He exhaled a deep breath. “She’s been there for me since my ex left. She raised Millie with me and she’s always been my voice of reason. It took me some time to realise she wasn’t being reasonable about you, that she wasn’t just trying to protect us in the same way she’s always done.”
The breath I’d taken caught in my lungs, but I didn’t turn around. Archer must have taken my silence as encouragement to continue. “She was wrong about you and I was so very fucking wrong not to tell her that as soon as she said all those things. Millie is the most important person in my life and when Mum started by taking a dig at how I wasn’t even trying to be a good father anymore, she knocked me off balance. With that one accusation, she made me second guess every decision I’ve made since I met you.”
I still kept quiet, but I slowly turned to face him. The corners of his mouth were tipped down, his jaw tight and his posture rigid. Even in the ambient lighting from the city’s lights coming on and the fairy lights in the tents, I could see the remorse shining in his eyes.
He looked miserable. As miserable as I’d been since it happened, which surprised me.
“I know this doesn’t excuse my behaviour, but when my ex left us, it fucked me up. Not because I was so deeply in love with her or anything like that, but I figured if I couldn’t even trust a mother to stick with her own child, how could I ever trust anyone to stick with me? All I’ve ever tried to be is a good father to Millie, but I fail often in that venture. Often enough that I get a little tunnel-visioned whenever it comes to her.”
“Your mother knew this?” I questioned softly, not quite trusting my voice.
Archer nodded once, a flash of anger cutting through the remorse in his eyes. “She did. Don’t get me wrong. Despite all this, she isn’t a bad person. She’s just incredibly protective, and if you’d seen me back when my ex left, trying to adjust to life as a single father to a newborn daughter, you’d understand why. I’m not defending her or trying to make excuses for her. I’m just trying to give you some context.”
“She doesn’t want you dating, does she?” I crossed my arms over my chest, a terrible pain flaring in my heart for all he’d been through, all they had both been through. Just because I was pissed off didn’t mean that I lacked sympathy for them. “That’s why she said those awful things?”
Another curt nod. “Since I started making money, she’s gotten even worse. She’s convinced that I have the most despicable taste in women and that having anyone I might choose around Millie is a bad idea. Millie has cried over her mother so many times, and mine’s had to be there to mop up the tears. I couldn’t quite argue with her opinion of my taste because of all that.”
“So what now?” Tears sprang to my eyes. “She doesn’t want you dating, you listen to her, you don’t trust anyone, and Millie is the only important person in your life.”
“I didn’t say that. I said she was the most important person, not the only important person.” Very slowly, he started closing the distance between us until his shoes bumped into mine and his large hands cupped my face. “Mum’s important to me, so is Hugo. And so are you, Heidi. You’re so much more important to me than even I realised at first. I might not be able to trust easily, but I think I can trust you.”
“You can,” I whispered, staring up into those mesmerising blue eyes. “But I’m not sure I can trust you anymore. Besides, if your mother doesn’t want you dating and she’s going to keep sabotaging us, then what’s the point in even trying to see if we can learn to trust each other?”
“We’ll deal with her,” he said, conviction strengthening his voice. “We’ll talk to her and we’ll prove to her that she’s wrong about you.”
“If that doesn’t work?”
He closed his eyes, but when he opened them again, the resolve in them hadn’t weakened. If anything, he looked more determined than he had before. “If it doesn’t and if she doesn’t come around, then that’s her problem. Not mine. I don’t need her permission. I’d just like not to have to deal with her sabotage. That’s a good word for it, actually.”
“Yeah, I thought so too.” I managed a weak smile. “Where does this leave us? You hurt me, Archer. I’m not out to hurt you or Millie. I don’t even know how I’d ruin you, but I’m not going to do that either. As for your money, I don’t give a damn about it.”
He rested his forehead against mine. “I know, and I’m sorry that I even wondered about it for a second. I shouldn’t have. I know you better than that. I’ve had a lot of time to think since I haven’t really been able to sleep for two nights now, and I realised that I really do think that I know you better than that.”
“I’d never hurt either you or Millie. You need to know that. I know how important family is and I—” My voice cracked. “I wish I still had my family, but I don’t. I would never hurt yours, ever.”
I felt Archer’s brow furrow against mine, his fingers tightening their grip just fractionally on my face. “What about your mum? You said you were going to see her on Christmas, so you must still have her.”
“She’s sick,” I admitted, feeling the lump in my throat grow. “Early onset dementia. Technically, I guess I still have her. It just doesn’t really feel like I do. Most days, she doesn’t even know who I am. That’s what happened on Christmas. She started screaming. At me. Because I scared her.”
A sob broke free and Archer pulled me into his arms, hugging me close against his broad chest. I inhaled his cedar and pine smell, willing myself to focus on it. On him. A party was not the place to get into the situation with my mother.
“God, Heidi. I’m so sorry. I wish I had known. I could have been there for you.”
“You were,” I reminded him, blinking back tears as I pulled back from him to show him my small smile. “You were there for me when I had no one else, ready to give me what I needed without question. I can’t tell you how much that meant to me.”
“But I—” His eyes grew wide with horror. “I ate you out on your couch and then fucked you right there after you’d just been through that.”
I reached up to smooth the frown on his face. “You did exactly what I asked from you. I needed to forget, to not think. You did that for me.”
His eyes were intense on mine, unwavering as they drank me in. “You’ll never have to go through anything like that alone again. I’ll be there for you every step of the way. If you’ll let me be.”
“I do want you to be, but it might take me a while to get to that point. I understand now where your hesitation with me came from that night, but I just wish you’d let me in then.”
“So do I.” He sighed and lowered his forehead back to mine. “I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. If it’s what you want, we can talk for days and I’ll tell you my whole sordid tale. I’ve already told you things I’ve never told anyone, and I will keep doing it. I’ll tell you every thought I’ve ever had if it would mean getting a second chance with you.”
A slow, teasing smile spread on my lips. “I don’t think that will be necessary, but I do need to know that you’re not going to freeze or clam up on me again. Not ever.”
“I won’t,” he promised, and I believed him. Call me crazy, but I believe him.
“In that case, should we go join the party? To have fun this time, with Millie too?”
“It’s a great party, even if I haven’t been able to enjoy a second of it until you got here. But there’s one more thing I think we need to do before we go back out there.” I didn’t need to ask what it was.
Archer brought his hand back to my cheek and stroked the skin beneath my eye with one of his long fingers. Then he lowered his head and kissed me until I was breathless. I smiled against his lips and looped my arms around his neck, finally feeling like I had somewhere to belong again. Right here.
When we broke apart, he planted another kiss on the tip of my nose before leading me back to the party. Millie was sitting off to the side from the other children, colouring on her own when we got to
the kids’ area.
She jumped up when she saw me, a huge grin spreading on her face. “Heidi!”
Breaking into a run, she sped over to us and gave me a big hug, burying her little face in the crook of my neck. “I’m so glad you’re here. I thought I was never going to see you again.”
I didn’t tell her that I’d thought the same thing. I only held her tighter and shook my head. “No such luck. Sorry, honey.”
“Should we go for a spin around the dance floor?” Archer asked once I set her back down on her feet. “I’m sure we could find a way of making it work together.”
And we did. We danced and talked and laughed until the DJ announced that the countdown was about to begin. Gathering beneath the disco ball that was going to be dropped and near the railing so we could take our seats for the fireworks, Archer held both Millie and I close.
“All right, ladies and gentlemen, are you ready to welcome the new year?” the DJ hollered into his microphone.
The crowd responded with loud cheering, and so the countdown began. “Ten, nine, eight...”
Just before we got to one, Archer turned his head and slanted his lips over mine, kissing me right into the new year. He grinned when he finally released me to pick a happy but tired Millie up into his arms. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t wait.”
I smiled, and once we’d both hugged Millie and she was back on her feet, I kissed him again. Joy threatened to make my heart burst. If the year ahead was anything like the way it had begun, I was really looking forward to it.
Chapter 37
Archer
On the afternoon after the party, Millie, Heidi, and I parked in front of my mother’s house. Heidi looked apprehensive, arching an eyebrow at me as I pulled the handbrake up. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Yes,” I said firmly. I wasn’t going to let this thing with my mother hang between us any longer than it already had. I should have told her the fucking truth about Heidi right from the get-go, but I planned on making up for it now. “I told you that we’d deal with her, and we’re going to.”
“How are we going to deal with Grandma, Daddy?” Millie piped up from her seat.
I twisted in mine to face her, a gentle smile curving my lips. “Heidi and I need to talk to Grandma about something.”
She slumped down. “Is it adult stuff again?”
I nodded. “Yes, sweetheart, it is. You can play with Mr. Whiskers though, right? It’ll only take a minute.”
“That’s what you said the other night, but then it took lots of minutes, and Heidi was gone when you came to get me.”
“This time, I rode over here with you,” Heidi said, winking at me. “I’ll have to stick around so I can get a lift back to my car. It’s at your house, remember?”
“Promise you’ll still be here when I’m done playing with Mr. Whiskers?” she asked while looking right into Heidi’s eyes.
She reached into the back to take Millie’s smaller hand in hers. “I promise. I’m not going anywhere. Daddy and I just need to talk to your grandma real quick. Then you can introduce me to Mr. Whiskers.”
“Okay,” Millie agreed hesitantly. “Mr. Whiskers is awesome.”
“Really?” Heidi asked, withdrawing her hand from Millie’s and reaching to unbuckle her seatbelt. I did the same, then got out of the car to get Millie out of her seat.
When we were all on the pavement outside Mum’s house, Millie walked to Heidi’s side and took her hand. I noticed she’d been doing that a lot since last night, as if she could keep Heidi with us if she never let her go.
“Really. He’s Grandma’s cat, but he’s more like a dog. He loves cuddling and he comes when you call him.”
“That does sound pretty awesome,” Heidi said.
As we walked up to Mum’s front door, I took Heidi’s free hand. We were a united front and Mum needed to see us that way. If she thought she was going to get away with ripping into Heidi again, she was sorely mistaken.
When she opened the door, she took us all in and lifted an eyebrow, obviously not happy. “Yes?”
“Happy New Year, Mother,” I said. Millie and Heidi echoed the sentiment, but Mum didn’t reply to any of us.
“I didn’t know you were coming over today, or that you were bringing her with you.” Her gaze slid to Heidi, disapproval coming off her in waves. The line of her lips thinned. Her shoulders came up and stayed there.
When she looked back to me, I gave her a hard glare. “I sent you a message before we left the house. May we come in? There are a couple of things we need to talk about.”
Mum’s eyes narrowed. Then she sighed and stepped back to allow us entry to her home. It wasn’t far away from ours, a nice neat little house I’d bought for her as soon as I’d been able to afford it.
I’d wanted to get her something bigger, but she’d refused. She’d claimed that this was easier to clean, even though I’d also organised a crew to come in twice a week to do it, and that the garden was manageable and easy to maintain.
That was what my mum was really like, who she really was. She was frugal, reasonable. All my life, she’d worked her arse off to give me the best she could. Even if that had only meant that we could just scrape by every month.
She always made time to sit and listen to me, and now to Millie too. Her advice was always practical, as was she.
I didn’t know where the overbearing, overprotective, and over-the-top unreasonable person she’d been the last few weeks had come from. I only knew that there had to be a way to get my actual mother back.
After all she’d done for me, I wasn’t just going to cut her out of my life or out of Millie’s just because of her outburst. I also wasn’t going to avoid her or let this thing fester.
She was too important to me, but so was Heidi. My plan was to sit down with them both today, to try to reason with my mother like a goddamn grown up, and to make her understand that Heidi wasn’t who she thought she was.
Pictures of us smiled down from Mum’s walls, depicting a whole lifetime of happy memories with a woman who had somehow become the villain in mine and Heidi’s story. How had that even happened?
Heidi walked stiffly beside me, her head turning this way and that as she took in the pictures, the colourful art beside it. Mum’s furniture was the same old-fashioned wooden ball and claw stuff I’d grown up with, only the cushions had been reupholstered.
Heidi sat down beside me on the love seat when Mum took Millie to go find Mr. Whiskers. When Mum came back, she sat directly opposite us. She folded her hands with one on top of the other in her lap, her spine ramrod straight.
“What is this about then?” she asked, blue eyes blazing into mine. “I thought I told you to end it. Instead, you bring her to my home on New Year’s Day?”
I lifted my chin, holding Heidi’s hand firmly in mine, even when she tried to pull away. I wouldn’t let her cower in front of my mother. We were together now. Mum would just have to accept it.
“That’s exactly what this is about, actually. You telling me to end it.” I looked her in the eyes and tried to soften my expression. “I don’t need your approval or your permission in order to date, even if I would like for you to approve of the girl I’ve chosen simply because I care deeply about both of you. I would like for us all to spend time together and for Heidi to become part of our family, which obviously can’t happen if you don’t approve.”
“So, what then? If I don’t approve, then I’m out of the family?” Her eyebrows rose.
I shook my head. “That’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m just saying it’s going to be hard to be a happy, cohesive family for Millie’s sake if you don’t like Heidi.”
She sighed. “For Millie’s sake? What you should have done for Millie’s sake was to break up with her before she hurts you both.”
“Stop it with that.” My voice was low now, my tone a warning. “Heidi is the real deal. She’s not going to hurt us. She’s not with me for the money or to ruin us or any of those ide
as you’ve cooked up in your head.”
Mum sniffed, but she didn’t interrupt me otherwise. “We’ve come here today to tell you that we’re together and we’re going to stay that way. All those negative things you said very nearly came between us, and I won’t allow it to happen again. I will not let you talk about Heidi that way in my house ever again. I will also not allow you to say those kinds of things in front of or to Millie.”
“But—”
“No, mother. I don’t care if you think it’s for her own good. It’s not. Millie adores Heidi and she adores her. Both of us care about each other and about Millie. I need you to accept that she’s not any of those things you accused her of the other night. In fact, she’s anything but.”
To my surprise, my mother didn’t keep arguing. After holding my gaze for another minute, she sat back in her chair and let her spine relax. The fight and fire left her eyes, making her appear tired all of a sudden.
“I’m glad you’ve found someone you care about, Archer.” The corners of her lips tipped upwards as she spoke, her smile small, but genuine. “Lord knows I never wanted you to be alone for the rest of your life. I only wanted to protect you. I thought that if maybe I had met that dreadful girl earlier, that I could have protected you from her. But that would have meant that we wouldn’t have Millie, so it would have been wrong to prevent you from being in a relationship with her. Without Millie, who would we even be?”
I felt Heidi’s muscles relax from their tense stiffness at my side. Mum actually smiled at her before continuing. “It’s going to take me a while to fully accept her the way you want me to, but I will try.”
“In the meantime,” she said, standing up. “Why don’t you let me try to make it up to you by looking after Millie for the night so you two can spend some time together? I respect you for coming here and speaking to me, both of you, but I think we’ve all said what needed to be. I’m sure you also have a lot to talk about after everything and I’d like to give you that opportunity.”
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