I took a deep breath as Amelia knocked on my door and steadied myself. I plastered a fake smile on my face, hoping it looked friendly instead of garishly macabre and opened the door.
“Amelia, I wasn’t expecting you! Come in my love.” I was still trying to hide my stomach but when I saw the expression on her face I knew the jig was up. That look said, “I knew it!” You can’t keep secrets in small towns, not for long anyway.
I felt my shoulders sinking as I stopped pretending and closed the door behind her.
“I see the rumors are true then.” She murmured as she went straight to the kitchen. I knew she was going to make tea; that was her routine when she came to my house and she was upset. She’d go in the kitchen and make hot tea for both of us, whether we actually drank it or not.
“I suppose, if the rumors are about me and whether or not I’m expecting.” I sank into a ladder-back chair and propped my elbows on the glossy top of the oak table.
Swirling my fingers in a pile of salt I’d somehow overlooked I avoided Amelia’s eyes.
“I suppose it’s true about Drake too. You know I have to tell him.” Amelia had turned on the electric kettle I’d bought just for her and took down two cups. I could avoid her eyes all I wanted to, she wasn’t looking at me. Taking down two bags of chamomile tea she put one in each cup and turned to the island behind the stove and the counter. She still wasn’t looking at me.
My heart began racing at her words, that was exactly what I didn’t want, her running off to tell Drake. That was the reason I’d avoided her and not told her.
“Look, Amelia, I know you’re probably furious but it’s not Drake’s baby,” I told the lie with ease, hoping it would appease her.
“Oh come off it, Bethany. Who else have you slept with this year? Nobody! You haven’t even been on a date with anyone but him since Peter was born and you expect me to believe you’ve suddenly decided to take part in some kind of slut-o-rama? You can’t lie to me; I know you too well. I’m furious enough as it is, why didn’t you tell me?” I could see the hurt on her face, even though she was looking down at the counter with false fascination.
“Because I didn’t want this, you interfering and running off to tell him. I don’t need his anger or his false sense of obligation. I don’t want him coming back here because I’m pregnant or to feel like he owes me something. I’ve taken care of Peter on my own, I can take care of this one too.”
“But you haven’t raised Peter alone; you had me and your father to help you. Sure, we aren’t here 24-7 but we are here for you. Didn’t you think we should be with this one too?” Amelia finally looked at me and I knew I’d made a mistake. “Still, Drake has to know, that’s his child and my relative in your stomach. He has to know.”
“Amelia no, I’m begging you.” I didn’t get up but my body reacted, tears started to fall from my eyes and I couldn’t stop the sobs that came from somewhere deep in my chest. “I can’t handle having him involved, I just can’t. He’s hurt me so badly, you don’t understand Amelia, I can’t have him involved!”
“Hurt you? Emotionally or physically? I’ll kill him either way but how has he hurt you?” Amelia came over to me then, leaving the cups to brew their tea, and took my hand as she sat on a chair next to me.
“He has someone else and didn’t tell me. She answered the phone after, well after he spent the night.” I hiccupped, trying to control my voice.
“That bastard! You just wait. As soon as you tell me it’s alright to, that man’s getting a piece of my mind big enough to crush him!” My friend soothed me then, bringing me the tea and stroking my back until the sobs stopped and I could breathe again. “For the sake of your health and the baby, I’ll keep quiet for now, Bethany, but Drake has to know at some stage. Now, what sex is it? Have you thought of a name?”
“Thank you, Amelia.” I gave her a watery smile but I knew this was only going to be a momentary reprieve. She was right, I suppose, they’d all had a right to know but for now, I needed peace, not the hell-storm Drake would bring with him.
“I’m thinking of naming her for you, actually, and my mom. Helen Amelia, what do you think?”
Amelia’s eyes had gone wide and she looked teary as she put her hand over her mouth. “Oh. Oh that’s so sweet.”
“I think Helen’s a little too grown up for a baby but we can’t have two Amelia’s running around, can we?”
“No, I suppose not, we had three John’s in my family and it gets so confusing, even though one of them is gone now. I think it’s wonderful.” Amelia squeezed my hand again and looked away as Peter came into the kitchen.
“Mommy, I’m hungry! Aunt Amelia!” He ran to the woman and gave her a hug, telling her about his day and the exciting things he’d seen. He never mentioned the baby or having a sister and I wasn’t sure if I was proud of him or ashamed of myself.
“What do you think of your new sister coming soon?” Amelia asked, looking over his head at me as if to ask if he knew. I nodded and smiled.
“Mommy told you? We weren’t supposed to tell!” He looked back at me with something like disapproval. “I guess if she told you, though, I can talk about it. I would rather have a brother but a sister will be nice. I can look after her and be her protector, can’t I?”
He looked so pleased with himself, I wondered where he’d learned words like that, even the idea. I felt love swelling my chest and wanted to kiss my son but he was still hugged up to Amelia.
“That is very gallant of you, Peter. Where did you get such an idea from?” Amelia tousled his hair and looked into his eyes, the exact match of mine.
“I read it in a book about being a big brother. I found it in the library at school. It said we’re to defend our little sisters because we’re older and bigger.” He looked rather pleased with himself as he told Amelia about the book.
I was just shocked that he knew enough to look for a book, I hadn’t even thought ahead enough to get him one.
“I had to look up some of the bigger words but I understand it all now. I think it’s going to be awesome!” Peter then left Amelia and went to the fridge, taking an apple out of a drawer as a snack.
“Well, I guess we don’t have long to wait, do we?” Amelia asked, looking back at me.
I sipped my tea and smiled. “Just a few more months. Not long at all.”
“Where are you going for Thanksgiving next week?” Amelia pretended to be casual about asking the question but I could see the tension in her back.
“Your house I suppose, depending on who’s going to be there. Don’t we always go to your house?” I spoke casually, a new tension between us that I didn’t like.
“Well, Mom is having dinner at her house, as usual, but hubby dear wants to stay at our house. He’s had a hard year and wants to just relax. From what I understand, Drake wanted to come to our house but Mom insisted if I wasn’t going to be there one of her children was going to be.” Amelia’s mother had left our town and moved back up to northern Louisiana after our parents split. Over the years, Amelia hadn’t exactly become distant with her mother but there wasn’t the closeness there that she used to have with her mother.
It had taken a long time for Amelia to finally say yes to Mike when they got married, she understood my hesitation to commit. She also knew that with Peter in my life I couldn’t make the same decisions a woman without children could walk into without worrying about consequences. I had more than just me to worry over and she understood that. I had been the one constant in her life until recently and I felt horrible about lying to her by omission. I’d have to make it up to her somehow.
“Shall I bring a dozen devilled eggs then?” I asked her nonchalantly. I knew she loved them and a dozen wouldn’t be enough.
“Um, no! Maybe two dozen? Poor Mike won’t be able to sit in the same room with me for days but I don’t care. I love those things.” She giggled happily, not needing anything more from me than the truth and my love but I knew I owed her.
“And
two pans of my fudge brownies, I suppose?” I knew I had her when her eyes went wide.
“With ice cream and maraschino cherries?” She was all but salivating now.
“Mmhmm, you know it.” And just like that, everything was fine again.
Mike was gone on a business trip so we all went out for dinner and Amelia started making her plans for her being a new aunty to a girl role. She already had plans for photo shoots and all sorts. I didn’t exactly want my daughter growing up thinking she had to be some kind of beauty queen but Amelia was her aunt, she was going to influence my daughter. If it got out of hand, I’d say something but I knew Amelia was more lost in the idea of a baby girl right now than anything. Even I was getting caught up in the idea of frilly pink dresses and hair bows.
I went to sleep that evening with a smile on my face and less of a burden in my heart. If I could get through the actual carrying of the baby part perhaps this wouldn’t be so bad. If Drake found out after the baby was born, then perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe. I stopped thinking about it as my eyes closed and my brain went quiet finally. Cradling a hand against my rounded tummy I knew I at least had Amelia’s support for now and that was all I needed to know.
Thanksgiving came and went, a time of laughter, love, and a lot of food. Mike was pleased to have another one of my munchkins to love and treated me like a queen. I knew when it came Amelia’s turn to have a baby she’d go mad because Mike wouldn’t allow her to lift a finger. Amelia was a doer, not a sitter and it would likely drive her mad but Mike loved his wife, I could see that.
I envied her in that moment. She had a man that loved her, a companion, and a best friend. I know she’s my best friend but that’s not the same as a partner is it? I felt a bit maudlin after that but I hid it. The baby started kicking when those devilled eggs hit my stomach and everybody took turns resting their hands against my stomach.
Later that evening I reclined in my bed after a shower and watched the baby moving beneath my skin. Her little fists and feet poked me and I could follow her with my finger. I smiled, lost in the moment as the baby reacted to where I placed my finger. I didn’t know if she knew it was me or not, or if she was even aware it was another person moving their finger over her but I kept it up because she continued to follow my finger.
I wondered if Drake would sing to his unborn child, he had a really great voice. I wondered if he’d lay his curly blond head on my tummy, cradling it in his hand the way he’d cradle a football, tenderly and with care, as he sang to his baby. Tears filled my eyes and I quickly jumped off the bed. He wasn’t here and he wasn’t going to be. I didn’t want a man in my life just because I got pregnant, I wasn’t that kind of women. I was strong, I was independent, and I was capable.
I took a deep breath and headed out to work on some of the papers my students had handed in just before the break. I’d given them extra credit work and many had taken me up on the offer. My loneliness ebbed away as I marked the papers, smiling at some of the things the students had come up with. I still felt alone but my distraction technique worked.
The baby kicked again and I put the papers down. I sang one of my favorite songs to my little girl and she settled down. At least my daughter appreciated my voice, I thought with a laugh. I bet she’d appreciate Drake’s more. I finally let myself cry a little in that moment. I didn’t really want to do all of this alone, I really didn’t, but what else could I do? I was not going to go through life with a man blaming me for trapping him.
Drake would undoubtedly feel trapped too. Going from a life where he could do as he pleased with no thought of anyone else to caring for a family, while still trying to do as he pleased, wouldn’t be good for anybody. If he had a fiancée when he’d got me pregnant then he surely wouldn’t stop his wandering ways after he got married. Men like that didn’t change overnight.
Wiping my face and sniffing away my tears I sat up. Nope, no more crying, it was time to be strong again and not let this little emotional bump stop me. Drake didn’t know, he wasn’t going to know, and didn’t deserve to know. I just had to make sure Amelia didn’t tell him before I was ready. I knew she’d tell him but I just needed time to adjust because now I knew he was going to find out. Hopefully, I could put it off until the baby was eighteen and in college.
Chapter Nine
“What do you mean Drake’s coming to my house?” The note of panic in my voice made me squeak as I looked out of the window from my couch. I didn’t see anyone.
“He saw a picture of you on Jake’s social media, from that Christmas Party I talked you into going to. I’m so sorry Bethany. He showed up here demanding answers, I told him he had to talk to you. He’s on his way there now.”
A long string of expletives played out in my mind as I told her I’d call her back later and went into full-on panic mode.
Luckily Peter was with his grandfather. They were supposed to come down tomorrow for Christmas Eve, then Dad was going back to his house. Neither would be here for the explosion that was about to take place. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that party but Amelia had insisted, telling me I needed to get out for a little while before the baby came. I growled under my breath and picked up the few dishes I’d left sitting on the coffee table. My nerves were so bad the spoon rattled in the bowl as I wobbled into the kitchen.
I took a steadying breath and told myself to calm down. Drake wasn’t a violent person but I’d never seen him angry and surely he was angry? I wasn’t really afraid of him becoming violent, not at all, it was just the emotional hit I was about to take that bothered me. He was going to be so upset I was pregnant, that I hadn’t been careful. I hope he didn’t think I was trying to trap him or something stupid like that. I growled another expletive as I heard his truck coming up my driveway.
I watched him sit in his truck for a moment, staring at my door. This was going to change both our lives and it seemed like he knew it. His face looked stern, frozen, and unreadable. Oh, this wasn’t good.
I cringed as he got out of the vehicle and came up to the door. I decided to face the music and opened the door before he could knock.
“Are you going to be civil?” I asked as soon as he looked up at me. His grey eyes were tormented and was that hurt I saw?
“Of course. May I come in?” He was staring at my stomach with fascination, his eyes wide and round.
“Please do.” I stepped back and he followed me into the house, running his left hand through his hair and down to his chin before going back to his hair again. He was nervous. “Go through to the kitchen, please. No interviews this week? I thought there was some kind of game on just at Christmas time?”
I really wasn’t a football fan.
“I’m not playing in anything for now. It’s almost Christmas anyway, I told them to take a flying leap when I saw that picture. Can we be grown ups and talk about this, Bethany?” Drake took a seat and waited for me to sit down, his fingers tapping nervously on the tabletop.
I have to admit; I was pretty impressed he’d blown off his obligations to the team to find out if I was about to pop his baby out or not. That was something wasn’t it? But I couldn’t give in, I mustn’t. What was it about Drake that made me forget every promise I’d made to myself when he was near? It infuriated me but we had to be civil.
“I guess we have to be, don’t we? You’ve figured it out, I can’t hide it anymore, and you’re going to be a father. But you’re just not father material Drake, I’m sorry.”
“Bethany!” He interrupted me, looking insulted. “I’d never leave you to deal with something like that on your own!”
“Oh, you can say that now but when you get bored with changing diapers, when you get bored with me? What then? Besides, you already have a fiancée, if you’ve forgotten already I’ll remind you.” I looked away from him, not wanting him to see the hurt in my eyes. They probably looked like two drowning chocolate balls. “This wasn’t planned, it wasn’t a trap, I didn’t want you to know actually, but here you are.
I want you to know I don’t expect anything from you and I’m making no legal claim to your money or anything else. You can, in fact, walk out of here right now and you’ll never hear from me again.”
His jaw had dropped at the beginning of my speech and by the end of it, he looked a bit ticked off. Actually, he looked a whole lot of ticked off.
“My fiancée?” He asked with a controlled anger that sounded like it was close to snapping.
“Yes, she answered the phone after our little tryst and told me not to call back. I wasn’t going to be the other woman and so I obliged.” I held my neck stiff, staring over his shoulder. I was being amazingly calm but inside I was a screaming wreck that just wanted this all over with. I didn’t want the stress; I just wanted him to go away.
“Right. So she didn’t mention the part where we were never engaged, or that we’d broke up months before that? That I had to get a restraining order against her?” He was calming as he spoke but I wasn’t thawing.
“That may be, and I should have perhaps spoken with you to confirm what she’d told me but that doesn’t change the fact that you’ve never really stuck around long once you’ve got what you wanted.” I was speaking as a teacher, formally and without a lot of inflection. I wanted to give in but couldn’t, I couldn’t take that chance.
“Not been around? Not responsible?” He wasn’t happy, I could tell. His eyes were doing this fiery thing that was kind of attractive. “I’ve given back to this community and others in ways you couldn’t dream of! Alright, so maybe I have people that take care of a lot of that for me but you’re being totally unreasonable here…” His words broke off as my eyebrow lifted. He’d just realized that was the wrong word to use.
Jocked Up: Sports Romance (A Secret Baby Second Chance Romance) Page 6