I found out that Jake has received texts from Sienna nearly every day, insisting on a resolution. He began ignoring her and that made it impossible for me to read them, because he hadn’t either; the texts remained unopened buried down the line. I didn’t say much to persuade him in any certain direction, a part of me wanted him to forget about them. I wasn’t even sure if I felt guilty about it. I kept hearing Sienna’s voice in my head, “Start your life with your own kids and leave us alone.”
She was right. Why shouldn’t we give her what she wants? As the days went by, I began to feel boxed in at the thought of dealing with Sienna for the rest of my life; after all, that’s how Jake purposed it.
I’m only twenty-two.
After making coffee and staring incoherently at the TV for I don’t know how long, the sun begun to rise. It was just about 6 AM. An antsy uncertain feeling came over me. I had to get moving, too. I sent Jake a text telling him I was going for a run. I bounded up the stairs two at a time, changed, and was out the door running down the hill before I realized I’d left my phone and headphones behind. I started counting my footfalls as my feet slammed against the asphalt in my own rhythmic meditation.
Running down 15th Street, the deep blue ocean appeared between the houses, calm and glittering, this cloudless morning. The air was dry and hinted of another heat wave. I turned left down the Ocean Drive alley and turned right on 12th street to The Strand, where the Manhattan Beach Pier came into view. I ran to the end of the pier and looped around the red-roofed aquarium. I slowed to a stop, taking in the majestic rise of the blinding sun over the hills of my hometown. Surfers dotted the water near the pier waiting for their chance to catch a wave. I squinted in the bright morning light stopping to watch and pulled my sunglasses from my head onto my face.
I leaned against the teal green railing, taking the salty air deep into my lungs, and was startled to hear my name.
“Alyssa?”
I turned to face someone I was surprised to see and it made my heart beat wildly. It was the woman Jake was friendly with, Grace. She wore a black trucker hat pulled low and thick black rimmed glasses, but her hair and body were unmistakable; long black hair and a thin fit body. I pretended not to know who she was and gave a tentative wave and looked back to the surfers in the water.
Please don’t come over here.
I felt her at my side. “Um, I want to introduce myself. I’m Grace, a friend of Jake’s.”
Grace smiled warmly, extending her lithe hand to me. Tunnel vision blurred my line of sight. I held my breath as I took her hand in mine.
“Hello.” I barely spit out the word. I wasn’t sure I even smiled.
She rubbed her hands together.
Did I squeeze too tight?
“It’s nice to meet you, finally. You’re all he talks about.”
Really?
I eyed her cautiously, thankful for the shield of my sunglasses. “Nice to meet you too. He’s mentioned you. You have a son, right?” I asked, feeling like I wasn’t really standing there, and gripped the pier railing as if to stave off floating away.
She nodded. “Yes, Ethan.”
“I met him at my graduation.” I smiled thinly and looked down at my running shoes.
“He’s a fan of Jake,” she said distractedly and her voice trailed off, “like a big brother…”
I noticed Grace jiggling her foot back and forth, giving me the impression she was as nervous as I was about our chance meeting.
She sighed and also gripped the railing. “I’m happy I ran into you. I can’t stop thinking about you…and Jake.” She shook her head and gnawed at her bottom lip. “I’m…is this a bad time? Maybe we can meet for coffee another time if it is.”
I gulped. My mouth was bone dry. “No. I have nowhere to be.”
She took her glasses off, revealing a set of striking blue eyes, framed by the darkest of lashes. My eyes started to roam her face, taking in her beauty. I looked away, feeling embarrassed by her allure. A sense of insecurity came over me thinking of her and Jake together.
Stop it.
She pointed to the red cement bench a few feet away. “Wanna sit?” She asked, and traipsed over to it with the motion of a feline. She didn’t wait for me to answer and sat down. I followed her like I’d been hexed, as if being forced to hear her speak.
Grace heaved out the words I was thinking and said, “I know this is awkward.” Empathy filled her eyes as they met mine. “And I’m not sure how much he’s shared about…us. But I want you to know that we’re only friends and he’s deeply in love with you.”
Her openness cut down my guard. I slid my sunglasses up like a headband and watched her run her hands up and down her thighs, as if to warm them. Maybe she’s nervous. I am. I didn’t think I would have had the same courage if our roles were reversed. I would have pretended I didn’t see her and passed right by. I replied with the first thing that came to mind.
“Thank you, Grace.” I said, with a humble smile. “And I’m not sure how much he’s shared about me…or us. There’s a lot to our story.”
“I’m under the belief he’s been completely forthcoming about his past with you…and everyone else.” Her emphasis on the latter made my hands tingle. “And what’s been happening lately.”
This tidbit of information shocked me. Jake made no mention of sharing the latest melodrama with her.
“How did you two meet?” My voice hitched and I cleared my throat.
Fuck.
“My friend Gabe introduced us.” She said, unconcerned with my jitters.
As soon as she said his name, I remembered. “Yes, he’s Jake’s driver.”
She nodded, staring pensively out at the water, finally saying, “Jake’s been an amazing friend.” Her eyebrow cocked. “I want you to know he’s been a great guy, Alyssa. I know you’ve been faced with a lot of…shit, with him…and I really want you to understand something...”
She paused, flattening her hands on her thighs as if to brace herself for what she was about to say. I held my breath and she continued.
“I don’t want to sound condescending, but I’m afraid it probably will come off that way. I know what it’s like first hand to have a child without a father and I don’t think Jake is the type of man who would be okay with knowing he has a child out there without being involved or supportive in some way.”
I gulped and nodded. I agreed with her, but the words wouldn’t come. The subject was smothering me. I stared blankly to the horizon for a long moment, rationalizing what it all meant.
She looked at me strangely, baffled by my lack of outward emotion. I was a raging hurricane inside. Her eyes crinkled with concern and she divulged something that I knew in my heart wasn’t right, no matter what I wished could happen.
“He loves you so much that he’s willing to relinquish his rights as a parent, Alyssa.” She looked wounded just saying the words. “I think it would eventually destroy him…and any long term future you may want with him.”
My lungs collapsed like an accordion. “No. I never wanted him to do that.”
Grace eyed me with disbelief and I went on the defense.
“I know Jake better than he knows himself, Grace.” I got up and paced behind the bench. “I’m not gonna say that I didn’t wish this was all a dream.”
“I’m sorry. I can only imagine…”
“Can you? Really? I doubt it.” I cried out.
She rose to her feet and returned the sunglasses to her face, hiding her mesmerizing eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just…I saw you…and I wanted to meet you. I wanted to take this chance to let you know. I don’t want him to regret anything this important in life.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you. I get your concern.” I said, looking at her with assurance. “I’m going to be okay with whatever he decides to do. I love him. I’m ready for whatever happens. I’m going to support him no matter what.”
Grace didn’t look convinced, sounding slightly contentiou
s when she said, “You may be the deciding factor, Alyssa.”
She departed with another apology and a gracious goodbye.
I took off running like I was on fire toward the public restrooms at the pier entrance.
I’d watched Grace until she was a speck on The Strand walking toward Hermosa Beach and then ran down the pier stairs to the sand, deciding to run by the water. I wanted to avoid running into her again. I ran all the way to Hermosa Pier and back in just under thirty minutes. Sweat covered me like I’d been rained on. I wondered what time it was. It couldn’t have been any later than 8 AM. My feet dragged beneath me, feeling like I had sand bags attached to my ankles. After a soft-sand run, I usually felt like I could float up the hill, not today. I forced myself up the steep incline, turning right at the light heading away from the morning warriors converging at Noah’s Bagels.
Delivery trucks were in full force in front of the local market and other storefronts; drivers unloading their boxes and wheeling dollies stacked high. Cooling down from my run, I strolled slowly past new and established clothing stores taking a peek through the windows for anything that might catch my eye. Then I came upon the local jeweler window. Frederique, the Parisian owner, with her chic style and salt and pepper hair, was just placing gems into the window display. I smiled and waved at her through the window, admiring the gold and sapphire stone ring she positioned right in front of me. The shimmering blue stone reminded me of Jake’s eyes.
Frederique waved at me and pointed to the shop’s front door, indicating for me to come to her. I met her as she unlocked the door.
“Dear, your mother dropped some necklaces off for repair. Come in, come in.” She insisted, waving for me to step inside.
She locked the door and ushered me deeper into the store. She asked me to wait one moment and returned to the window display she’d been working on.
“How are you? It’s been a while.” I said as I watched her place the remaining rings in the window.
“I’ve been fantastic,” she said with a roll of her tongue. A pair of dancing grey eyes looked me over. She pushed her thin-rimmed glasses up her slender nose and smiled. I could imagine her young and beautiful beneath her decades old canvas. “How is your mother doing? She dropped off the necklaces ages ago. I’ve been leaving messages. They’re paid for, you know.”
“I’m so sorry, Ms. Frederique. I can’t imagine why she’s not been by to pick them up.”
“Yes. It’s very strange, very strange. Let me collect them for you. One moment, please.” Her words rushed out with a curling twirl of her breath, stuck in time, unaffected by the years of speaking English.
Frederique’s skeletal hand patted my shoulder as she passed me. She disappeared down a hallway at the back of the store. My eyes swept over the glass display cases filled with shining silver, gold, and platinum rings, chains, and pendants - diamonds, and every gemstone you could imagine. I took notice of the wedding bands. Stones large and small, diamonds, rubies, emeralds and sapphires – engagement rings from dainty to obnoxious glimmered in the light. I wondered what ever happened to the ring Jake had given me. The one I threw at him when I found out he’d been sleeping with Sienna.
I couldn’t wear that one again. It’s tainted with bad memories. I hope he got rid of it.
I stared at the men’s wedding bands and wondered which one he’d prefer. I didn’t think him a gold person. A couple styles caught my fancy and I bent down for a closer look.
“You in the market for a wedding ring?” Frederique sang out as she strutted toward me.
I shrugged. “I was once engaged and I think we may give it another go – maybe.”
“Maybe?” She quipped, with an impish smirk.
I nodded. “I think so.”
“How so? Did he ask you to marry him?” Her voice pitched high and concern deepened the crevice between her eyes. Her papery skin gathered at her mouth.
I sighed. “Long ago, over and over.”
“Ah! Too young long ago.” She tsk’d and sat a white square box in front of me and tapped the top. “Now is a better time for you. Still young, but not too young.”
Her eyes flickered happily. “What catches your eye in here? I can take note and you can send him in.”
“I’m actually more interested in the men’s wedding bands.” I explained and pointed at a thick-silver looking one with a square beveled edge. “Can I see that one?”
“Ahhh,” She sighed and smiled, taking the ring from the case. “Very masculine. This is a platinum band, the best metal. This one has a comfort fitting, see here?” She showed me the inside of the ring. It was slightly rounded so it wouldn’t cut into the skin.
I took it into my hand and slipped it onto my index finger. It felt nice.
“How much is this?” I asked handing it back to her.
She looked closely at the little fine printed tag underneath the ring holder. “This one is sixteen-hundred.”
Wow.
“And that’s the matching wedding band and engagement ring?”
“Yes, the band is similar. Just suggestions.” She twirled her hand. “We can do anything your heart desires.”
Yeah, at a price.
I thanked Frederique and took the box for my mom, peeking inside. Two gold chains, one a little thicker than the other, sat tangled in the middle. I replaced the lid and decided to shower first, before taking them to my mom.
Heading back toward Jake’s house I visualized what our future might be like. Jake and I weren’t like most people. We didn’t want to do normal things with our lives, like getting a dog and working a nine to five job – at least not now. I thought it was a good thing that we both understood the kind of lifestyle that demanded too much time apart. Not too many people would be stoked about their partner traveling for a living.
Sienna dominated my thoughts nearly the entire walk back to Jake’s. She would still be Jackson’s mother. I surmised her fear as rational, and I supposed I’d feel the same way. I tried to put myself in her shoes.
Something had to give.
Butterflies swarmed through my body as I thought about giving in to our future together.
There’s only one way. I saw it now.
23
Jake
White smoke puffed out from Bobby’s mouth, hovering in a dome above his head. He stood beneath the studio’s nondescript black awning, head down, one hand holding his phone and one pinching a cigarette. I watched him take drag after drag as I approached, returning from the corner store. A new red SUV pulled up and Bobby eyed it carefully, stuffing the cig to his lips. He tucked the phone into the back pocket of his sagging jeans. The passenger door swung open and Kai Burton, my friend and fill-in drummer got out.
“Hey, man!” Bobby’s stunned reaction made me smile. He dropped his cigarette on the ground, stepping on it. “Fuck! Long time no see!”
I told Bobby it was a surprise.
They hugged cordially, slapping each other on the back. “How’s it going?” Kai backed away from Bobby, looking like a hulk in comparison. He was at least five-inches taller than Bobby’s thin six-foot frame. The thick soled biker boots he wore only added to his height.
“It could be raining.” Bobby joked.
Kai took notice of my arrival and tossed me a hair-waving nod saying, “What’s up, my man!”
A honk from the red truck echoed up and down the unpopulated North Hollywood street.
“Shit, hold up.” He trotted back to the truck, took out his backpack, said something to the driver, and slammed the door shut. The truck sped away recklessly, making a U-turn. The blonde female driver was on a mission to blow past us.
“Slow down!” Kai hollered, angrily.
A thin arm flew out the window giving him the middle finger.
“Damn…” I said, about to ask who it was and Kai growled.
“Fuckin’ little sister, man. I just bought that truck for her and I’m gonna take it away.”
A tense laugh rolled from my
mouth. “May have to do somethin’ if she keeps that shit up.”
I led the way into the studio as Kai explained why he got dropped off - dreaded car repairs. I looked at the time as we walked down the long hall to studio 1A. It was almost 1 PM. Grace would be dropping by with Ethan, who’d been begging me to come watch us make music. The studio space was the largest one in the building with a nice L-shaped sofa sitting area, a perfect spot for a low-key audience.
We wasted no time in gearing up. Kai was the consummate professional, already familiar with the songs. I’d sent them to him weeks prior. Kai would be performing with me in Las Vegas and at the Concerts in the Park and a few other dates scheduled throughout the summer. I felt stoked and at ease as we played flawlessly through two songs.
Grace finally peeked her perfectly symmetrical face through the door.
“Hello.” She greeted as Ethan pushed his way in, running to the middle of the room. He stopped with knees bent and arms out, looking like he was deciding which of us to attack first.
“Ethan!” Grace shouted out. Her shoulders slumped, looking embarrassed. “Sorry.”
I waved her off with a smile and laughed at Ethan’s superhero stance. “Hey, buddy.” I said and swung my guitar around to my back. I palmed his little head like a basketball and turned him to face Kai.
“Be right back, gotta piss.” Bobby announced, placing his bass in the rack and vanished out the door.
“Dude, say hello to my friend, Kai.” I directed Ethan.
I looked up and Kai was staring at Grace with a whimsical glint in his eye. I turned to Grace and she stared at Kai with a smirk that spoke volumes. They already knew each other.
“Mordechai Burton. Wow.” Grace blinked quickly, like she was seeing things. Her arms crossed her chest. She eyed me with a quizzical shake of her head. “What a small world.”
Ethan crouched down and stared curiously at my pedals, pointing. “What are ‘dos?”
“They make my guitar sound really cool.” I said.
“Ethan?” Grace called to him and he hopped up, stumbling toward her.
She walked closer, looking casual in white flip flops, torn jeans, and a white t-shirt so shear that it revealed a sexy red under garment that matched her red lips. I glanced at Kai and he looked like a puppy dog.
Love Amplified (Heavy Influence Book 3) Page 14