be able to get some.” I peeked back at Jenna for a moment. “You’ll call if there’s any change?”
“Absolutely.”
I tapped my hand on the counter. “Thanks for all your help.”
“You’re welcome. I have to say you look really familiar. Have we met before?”
Out of reflex, I tugged the ball cap down a little farther on my head. “No, but I get that a lot. Have a good night, man.”
That was my cue to leave. To cover my hasty exit, I opened my phone and sent a text to the driver to pick us up. Once I got a reply, I walked back toward Jenna’s grandmother’s room.
“The car should be here in about fifteen minutes.”
She glanced over her shoulder and I could see the fresh tears that tracked down her face. Immediately, I took the seat next to her. “Hey, everything is going to be okay.”
I couldn’t promise it would, but like Jenna, I had to have hope.
CHAPTER 5
Jenna
Everything is going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay.
I kept repeating the words in my head, willing them to be true. I didn’t want to leave, but damn if Heath wasn’t right. Every bone in my body felt weary. I’d worked both the breakfast and lunch shifts at the diner before heading to the club for the last three days. I couldn’t beat the money I made, even as it took its toll on me.
In a daze, I stood from my chair and bent over to place a kiss on my grandmother’s forehead. “I’m gonna go home and get some sleep, but I promise I’ll be back in the morning,” I whispered.
In my head I could hear her. Don’t worry about me. You need your rest.
Every time I went to visit, she was telling me I needed to get more sleep. If only that were possible, but I’d never let her know what kind of debt I had hanging over my head. She’d just blame herself when all she did was make sacrifice after sacrifice for me when I was growing up. I gave her hand one last squeeze and turned to face Heath.
For a complete stranger, I’d let him closer to me than I’d let anyone for years. He gestured for me to go first and as I stepped into the hall, my gut tightened. It killed me to leave her, but I wanted to be awake and alert when they brought her out of the coma, not a walking zombie who’d been awake for more than twenty-four hours. I wanted to be able to hear and understand what they were telling me about her care. With only one job, I could’ve done it, but not working almost eighteen hours a day for the last three days.
Cover Me (Jaded Ivory Book 3) Page 3