“Seriously, Piper,” I chuckled. “One of these days, you’re going to kill me.”
“Never,” she teased. “I’ll just make you think you died and went to heaven.”
I laughed and she kissed me again. Our eyes met when we pulled apart and I smiled. Her blue eyes searched mine questioningly.
“What’s that smile for?” she asked.
“I’m happy,” I told her simply. “I’m just really, truly happy.”
Piper grinned and laid her head back down on my chest. We were both naked and sweaty. The air around us was stale and steamy. Everything was sticky, but we didn’t care. We could have laid there in each other’s arms for the rest of the night and been perfectly happy, but we knew we couldn’t do that. Piper had class in the morning and I had to train.
Reluctantly, we got dressed and I drove her home. When we pulled up to her house, I kissed her slowly, wanting to remember everything about the way she felt.
“Keep doing that and I’ll never get out of the car,” she joked.
“That’s the plan,” I told her with a playful grin.
Piper laughed and pushed the car door open. I watched her curls bounce as she made her way across the yard and disappeared inside…
I shook my head and tried to pull myself out of the memory. That night was one of the best of my life. Hell, even after five years, it still stood out boldly in my mind. There were so many things I loved about being with Piper, but the way our bodies melded so perfectly together was by far one of the best. She had a way of captivating me completely: mind, body, and soul.
Eight
Logan
When I looked up, my eyes searching for Piper, I realized she was no longer sitting at the table with Audra and Jack. I frowned and looked around, but she was nowhere in sight. It was against my better judgement that I took a step forward. Audra watched me with narrowed eyes until I was standing right in front of her.
“Hi, Audra,” I said. “Jack.”
“Logan,” Jack nodded. He glared at me openly and slid his arm protectively around Audra.
“What do you want?” Audra demanded. “Why the hell are you here?”
“I heard about your uncle and I wanted to…”
“To what?” Audra snapped. “Pay your respects?”
“Something like that,” I shrugged. I could feel my face flush and I looked away for a split second. There was nothing that could turn me into a shell of my former self faster than being face to face with Piper’s fiercely protective older sister.
“Thank you,” Jack said. His jaw was tight. “We appreciate you coming.”
I nodded and asked, “Where’s Piper?”
Audra laughed derisively and shook her head like she couldn’t believe I would dare speak Piper’s name in her presence.
“She ran out when she saw you,” Jack explained.
“Oh.”
“Are you surprised?” Audra demanded.
“A little,” I answered honestly. “I don’t know what I expected to happen when we saw each other again, but I didn’t think she would run away from me.”
“And why not?” Audra asked.
“Well, things didn’t end that badly,” I said quietly, speaking more to myself than to Audra.
“Maybe not for you,” Audra hissed. “But for Piper, it was…”
“Aud,” Jack said warningly. Audra turned to face her husband who simply shook his head.
“What?” I asked. “For Piper, it was what?”
“Nothing,” Jack said with a tone of finality in his voice. “For Piper, it was nothing. She just doesn’t want to see you. Can you respect that?”
“Of course, I can,” I nodded. “Will you just…”
I paused, not knowing exactly what I wanted to say. A hundred different ideas ran through my mind as I stared blankly at Jack. He waited patiently, his eyes never leaving mine. I could tell he wanted nothing more than for me to turn around and leave, but he was too polite to say so.
With a sigh I started again, “Will you just tell Piper I’m sorry? For her loss I mean.”
“We will,” Jack promised. He glanced toward the door, his intention perfectly clear.
“Thanks,” I said lamely. I turned to walk away, but Audra’s voice stopped me.
“Logan,” she said. “I know it may have not seemed like anything to you, but what you and Piper had meant everything to her. You broke her heart.”
I felt weak as I let Audra’s words wash over me. What did she mean by that? Didn’t she know that it meant just as much to me? Didn’t Piper know that?
Without a word, I left the pub and hurried across the parking lot to my car. I climbed inside and took a few deep, steadying breaths. Dammit. That was not how I pictured my reunion with Piper.
If I was being honest, I imagined we would pick things up exactly where we left them five years ago. When we broke up, it wasn’t because I wanted to leave her, but I had to. I couldn’t pass up my chance to be a SEAL. Piper of all people understood that. The night I told her, was a hard one, but I thought she knew what she meant to me.
Audra’s words made everything suddenly seem less clear. In my mind, Piper and I parted equally broken-hearted. We were both wrecked. We were both miserable. But, we were both setting out to fulfill our dreams. I always thought, once those dreams came true, that we would…
I shook my head and my eyes flew open. There was no use fantasizing about a future that was never going to happen. If what Audra said was true, then I couldn’t blame Piper for running out of the pub.
As I sat in my car everything began to click into place. All the letters I wrote to Piper and she never once wrote back. In the beginning, when I still tried to call, she never picked up the phone. Back then, I thought she was just taking some time. I thought she just needed a little space to heal and figure everything out herself. I wanted to give her that, so after a while, I stopped calling.
I kept writing. For years, I wrote her letters and sent them to the only address I had for her: her parents’ house.
Eventually, I gave that up too, but I still never let myself believe things were over. Surely, Piper would want to see me if and when our paths were to cross again. After everything we had, there was no way she would be able to deny our connection. I held out hope. I believed we would find each other.
Now that we had, I realized none of that was fucking true. I wondered if I held onto the thought of Piper to escape the reality of my life. Was our connection truly as strong as I believed it to be? Or, was I romanticizing something that had long been over?
Nine
Piper
Sitting on that curb, I felt ridiculous. How could I have let Logan run me out of my own uncle’s wake? He hadn’t even spoken to me. He didn’t say a word. And still, I bolted. I ran out the back door like a burglar and didn’t stop until I knew I was alone. When did I become this person? So, afraid of confrontation?
That night came back to me in a flood of emotions. I was sitting on a bench in McKinney park waiting for Logan to show up. We’d agreed to meet after my last class. We had plans to see a movie and grab a drink, but he was late.
I called him a few times. No answer. After an hour, I decided to just go home and wait for him to call me back. Something must have happened. I was beginning to worry he’d been in an accident or something.
When I walked through the backdoor, my phone finally rang.
“Hey,” I said, my voice full of relief. “Where have you been? Are you okay?”
“I’m great!” Logan said cheerfully. “I’m really sorry I stood you up. Can you meet me now? At Kellan’s?”
“Sure,” I said apprehensively. “I’ll be there in a few.”
“See you soon!”
I hung up and turned back around. Climbing in my car, I felt a horrible sense of dread wash over me. There was something going on with Logan, that much I knew, but I couldn’t imagine what it could be. In all the time we’d been dating, Logan had never been so much as two minut
es late for a date. Never. He blamed the fact that he was obnoxiously early on his military training. Whatever was going on, it had to be pretty big if it meant Logan was deviating from his prompt nature.
As I drove toward Kellan’s, I told myself it couldn’t be anything bad. Logan sounded happy on the phone. Excited. Only something really amazing could make him sound like that.
Logan was sitting at our usual booth when I walked inside. My drink was already sitting on the table when I slid in beside him.
“Hey, you,” he said with a grin. He kissed me quickly, that same grin never leaving his face.
“What’s up with you?” I laughed. “I don’t know that I’ve ever seen you this happy.”
“I don’t know that I’ve ever been this happy,” Logan admitted.
“Well,” I prompted quickly. “Tell me what’s going on. I can’t take the suspense any longer.”
“I’m going to be a SEAL.”
The words left his lips and hit my ears like a brick. I heard him, but I couldn’t quite comprehend what he was saying.
“I got the call today,” he continued. “This morning actually. My C.O. said everything is in place. I start my official training in a few days.”
“Training?” I sputtered. I blinked and tried to focus on his face, but I felt like I was floating underwater. Everything seemed far away, blurry and out of reach.
“In Coronado,” he nodded. “I leave the day after tomorrow. Piper, I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am. I mean, I’ve dreamt of this for so long and…”
“California?” I interrupted. Logan fell silent and stared at me for a second. He frowned and slid an inch away from me in the booth.
“Aren’t you happy for me?” he asked.
“Of course, I am,” I managed to say.
“You don’t seem like it,” he said, still frowning.
“I’m just trying to wrap my head around it,” I explained. “I had no idea this was going to happen and it just…”
“I’ve been talking about it since we met,” he reminded me impatiently.
“I know,” I said. “I mean, I didn’t know it was going to happen right now.”
“But it’s a good thing!” he promised.
“It is,” I agreed with a nod. “For you.”
My words fell on his ears and I watched as his expression went from slightly confused to completely annoyed. I immediately knew what he’d been hoping for. Logan thought I would jump with joy. He imagined me throwing my arms around him and congratulating him on a job well done, but I couldn’t do that. Not when I only just found out he was leaving me.
“I can’t believe you aren’t more excited,” he said. “Damn Piper, I thought you wanted this for me.”
“I do!” I said, “But you don’t have to sound so damn cheerful about it.”
“Why wouldn’t I be happy?” he demanded. “I’m finally getting everything I’ve always wanted. For years, I’ve thought of nothing else. Becoming a SEAL is my destiny. I thought you knew that. I thought you understood this was going to happen someday.”
“Logan,” I began slowly. My voice was shaking slightly and I had to close my eyes to focus properly. “I am happy for you and I do understand, but can’t you see how upsetting it is for me? You just told me you’re leaving and you don’t seem the slightly bit upset by it.”
“Why would I be upset?” he asked. He threw his hands up in frustration. “I have everything I want. I’m going to be a SEAL. I’ll be training in Coronado by the end of the week. And, I have y…”
“So, then go,” I snapped.”
“What?” he asked. I watched as his face fell.
“Just go,” I repeated. “If you’re so happy to be leaving, then leave. You don’t have to stick around and rub my face in it.”
Logan looked at me like I had slapped him.
I couldn’t believe he would be so heartless as to smile through our breakup. How could he tell me he was leaving and not even act a little sad?
“Piper,” he began. “What the hell is wrong? Where is this coming from?”
“You’re leaving me and you’re happy about it,” I blurted out. Tears were forming in my eyes and I couldn’t stop them from overflowing.
“Is that what you think?” Logan laughed weakly. He slid closer to me and held both of my hands in his. “Piper, I’m not leaving you.”
“So, you aren’t going to Coronado?” I asked.
“No, I am,” he nodded. “But that doesn’t mean we have to be over.”
“What does it mean then?” I asked.
“Well,” he began. I could see the wheels in his head turning as he tried to work through his thoughts.
“You haven’t even thought about it, have you?” I asked, the pain evident in my voice.
“I just found out this morning, Piper,” he said defensively. “I haven’t had time to work everything out yet.”
“There’s nothing to work out,” I said weakly. I turned my head and took a giant swig of my drink. I stared down at the table angrily and tried to keep more tears from falling.
“What does that mean?” he asked. His voice sounded so small, so unlike Logan, that I looked up in surprise. He was staring at me, his eyes searching mine. I didn’t have an answer to his question. All I knew was that my heart was breaking and I couldn’t make it stop.
“It means,” I began. “You didn’t even stop to think about what this would mean for our future. Which tells me we don’t have one.”
“Piper,” Logan said, his words pleading for resolution.
“There’s nothing else to say,” I said quickly, not wanting to drag out the conversation any more than we already had. A quick goodbye would be best for both of us.
“I’m sorry,” he said. His head sagged and he stared down his hands which were once again wrapped tightly around mine. I watched him and waited for him to say something else.
Anything else.
But he didn’t.
When I couldn’t stand it anymore, I pulled my hands free and stood up.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“What’s the point in hanging around any longer?” I asked. Every part of me was aching.
“To say goodbye,” he suggested. “We won’t see each other for a long time and…”
“It all ends just the same,” I said, cutting him off. “Whether I sit here with you for another three hours or not for another second, nothing will change. You’ll still leave and I’ll still be here.”
“Piper…”
I turned and left without looking back. I thought he would stand up and follow me outside, tell me he loved me or ask me to wait for him. Something. Anything at all.
When I pushed the door open and stepped out into the parking lot I knew I was hoping for nothing. The cool evening breeze hit my face and quickly dried the tears that were still on my cheeks.
Despite the pain that accompanied that memory, it still wasn’t the worst I’d felt. The worst pain came later. After Logan left town. After I realized he wasn’t going to try to see me before he did. After I realized that night in Kellan’s was our last night together. After I had spent hours crying myself to sleep and wishing, more than anything, that I’d stayed in that booth just a little longer.
Ten
Piper
It had only been a week since my last conversation with Logan and still, I woke up with a stomachache almost every morning. I hated feeling like such a lovesick girl. Logan crossed my mind at least ten times a day. No matter how busy I was, he always found a way to creep back up and take over my thoughts. To remind me just how much I missed him.
I knew it was coming. Logan was always talking about the SEALs. It shouldn’t have been a surprise. And yet, it was. It knocked the wind out of me and damn near broke me. The worst part was his smile. It was like he was happy to be leaving me, like our entire relationship had just been him marking time until he could begin his real life.
Thinking about it made my stomach ro
ll again. That morning, I shot out of bed and hurled myself into the bathroom. I threw up everything in my stomach, which wasn’t much, and curled into a ball on the floor. When Audra found me, she sat down next to me and rubbed my back slowly.
I rolled over to face her, knowing how pathetic I must seem to someone as strong as her.
“He’s just a boy,” I said, my voice weak. “I don’t know why it’s affecting me so much.”
“Because you love him,” she said gently.
“So, what?” I argued.
“So, it’s going to hurt for a while,” she said. “But, Piper, I don’t think that’s why you’re sick.”
“What do you mean?”
Audra sighed and reached behind her. Slowly, she laid a box down beside and brushed my hair off my face.
“I’ll be right outside if you need me.”
I frowned and watched her leave, closing the bathroom door softly behind her. When I looked down at the box in my hand I almost screamed. The pregnancy test Audra had given me felt like it was burning a hole in my hand.
I sat up quickly, fighting another wave of nausea. The box fell onto the floor and I stared at it for a few seconds. All I knew in that moment was that she was wrong. I wasn’t pregnant. Logan and I were always careful. I had been on the pill for two years. There was no way this could have happened.
Still, something tugged at the back of my mind. One night when we were drunk… After we left Kellan’s… Did we use protection that night?
I counted backward, realizing it had been about six weeks since that night and that I hadn’t had a period in almost two months.
My heart was pounding as I opened the box and took the test. When I laid it down on the bathroom floor to wait, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. For every single second of those three minutes, I watched the little screen waiting for it to tell me my fate.
When the plus sign appeared, my stomach rolled and I threw up again. Audra hurried into the bathroom and pulled my hair off my neck. I could feel her rubbing my back and I knew she knew. She’d known all along.
Heartbreak wasn’t the only thing Logan Alexander had left me with.
When the memories passed, I was still sitting on that curb with my head in my hands. Part of me wanted to stay there forever, but a bigger part forced me to my feet. Whether Logan was still there or not, I had to go back. My family would be worried. Audra had probably already verbally accosted Logan. I couldn’t hide forever.
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