I can sense the angry tone coming from her voice. I swear, I honestly don’t blame her for being upset with me.
Not wanting to start an argument, I hand Rebecca the sealed envelope. “Would you please see that she gets this when you see her?” I turn to walk back out.
Her sudden outburst causes me to stop and look back. “Why can’t you give it to her yourself? Or, are you too afraid of what she might say to you?”
“Look, I’m sorry. I know she’s probably wondering what happened and she has every right to be angry. Just please give her the card.”
I walk out the door, back to my car. The parking lot of the hotel is somewhat full, so I pull next door to the parking lot of Night Moves and wait. I just really want to see her. I need her to know that I’m sorry.
This has been the longest week of my life. I actually felt like Friday was never going to get here. Not that I have any big weekend plans, but I’ve had trouble sleeping this entire week and need some time to catch up on my rest. Thoughts of Brian still fill my head, as do questions about myself and my behavior with him. Thanksgiving is next week, and knowing my parents are not going to make it in for the holidays, the situation with him makes me feel even sadder. Rebecca invited me to spend the time with her family, but I had politely declined her offer, using the excuse that I needed to prepare for final exams the following week. While my excuse is valid, I really want to spend that time with Brian.
Rebecca and I had lunch together one day at the first part of the week, and I managed to unload everything on her. What had started out as a fun, eventful weekend ended with me feeling sad and lost, uncertain about myself. I continuously asked myself what I did wrong that would cause him to leave that morning without so much as a goodbye.
“Look, sweetie, some guys are just assholes.” She told me.
“But, Bec, something was there. We had had such a fun afternoon. We clicked. Yes, I probably had a little too much to drink, but Brian was drinking too. We were laughing and carrying on like we had known each other forever.” It was hard for me to talk about without tears filling up my eyes.
“I know it hurts. This was your first time, and he took something special from you. You have now reached a new level with any relationship that you will have, from now on. It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Just please don’t keep blaming yourself.” Her words of encouragement were sincere, but it still hurt, none the less.
On Tuesday, I drove by the oil lube before heading home for some much needed rest. I caught a glimpse of Brian off to the side of the building. He and another guy were working hard, wiping down a small compact car. I didn’t have the courage to stop or even honk the horn. A single tear had made its way down my cheek, and rather than cause my flow of tears to erupt, I drove right on by.
The thought had crossed my mind that maybe Brian had been leading me on. That maybe he could be married or have another girlfriend and he was cheating on her with me. But I let that thought leave my head just as quickly as it had entered, refusing to believe either to be true. Neither of us had felt it important to mention our current relationship status, so I safely assumed since his previous relationship with that girl had been so disastrous, there was no one else.
Still, I continue to ask myself if I had I been that bad? Without a doubt, he had to know once things had gotten pretty intense between us, that I was inexperienced and still a virgin. Luckily for me, it hadn’t been the very painful experience I had always been told and read about, but I had to wonder, was the sex so bad that it drove him to leave me so soon afterwards?
And, to make matters even worse, we both had been so caught up in the heat of things, neither of us had mentioned using any protection. I have always had regular periods each month, and because of my lack of sexual participation, I have not needed any birth control. Still, even though we both had no way of knowing sex was going to come into play, there was no excuse not to take precaution. Like I needed one more thing to worry about.
I gather up everything I will need for work tonight. Hopefully, my mind will allow me to get some much needed studying done. Classes are winding down this week, and I still need to keep my focus on my exams. I take my grades very seriously, and can’t afford to let them slip at this point by screwing up now. Maybe next week I will be able to take advantage of school being out and get caught up on my sleep.
Pulling into the parking lot at work, I glance around, simply out of habit. I might not know where he is staying now, but at least I do know Brian is still in town because I saw him working earlier.
Rebecca looks up from the counter as I walk in the door. “Hey you. How’s it going?”
One look at my face tells her everything. “Same as usual.”
“I’ve got to figure out a way to cheer my girl up. I don’t like seeing you so sad.” She comes around the counter and gives me a hug.
“It just hurts.” I don’t want to look up so I keep my head down. I don’t need the flow of tears again tonight.
“I know honey. I know. I got most everything done already so you should have an easy night.”
“Gee, thanks.” I attempt a smile. “Having nothing to keep me occupied only gives my mind more time to think about everything.”
Rebecca gathers her things, and I walk her out to the breezeway. We talk a few minutes more about her family’s plans for Thanksgiving. She asks me again about joining her family next week, but I still decline. Rebecca’s family has always made me feel welcome and like one of their own, but this time, I prefer to be alone. “You know I’m going to keep asking you ‘til you give in.”
Before turning to head back inside, I take another quick glance across the parking lot. It’s as though I feel his presence. I tell myself I’m just going crazy, so I walk back inside after waving goodbye to Rebecca.
I hear my cell phone ringing and run back behind the counter to grab it from my purse. “Hello?” I answer when I see Rebecca’s name show on the screen.
“Hey, I forgot to tell you. There’s an envelope for you inside the desk drawer.”
Before I can manage to ask who it’s from, she hangs the phone up. I quickly snatch open the desk drawer and see a pale pink envelope with my name written on the outside. At first I think it’s a friendship card from Rebecca, but my name is printed in handwriting I don’t recognize. Could it be?
For a brief moment, I’m scared to open it.
Finally gaining enough courage, I peel open the envelope and pull out a very cute card. On the front is a picture of a young boy bent down on one knee handing a little girl a bouquet of daisies, and the caption above them reads: “I’m sorry. Will you please forgive me?”
Inside is a handwritten message from none other than Brian himself.
I look up, and there, standing in front of me, is Brian.
At first, I’m angry, because this entire week, I have blamed myself, thinking I had done something wrong. I ball both my fists up towards him, wanting to pound his chest, but he puts both arms around me and pulls me to him. I lay my head on his shoulder and choke back a sob. We stand that way for a few moments before he pushes me away. As he looks at me, tears fill my eyes, and I struggle to keep my balance. I am still so surprised to see him standing here in the hotel in front of me.
“Baby, I’m so sorry.” He holds both my hands in his. “Will you please forgive me?”
“I just don’t know what happened. I thought everything was going so good Saturday….” I’m not able to finish before he pulls me to him again; this time, he places his lips to my forehead.
I could melt into this man’s arms and stay there all night. I can’t get over the impact he has had on me in such a short period of time.
Suddenly, I hear someone clear his throat, and we both separate to look behind us. “I’m sorry to interrupt you both, but I just need to see about getting checked in to my room.”
“Sir, I am so sorry about that. Here, let me get your information and I’ll get you in right away.” I feel so embarrassed
and quickly wipe the tears from my cheek.
Brian walks down the hallway towards the lobby bathroom, and I finish checking in the guest, apologizing to him once again.
Soon Brian returns to the front, and we spend the next several hours talking. He tells me about sleeping in his car again this week, moving around to different parking lots hoping not to be discovered by the police again. I feel so bad for him, and even play with the idea of offering my place to him. But after all, I am still getting to know him, so I just allow the thought to linger in the back of my head.
“I’m not going to get you in trouble hanging around here am I?” He asks me as he glances down at his watch and sees that it’s nearing five in the morning. I can’t believe we have spent the entire night talking.
“No, you’re fine. It’s actually been nice having someone to talk to, especially you. I must admit, it gets really lonely being here alone every night. Unfortunately, I didn’t get much studying done tonight, but I would much rather have you here to talk to than not.” I can’t hide the happiness he brings out in me.
A few minutes later, Sylvia walks in the front entrance. I can tell Brian feels uncomfortable being here now that my co-worker has shown up for work. I make introductions between them, then walk behind the counter and retrieve my keys from my purse.
“Brian, why don’t you go ahead and go to my apartment and get us some breakfast started. I’m going to help Sylvia for another hour, then head on home.” He looks surprised at my offer.
“Are you sure?” He asks me.
“Only if you are okay with it. I know it’s the weekend, but if you’ve already got plans today…” He can see I’m hesitant to say anything more.
“No, none at all.” He adds quickly. “So, I’ll see you in about an hour?”
I nod and then walk him to the door, hoping my excitement doesn’t show. He pulls me in for a hug before he walks out.
I pull up to one of the parking spots outside of Jennifer’s apartment. As I sit here reminiscing the events of last night and how well everything played out, a subtle smile comes across my face. I am so thankful Jennifer and I are headed back in the right direction again. I’ll be honest, I never anticipated meeting someone so soon in this new town, and actually getting involved in a relationship again so quickly after my sudden breakup with Macy.
But, there is something about Jennifer that I’m attracted to. Not only is she sweet and considerate, we also had a lot of fun together last Saturday. When I bailed out on her Sunday morning, I hated it from the moment I left. I knew it was the wrong decision, and I thought about her all week long.
I get out of my car and head inside the apartment. Opening the door, I notice some of Jennifer’s books laid out on the coffee table. While I’m nervous being here alone, the apartment has such a welcome feeling to it. I open the curtain covering the sliding glass doors and allow the sunlight to penetrate the room. Hoping she won’t mind, I decide to take a shower and get cleaned up. I stopped several times this week at gas stations and washed myself from the sink. I don’t actually get all that dirty at work since I am using water all day washing cars, but there is nothing more refreshing than a nice, hot shower. I would give anything to be able to take daily showers again.
I step out of the shower and use the towel hanging on the back of the door to dry myself. I take a few minutes to shave and notice the brown pockets under my eyes. I definitely want to spend all day with Jennifer, but I could really use a nap after being up all day and all night. Thinking back though, I still wouldn’t trade a single moment of last night.
I quickly scan the contents of the kitchen cabinets hoping to find something I can prepare for breakfast. I’m not an expert in the kitchen, even though I did cook us a pretty good steak last weekend. I get the coffee started and settle on making us some blueberry muffins from one of those pouches that only needs milk. If we eat a light breakfast, maybe I can suggest taking her out for a nice lunch since I received my first paycheck yesterday. I know I need to see about opening up a bank account soon, so I make a mental note to see if maybe Jared will let me off early one day this upcoming week, since most banks are now closed on weekends. If I keep cash on me, I’ll be apt to spend it more freely. Hopefully, a bank account will make me more responsible with my money. In the meantime, I’m going to also have to get a post office box to establish a residence.
I hear a knock on the door and figure it’s Jennifer needing me to let her in since she gave me her key earlier. I open the door and see her standing there. “Mmmmm, something smells delicious.” She says as she walks in, taking her shoes off by the door.
About the same time, I hear the timer beeping on the oven. I check to see if our muffins are ready and sit them on top of the stove. I go ahead and fix both of us coffee, since I remember from last weekend how she likes hers, and place the muffins on a plate, making it easier to bring them in to the living room. Jennifer joins me in the room after changing out of her work clothes.
“Aww, you made my favorite. I love blueberry muffins.” As she tells me this, she walks over to the couch where I have everything set up in front of us and takes a seat next to me.
I look over at her and see the sparkle is back in her eyes once again. “Jennifer, I just want to tell you again how sorry I am for bailing out on you last weekend. The more I look back on it, I realize I was a complete jerk for leaving you without saying anything.”
“I know we weren’t planning on what happened between us but it shattered my heart thinking I had done something terribly wrong or that I was just that bad.”
I know this is a sensitive area with her so I am careful with what I say.
Taking a bite of her muffin, she looks over at me. “It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship with anyone, especially a serious one. I’m not exactly sure if you are ready for anything more, given your recent situation back home. I hope you do decide to stick around and make your home here, though.” She hesitates before continuing. “I would like to see where this takes us, but please don’t feel like I’m forcing anything on you.”
Wow, talk about throwing everything out in the open. Being honest and vulnerable is really not my strong suit. I finish my cup of coffee and lean towards her, planting a light kiss to her cheek. “Thank you for allowing me into your life. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I believe we were put in each other’s lives for a purpose.”
She yawns, and I can tell by the look on her face that she is tired. “I’m sorry.” She says as covers her mouth. From what she told me earlier, she, too, didn’t sleep very well this past week. I clean up our plates and mugs, and then head back to the living room. I see she has decided to lie down on the couch.
“Mind if I join you?” I ask her.
“No, not at all. Will you grab another blanket from the hall closet?”
She allows me to crawl in behind her on the couch, and within minutes, we are both sound asleep.
I wake up hours later to an empty couch. Not sure of the time or how long I’ve slept, I see the television is on but there is no sound coming from it. I get up and glance around the apartment. I hear running water coming from the direction of the bathroom and realize Jennifer must be taking a shower. I go into her bedroom and pull out from my bag the nicest pair of jeans and shirt I own. Looking down at the few clothes I have, I realize I really need to pick up a few extra things, especially since the weather is going to be changing very soon. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to stop by the mall again this weekend and see if there are any sales. No, my paycheck is not burning a hole in my pocket, but I do need to think ahead for the coming months.
I am zipping up my pants as she walks into the bedroom. She is wearing a nice top and jeans as well. Her hair is still wet, but she has a fresh, clean look since she hasn’t had time to put on any makeup.
“You decide to finally wake up?” She asks, smiling at me. “I hope I didn’t disturb you.”
“No, actually I probably neede
d to get up. I would hate to know I slept this beautiful day away. What do you say we get out of here and see what we can get into this afternoon?” I cross my fingers hoping she’s up for doing something together.
“Sure, I don’t have any plans. I’m not due back to work again until Monday night. So hun, I’m all yours.” She sounds excited to be spending time with me.
I reach over to her, pulling her into my arms. I look down into her brown eyes and our lips meet for a passionate and meaningful kiss. I don’t want to let her go, but I know she needs to finish getting ready if we are going to go anywhere.
“Go ahead and finish up, and I will wait for you in the living room.” I tell her, giving her some time alone.
A few minutes later, she walks into the room, and I can’t believe how pretty she looks with her hair straightened since I’m so used to seeing it pulled back in a ponytail. “You ready to get out of here?” She asks me.
“Damn, baby, you’re looking pretty good.” I wink at her, and she knows I’m definitely flirting with her. “Anything in particular you want to do this afternoon?”
“Yes. Come on, let’s go.” She grabs ahold of my arm, and I follow her out the door.
We take her car, for obvious reasons. She hasn’t said very much about the condition of mine, but I know she prefers hers, as would anyone for that matter. I admit my car is somewhat embarrassing, but right now it’s getting me where I need to go.
“Where are we headed?” I ask after we’ve been on the highway for about fifteen minutes.
“You’ll see.” She tells me, not eager to reveal our destination.
Minutes later, she pulls into a place that has miniature golf and what looks to be go-carts and an arcade. “You up for a game of putt-putt?” She asks me.
“Sure, you bet I am. It’s been years since I’ve played. How ‘bout I challenge you to a game?”
Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1) Page 10