I stepped to Aly without any control, like I was a sixth grader going in for my first kiss. She gasped and I grabbed her by the waist, kissing her again. This time she didn’t fight me. Her sweet lips moved against mine almost spinning me off the pier. Her breath fluttered at my neck as she pulled away and I wrapped her in my arms, overwhelmed by her spell.
“Aly, I don’t ever wanna let you go again.” I muttered. “There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t think about you. Not one day has passed that I didn’t wish I could take back all the shitty things I did.”
She nuzzled my chest, silent.
I continued. “I was immature. I was weak.” I felt her shoulders shake. She was crying and it made me want to cry, too. My voice cracked under the ball forming in the back of my throat. “I’m not weak anymore, Aly. I promise. I’m now the man you’ve wanted me to be.”
Tears dotted her cheeks and I kissed them away. Her voice quivered. “I’m sorry, too. I know it’s not all your fault…”
“Stop.”
“No, please, let me say this.” She backed away, taking in a deep jagged breath. “I know I was selfish. You were ready and I wasn’t. I didn’t know how else to handle everything going on with Dump and your touring. I was just as immature as you, even more so. I know I wasn’t there for you after Dump died. I know I abandoned you and I’m so sorry to have caused you more pain.” Her lips trembled as her words tumbled out. “I get why all of it happened, you and Sienna, your relapse, everything. But it’s just hard to swallow, because we all have choices and…”
I reached out pulling her by the elbow back to me. “We don’t have to rehash everything. Please just give me another chance. That’s all I want.”
She nodded. “Baby steps? No promises.”
“Whatever you want.”
7
Alyssa
I held on lightly to Jake’s hand as we walked up Fifteenth Street past the library and the post office. We both avoided gripping each other’s hand too eagerly, unsure of what was actually happening. I was at an impasse. Baby steps didn’t align with jumping into bed with your long time, estranged ex-boyfriend. We didn’t say much as we strolled by Live Oak Park and up the hill to Jake’s rental home. I tried not to think about what would happen next. I wasn’t sure I was ready for the roller coaster ride that was Jake.
I’d forgotten what true desire felt like. The closer we got to privacy the more I tingled, and the more tightly Jake held onto my hand. There was an attraction to men, but then there was Jake. Nobody had the ability to get under my skin, to awaken every hunger and fantasy the way he did. We had an undeniable chemistry and I truly believed we were made for each other in that carnal way. My reverie evaporated when Jake let go of my hand.
“Hmm.” Jake pointed. “Someone’s parked in my driveway.”
I squinted, locating Jake’s house up the street. There was a black SUV with its tail end hanging in the street and its red brake lights illuminated.
Jake had no idea who it could be, and then I heard his voice and my heart leapt. I hadn’t seen Marshall’s beautiful face in ages. Marshall Lawrence was one of my dearest friends from high school and was to be married to Jake’s former band mate, Bobby Dell. I ran to find him.
“I hear you!” I sang out, tearing around the tailgate running into him. He yelped when I threw my arms around him.
“Aly! What the hell?” He laughed, giving me a tight hug. “What are you doing here? Oh my gawd! I swear I tried to make it to your graduation. I just couldn’t wrap up work in time and Bobby insisted on driving because of all of his gear. It was easier than schlepping it all to the airport, plus I need a car while I’m here and…”
“Shush!” I jiggled his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I’m just so happy to see you. We have a lot to catch up on.” I rolled my eyes in Jake’s direction, whispering. “I’ve lost my mind…again.”
He shook his head, subdued. “You know I heard he’s seeing someone…older.”
I nodded. “Yes and no.” I sighed, saying under my breath. “What are you doing here?”
He tossed his coifed head in Bobby’s direction at the hood of the truck. “We were in the neighborhood, duh!” He said, sarcastically. “No, but really, I’ve been so selfishly busy with my own work that I don’t ask Bobby much. We finally caught up on the speedy eight-hour drive down.” Marshall playfully made a gun out of his fingers, pointing them at his head. “It’s going to be strange having him away on tour again.”
“Yeah. Like old times.” I gave a strained smile as Marshall eyed me curiously. I looked away, feeling immediately foolish. Why would this time be any different? I craned my neck looking for Jake. “When are they leaving?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
I’m not sure what I expected to hear, but the shock on my face was met by Marshall’s regretful stare. “You didn’t know?”
I shook my head. “I knew he was leaving, just not when. This whole thing,” I pointed to the front steps where Jake and Bobby had migrated. “It was a spur of the moment…meeting. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Of course it doesn’t.” Marshall swayed toward the front porch. The guys moved into the house. He turned back, grabbing my hand. “We’re supposed to stay here tonight, maybe you and I can take a walk downtown. We’ll get some wine and you can fill me in on everything.”
Marshall and I walked into Jake’s new home and it wasn’t a surprise to see how grand it was, with its high ceilings and modern decor. He’d always had great architectural taste. The white walls displayed nothing personal. I couldn’t help but glance from wall to wall, wondering where the black and white pictures of me went. He’d taken them all the way to Europe and back to New York, even when we weren’t together. I didn’t see them anywhere. A stab of disappointment hit my heart. Jake and Bobby were talking seriously as we approached the kitchen and Bobby did a double take, noticing me.
“Well, well, Alyssa, how the hell are you?” Bobby opened his arms and walked a couple steps to greet me with a big hug.
“I’m great. Just catching up with Jake.” I offered with a shrug, trying not to look anxious as I stared between them. It felt surreal being there with them after all these years. I cleared my throat asking, “So, you’re leaving tomorrow I hear?”
My eyes drifted to Jake, but Bobby spoke first. “Yup, actually we leave tonight. At 11:55 PM.”
“What?” Jake shook his head, emphatically. “There’s no way. It said noon tomorrow.”
Bobby swiveled his seat to face Jake. “There is a way, and that’s the time we’re leaving. On that private jet you arranged with that pompous prick, Todd.”
“Nah. No way…” Jake took the phone from his pocket. Agitation lined his forehead. “Why the fuck would they have us leaving at midnight? What’s that chick’s name again, his assistant?”
“Sloan Robbins.” Bobby sang out, spinning around on the white leather barstool and concluded with, “Don’t waste your time.”
I glanced over my shoulder for Marshall, but he’d disappeared. I backed up against the round glass top dining table, watching Jake. His brow furrowed deeply. “That’s jacked. You’re right. The fuck? I’m emailing her now to see if we can change it to the morning.”
Jake stared at his phone. Bobby disagreed saying, “Dude, I don’t think there’s anything we can do about it. As it is, we arrive at like 6 PM, London time, or something like that.”
A deep, hopeless groan gurgled in Jake’s throat. “We got that radio interview the next morning.” His chest heaved, resignation drifted on his words, “I’m just used to flying from New York…” His eyes met mine. “I wanted to be here a little longer.”
Jake’s disappointment draped over me. I wanted to go to him, like a bad habit. Heaviness loomed over the room and I awkwardly stared between Jake and Bobby. Finally, a moment later Marshall bounded in, cutting the bizarre silence.
“This place is amazing! That master bath is to die for.” He sang excitedly, stopping in hi
s tracks when he realized our downbeat mood. “What, what happened?”
“Nothing.” I spun to face Marshall, putting on a happy face. “I gotta get going.” I announced, grabbing his hands. “Let’s catch up soon. I’m leaving in a couple days, too, to Miami with Nadine. You should join us.”
Marshall’s eyes lit with the fervor of an erupting volcano and moved to steal a glance at Bobby. “I’m intrigued. Tell me more.”
“You’ll love the Keys.” Bobby said, flatly. Jake stood like a pillar watching me. “You should go, it’s only a couple hour drive. It’s a welcoming Pride community. You’ll love it.”
“Yes!” I smiled brightly, excited by the thought of Marshall joining us. “I’ve never been, either. Nadine made plans for us to go there.”
“Hmmm.” Marshall said, singsong, tapping his chin.
I took in a steady breath. “Okay. I’ll leave you to settle in here. Call me to get the details. I’ve really got to go.”
The only place I had to go was in search of my sanity. Maybe I’d find it on the walk back to my house. History had proven time and time again there was nothing sane in a relationship with Jake. I turned away from Marshall, meeting Jake’s intense stare, and Bobby’s knowing smirk. The heat of embarrassment began traveling up my spine. Before rushing out the door, I waved quickly saying, “I’ll see you guys around."
Just as I stepped out into the fading light of sunset, Jake called out my name. “Aly!”
Fluttering burst in my gut and I turned to face him, wondering what else he had to say. He closed the distance between us in a flash. “I’m only gone for a couple of weeks. When will you be back?”
“I don’t know.” I answered in barely a whisper.
He looked confused. “You have to know.”
“It’s a one way ticket.”
“You made me think I actually had a chance.” He chuckled at the irony.
I shrugged, looking at him sadly. “I don’t think we ever really had a chance, just teasing licks.”
A sad, quiet moment passed until it broke between the cries of seagulls. “So it seems.” He tipped his head close to mine. “I’ll never give up, Alycat.” He didn’t touch me like I thought he would, but the heat of his breath smoothed over my face.
I shook my head, saying sadly. “I don’t think the universe wants us together, Jake. She’s always keeping us away from each other, or tearing us apart.”
“Not this time.” He met my lips with the intensity of a white-hot brand, kissing me so passionately it sent my core blazing. When he pulled away, it left me dizzy. “I’ll meet you wherever you are in Florida, first chance I get.”
I don’t recall what I said when we parted. I just kept touching my lips, feeling the buzz of promise as I hiked up the hill toward my house. I decided not to fight what was happening, not to worry too much about the future.
Worry never worked for me before.
8
Alyssa
My skin bubbled with perspiration and each breath I took in was heavy with moisture. The humidity must have been at one thousand percent. I couldn’t wait to get settled in at our ocean front hotel and to take a dip in salty sea. As I sat on the warm cement bench outside the airport terminal, I wished I’d waited inside. I was left alone with all the baggage while Nadine and Marshall went to collect the rental car.
Stupid.
Thirty sweaty minutes later, they pulled up in a red convertible with a poppy tune echoing every which way. Marshall waved excitedly at me as the car stopped. By this time, I’d twisted my hair into a tight knot on the top of my head, feeling like I’d just gotten out of a steaming hot shower.
“I didn’t recognize you with your hair up and sweater off.” He giggled.
“The sweater didn’t last a second after you left. Holy shit, it’s humid. I forgot how bad it is here in the summer.”
Nadine grabbed her two pieces of red luggage. “I love it! But I wouldn’t wanna play volleyball in it.” She remarked, wheeling her luggage to the car.
“Me either.” Marshall agreed, taking his bags. “How the hell do you do it?”
I shook my head and concern spiked as a drip of sweat rolled down my neck. “We train in the early morning. I hope I get acclimated quickly. It’s been a while since I played in humidity like this.” The memory of my first international tournament in Brazil rushed back to me, and I watched the memory of myself vomiting in a trash bin on the beach, wracked with cramps from dehydration.
“Your training starts after we get back from they Keys, right?” Nadine said, with a hopeful inflection.
“Yes. In a couple of weeks.”
“Good, then you should be fine, right?”
“Yes.” I laughed at her motherly concern. “I mean, after running in this climate, I should be fine after a couple of days.”
“I would die a horrible, agonizing death if I worked out in this.” Remarked Marshall, as he crammed the last bag into the trunk. “I’ll stick to my air conditioned Pilates. Speaking of air-conditioning, I think we should put the top up. I can’t take it.”
Nadine whizzed out of the airport like she knew where she was going. “You don’t need…like GPS or anything?” Marshall piped from the backseat. “I can pull it up.”
“I have it all ready, right here.” She reached back, handing Marshall her phone. “Just hit start.”
Siri’s voice blossomed, “Proceed to Central Boulevard.” We were on our way and excitement finally coursed through me. As we settled in for our drive into Palm Beach, I recognized the barely audible Latin music coming from the radio and leaned my head back against the headrest, feeling happy. I glanced at Nadine behind the wheel and peeked over my shoulder at Marshall, who was staring out the window to his left. I tripped out over how life had brought us back together again and felt even happier.
“I love you guys.”
“Aww, Aly.” Marshall rubbed my shoulder. “I love you, too.”
“Oh Gawd, don’t get all mushy and weird.” Nadine rolled her eyes in mock disgust and a smile pressed to her lips.
“Don’t you think it’s strange how we’re all here together…after everything that’s happened?” I sat up a little, glancing at Nadine and Marshall.
“It’s a little bizarre how it happened.” Marshall mused. “I’m at Jake’s and then you stroll up with him. That was the last thing I’d ever thought I’d see again.”
“Yeah, me too. But what the hell, you only live once right?” Nadine said, leering at me.
“So...” Marshall let that hang there for a long moment until Nadine bit at it.
“Yeah…and?”
“I took Sienna’s book to read, please don’t be mad.” His words rushed out in a pathetic confession. “I couldn’t help myself. Jake asked me if I would read it and to give him my thoughts. He wants to know if he should do anything about it.”
My stomach burned as his words set in. “What does that even mean? Do anything about it.”
“What the actual fuck!” Nadine frowned.
I shook my head, mad that Sienna was even a thing. “I don’t want to talk about her, or her stupid fucking book.”
“Jake says…”
“I don’t care what Jake says!” I practically shouted. “Sienna’s in the past and that’s where she’s gonna stay. So what if she wrote a book? I already know it doesn’t say much about their disgusting time together.” I stared angrily out the window as the ocean came into view. “I don’t wanna know, Marshall. Keep that to yourself.”
“I’m sorry, Aly. I didn’t think you’d be that upset.” He said, faintly.
I pouted for a few moments before feeling silly about getting so angry. “I’m sorry for shouting at you.” I mumbled. “It’s the same old sorry story, Marshall. He’s gotten under my skin and now he’s all I can think about. And it’s shit like this that just makes it impossible to think it could ever work out. I don’t think I can let go of the past.”
Nadine stayed out of it entirely and all Marsh
all did was give me pathetic understanding nods every time I glanced at him over my shoulder. He didn’t say another word about any of it. I preferred it that way. My whiny tirade hung over us like a shroud. Nadine’s swearing finally cut through as we rounded the block from Ocean Avenue for the fifth time. Finally, a few cars in front of the Avalon were driven away by the valets and we pulled up, ready to launch out the doors.
The air smelled of the ocean, pungent and balmy. I could already feel the warm water caressing my skin. Staring at the dunes, the palm trees and the volleyball courts just across the street thrilled me. The ocean was just beyond the dunes.
“Nadine, you did well.” I smiled and reached to grab my luggage, which was already in the hands of the lanky valet dressed in a pressed white shirt wearing a welcoming smile. Nadine had already disappeared inside and Marshall was walking up the steps to the hotel. He stopped to wait for me.
“Come on, grandma.” He teased.
“I’m so happy to be here.” I skipped to meet him. “I’m putting my bathing suit on and jumping in that water.”
“Sounds perfect.”
Our room was tiny, decorated in a mid-century, modern sixties vibe, as was the hotel lobby. Stuck in time. Two queen-sized beds were crammed into the space so that they nearly touched the walls on each side of them. A small, wooden bedside table sat between them with a round, yellow porcelain lamp and a digital clock sitting atop it. I imagined that only one bed sat here back in the day. A geometric fabric armchair sat in the corner with a tall, chrome reading lamp hanging over it like a miniature street lamp. Stepping to the armchair, I dropped my backpack into it. This little area would be my domain.
Love Amplified (Heavy Influence Book 3) Page 5