by Amy Clipston
Sarah hugged the wooden box to her chest. Her husband had been supporting a child she never knew existed, and now the man she’d considered a dear friend wasn’t who she thought he was. He’d turned out to be deceitful, just like her husband.
Her heart ached with renewed grief.
Whom could she trust?
Her eyes filled with fresh tears.
“What’s that?” Mamm pointed to the box.
“I found it in Peter’s armoire,” Sarah said, her voice hoarse. “It has letters from his English girlfriend.”
“An English girlfriend?” Mamm’s eyes widened with shock.
Sarah wiped her eyes, trying in vain to stop the tears. “He was with her before he abandoned his father and Luke and came here to start a new life.”
Mamm’s voice clouded. “What do the letters say?”
“He was sending her money.”
“Why would he do that?”
Opening the box, Sarah fished out a photo of the boy and handed it to her. “This is why,” she whispered.
Mamm studied the photo, then glanced at Sarah. Brows furrowed in confusion, she shook her head. “Sarah Rose, I don’t understand.”
“That’s his son,” she said, her voice trembling as much as her body.
Mamm’s eyes rounded as she inhaled.
Sarah sobbed, and Mamm pulled her into her arms. “There, there, Sarah Rose.” She patted her back. “We’ll get through this. Kumm. Let’s go home.”
Sarah fingered the crumbs left from her homemade bread while sitting across from Mamm at the kitchen table. She’d just finished telling her mamm the details of the letters and the story Luke had relayed regarding Peter’s past.
Mamm had listened with wide eyes. Taking a bite of bread, she shook her head with disbelief. “I don’t know what to say. I never imagined Peter had such a troubled past.”
“I don’t understand why he didn’t tell me,” Sarah said, pushing back a strand of hair that had escaped from her Kapp. “It was bad enough he lied about his family, but now I found out he lied about a child he was supporting. I don’t know who my husband really was, Mamm. I never imagined he was a liar.”
Mamm took Sarah’s hand in hers. “I know this is difficult, but you must forgive him. I’m sure he had his reasons. Maybe he worried that you wouldn’t love him if you knew he’d made mistakes in the past.”
“That’s what Luke said.” Wiping more tears with her free hand, Sarah shook her head. “But I would’ve loved him anyway, Mamm. It doesn’t make sense. There should be no secrets between a husband and wife. I was never dishonest with him.”
“Never?” Mamm raised her eyebrows in disbelief. “Not even when you bought extra material for a new dress without checking with Peter first? Or when you bought a little gift for one of your nieces without telling Peter? Or how about when you bought a few extra books to read without checking your weekly budget?”
“That’s different.” Sarah yanked her hands back and folded them on the table. “Buying a few extra things at the market is not the same as hiding information about your past—especially information about a child you’re supporting.”
She pictured Luke, and her anger simmered. “I’m so upset with Luke for not revealing his identity. He said every time he shared more of Peter’s past, I seemed more and more hurt and upset. But not telling the whole truth is lying too.” Her eyes narrowed. “And to make it even more hurtful, he said Timothy has known all along that Peter had family in Ohio. My own brother kept the truth from me. Why did they all lie? I could’ve handled the truth, Mamm. I’m a strong woman.”
“You just gave the answer, Sarah Rose.” Mamm patted her hand. “They didn’t want to hurt you. Luke and Timothy could see how much you were hurting after Peter died and then you found out that he wasn’t an orphan as he’d said.”
“It’s wrong to be deceitful. It’s a sin.” She swabbed a napkin across her cheeks and then her nose.
“Sarah Rose, you must remember the words of the Bible. In Luke 6:37 we read, ‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.’” Mamm covered Sarah’s hands again with her own. “Peter was wrong; he never should’ve kept those secrets from you. But he was human just like you and me. You must forgive him. He’s not here to defend himself. We can only assume he did it to protect you.”
“Protect me from what?” Sarah snapped.
“He loved you and didn’t want to hurt you.”
“How can you be so sure he loved me?” Sarah tried to clear the knot in her throat. “Love means you’re open and honest. Love means you trust your spouse completely.”
Mamm sighed. “You’re hurt, but you can’t deny he loved you. I saw it in his eyes every time he looked at you and every time he held your hand or hugged you. He wore a smile on his face for weeks after the day you were married. He walked around with a glow on his face when he found out you were expecting a boppli.”
Sarah blew out a quivering breath as she thought back to those days. Then it clicked, like the latch on the back gate. Everything suddenly made sense. “That could be why he stopped talking to me. Maybe he felt guilty for not telling me he had a son in Ohio when he found out we were having a child of our own.”
Mamm gave a sad smile and a slow nod. “That could very well be it, Sarah Rose. And you must forgive him. And you also must forgive your brother and Luke. They care about you too.”
Sarah nodded, even though it was easier said than done. But forgiveness was the Amish way, and she knew she had to let go. Somehow.
“I’ll forgive them, but I won’t trust them again, especially Luke. He took advantage of me. I thought we were friends.” She shook her head. “He’ll be a part of the bopplin’s lives because they’re family, but that’s it.”
“Don’t be so hard on him, Sarah Rose. Now that you know he’s Peter’s brother, you must remember he’s grieving too.”
“That’s all the more reason why he should’ve told me the truth. I thought we were close. I shared so much with him, and now I feel betrayed and used.”
Mamm squeezed her hand. “He cares for you. I can see it in his eyes. I’m sure he felt he was justified in not telling you the whole truth.”
Sarah glanced down at the remaining crumbs on her plate. “And I’m going to have a word with Timothy.”
“Go easy on your brother. He’s been hurt too.”
The sound of infant cries rang from the living room, and Sarah jumped up. After warming two bottles, she and Mamm headed for the cradles.
She lifted Seth and snuggled him close while feeding him. Mamm sat next to her and hummed a lullaby as she fed Rachel.
Sarah traced a finger along Seth’s soft chin and contemplated the news of Peter’s older son. The photograph of Cody was burned into her memory, and she could see a resemblance between Seth and Cody—they both looked like Peter and Luke.
She wondered how DeLana had felt raising Cody without his biological father and how Cody would feel if he knew Peter had been his father. The three children—Cody, Seth, and Rachel—would never know what their father looked like or hear the sound of his voice or see the color of his eyes.
Sarah sighed. The children would want to know each other. She would have to contact DeLana and see if she would feel comfortable getting the children together.
Her thoughts moved to Luke, and she frowned. She would allow him to be a part of the twins’ lives, but that was as far as her relationship with him would go. She could no longer trust him with her heart. She’d believed their friendship was special, and she’d even felt a teensy hint of affection for him, but those feelings had dissipated today. The children had a right to know their uncle, but Sarah would no longer allow him into her heart.
And her last issue was with her brother Timothy. She would address his lies the next time she saw him.
Pushing her hostility away, Sarah concentrated on the beautiful baby boy in her arms. Closing her eyes, she thanked God for her he
althy twins. Even though her heart was broken by the deception she’d received from those she cared about, her heart swelled with love for her children, a true miracle and gift from the Lord.
Luke trudged up the gravel driveway to Eli’s house, hoping to see Sarah sitting on the porch. The memory of the anger in her eyes had haunted him all day. Her sadness and her devastation at finding out about Cody and then finding out about his own identity had broken his heart. He wished he could take away the pain he and his brother had caused. He worried he had lost her friendship forever. He couldn’t stand the thought of not being her friend, and he longed to make things right between them.
His hope deflated when he found Eli and Elizabeth sitting on the porch without their youngest child.
“Wie geht’s,” Eli called with a bright smile.
“Gut,” Luke said, climbing the stairs. “How are you both tonight?”
“Gut,” Eli responded, looping his arm across the back of the swing and behind his wife. “Right, mei fraa?”
Elizabeth gave a sad smile. “Ya,” she said.
“I wanted to check on Sarah,” Luke said, leaning against the porch railing. “She was a mite bit upset earlier.”
“Ya, she was,” Elizabeth said. “She’s fine now. She’s resting since the zwillingbopplin are sleeping. She has to get her sleep whenever she can.”
Luke nodded, wondering if Elizabeth was telling the truth. Was Sarah truly resting well or was she still distraught, crying alone in her room or sitting alone, contemplating how much he, Peter, and Timothy had hurt her. “I’m sorry that my brother hurt her so much. And I’m sorry I wasn’t upfront with all of you about being Peter’s brother. I should’ve told you the first time I met you. I only did it because I was afraid of hurting her more. I wish I could make it better. I was wrong, and I regret it with my whole heart.”
“She’ll be just fine.” Elizabeth’s expression softened. “She’s stubborn like the rest of the Kauffmans.” She elbowed her husband, who shrugged. “She’ll be angry for a few days, but I’m sure she’ll get through it. We just need to give her time.”
Eli glanced at his wife, his eyebrows careening with feigned anger toward his hairline. They exchanged a private conversation without words, and she smiled.
Luke longed to have a loving relationship like theirs. He’d thought he and Sarah had that kind of friendship, where they could poke fun of each other and almost read each other’s minds; however, he’d ruined it by not telling her the truth from the beginning. Now it was all lost, and he was alone—again.
Elizabeth eyed Luke. “Have you eaten? We have leftover meatloaf and chocolate cake.”
Luke considered the offer for a moment and then shook his head. It was obvious he’d worn out his welcome with Sarah Rose. In order to regain her trust, Luke knew he should keep his distance and give her time to heal, as much as it would hurt his heart to stay away from her and the twins.
“Danki, but I ate a little bit earlier.” He stood up straight. “I just wanted to make sure she was okay. Please give her my regards.”
“Will do, son.” Eli smiled. “You have a gut night.”
“You too.” After a quick nod, Luke descended the stairs and walked slowly back toward the house.
Climbing into bed that night, he prayed for Sarah, asking God to comfort and bless her and her twins and to find room for Luke in their lives. He prayed giving Sarah space would help him win a place in her family.
Sarah hugged Rachel closer to her body and swung gently back and forth on the porch the following afternoon, enjoying an unusual break in the normally bitter-cold February weather. Mamm sat beside her with Seth while Rebecca held Junior on the chair beside the swing.
Gazing out over the yard, Sarah spotted her nieces and nephews racing to and fro, screeching and laughing during a competitive game of tag. Her sisters sat nearby chatting while her brothers leaned on the fence by the pasture. The sights and sounds were all fitting for an off Sunday without church service, and normally it would be a comfort.
However, today it was anything but comfortable. Instead, Sarah glanced around the scenery and gave a shuddering sigh.
After crying most of the night, her tears had dried up. Numbness had settled in her soul around four this morning. Betrayal and disappointment filled the hole in her heart that had been left after Peter died. She felt like an empty shell of the woman she once was.
Her gaze trained on Timothy, and her stomach soured. She planned to give him a piece of her mind the first chance she had to speak to him in private.
Junior fussed, and Rebecca stood. “I’m going to go in and feed him.”
Sarah and Mamm nodded as Rebecca disappeared through the door with her infant.
“How are you?” Mamm asked.
“Gut,” Sarah said, but her voice was flat and devoid of the emotion she’d hoped to convey.
Mamm patted her arm. “It will get better. Have faith, Sarah Rose.”
Sarah let the words soak into her as she stared across the pasture toward the house where Luke was staying. Bitterness and disappointment rolled through her.
The clip-clop of a horse and the crunch of wheels on gravel yanked Sarah back to the present. She glanced toward the barn as Norman and his family emerged from their buggy. Timothy greeted Norman. The children joined her nieces and nephews in their game of tag, the eldest girls caring for the younger children.
Sarah plastered a smile on her face as Norman and Timothy sauntered toward the house, talking. Norman met her stare and gave her a sincere smile. She was thankful for his friendship.
Something she’d thought she shared with Luke.
The men climbed the stairs, and Norman greeted her mother and sisters before turning to Sarah. “Wie geht’s,” he said, his eyes warm.
“Gut,” she said.
“How are the zwillingbopplin?”
“They’re sleeping better at night. I’m getting almost four solid hours of sleep.” Sarah angled a sleeping Rachel toward him.
“Ack, she looks just like you.” Norman’s face beamed. “She’s beautiful.”
Sarah felt her face heat at the compliment.
Mamm stood with Seth asleep in her arms. “Would you like me to take the zwillingbopplin in so you can talk?”
“You can’t handle them both.” Sarah stood. “I can take Rachel in.”
“Don’t be silly.” Her mamm turned toward the older girls sitting on the other side of the porch. “Katie, would you please help me put the zwillingbopplin to bed?”
Katie hurried over and took Rachel from Sarah’s arms.
“Danki,” Sarah said as Mamm and Katie disappeared through the door with the sleeping children.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” Norman offered.
“That sounds nice.”
Sarah followed him down the steps, and they walked side by side on the path toward her former home. Her heart fluttered at the idea of seeing Luke, considering how hurt she was by his actions.
“What’s on your mind?” Norman asked. “You seem preoccupied.”
She silently marveled how well Norman could read her emotions. He seemed to have a gift. “I found out some more disturbing things about Peter’s past yesterday.”
“Would you like to talk about it?”
Sarah frowned. “I feel bad for dragging you into my problems.”
Norman stopped and stared into her eyes. His expression was serious. “Sarah Rose, I want to help you. You forget I also suffered a loss, and I know how difficult it can be to wade through the grief, bitterness, and anger after someone you love leaves you. I want to help you through this.”
“Danki,” she whispered. “I appreciate your friendship more than you know.”
Something flickered in his eyes, but she wasn’t sure what it meant.
“While I was going through some of Peter’s things yesterday, I found some letters written to Peter from a woman in Ohio.” Sarah paused, choosing her words. “I discovered he was sending the
woman money to support his son—a son they’d had together.”
Norman’s mouth gaped.
“The woman is English, and they had an affair when Peter was seventeen. His father broke them up, and the girl married someone else. Peter left his family after he found out she’d married someone else. While he and I were together, he was writing her and sending her money every month to help care for the boy.” Sarah shook her head. “There was a photograph of the boy. He’s handsome and looks just like Peter and Luke.”
“He looks like Luke?” Norman’s eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Why do you say that?”
“Because it’s true. That’s the other detail I uncovered. Luke is Peter’s brother, not his cousin.” She glared toward Timothy across the pasture. “I found out Peter, Luke, and Timothy have all lied to me.”
“What do you mean?” Norman asked.
She met his confused expression. “You already know about Peter’s deception about his past. Luke also omitted the truth that he’s Peter’s brother, and Timothy has known about Peter’s past for some time. I’m going to have a few words with my brother when I can get him alone.”
“Timothy never said anything to me about it, but I know he and Peter were close when Peter was alive.”
Sarah wrung her hands together. “I’ve been trying to sort through it all and figure out how to get past the hurt.”
Norman took her hands in his. “Give your burdens up to the Lord, and He will see you through. Have faith that He is leading you down the path toward happiness.”
She gazed into his brown eyes, astounded by his strong faith. “You are so calm and faithful.”
He smiled. “It took me a long time to get here after losing Leah, but I’d like to help you find your strength.” His expression became serious. “I would like to spend more time with you, Sarah, and help you through this.”
“I appreciate you so much, Norman. Danki.” She led him back toward the path to her parents’ house. “Let’s go see if there’s any chocolate cake left.”
Later that evening, Sarah tiptoed down the stairs after rocking the twins to sleep. Heading toward the kitchen, she heard soft masculine voices. She stepped into the doorway and found her dat and Timothy sitting at the table. Her expression hardened as Timothy saw her.