Neev shook his head. "I'm the smartest brother. I'm the leader."
Jamie grumbled and drew Moonclaw, her sword. The filigreed blade glittered in the sunlight. "I carry Father's blade, which means I make the decisions."
Romy patted her growling stomach. "I'm the oldest and wisest and hungriest, so I'm the leader. And I hate stinky skunk soup. Let's go to that village and steal some real food—fried shrimps, lamb chops with mint, or delicious pnoodle soup."
Cobweb meekly raised her hand, peeking from beneath her eyelashes. She was the only one not disheveled from the journey; her lavender skin was still clean, her hair still glowing, and no dust or thistles marred her gossamer dress. "You mean, wowk for some f-food, wight Womy?"
Romy bit her lip. I can't understand what the Hell she's saying.
Cobweb's cheeks flushed. "You know... cuz we're da Buwwies fow B-bucks, we d-don't steaw."
"Oh yeah... I forgot about that," Romy said. She sighed. "I suppose I wouldn't mind scaring to death a few more defenseless animals, if paid the right sum. Let's go. I'll lead the way."
Before long, the Bullies reached the village, which lay off the road between rustling willows. A wooden sign named the place "King's Crossing", population 54. I can torture more people in a day's work, Romy thought, biting her lip.
Like at Perrywine, Romy borrowed Neev's cloak and hid inside it; most humans would faint at the sight of a demon. She entered the village with the others, and soon stood in its dirt square, gazing around and chewing her lip. She had never imagined humans could live in such small villages; there were only ten houses, squat structures of mud and thatch, and a single stone inn. Gardens surrounded the houses, growing vegetables, oats, wheat, and barely. A dozen chickens pecked for seeds in a weedy yard.
This isn't a village with an inn, Romy realized. It's just a roadside inn with a village. This did not bode well for finding poodles.
The villagers emerged from their homes, dressed in tan tunics and leggings, timid at the sight of five armed Bullies. With a sigh, Jamie repeated her song and dance from Perrywine, bragging about the Bullies' prowess at banishing dragons, werewolves, mothers-in-law, and other such beasts.
When Jamie was done, the villagers stared silently.
Romy shifted uncomfortably.
Finally a peasant girl, no older then six, stepped forward. She wore a yellow dress, sported blue ribbons in her curls, and was sucking a lollipop. "I'll pay you," she said, holding out a piggy bank. "I have five copper pennies. You must only kill an itsy bitsy spider in my room."
That sounds easy enough, Romy thought. Based on what she knew of human currency—admittedly not much—five coppers could buy each Bully hot stew and a cold pint. Romy licked her lips. "We'll do it!" she said.
Cobweb gasped and covered her mouth, eyes wide. "No!" she said, knees trembling.
"Why not?" Romy asked, raising an eyebrow. "You scared of spiders?"
The spiderling shook her head wildly, gossamer hair swaying. Her dress of spiderwebs, the spider runes on her dagger, and her spiderweb tattoo all glowed. "S-s-spidews awe howy animaws. D-dey are magicaw, and sacwed, and-and-and kiwwing one is howwibwe w-w-wuck."
"Horrible what?" Romy asked. The spiderling seemed so distraught, her tongue sounded even more twisted than usual.
Cobweb sniffed and blinked rapidly, as if struggling not to cry. "Just howwibwe, okay? We can't kiww a spidew! We can't!"
Scruff walked up to her, eyes soft and cheeks pink, and patted her shoulder. "Okay, Cobweb, we won't kill the itsy bitsy spider. We'll just catch it, then release it into the forest. That way we're all happy."
Cobweb rubbed her eyes, fingers still shaky. "Okay. But pwomise nobody wiww huwt it." She caressed the spiderweb tattooed onto her shoulder. "Pwomise!"
The Bullies looked at one another, shrugging, and all promised not to harm the spider. The little girl seemed happy too. "So long as you get it out of my room."
Romy smiled. "You have a deal." Her stomach growled again.
* * * * *
An hour later, the Bullies returned from the forest, rubbing their bruises.
"Owwww...," Romy said, her arm in a sling, a doggy cone around her neck. "My whole body is a giant boo boo."
Jamie nodded, limping, her forehead bandaged. "That was one damn big spider."
Even brutish Scruff was covered with bruises and scratches, cobwebs clinging to his legs. "I never knew spiders grew as big as horses." He shrugged. "Live and learn."
Romy shuddered, her wounds aching. She never wanted to see a spider again, a seven-foot-tall one, or a tiny daddy-long-legs. It had taken an hour—an hour of pain and bruising—to truss up this spider, drag it squealing outside, and release it unharmed into the forest. Stupid Cobweb! Would have been easier to roast the damn bug with a fireball, but the spiderling would probably burst into tears; at one point, she had actually started praying to the beast.
Romy sighed. At least we'll get paid now. Though her body ached, the thought of those five coppers made her smile. She could already imagine the taste of hot beef stew and cold beer. Yum.
The little girl came skipping toward them, grinning. "You did it, you kicked out the itsy bitsy spider!"
Romy muttered. "If that's an itsy bitsy spider, I'd hate to see the rain this place gets." Wincing in pain, she reached out her hand. "Now pay up, little human."
The little girl sighed. "Oh, all right. Here you go." She dropped three copper pennies into Romy's hand.
Romy frowned. "Hey, wait a minute, you promised us five coppers." The other Bullies muttered their agreements, each more bruised and battered than the last.
The girl lowered her eyes, twisting her foot around in the dust. "Well... I bought a really big lollipop!" From behind her back, she pulled out a lollipop larger than her head.
Romy raised an eyebrow. She looked over at Neev. He sighed and nodded.
A few moments later, the Bullies sat outside King's Crossing Inn, pints in hands, passing around a giant lollipop.
"Mmmm... so sweet," Romy said when it was her turn, chomping a bite out of the candy.
"Hey!" Jamie said and kicked her. "No biting. Just licking."
Romy rubbed her leg, pouting. She already had several bruises on her leg from Jamie kicks, and her arm was still in a sling from the spider battle. "Fine fine," she said and crunched her bite of lollipop.
"Chew with your mouth closed," Neev said, punching her shoulder.
"Fine, Mommy," she said and stuck her tongue out at him. This sucks, she thought. Candy was good, but she craved bloody prime rib in gravy, plump lobster tails, or at least hot beef stew. Three copper coins had sufficed for beer, but no food. Neev had wanted to spend the money on bread and butter, but Romy had insisted that she needed a drink, badly. To her surprise, Scruff and Jamie had agreed; only Cobweb refused beer and instead ordered apple juice.
Romy took a last gulp, emptying her mug, and wiped suds off her mouth. That feels good. She scratched at her neck, where the doggy cone chaffed her. It was a strange day.
The lollipop made the rounds, then came back to Romy, visibly smaller. She was about to lick it, when she saw something ahead, something moving through the town.
Romy froze. Could it be?
No.
Romy trembled.
God no.
She dropped the lollipop into the dust.
"Oh, great," Jamie said, rolling her eyes. "Good job, Romy. I mean, really, it's our only food, and... Romy? Are you okay?" Jamie touched her shoulder. "What's wrong?"
Romy could not answer. Trembling, she shook her head, shoved her thumb into her mouth, and began to suck. No, no! It can't be.
But it was. It was truly happening. She was here, on Earth, in this village.
Romy pointed a trembling finger to the demon who walked ahead, hair crackling, fangs glistening.
Issa had come after her.
Jamie raised an eyebrow. "A friend of yours?"
Romy could barely talk. She forced the thumb out of
her mouth and spoke in a shaky voice. "My boss."
Issa's hair of flame blazed, her claws glinted, and she held a flaming whip. She looked happy, which was dangerous. The demon was happy only in two situations: when eating puppies, and when about to kill somebody... and Romy didn't see any puppies around.
Romy leaped to her feet, debating whether to fly away, or curl up into a ball and play dead. Neither would help. Issa was fast, and had a history of winning flying races through the caverns of Hell. As for playing dead... that never fooled Issa. Romy knew that from painful experience. Several villagers ambling about saw Issa and fled, pale.
"Uh... hello, Issa," Romy said and waved. Maybe I can talk my way out of this.
The other Bullies rose to their feet, wary. Jamie drew her sword, Scruff raised his mace, Cobweb nocked an arrow, and Neev mumbled spells. But none of that would help, Romy knew. They might be able to defeat moldmen, giant spiders, and frightened poodles... but this enemy was beyond them. Not with an army could we face Issa, probably the meanest, toughest demon in Hell.
"Romy, Romy, Romy," Issa said, tsking. She came to stand before the Bullies, one hand on her hip. With the other hand, she cracked her fiery whip, making Romy start.
"Uh... fancy meeting you here," Romy replied, resisting the urge to suck her thumb. Her head spun. The heat from Issa's fire made her feel faint. Memories of Hell flooded her: the endless hours torturing sinners, the repetitive days, Issa's frowns.... I'm not going back with her, she thought, tightening her lips.
"You're coming back with me," Issa said.
Romy shook her head. "No way. I quit, Issa. I'm not going to work for you anymore, and that's that." She stamped her feet, raising dust.
Issa raised an eyebrow, a crooked smile spreading across her face. "Who said anything about working for me, darling? You're done working for me. I'm bringing you back to torture you." She cracked her whip. "I haven't tortured anyone in a while, and I intend to get back into shape with you. You crossed me, and now you'll pay. You'll suffer what every sinner suffers... but a hundred times worse, for eternity."
"That... is much worse," Romy said.
Neev stepped up, cloak flapping, and pushed Romy behind him. He stood with arms raised, the first sparks of a fireball glinting at his fingertips. "You'll have to get by me first," he said.
He's trying to save me! Romy thought, feeling warmth spread through her. Nobody had ever done anything so heroic for her, and tears gathered in her eyes.
Issa shrugged. "Very well," she said to Neev, bared her fangs, and rushed toward him.
Neev tossed his fireball.
Elk horns sprouted from his head.
Fire exploded.
Romy screamed.
She realized that she had covered her eyes, and peeked between her fingers. A cry fled her lips. The fireball had not harmed Issa; she herself was a fireball, immune to the heat and flames of Hell. The demon grabbed Neev and lifted him above her like a weightlifter.
"Put him down!" Romy screamed.
"As you say," said Issa and tossed Neev. He flew across the village square and crashed, horns first, into a house.
"That's it!" Jamie said, snarling. The diminutive, black-haired girl let out a battle cry and ran toward Issa, her sword glinting. Issa sidestepped, deflected the sword with a blow from her whip, and grabbed Jamie.
"Put me down!" Jamie cried.
Issa lifted the girl over her head, spun her around, and tossed her. Jamie tumbled through the air, a ball of armor and curses, and crashed into a willow. She fell onto the ground, dazed.
Cobweb was firing arrows, but Issa had only to glance at them, eyes fiery, and the arrows caught flame and disintegrated. With a shout, Scruff ran forward, brandishing his mace. He brought Norman down hard, but Issa raised her hands, blocking the blow. Faster than a viper, she grabbed Scruff. He was thrice her size, but she lifted him too over her head.
Oh no! Romy thought, paralyzed with fear. She's going to toss Scruff too.
But Issa only stood, arms trembling, holding Scruff above her head. Her lips tightened and sweat poured down her brow. Her legs began to shake. Her elbows wobbled. Scruff is too fat, Romy thought, gasping. She can't hold him up.
Then, with a whimper, Issa buckled under the weight.
The ground shook.
Dust flew.
Romy coughed and for a moment could see nothing but dust. She sneezed and rubbed her eyes, until finally the dust cleared to reveal Scruff. He sat on the ground, moaning. "I fell on something," he said miserably.
Dusting his pants, Scruff rose to his feet, revealing a very dead, and very flat, demon.
Romy stared at her dead boss, not knowing how to feel. She was surprised to find a tear on her cheek. Looking down at the flat Issa, she was soon sobbing. What's wrong with me? I should be happy Issa is dead. But she couldn't help it. Here at her feet lay her old life, squashed. Her friends in Hell, two centuries of living among the flames, her homeland... just a red patch on the ground.
Neev and Jamie came limping back, shaking their heads, rubbing their wounds. Scrapes and bruises covered them.
"Neev," Romy whimpered, tears on her cheeks.
Limping toward her, his eyes softened. Romy did not think she'd ever seen his eyes look soft. He came to her and took her hands. "What's wrong, Romy?" he asked gently. A scratch ran along the side of his face, and one of his elk horns was bent.
She sniffed, tears falling. "We have to bury her." She rubbed her tears away with her fists, scrunched her lips, and nodded. "We have to give her a funeral. She's my old boss. She might have been a pain in the butt, but I owe her that much at least."
"You can't be serious—" Jamie began, face flushing, but Neev silenced her with a glare. He turned back to Romy.
"Of course, Romy," he said, patting her hand. "We'll bury her."
"Might need to find a huge spatula first," Jamie muttered under her breath.
That evening, the five Bullies stood around a grave, staring down somberly. They had buried Issa outside the village, a barley farm to the west, a copse of pear trees to the east. Goldenrods and dandelions grew from the crumbly earth, and scattered chalk stones speckled the land white. It's a beautiful place, Romy thought. Issa would hate that. Romy couldn't help but smile. Maybe I owe Issa a burial... but at least I'll bury her among flowers.
Romy looked at her fellow Bullies, passing her eyes over one after the other. Scruff towered over the grave, still dusty and bruised. Jamie stood beside him, shorter than his shoulders, hair mussed and lips scrunched. Neev stood beside Romy, more bruised and battered than she'd ever seen him, his eyes lowered. Only Cobweb looked no worse for the wear; her hair was still perfect and glowing, her skin purple and clear, her dress glittering. Thank God I have these friends, Romy thought, a lump in her throat. My old life might be gone, I might be burying it here today, but at least I have the Bullies. I belong somewhere. She sniffed.
Neev gently touched her shoulder. "Would you like to say something, Romy?"
She nodded, cleared her throat, and spoke to the grave. "Issa. You were my boss. You were kind of a pain in the butt. But you did teach me how to torture people, and that'll come in handy if Neev ever annoys me."
Neev shifted uncomfortably and muttered something. Romy took a deep breath and continued, head lowered, staring at the grave. "Being squashed by Scruff... it's no way to go. Nobody deserves that. Not even you, Issa." Romy shook her head sadly. "Why couldn't you just let me be? Now Scruff turned you into a pancake. Amen."
The other Bullies mumbled, "Amen."
"That was beautiful," Scruff said, eyes moist, and blew his nose.
Cobweb nodded and wiped away a tear. "P-poetic."
Jamie and Neev rolled their eyes.
As the Bullies walked into the wilderness, leaving the grave behind, Romy's stomach growled. How she wished she had another lollipop!
Chapter Ten
The Taming of Romy
It took two more days to reach Queenpool—two days of
walking, eating wild berries and apples, and sleeping on the hard ground. Romy hated walking, hated fruit, and hated sleeping outdoors. She begged Neev to carry her, but he claimed that she was too heavy. She kept looking for poodles in the wilderness, but found only birds, and their beady eyes and talons made her tremble. At night, she tried to snuggle up against Neev, even lie on top of him, because he was much cozier than the ground. But Neev kept pushing her away, claiming that she snored and drooled in her sleep. When they finally saw the city of Queenpool in the distance, Romy was so relieved, that she whooped and wagged her tail wildly.
"Just in time for the fair," Jamie said, patting the pommel of her sword.
Queenpool was the largest town Romy had seen, and she gaped at it. It still lay a couple miles away, sprawled across hills that rose from golden fields. Even from here, Romy could see a cathedral's spires, so tall they scratched the clouds, and stone buildings that rose three stories tall. Smaller houses lined Queenpool's roads, built of wattle-and-daub, tiled roofs slanting almost to the ground.
A river lay between the Bullies and the city, blooming with lotuses. A stone bridge arched over the water, its mossy towers taller than the tallest trees. Poor humans... have no wings and have to build bridges. A dirt road led toward Queenpool Bridge, packed with travelers. Romy saw peasants pulling carts of goods, merchants driving wagons, pilgrims, soldiers, beggars, knights, and even a troupe of juggling dwarves in motley. Like in Perrywine and King's Crossing, here too did Romy don Neev's black cloak, concealing herself from strangers. Ignorant humans, Romy thought, sure that anyone with fiery hair, horns, and fangs is evil.
When the Bullies reached the bridge, Romy saw three guards in hauberks collecting tolls. A group of pilgrims in white cloaks paid the guards, then were allowed onto the bridge. Several peasants followed, pushing wheelbarrows full of kippers, cured sausages, oats, and parsnips; they too paid the toll, then wheeled their wares onto the bridge. When the Bullies stepped forward, the guards blocked their way.
"Bridge toll is a copper a head," one guard said, helmet hiding his face. He crossed his arms.
Eye of the Wizard: A Fantasy Adventure Page 12