Don't Turn Back (Coming Home Book 1)

by Stephens, Amy

  “Nice to see you, too.” I sneer. “I had a couple days off from work and thought I would come home for a visit. But, I can see judging by your reaction, I’m still not welcome.”

  My dad’s eyes land on my finger and he takes in the ring I’m wearing. “What’s that? You get married? Who would be stupid enough to marry you?”

  I’ve had just about all I can take of his smart mouth, and the conversation between us has not even been a minute long yet. I don’t need to be reminded who the stupid one in my relationship is because it damn sure isn’t Jennifer, despite my dad’s accusations. No matter how angry I am with her, she doesn’t deserve to be called names from someone who doesn’t even know her.

  I look away from him. “Well, you got nothing to say?” He just won’t stop.

  I step out of the car, ready to stand eye to eye with him.

  “Brian, is that you?” The sound of my mom’s voice halts me from answering him or doing something I could regret later.

  “Mom.” I walk towards her and give her a hug. She holds me tight, and I am reminded just how much I have missed her. I know this wonderful lady is going to be thrilled once she finds out she’s going to be a grandmother.

  But I can’t share the news with her just yet. I need to know where things stand with Jennifer. I need to know that we are going to be okay before giving up on this relationship.

  Mom and I walk inside the house, dad following behind with a sour expression across his face. Mom fixes breakfast and we all sit at the table in silence. Mom eventually notices my ring. I should have taken it off, but since dad already mentioned it at the car, I knew he would bring it up again just to have something spiteful to say to me.

  “Son, what’s this, you’re married?” Mom looks confused, hurt. I feel bad for not calling her.

  I take in a deep breath, careful to choose the right words. “Yeah, well, it was kind of sudden. I’m sorry that Jennifer couldn’t make the trip this time, but I promise to bring her next time. She’s busy with her classes and couldn’t get time off to join me.” The lies continue to flow from my tongue. Besides, neither of my parents will know if I’m telling the truth or not.

  “Oh, honey. I hate it too. Tell me, where are you living now? What kind of job do you have?” Mom goes on and on, asking a new question before I can even answer the previous one.

  I need to just shut up before I completely screw up my story. I don’t want to let it slip that we are in the middle of a huge fight right now.

  Mom and dad get ready for church, and I decide to take a nap on the couch while they are gone. When mom is out of sight, dad stands over me as though he is about to spit on me. “Don’t touch a damn thing while we’re gone. You’re lucky I’m letting you stay here alone.” His mouth is clenched so tightly I wonder how the words were able to even leave his mouth.

  “Just shut up you son of a bitch.” I don’t understand why my dad and I can’t have a normal conversation without saying hurtful things to each other.

  My mom leans over and kisses me on the cheek. “I’m so glad you’re home, son. I’ll call your brothers and see if we can all have lunch together after church.”

  “Sure, mom.” I’m not thrilled about her idea of the perfect family lunch, but I offer her a smile anyway.

  I turn the television on, but don’t remember watching anything. I fall asleep instantly, exhausted from the ordeal I have just put myself through.

  I try to turn on my side to get comfortable, when I wake fully and realize where I am. I look over to the driver’s seat and see that it’s empty and the truck is shut off. I get scared and sit up, making it easier to look around better. Standing just outside the truck, I see Todd talking to Rebecca, in what appears to be a pretty intense conversation. I’m not sure how long we’ve been parked here or even how long I’ve been asleep, but I’m pretty sure it’s close to the middle of the night or later.

  Rebecca and Todd both notice my movement in the truck and turn to walk my way. Todd opens the door and helps me step down out of the seat. Rebecca immediately grabs me for a hug and pats my back like it’s been forever since we’ve last seen each other.

  “It’s all going to be okay.” She consoles me, and I do my best to remain strong. “I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you again.”

  When she finally releases me, I turn to Todd. “I guess you both have met. I’m sorry I slept so long.”

  “Don’t apologize. You were exhausted.” Todd says.

  “Todd, what can I do to repay you? Can I get you a room for the rest of the night?” I am forever grateful to this man who offered me comfort and a ride when he could have chosen to not get involved at all.

  “You don’t owe me a thing. I’m thankful I was able to help.”

  “Let me at least do something, please.” I insist.

  “No. Just promise me you will stay safe.”

  I look over at Rebecca and ask, “Well, are we ready to head back?” I would like to talk to Todd some more, but I know we’ve all had an interesting day, to say the least.

  “Here, let me help you get your things from the truck.” Todd walks with me back to the truck and climbs inside to retrieve my purse and jacket. I’m thankful to have one final moment of privacy with him before I have to leave. He pulls a pen from the glove box and writes something down on a piece of paper.

  I am suddenly chilled standing outside in the night air and put my coat on. Todd hands me the piece of paper, folded. I take it from him and attempt to open it, curious as to what he has written. He puts his hand over mine preventing me from seeing what’s inside. His hand is so warm.

  “It’s just my number. I don’t expect you to call me or anything, but please, and I’m dead serious, please contact me if you get into a situation like this again. I hope that never happens, for your sake, so on a brighter note, if you are ever back my way again, look me up. I would love to hear from you.” There is genuine care and concern in his voice that I never experienced with Brian.

  “Thank you again, Todd. You have been a blessing to me.” He steps down from the seat and I reach up to give him a hug. I tuck the folded paper in my back pocket and walk to Rebecca’s car. She’s sitting in the seat with the car running, waiting patiently for me. I know I have a lot of explaining to do, and I’m sure that conversation will take us the rest of the way back home before we finish discussing it.

  We both wave to Todd as he pulls out in front of us. I may never see him again, but I know he is one special man. Despite the situation, I’m glad we were able to cross paths. It’s men like him that remind me there are still decent people in this world, willing to help someone in a time of need.

  I don’t know what to say or where to begin. The first few minutes of the drive are very awkward, and I know the silence can’t continue the entire trip back.

  I decide to break the ice first. “I’m sorry Rebecca.” My voice quivers and tears suddenly fill me eyes. She hands me a bunch of napkins from the door side panel. This long ride home may be the therapy I need to pull me through this mess.

  I spend the next few hours pouring out my heart and soul to the one true person in my life. We both cry, she holds my hand, she offers me comfort and reassures me everything is going to be okay from this point on. I am the only one who controls the cards with the hand I’ve been dealt.

  I know every word she tells me comes from her heart, and I start to wonder if I’m strong enough to make the right decisions for myself. And the best decisions for my baby.

  We arrive back in town shortly before daybreak, and I tell her I don’t want to go to my apartment. Right now, I don’t want to be alone. I have no idea where Brian is, if he’s back in town or if he continued on to his parents’ house; I’m scared to not know his whereabouts, and I know I’ll be able to better prepare myself once I find out.

  So instead of my place, we go to her parents’ home and quietly head to her room upstairs. Her parents are aware of Brian, and I know once they see me here, they won’t
question me at all. They are good people like that. I slip on one of Rebecca’s t-shirts and crawl into bed, pulling the covers up as high as I can get them without covering my face. Hiding under the covers doesn’t make the pain go away, but for the moment, it provides enough comfort to allow me to drift off to a peaceful sleep. My body is screaming for rest, and right now, I need all the rest I can get, for myself and for the baby, because I’m not sure what tomorrow holds.

  When I wake from my sound sleep, I see Rebecca is not in the room. The door is pulled shut and everything in the room is still. I slip on a pair of pajama bottoms that are folded on the end of the bed. I assume Rebecca laid these out for me. I walk downstairs and hear the television playing, coming from the direction of the family room. I stand in the doorway and Rebecca jumps up as soon as she sees me.

  “Did you sleep well?” She asks.

  “I did. I feel so rested.” I sit down on the edge of the couch. “Where are your parents?”

  “They went out for a date tonight. Kind of figured we might need some time alone.”

  I lower my head, not sure what I should do. I listen to my stomach growl and think back to the last time I ate. I know the little bit of grits and toast I had last night are long gone by now.

  As if Rebecca is a mind reader, she asks, “Are you hungry? We could grab a bite to eat.”

  I really don’t feel like going anywhere so I suggest we order pizza. When it arrives, we take it upstairs to her room and eat as though we’ve not had a meal in forever. Rebecca turns on the television to the Lifetime channel and we both curl up in the bed. A movie marathon of a famous actress is playing. By the time the third movie comes on, I close my eyes. Rebecca didn’t even make it through the first movie before she fell sound asleep.

  The next morning, I awake to the sun shining brightly through the bedroom window. Rebecca walks into the bedroom from her bathroom, wrapped in a towel. I can’t wait to have my own hot shower. I forget I don’t have any clothes with me and I’m suddenly reminded of my suitcase full of clothes and toiletries I left behind in Brian’s car. I hope I’m able to get them back, since I had packed some really nice things.

  “I think I’m ready to go back to my apartment now.” I tell her, not exactly a hundred percent sure, but I feel that saying it to her will reassure me more that it’s finally time to face what lies ahead.

  “Jenn, there’s no rush.” She says. “If you would rather I go and get you some things, I will. You can stay here as long as you need.”

  “No, really. I think I’m ready.”

  “Ok, But I’m coming with you.” I don’t argue with her.

  She finishes getting dressed and grabs her makeup bag and work uniform. This whole weekend has been a blur. I’m not really looking forward to going back to work tonight, but I know the sooner I get back to my regular routine, the better I will feel.

  I am instantly relieved when we pull up to my apartment and see only my car with the empty space next to it. We walk to the door and I slowly turn the key as though I’m scared of what I might find on the other side.

  Rebecca pushes me to the side and walks in first. I follow behind and see the apartment is just as we left it two days ago. Relief washes over me knowing Brian hasn’t been here.

  “Go ahead and take a shower.” Rebecca tells me. “I’ll be right here.”

  “Thanks.”

  I gather some clothes and take the hottest shower I can stand. I glance down at my belly, and take in the slight baby bulge. It’s barely noticeable to anyone else, but I know it’s there. Everyday I’m more and more attached to this new life growing inside me. “Don’t worry baby. We’re going to be just fine.” I say out loud but the sound of the water drowns out my voice.

  Rebecca fixes us a light lunch and we sit out on the porch in the swing. I wish I knew the right thing to do, but until I actually talk to Brian, I can only imagine the things I’m going to say or do.

  Rebecca glances at her watch and heads back inside to get ready for work. I encourage her to go ahead. I’ll be fine, even though she’s bothered by leaving me here alone. I’m really trying to convince myself of this, and I can’t let her completely give up everything to babysit me. Besides, I don’t think our manager would be happy if our personal lives interfered with our jobs.

  She gives me a hug before walking outside. “If you need me for anything, call me. I can be here in no time. Try to get some more rest and I’ll see you later on tonight.”

  I realize I missed my classes this morning, and I’m starting to think maybe I should look into getting an extension this term or just withdrawing all together. I know I have a lot going on personally, and I’m not sure I’ll be able to dedicate myself a hundred percent. I can’t afford to let my grades slip and risk losing my scholarship, so I decide to contact my advisor tomorrow and see what options I have.

  I gather up some clothes to wash and turn on the washer. I don’t really have much that needs cleaning, so I set it to the smallest load size. I can’t stand to have dirty clothes just lying around. I toss in the jeans from last night, but snatch them out quickly before any water gets on them, suddenly remembering my note. I check the back pocket and find the scratch paper with Todd’s name and phone number. I stare at it a moment, not sure why it should mean anything to me. I want nothing more than to put this awful weekend behind me, but I was very fortunate to have Todd stand up and come to my defense. I don’t want to think about what might have happened if I had picked a different place to walk into. I could have been struggling on my own.

  I tuck the note inside my purse, in one of those little side pockets, and then grab the remote, hoping to find something interesting on TV. I need something to fill the emptiness I feel inside. I come across some reruns of Sex and the City, my absolute favorite show of all time. I think I’ve seen every episode at least a dozen times, yet I never get tired of watching them. I’m convinced there’s a lesson to be learned from every episode.

  Rebecca greets me with a smile as I walk in the door for work later that evening. “You look well rested.”

  “I feel better, thank you. But I’m still a little edgy about everything. Until I hear from Brian again, I don’t think I’ll be able to fully rest like I need to.”

  “Still nothing from him, huh?” She inquires.

  “Nope, not a word.”

  “Have you tried calling him?”

  “No, I’ve been too scared. Thank goodness he finally gave up on the calls and messages to my phone. I’m not even going to tell you how many times he called. The number would blow your mind. He’s supposed to be at work in the morning, so I’m curious to know if he shows back up in town tonight.”

  “If it will make you feel any better, I’ll be glad to hang around tonight with you.”

  There’s no way I’m letting my best friend hang around for another eight hours just to be with me. “No, Rebecca. It’s not necessary. I’m going to be fine. If he shows up and tries to start trouble, I know how to call the cops.”

  “Ok, but you must promise me you’ll call me for anything. And I mean anything.” She’s so persistent.

  “Yes ma’am, I promise.”

  “Love you girl. Take care.” Rebecca walks out and I’m left alone.

  The night passes way too slowly. I can’t concentrate on any schoolwork, which helps me make up my mind about this term. I simply can’t risk jeopardizing my scholarship.

  I find myself looking up every time I catch a glimpse of headlights. I know I’m going to have to face Brian eventually, but please don’t let it be tonight.

  I fumble through my purse for a piece of gum, hoping it will help keep my awake. I’ve only got a few more hours to go until the end of my shift. I think about the note hidden in my purse and pull it out to look over the neatly printed name. Todd Hughes. I read his number so many times, I feel as though I have it locked in my memory.

  I know its lame, but I add his name and number to my phone contacts. I’m not sure why, but I find comf
ort in doing this, knowing he’s now only a text or phone call away if I need him. I scroll through several other names and numbers, some that I’m not even sure if they’re correct anymore. I know I’m fidgeting, killing time. I click back on Todd’s name again, and the button used to send a text message stares straight at me. I start typing a brief, but friendly message, but then quickly erase it. I do this several more times, never having the guts to finish. I don’t know why I feel drawn to text him, especially since it’s the middle of the night, but he has been on my mind quite a bit since returning home.

  Me: Wanted to thank u again for taking me to meet my friend. It was very generous of you, and I’m forever grateful for your kindness.

  This time, I don’t erase the message; I hit the send button and immediately put the phone down on the desk as though I’m afraid to touch it. I can’t believe I just sent Todd a message. What was I thinking? Oh, how I wish there was a button to push to undo that message.

  Not wanting to know if he responds back, mostly because I feel this is probably one of the stupidest things I could have done, I toss the phone back in my purse and close the drawer.

  “Is that all you’ve done the whole time we’ve been gone?” I hear my dad’s dreaded voice, and I sit up on the couch. I rub my eyes, not realizing I’ve been asleep for so long.

  “Dad, can you just cut me some slack for once?” I ask him, not really caring to hear his response.

  “No, son. I can’t.” His voice is stern. “I gave you so many chances. What makes you think you deserve another opportunity just so you can screw up again and hurt your mother and me?”

  My mom hears our loud voices and walks into the room. She tries to squash the argument that’s quickly heading out of control. I feel sorry that she has to deal with him all of the time.

  “Just fuck you, old man. Fuck you!” I’m screaming, at this point. “I regret ever coming back here. And to think, I really wanted to see you both.”