“For Naomi.” I wanted Gabby to know I knew about her.
“So he told you about her too?”
“Yes.” I didn’t mention how long I’d known.
“And you are here, which means you didn’t run away.”
“Why would I run away?”
“You’re in your twenties. When I was in my twenties I would have run from a guy with a kid.”
“Listen, I don’t know what he told you, but we’re still getting to know each other.”
“Is that your way of saying you plan to run when you have had your fun?” She scowled.
“No.” I shook my head. “I’m saying I don’t know what either of us want from this. I’m willing to give it a shot if he is, but I also don’t want to push myself into his life if I’m not wanted.”
“You’re wanted.”
“We’ll see.” I shifted nervously.
“I hope things work out for you guys. He seems happy, and he deserves to be happy.”
“He does.” That didn’t mean his happiness needed to come from being with me.
Leo rode his bike into the driveway, ending our conversation.
“It was nice to meet you Cassidy.” Gabby smiled.
“Same to you.” I smiled back before she walked down the stairs. I followed, feeling funny about waiting outside Leo’s door now.
“Uh, hey Gabby…” Leo looked between us.
“I was introducing myself to your friend.” She patted his shoulder. “Don’t be a stranger.” She walked off toward the main house.
Leo watched her walk away. “Sorry if she said anything at all inappropriate.”
“No, she was nice.”
He gazed at me. “You look weird. She said something.”
“No, really. I’m just nervous about the tape.” I held up the tape player.
“You promise that’s it?” He narrowed his eyes.
“Yes.” Nothing she said had changed how I already felt.
“Ok. Well it’s nice to come home to you waiting for me.” He walked his bike into the garage.
“Yeah, I was impatient and got here early.”
“Impatient to hear the tape or to see me?”
“Both.”
“Good answer.” He took my hand and headed toward the stairs I’d just descended.
“How was the rest of your day?”
“Uneventful.” He reached the top step.
“Yours?”
“I had coffee with my mom.”
“How was that?” He unlocked his door.
“Great. Kind of exactly what I needed today.”
“Always a good thing.” He opened the door and gestured for me to walk in.
He walked right over to his dresser. “I’m kind of sweaty.” He walked back over shirtless and holding a new t-shirt.
I enjoyed watching him pull on the fresh shirt a little bit too much.
He caught me looking. “If I did that to you I’d probably get in trouble, huh?”
“No. I’m an equal opportunity ogler.”
“Is that a thing?”
“Probably not, but I’m going to pretend it is.”
He walked over and put his hands on my hips. “Thanks for that kiss earlier today.”
“You’re thanking me for kisses now?”
“One as unexpected as that. I stopped worrying and got to enjoy the rest of my day.”
“I can’t say the same.”
“Why not?” He leaned in.
“I’m nervous.”
“About the tape?”
“About the tape. About you.”
“There’s nothing to be nervous about me.” He leaned forward and brushed his lips against mine. “Should we listen?”
“Yes.” I took a seat on the couch, clutching my tape player. He pulled a clear tape out of his messenger bag and sat down. I waited nervously. “Wait.”
“Ok.” He rested the tape on his lap.
“This tape is probably going to seem really silly to you.”
“It’s not.”
“It is. I can promise that.”
“I’m not going to find it silly. It’s important to you.”
“You promise not to laugh?”
“As long as it’s not funny.”
“Ok, then. Let’s try this tape.”
I watched with my eyes glued on the tape player.
I braced myself. The air filled with the sound of recorded silence that only happened with cassette tapes. I startled as loud and horrible heavy metal music filled the room. “What is that?”
“You tell me. It’s your tape.”
“That’s not my tape.” I pressed fast forward and then play again. The same music played. “This isn’t my tape. Where’s my tape?”
“This is the one Phil gave me.” He took the tape out and put it in the other way. He pressed play and a different but equally as bad metal song started.
“He gave you the wrong one.” I fought to keep my voice level. This wasn’t Leo’s fault.
“Ok. I’ll call him.”
I waited while he called and then shook his head. “He’s not picking up.”
“Can you text him?”
“He doesn’t have that kind of phone.”
“What phone doesn’t let you text?” I narrowed my eyes.
“A retro Nokia from the late 90s.”
“Of course.” I shook my head.
“We’ll find your tape.” He tapped my leg.
“This was stupid anyway.” I walked over to the window and looked out. With everything Leo had been through, my experience was nothing.
He put a hand on my arm. “It’s not stupid. It’s important to you.”
“Do you remember the last time you were happy?” I focused on a tree in the distance.
“Yes. When I can home to find you here.”
“I mean truly happy.” I turned to look at him.
“Is there a difference between happy and truly happy?”
“Yes. I mean really, truly, whole body happy. The kind of happy that lasts for days, or months, or years and you—”
“I’m going to stop you right there.”
“Why?”
“Because that doesn’t exist.”
“Yes it does.” It had to. Otherwise what was the point of anything?
“Ok, instead of this turning into an argument, I’ll turn your question on you. When’s the last time you felt that way?”
“When I was eleven.”
“That was a long time ago.”
“It was.”
“You haven’t been happy in over fifteen years?”
“I’ve had fleeting moments of it, but not that all-encompassing feeling.”
“Which doesn’t exist.”
“I thought you were humoring me.” I sighed.
“I am. Continue.”
“When I was little I had a best friend.”
“Many children do.”
“Leo.” I glared at him.
“Go on.” He gestured with his hand.
“The kind of best friend you do everything with. We were inseparable from kindergarten on, and I was never happier than when we were together.”
“Sounds like a good sort of friend.”
“She was. She got me. I could always be myself with her in a way I couldn’t be with anyone else.”
“And I am guessing she was the other half of the awesome twosome that was written on the tape?” He pointed to this one even though the label wasn’t there.
“Yes.”
“What happened? Why is this story in past tense?”
“She got sick and died in sixth grade.”
“Wow. Young.”
“Very. She developed leukemia.” I still remembered the day I found out. I’d held in my tears until I was alone in my room, but I hadn’t stopped for hours.
“And your life changed after that?”
“I never made a friend like her again.” To be fair I’d never tried as hard as I could have.
“Never. I’ve had friends, but no one who’s stayed around long. No one who has really gotten me.”
“I get you.” He took my hand.
“You seem too, which is weird because I barely know you.”
“We’ll find the tape.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. We’ll find it.”
“I don’t want you taking any more time away from your daughter.”
“I want to spend time with you. You make me happy. Maybe I don’t agree that there is such a thing as complete, all-encompassing happiness, but I do understand the importance of being happy. You make me happy. I want to make you happy.” He took my hands in his. “When you are happy, I’m happy. I can give more to my daughter when I’m happy. I understand loneliness and an empty feeling that won’t go away.”
“The tape isn’t going to change that for me.”
“Of course it won’t.” He squeezed my hand. “But maybe it will give you closure, or maybe it won’t.”
“It’s why I quit my job.” I walked back to the sofa. I’d already started barring my soul, so I decided to go with it.
“Meaning?”
“I worked in-house at an insurance company. One of my cases had to do with a little girl with leukemia. We denied coverage for an experimental treatment. She died. I know the treatment may not have worked, but it would have been a chance. A chance is something. Of course I had to defend our company against the decision.” I pulled my knees up to my chest. “I just couldn’t. We were wrong in so many ways, but legally there were loopholes in the contract. It didn’t cover it.”
“And then everything clicks into place.” He sat on the couch and pulled me into his arms.
“I can’t do it anymore.”
“You aren’t doing it. You quit.”
“But what am I going to do? I can’t work for Clay my whole life.”
“It’s been a week.”
“So?” I wiped away tears I regretted shedding. I had no right to cry over something like this in front of Leo.
“You get time to figure out what you want and need. Life sucks sometimes. It does. I know it as well as you do, but you have to get back up.”
“You’re strong. You’re lucky.”
“You’re strong too. You did amazing yesterday.”
“Putting boxes in the car?”
“You packed up your old life. You did it and kept your game face on. You knew you’d made the right decision, and you didn’t look back. That’s strength.”
“I guess so.”
“Trust me, I know.” He put his arm behind me on the couch.
“Get Naomi back with you.”
“What if I suck at it?”
“At what?”
“Being her caregiver?” His eyes were filled with such fear.
“You’ve done it before.”
“Nikki did it all. I worked all the time.”
“You could take it slow.”
“We’ll see. But right now there is only one thing we might be able to fix.”
“And what’s that?”
“Getting you your closure.” He shifted on the sofa next to me. “You up for a drive to see Phil and find out where your tape is?”
“Sure, and I can drop you off to see Naomi after.”
“I’m not using you to get rides to see my daughter.”
“But we’ll be really close.”
“I saw her this morning—I don’t have—” His expression didn’t match his words.
“You do. You need to see her any chance you get.”
“I know. I miss her. I miss seeing her every night.”
“So you will again tonight. I can pick you up before work tomorrow—”
“No. We can stop by together and then come home. We’re staying here tonight.” He patted the couch even though I was sure he didn’t mean there literally.
“I like to help.”
“I know that, but that doesn’t mean you can avoid reality because of it.”
“I’m not ignoring reality.”
“We’ve spent one night together. Aren’t you in the least bit curious what would happen if you stayed again?”
“I’m scared.” I’d already started opening up and continuing with it was becoming easier.
“Scared? Is there something I should know?”
I sighed. “I’m falling for you.”
“Great, because I’ve already fallen for you. That doesn’t make me scared.”
“But I’ve never done the casual, temporary thing. I don’t know if I’ll be very good at handling the end.”
“Why are we talking about the end at the beginning?”
“Because for some inexplicable reason I need to know. I need to know how we end.”
“And you assume there will be an end? You can’t imagine this working out?” He gestured to us both.
“Everything ends.”
“It does. Trust me. My wife died. I get that, but you can’t spend your life afraid of the end.”
“I’ve never been before.” I crossed my arms.
“Yes you have.”
“Have not.” I shook my head. “You wouldn’t know.”
“You stayed with Steve because you were afraid.”
“That’s different.”
“You were afraid of the end.” He looked deep into my eyes. “Don’t be afraid. It’s going to ruin the ride.”
“Let’s do this.” I stood up before I sabatoged things even more with my doubts.
“That’s the spirit.” He grinned.
Chapter 15
I stayed back a few feet while Leo knocked on the side door to Phil’s garage. I felt strange intruding, so I figured I’d let Leo handle it since they were actually friends.
He knocked on the garage door a few times. “All right, I’ll see if his mom is home.”
“Wait. This is his parents’ house?”
“Says the girl who was living in her parents’ basement until a few days ago.”
“I wasn’t judging. I was only asking.” I put a hand across my chest.
“You were judging.” He walked over to the front door, and I continued to hang back.
He knocked on the front door, and a woman opened it. “Hi, Leo.”
“Hi, Mrs. Lane. Is Phil around?”
“He’s in the city. Some concert or another.”
“Ok, thanks.” Leo turned away.
“Is that your new girlfriend?” She pointed at me.
“Yeah, I’m not sure why she’s waiting five miles away though.”
I felt blood rush to my face.
“Phil said you picked a cute one. Maybe try to find him a girl, Leo. He could use it.”
“I’ll see if she has any friends.” Leo smiled.
“I’m glad to see you moving on with someone. I know it’s been a rough time for you.” She touched his shoulder gently.
“Thanks. I am too.” He waved and walked back to meet me. “Can you be any weirder?”
“Yes. I can be way weirder than this.”
“It’s his mom. She wasn’t going to bite.”
“I felt funny since Phil barely even knows me.”
“And that matters?” He held open my door. I was starting to get used to him doing that.
“You agreed I was your girlfriend.”
“Would you have preferred I say no?” He got in.
“Of course not.” I buckled my seatbelt.
“Why do women obsess over labels so much more than men?”
“We don’t.” I backed out of the driveway.
“You do. You are doing it now. You are trying to figure out if I really meant it.”
“It was nice to see that you didn’t hesitate.” I moved the spotlight off of me. He’d been the one who’d made the statement.
“But no reading into the fact that I’m going to call you my friend to my daughter. She’s too young to get anything else.”
“Of cour
se. Are we’re going there now?”
“You still up for it?”
“Are you?” I slowed down. “I mean introducing anyone to your daughter…”
“She can handle meeting a friend of mine. You’re the one I’m more worried about.”
I laughed dryly. I knew he was half-kidding, but I had to say something. “I should hate you for the way you insult me all the time.”
“You insult me just as often.”
“I do not.”
“You do.”
“Ok, stop. I’m nervous enough already.” I turned out of Phil’s neighborhood.
“Nervous about meeting a three-year old?” He raised an eyebrow.
“She’s your daughter. Besides, I assume your in-laws will be there.”
“Why does that matter?”
“They may not like you bringing a girl around their daughter’s kid.”
“She’s my kid too.” He shook his head. “And they knew it would eventually happen.”
“Does that mean I’m the first one you’re introducing her too?”
“You’re the first girl I’ve been interested in. Why would I have introduced anyone else?”
“You haven’t known me long. We can wait.”
“You’re not changing my mind. Either you come or we go home now. I’d prefer to see my daughter, but I’m not getting dropped off.”
“Why?”
“Because you keep saying my being a dad doesn’t change things, so you’re going to prove it.”
“Fine.”
“That does not mean standing outside ten feet from the house.”
“Obviously.”
“Is it obvious?”
“Stop.” I turned onto his in-laws street.
“You need to relax.”
“I can’t.”
“You can. You are an attorney. You’ve done harder things than this.”
“I know.” I’d dealt with plenty, but at the moment this situation had my head spinning.
“Then do it.”
I pulled into the driveway. “How are they going to react?”
“My in-laws?”
“Yes.”
“I texted my mother-in-law. They know.” He opened his door.
I turned off the car and got out. I tried to stay calm. This wasn’t that big of a deal. We would go in and see them, and then we’d leave. Over and done. Except it wasn’t. This was Leo’s daughter and her grandparents. If I wanted something to work out with Leo, I’d have to see them way more than once.
Forever Love: A Friends to Lovers Collections Page 50