He released her because her warmth burned him. He looked away, at the barn that had fascinated her earlier. “Why is that so important?” he asked. “We were wrong for each other then and we’d be wrong for each other now.”
“I’m not looking for a relationship, either.”
“Then why are you digging up bones?”
“Because I have questions.”
He returned his attention to her beautiful face. Her blue eyes were dark in the porch light, glinting wide pools, and he found himself poised to dive in.
“You always were fearless,” he told her. “That hasn’t changed, has it?”
“I hope not. Sometimes I get scared, but I do whatever it is anyway. I think it’s because—”
Later he would tell himself he wasn’t sure who reached for whom. But his gut knew the truth. He knew he was the one who grabbed her arms again, but not to shake her. Instead he drew her close. But she reacted so quickly, hugging him, sliding against him in a heartbeat, that he was nearly able to convince himself they’d acted in tandem.
One minute she was talking and the next his mouth came down on hers. Lips touched, bodies pressed and the explosion sent them into a time warp. Suddenly it was eleven years ago and they were young and in love and close to dying if they didn’t kiss one more time. He could feel the warm nestling of her breasts against his chest. Her scent was familiar, as was her heat. Her lips tasted exactly as he remembered, only better, if that were possible.
He told himself to back off, to stop it, to end what was obviously insanity, but he couldn’t. He could only hold her close and brush her bottom lip with his tongue.
She parted for him instantly. Parted and breathed his name. He swept inside her, taking a familiar path of exploration. Need thundered through him, arousing him, making him want with a power he’d never experienced before. He touched her back, her sides, her face, wanting to know all of her. She returned his caresses. Her small, sure hands moved across his shoulders, then down his spine.
Somehow he managed to shift until he was under her and she was straddling his lap. Her feminine heat rested on his arousal, but it wasn’t enough. He wanted more—he wanted it all. Her. Katie. Naked, willing, ready in every way possible.
She wrapped her arms around his neck. The kiss deepened. He was so close, he had a sudden terrifying thought that he was going to lose control, like some teenager. He cupped her face, because touching her anywhere else was too dangerous. His thumbs brushed across her cheeks. His fingers buried themselves in her hair. She breathed his name again. Her voice was thick with desire.
“I want you,” he murmured.
She slid against him, riding his hardness. “I know the feeling.”
“We could—”
But he never said what they could do. Before he finished the sentence, the sound of childish laughter reminded him who she was and where they were. Her son was in the house, as were his mother and sister.
Katie must have heard the laughter, too, because she scrambled off him and stood staring at him, her mouth swollen, her face flushed, her expression stunned. Her chest rose and fell in time with her rapid breaths.
He didn’t know what to think, let alone say. So he did what was easy. He got to his feet and left without saying a word.
By midnight Katie figured out she wasn’t going to get a lot of sleep. After lying in bed for an hour, she’d tried drinking warm milk and listening to soft music. Unfortunately she was still tense, her mind whirling in a thousand different directions.
Jack had kissed her. Really, passionately kissed her. She’d known she’d been attracted to him over the past couple of weeks, but she hadn’t realized that her body had reached a point of such incredible longing. Just the feel of his mouth on hers had been enough to make her resolve about going it alone crumble. She’d wanted to be with him in the most intimate way possible. She didn’t care about their confusing past, her complicated present or the lack of any mutual future. She didn’t want to talk about what was sensible or right. She didn’t want to talk at all. If she hadn’t heard her son’s laugh, who knows what she might have done.
Katie paced to the window of her bedroom and stared into the night. She acknowledged the unfortunate truth of the situation. She knew exactly what she would have done. If Jack hadn’t stopped her, she would have made love with him right there on the porch.
“Talk about a complication,” she murmured. Ignoring the fact that they could have been caught by an assortment of people, what on earth had she been thinking? She didn’t need or want a man in her life. At least she hadn’t thought that she did. After all, she’d sworn off the gender for the next eight or nine years. So why were her thighs on fire and her hands trembling at the thought of being close to and kissing Jack Darby?
It was crazy, she told herself. Worse, it was dangerous. Jack had always had the power to hurt her, and she doubted that had changed. Time might have given her life experiences and a bit more wisdom, but she didn’t think it had toughened her heart. Besides, she didn’t just have herself to think about. She didn’t have to be a psychology expert to realize that her son was getting a serious case of hero worship where Jack was concerned. Getting romantically involved with the man would only make Shane vulnerable. Something she absolutely didn’t want.
Katie rested her forehead against the cool glass of her window. She felt restless and confused. Why had his kiss been so amazing? Why couldn’t she have been left cold by his touch? She’d never considered herself very wild, sexually. While she enjoyed the act, she didn’t ache to make love. Except now she found herself nearly vibrating from need. The tension and the wanting were both uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
And why, if she finally had to discover this part of herself, did it have to be with Jack? They were completely wrong for each other in a million different ways. She paused then closed her eyes when she realized she couldn’t come up with a single one. Except for the ongoing problem between their families, she and Jack actually had a lot in common.
“This is not good news,” she murmured with a sigh. “Remember what happened last time you tried to let a man in your life.”
Good point, she thought. Zach had been a doctor at one of the hospitals where she’d worked in Dallas. He’d been handsome, charming, patient and she’d thought they might have a future together. He got along with Shane, and while her son wasn’t wildly enthused about her boyfriend, he didn’t make trouble. But even after several months of dating Zach, Katie had known something was wrong. The problem was she hadn’t been able to put her finger on the exact issue. She and Zach couldn’t seem to get emotionally close. Then Zach had told her why.
Katie turned from the window and walked to her bed. She settled onto the mattress and tried to relax. But even with the covers pulled up to her chin, she found herself shivering. She wasn’t sure if it was the temperature in the room or her memories. Maybe both.
Because while Zach had told her he loved her and wanted to marry her, he’d also told her that he wasn’t interested in raising another man’s child. Katie still recalled the perfection of the white linen on Zach’s kitchen table. He’d invited her over to his place for dinner and, as he’d requested, she’d left Shane with a sitter. Zach had carefully spelled out his plans for their lives. His practice in Dallas grew bigger each year. He wanted them to buy a large house in an exclusive neighborhood and have two children of their own. He talked about country club memberships, luxury vacations, her own Mercedes. Then he’d pulled out a beautiful diamond engagement ring. There was only one catch—he wanted Shane to go live with her parents.
“Our marriage won’t stand a chance,” he’d said so calmly, she’d thought he couldn’t possibly be saying what she thought she heard. “A child from a previous marriage creates division between the natural parent and the stepparent. Plus what about the child we want to have together?” What it came down to was him or Shane.
Katie wasn’t as shocked by what he proposed as she was by the realization sh
e’d never known him. How could she have dated this man for nearly a year, made love with him and even thought about marrying him when all the time he’d been planning fifty ways to get rid of her son?
She explained that if he was asking her to choose, there wasn’t a choice. Shane was her life. She’d left Zach that day and had never once regretted the decision. But what hadn’t been so easy to put behind her was the realization that she’d made such a terrible mistake. Marrying on the rebound at eighteen was one thing. She understood how it had happened and she’d learned from the experience. But this was different. She’d been ten years older and, in theory, ten years wiser. So why had she screwed up again?
So far her record in the male department was pretty dismal, which meant her decision to avoid entanglements until Shane was older and less likely to be hurt was a good one.
Katie stared at the ceiling. Nothing was as she thought it would be, she admitted to herself. She’d thought moving back to Lone Star Canyon would give Shane the extended family he needed to continue to develop into a happy, healthy adult. She’d assumed telling herself she wasn’t interested in a relationship with a man meant that she wouldn’t even be attracted to one. She’d thought it would all be so much easier here.
She’d been wrong on every count. Worse, she found herself caught up in an attraction to a man who had once broken her heart. The irony was, Jack was the best man she’d ever known, heartbreaker or not. He was the benchmark by which all the other men in her life had been measured, and every one of them had come up short.
He wasn’t her destiny. They could never make a relationship between them work. As far as she could tell, he wasn’t interested in her except possibly as a temporary sexual partner. Which left her wide-awake and staring at the ceiling. So much for the thought that coming home after all this time would be easy. Now what was she supposed to do?
Chapter Six
J ack poured coffee into his mother’s mug and then his own. They were having breakfast together. It was nearly eight-thirty, and he’d been up since six.
Hattie sipped the hot liquid and smiled. “I’m getting spoiled. Once I’m back to normal, I don’t think I’m going to like getting up before the sun.”
“There’s no reason for you to wake up early,” Jack pointed out. “It’s not like you have kids to get ready for school or ranch hands to feed.”
“All true,” she admitted. “But I’ve spent my life on a ranch, and getting up early is part of the routine.”
Morning sun poured through the big windows. Hattie was in a robe, with her hair in a braid. He could see the lines on her face more clearly when she wasn’t wearing any makeup, but she was still a lovely woman. Yet she’d chosen to live her entire life on the ranch.
“Did you ever want anything else?” he asked her suddenly. “A different world than this?”
She looked around the kitchen. They’d remodeled it just two years ago. Hattie had picked out the colors and the appliances. Jack didn’t care what she did with the house. He had his own place on the other side of the barn. Besides, it wasn’t as if he was going to bring a bride back who would want to put her own touches on the old house.
“Where would I go?” she asked quietly, her dark eyes studying him. “I grew up in this house, Jack. Don’t forget, I’m the Darby, not your father. Russell had to change his last name and become a Darby because my family had the heritage and the land.” She sipped her coffee, then sighed. “I always wondered if that was one of the reasons he left. He used to talk about getting lost in being a Darby. Perhaps he needed to find himself again.”
Jack’s mouth twisted. He doubted his father had run off for any reason that noble. Jack suspected that Russell had simply grown tired of having a wife and children, not to mention the responsibility of running a successful ranch. Leaving had been easier than staying, even when staying was the right thing to do. Jack had fought hard to make sure he didn’t make the same mistake.
Hattie eyed her son. “If you’re asking me if I have any regrets, the answer is no. If you’re trying to get me to move away from the ranch to give you privacy, you’re going to have to be a whole lot less subtle than that.”
He shook his head. “I don’t want you going anywhere, Mom. Besides, I don’t know how to be subtle.”
Anything but, he thought, remembering the kiss he and Katie had shared a few days before. He’d been overwhelmed by desire, but instead of holding back and keeping the information to himself, he’d given in to the need with a passion that had shocked them both.
“Just checking,” his mother said. “I don’t want to be in the way.”
Jack grinned. “You’re annoying at times, but rarely in the way.”
She dismissed him with a wave of her hand. “I’ve been thinking of inviting Katie and Shane to dinner again. Is that all right with you?”
“It’s fine,” he said, trying to sound noncommittal. In the past couple of days, he’d done his best to avoid Katie. He didn’t know what he was supposed to say to her. He wasn’t sorry about the kiss, but he knew that repeating it would be a mistake for both of them.
“I worry about her,” Hattie said. She picked up a piece of toast and nibbled on the corner. “Aaron isn’t making things easy for her,” she said when she’d swallowed. “He’s so stubborn about everything. I had hoped things would settle down at the ranch, but Aaron pressures her about Shane all the time. I don’t understand it, because Shane is a wonderful boy.”
Jack tensed at the thought of Aaron Fitzgerald bullying a nine-year-old kid. “There’s nothing wrong with Shane,” Jack said gruffly. “He wasn’t raised on a ranch, but he catches on quick and he’s willing to try. If Aaron would talk in a normal tone of voice instead of yelling all the time, things would go easier for both of them.”
“You want to be the one to share your thoughts with him?” Hattie asked, sounding amused.
“There’s no point,” Jack said. Aaron didn’t listen to anybody—he sure as hell wouldn’t take advice from a Darby. As far as Aaron was concerned, Darbys were dirt.
“Katie does the best she can,” Hattie told him. “But I think she’s been fighting her father since Shane was little. The boy’s father ran out before he was born, and Aaron wanted her to move back to the ranch. Katie insisted on finishing college then setting up a life for herself in Dallas. I don’t think Aaron can forgive that.”
“Sounds like him,” he said, wondering how much Katie had confided that his mother wasn’t telling him. “Does Shane’s father have visitation rights?”
“No.” Hattie’s dark gaze settled on his face. “It seems the man was never interested in the boy at all. It must be hard for a child growing up, knowing his father never wanted him.”
Jack kept his expression impassive, but his mother’s comment hit its target dead center. Jack knew exactly what it felt like to be rejected by a father. He and his siblings had lived that over and over when Russell had walked out on his family. And like Shane, he’d had a mother who had made it clear she adored him.
“Shane’s a good kid,” Jack said. “It’s his father’s loss.”
“I believe it generally is.” Hattie made a great show of putting jam on her toast. “I’m sure Shane appreciates all the extra time you take with him. Between dealing with moving to a new place and having to live with Aaron, the child has to feel pressured.” His mother looked at him. “You continually make me proud of you, Jack. This is just one more example.”
Jack squirmed in his seat. “I’m not taking time with Shane for any reason other than I like spending time with him.”
“I know. That’s what makes me proud.”
He grunted and took another sip of coffee.
“Katie has grown into a beautiful young woman, don’t you think?” Hattie asked.
He set down his mug and rose to his feet. “That’s not subtle, even for you. I’m willing to take time with the boy and be a good neighbor, but that’s it. I’m not interested in finding another woman to leave me,
and I have no desire to tangle with a Fitzgerald.”
His mother didn’t look the least bit impressed. “Don’t try to convince me that you care one whit about the feud. And not all women leave.”
“Whatever,” he said, carrying his cup to the sink and rinsing it. “I’ll see you later,” he said and left the kitchen.
When Jack stepped out on the back porch, he tried to dismiss his mother’s comments, but he found they weren’t easily dislodged. Both Katie and her son had captured his attention. Shane because he was a bright, funny little boy who deserved to be surrounded by people who cared about him and made him feel safe. And Katie because…
He swore under his breath. He didn’t know why he was thinking about Katie. He wanted to tell himself it was just because of the kiss and the fact that he hadn’t been with a woman in a long time. That it wasn’t anything about their shared past or the fact that he’d once been in love with her.
As he walked to the barn, he found himself remembering long conversations he’d had with Katie about what they both wanted to do with their lives. Having a baby had changed her plans. She’d had to adjust her goals, just as he had.
Jack paused and looked around the ranch. For years he’d felt trapped here, but with time he’d made peace with his destiny. This was where he belonged. He was able to look at the dreams of his youth and know that they would never come true. He wondered if Katie still struggled with what was, instead of what should have been. And was he any part of her regrets?
“I was talking to Jack yesterday,” Shane said as he and Katie drove across the bridge leading to the Darby ranch.
Katie smiled at her son. “Gee, and I thought you talked to Jack every day.”
“Mom,” her son said impatiently. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Oh, my mistake. Because that’s what you said. That you’d talked to Jack yesterday.”
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