by Kiki Swinson
“Gabby . . . when Lance talks, that shit’s the final say. He’s the boss and he doesn’t take no for an answer, especially from me. If he asks for something, I mean, I could try to say no, but you don’t know that nigga. He is persistent as hell and he could make all of our lives fucked up. He’s a kingpin, not some street-corner thug dude. Lance is second in charge in the cartel dudes that work out of Miami. I’m betting the word is coming from Mexico and Miami and that means it is Luca . . . the big, big boss. I don’t think we have a choice in this,” Eduardo said, looking over at me. I guess he could see in my face that I wasn’t happy or swayed by what he had just said.
“It’s going to work out. Trust me. Plus, our take will step up from two stacks a week for one package a day to ten stacks a week for three packages a day. I mean, I’m not going to let you take a big risk if it’s not going to be worth it for both of us,” Eduardo said, looking at me again to see what kind of reaction I was going to have. I guess he knew talking money was going to get bells and whistles ringing in my head. My eyes popped open wide when he said that. In my hood, money talked and bullshit walked for sure.
“Ten thousand dollars a week for three packages a day?” I asked dreamily for clarification. I was in amazement to even think about having that kind of money in my hands every week. I had quickly forgotten about how crazy Eduardo and Lance’s request was with stepping up the packages. All I was thinking about now was having that much cold cash in my hands.
“Yeah, baby girl . . . you’ll have ten stacks in your hand every week. You’ll be able to have shit you never had and your paycheck will become your play money,” Eduardo said confidently. I fell quiet. I was already counting up the shit I could do with all of that money. First thing I thought of was getting my mother completely out of the hood, instead of just paying for her taxes on the little shack of a house she had. Next, I thought about taking my son to Disney World or on a cruise for his birthday. Then, I could go to college if I wanted to and pay for it so I wouldn’t have loans. All sorts of shit ran through my head when I thought about having that kind of money—tax-free, cash in my hand every week. The one thing I didn’t think of after I heard about the money was the risk and the problems of having all of that new money all of a sudden. That was one of many of our mistakes. The one thing about the game you should know, with every dollar comes a higher price.
CHAPTER 4
SPECIAL DELIVERY
“Gabriella, I need to speak with you before you go out on your route this morning,” my supervisor Ben said as I clocked in. I didn’t like the sound of his voice when he approached me, nor did I like the look on his face. He looked like he was stressed or upset about something. Not a good sign. Ben was usually a happy-go-lucky person who often smiled and tried to keep everyone motivated to work. Not today. I could see stress lines creasing his forehead and there was not a smile even remotely evident on his face. Seeing Ben look so grave was a red flag for me.
“Um, sure . . . is . . . is everything okay with my work?” I asked, barely able to get the words out. I immediately became cold all over my body and my teeth started to involuntarily chatter. I was already paranoid as shit and it had only been one day since the extra packages had started coming through the post office. Could Ben have picked up on it that fast? Did someone become suspicious?
“We can talk about it in my office,” Ben said, then he kind of looked around at everyone else as if to tell me with his eyes that he didn’t want anyone else to hear what he wanted to speak to me about. Another red flag for me.
All sorts of shit ran through my mind as I slowly followed down the long hallway that separated the bank of offices from the main public area in the post office. Ben was way ahead of me and had made it to the office before I did. He waited for me at the door. Finally, I made it to the doorway. I cracked a weak smile and Ben and I walked into his office, not knowing what to expect. I was feeling like I was being sent to the gas chamber. Ben walked behind his desk and flopped down in his chair. He folded his hands in front of him and looked at me like a father would look at his child who’d gotten in trouble.
“Sit down, Gabriella,” Ben said, pointing at one of the chairs in front of his desk. I clenched my ass cheeks together to keep from shitting myself.
“No it’s okay, I’ll stand up. I’m hoping this is going to be quick. I—I—gotta go on my route,” I stammered, cracking a nervous, halfhearted smirk. The truth was, I was too fucking nervous to sit down. Plus, the cramps that were invading my stomach wouldn’t allow me to bend my body into the chair even if I wanted to do it.
“Okay, suit yourself. Well . . .” Ben started and then he reared back in his chair, closed his eyes, steepled his fingers in front of his face, and paused. I swear it was like time had stopped moving all over the world. I could hear my heart thumping in my ears. I just knew Ben was going to tell me that he knew what I had been doing and that he was going to call the cops—or worse, the DEA. I could actually picture the feds running up on Eduardo with their guns drawn and throwing him facedown on the ground. I could also see them grabbing me while my son screamed and me grabbing my baby to keep him safe. I saw those bastards snatching my son out of my arms right before I was carted off to jail. The thoughts threatened to make me cry.
“Gabriella, I wanted to ask you something,” Ben said, snapping me out of my nightmarish reverie. Blinking rapidly, I looked across the desk at Ben. I still needed to try and focus on keeping my cool so that Ben couldn’t read me.
“I know there’s been some things happening in the station,” Ben said, his tone even but serious. His words sounded as if they were coming out in movielike slow motion. I kept staring and blinking. All of a sudden, I was so hot all over. I wanted to just bolt out of the chair. My mouth had gone cotton-ball dry.
“So, I wanted to ask if you could cover another route in addition to yours,” Ben finally said. I could hear my own relieved breath escaping my mouth after I had finally started to breathe again. I felt a whoosh of relief wash over me. This is what he wanted that was so important. If he only knew how fucking scared he made me, I said to myself.
“I mean, you’ve been doing such a good job getting yours done that I felt with Angie gone on maternity leave that you might be able to cover hers too,” he said, like he regretted to have to ask me. I smiled. The biggest, brightest, widest smile I could get across my face. Ben just didn’t know that I wanted to jump up and kiss his ass. He would never know how fucking grateful I was that all he wanted was to ask me to pick up another route.
“Oh, yeah. That’s no problem at all. I’ll cover her route. In fact, I’ll do her route first and then I’ll do mine afterwards. It’s really not a problem. I’d be happy to help out.” I was rambling because my nerves had my tongue loose and my brain like mush. I was giddy as fuck at that point. Ben was looking at me strangely, so I finally snapped my lips shut and stopped talking. Don’t overdo it, Gabby.
“Well, then, I guess that settles it. Great. I guess that was easier than I thought it would be. Most of the workers at this station always gripe and complain when I ask them to do anything outside of their normal duties. I want to say thank you for being such a team player,” Ben said, standing up from behind his desk. I was moving on my legs like I had to take a piss real bad.
“No problem, Ben. Anytime,” I said, still a little caught up. With that, I turned and damn near ran from Ben’s office. I rushed to the sorting room because I needed to tell Carlos about the increase in packages before he found out. I was too late, Carlos was already waiting for me. And he did not look happy.
“Gabriella, what the fuck is going on?” he whispered harshly, grabbing me by the arm.
“Nothing. Ben just wanted to ask if I’d—” I started, but Carlos quickly cut me off. I wrestled my arm out of his grasp.
“No! I mean with the extra packages from Florida? There’s more than one today. It’s supposed to be one a day . . . not fucking three. What is this all about Gabriella?” Carlos gritted.
“Just calm down,” I whispered, urging him to follow me into a corner so we could speak away from nosy ears. “It’ll be fine, Carlos. Just keep doing it the way we always have, but now with two extra packages. I will make sure nothing happens.”
“This is a higher risk. You know that when it comes to sorting, this many packages each week from the same place is going to raise suspicions. You have to change something up, Gabriella, or else things are going to get blown,” Carlos replied, looking around like he was expecting someone to jump out of the walls at us.
“Just do it like we always did,” I hissed, annoyed. He was starting to look like a weak-ass complainer. Nothing turned me off more than a weak-ass man.
“I want more money and more of your time,” Carlos said, grabbing back onto my arm forcefully. It was like he’d hit me over the head with a hammer. I expected him to ask for more money, but was he actually asking me to spend time with him—as in fucking him? I wrestled my arm away from him once again. This time I didn’t care if we made a scene.
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I whispered through clenched teeth.
“I’m talking about some of what I’ve been asking you for all of these years. You think I’m going to keep helping you for nothing,” Carlos said lecherously. He was dead serious too. I couldn’t believe he had really gone there. I had considered him a cool work friend. Just thinking about Carlos touching me made me throw up a little in my mouth. Not only was he almost three hundred pounds, he was also hairy like a caveman and he smelled like day-old cheese and hot dogs. I was cool with him at work because he was my sorter and he’d been easy to get on board with Eduardo’s deliveries, but now Carlos was taking this shit to a whole other level.
“My time you can’t have, but I will double what I’ve been giving you in cash,” I tried to placate without spitting in his fucking face or slapping the shit out of him.
“I want double of that and I want once a week with you . . . my apartment. Me and you, together,” Carlos repeated like a fucking pervert.
“You can fucking forget that shit. I can’t believe you even went there,” I growled, my jaw rocking feverishly. Carlos let out a snort type of laugh, like he thought I was fucking joking with him.
“Either that or none of these packages get delivered and a little note goes out to the postmaster general and maybe even the DEA,” he threatened with a smirk.
“You can’t be fucking serious, Carlos,” I hissed, my eyes squinted into little dashes. If looks could kill Carlos would’ve instantly dropped dead.
“I am serious. I’ve been looking out for you, haven’t I? Well, I’m not going to fantasize about you anymore, Gabriella. If you don’t want to go to jail, then you’ll do what I say,” Carlos replied snidely. With that, he wobbled away. Leaving me standing there mouth agape and insides burning up with anger.
CHAPTER 5
RISKY BUSINESS
“What’s wrong with you?” Eduardo asked, looking at me strangely. “You been acting real funny lately. You starting to make me wonder about you. You got some nigga out there hollering at you? Or you tired of me? What’s the deal?”
He was hitting me with the fifty million questions because I had pushed him away from me when he’d tried to initiate sex; something I would’ve never have done under normal circumstances. As much as I loved Eduardo’s dick, he knew just as well as I did that I would’ve never turned down an opportunity to feel it inside of me. So when I rejected him for the third night in a row, Eduardo knew something was up. I’d usually be the one trying to damn near rape him, but after what I’d been going through to keep the packages coming in for him, I wasn’t in the mood to be touched by a man at all.
“You gon’ tell me what’s up or you gon’ leave me to come up with some shit on my own?” Eduardo pressed. I rolled my eyes and ignored him at first.
It had been three weeks since we’d started moving more packages and each week I’d had to go to Carlos’s house and fuck his nasty ass. The first time, I literally threw up right after he’d touched me.
Carlos was a nasty motherfucker who wanted to have his small, sweaty, fleshy, soggy, musty dick sucked, although it smelled like he’d never washed it in his life. That was where I had drawn the line. “Fuck you! I’m not sucking your dirty dick for nothing!” I had barked at him. I was really close to stabbing him full of holes that day.
“Remember, I hold the key to your freedom, Gabriella. I know you don’t want that little boy of yours to grow up without his mother. And what will Mama Vasquez think of her only daughter . . . the drug courier?” Carlos had said when I had told him I wasn’t sucking his dick. He knew the right things to say to hit home with me. My mother and Andrew were the two most important people in the world to me. They were the real reason I had started doing the packages in the first place. After more threats from Carlos and more reluctance from me, I finally gave in to his disgusting request. I swear, when I put that piece of flesh in my mouth, I died a million deaths inside. Something deep down inside of me really died and I knew that I would never be the same again. Ever! As I choked and gagged from the odor of Carlos’s dick, I had so many devious thoughts running through my head. The first thing I thought about was biting down on his shit until it was almost cut off and he died from the pain.
After I left there that day, I had rushed straight to the drugstore and purchased at least five different mouthwashes and tried to wash every bit of him out of my mouth. I didn’t think the musty taste would ever leave my mouth. I still don’t think my sense of taste or smell will ever be the same.
Eduardo was still complaining about me rejecting him. Finally, I glared at him. I wanted so badly to scream at him and say, You have no fucking idea all I’ve been doing for you! Don’t complain, because I’ve been making the ultimate sacrifice for your ass. But I didn’t say what I was thinking.
“Nothing is wrong. I’m just not in the mood. I’m not always ready to be at your beck and call, you know,” I snapped, then turned my back toward him. Just knowing that I was sacrificing so much to help him and to be with him had already started making me feel annoyed around him.
“Well, you used to be ready for me all the time. You used to want me all the time. So, now that you’re acting like this, I know something is wrong. This is not the Gabriella I know. You sure you a’ight?” Eduardo said. I never answered him. I just laid there waiting for it to be my time to leave.
“I’ll see you later when you come through with the packages. Remember, the ones with the gold stars go to Ant now and not me. Don’t mess that up or else I’ll have no way to get all that shit over there carrying it on the streets,” Eduardo instructed. I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up with all of his fucking instructions. I bit my tongue and stayed quiet.
“One last chance for you to tell me what’s the matter,” Eduardo said with the silly but sexy smile he always used on me. I just grumbled. He shrugged, then he kissed me. I pushed him aside. One minute I would feel like he was concerned about me and down for me; but it never took long for Eduardo to bring the topic back to the packages and his money and Lance and what Lance wanted, blah, blah, blah. Frankly, I was sick of the entire operation.
I got up from the bed and stomped into the bathroom. Once inside, I slammed the door so hard I almost broke the door frame. I plopped down on the toilet and put my face in my hands. I began to sob. I had done all of this just for Eduardo and now, once a week, like fucking clockwork, I was being raped against my fucking will and I couldn’t even tell Eduardo what was happening. Just thinking about the task I had at hand that day was driving me crazy. I knew right as I sat there that fucking pervert Carlos would be waiting for me to get to his house so he could come up with one more freakish thing for me to do. I wondered if I had told Eduardo, would he say fuck the packages and go fuck Carlos up for me? There was no telling, so I just sucked it up and continued to do what I had to do to make sure everything continued to run smoothly.
That morning I arrived
at Carlos’s house just like always before our shift. Like usual, as I walked inside I had to cover my nose until I could get used to the smell of rotting garbage, dirty clothes, and stinking ass. Carlos was a fucking slob in every sense of the word. His house was dirty as shit, with food containers strewn all over the floor and tables, and dishes piled high in the sink that looked like they hadn’t been cleaned in years. Flies buzzed around everywhere and dirty clothes were piled up in several different corners of the place.
I wasn’t in the mood for any small talk or bullshit. I wasn’t in the mood for much that morning and I was feeling like it was time to put an end to the madness. I had put a butcher’s knife that I had taken from my kitchen in my bag. I told myself that I was sick of his fucking abuse and I was going to end it once and for all.
“You ready, sweet girl?” Carlos asked, rubbing his crotch lasciviously. I eyed him evilly and I could actually see myself pulling out that knife and gutting that fat bastard like a slaughtered pig. The way I was feeling, I could’ve probably stabbed him a thousand times and would not have felt any remorse about it.
“Don’t talk to me. Seriously. I’m not your fucking girl and I’m not here because I want to be here, so do not fucking speak to me at all,” I said through clenched teeth. Carlos laughed like I had just told him the funniest joke in the world. My eyebrows shot up in disbelief. He watched me as he continued to rub himself.