Touching Spirit Bear

by Ben Mikaelsen

  As Garvey returned with juice and warm oatmeal, Edwin appeared at the door and announced, “The plane is in the air. Should be landing in about thirty minutes.” He turned to Rosey. “After Cole eats, let’s get him down to the dock. I’ve got help coming.”

  By the time Cole finished eating, two boys from the village had arrived to help lift him. The boys, both Cole’s age, eyed him curiously as they carried him on a stretcher out to a waiting van. Rosey rode beside Cole in the van, holding his IV bag. When they reached the marina, the boys again helped Garvey and Edwin carry the stretcher to the end of the dock.

  Rosey hung Cole’s IV from a dock post. “I’ll be right back,” she said. “I need your medical records from the van.” The boys followed Rosey, leaving Edwin and Garvey alone with Cole.

  Edwin looked out at the horizon glowing red with early dawn. “Tell me what happened out there,” he said.

  “I didn’t think anybody cared about me anymore,” Cole said, struggling to speak. “That’s why I burned the shelter.” Hesitantly, he explained how he had tried to escape the island and how he was mauled trying to kill the Spirit Bear. “I wanted to kill it because it wasn’t scared of me,” he admitted.

  As Garvey and Edwin listened, he continued, telling next about the storm. When Cole had finished, Garvey said, “You may never have use of that arm again. Life is made up of consequences, and you’ve sure made some bad choices.”

  Cole nodded. “My arm isn’t important.”

  Garvey gave Cole a puzzled look. “Why do you say that?”

  “If I like the cake, maybe the ingredients are okay, too.” Cole smiled weakly. “A famous parole officer told me that once.”

  Garvey raised an eyebrow. “A famous parole officer let you get mauled by a bear. Now you’ll end up in a hospital. When you’re released, you’ll still have your parents to deal with and you’ll still be facing a jail term. I doubt the Hearing Circle will consider returning you to the island after what’s happened. You realize all that, don’t you?”

  Cole nodded. “I do, but it’s okay. Whatever happens now, I’m done being mad.”

  Edwin shook his head. “A person is never done being mad. Anger is a memory never forgotten. You only tame it.” He pointed out toward the islands. “Tell me more about this Spirit Bear.”

  “The bear was pure white,” Cole said. “The last time it came, it stood right over me.” He spoke in a whisper. “I reached up and touched it.”

  Edwin studied Cole. “Spirit Bears live hundreds of miles south of here off the coast of British Columbia, not here in these islands.” He shook his head. “We’ve hunted here since I was young, and so have my parents and their parents. There are no Spirit Bears around here except maybe in your mind.”

  Cole started to argue, then remembered the handful of white hair he had pulled off the bear. “Want to bet,” he said, reaching for his pants in the bag beside him. Suddenly he paused. His life had become filled with lies, and the more he lied the more he always tried to prove he was right. Never had he been strong enough to simply tell the truth.

  Cole put down the bag. Today things would change. From now on he would speak the truth, even if it meant going to jail. He spoke softly. “I don’t need to prove anything. I’m telling the truth.”

  Edwin narrowed his eyes at Cole. Then he turned and walked up the dock.

  “Looks like I’m going to Ketchikan with you,” Garvey said. “I need to go get my things. I’ll be right back.” As he turned to leave, he winked. “Don’t go anywhere.”

  Cole watched Garvey leave. Finding himself alone, he looked out at the mirrored water. Maybe he had never really seen the Spirit Bear. He strained his neck to make sure nobody was watching, then reached into the paper bag and pulled out his jeans. Carefully he poked his hand into the front pocket and wrapped his fingers around something matted and fuzzy. He pulled his hand from the bag and opened his fist.

  There in the palm of his hand was a wad of hair. Cole stared. The hair was white. All white. “It’s true,” he whispered. “I wasn’t lying.” Deliberately he raised his hand and tossed the hair into the water. Beginning today, he would tell the truth. His words would become his only proof.

  As loud voices approached the dock and a plane droned overhead circling to land, Cole watched the white patch of hair. It floated on the water, and the breeze tugged it out away from the dock. The little clump bobbed about, drifting with the tide, then finally blinked from sight.

  Smiling, Cole rested his head on the stretcher. Edwin had said that anger was a memory never forgotten. That might be true. But the Spirit Bear was also a memory that would never disappear from his mind or heart.

  Part Two

  RETURN TO SPIRIT BEAR

  CHAPTER 14

  SIX MONTHS LATER

  COLE HOBBLED SLOWLY but without help down the sidewalk leading away from the hospital. No longer did he have full use of his right arm. His many scars made him stiff, and limping helped ease the pain gnawing at his hip. Garvey walked patiently alongside. Cole’s mother followed several long steps behind. Beside her walked the guard who had arrived to escort Cole back to the detention center. The guard watched with a close eye. He had wanted to handcuff Cole, but Garvey took him aside. A heated discussion followed. Finally, the guard nodded reluctantly and allowed Cole to walk freely during the transfer.

  Cole’s father had never once visited the hospital, nor had he chosen to be here today. Nobody mentioned him as the group crossed the parking lot toward a parked station wagon. His absence didn’t surprise Cole. One month after Cole’s return from the island, the police had arrested and formally charged his father with child abuse. He denied all the accusations, of course, and paid bail before the ink dried on the warrant.

  He might have never been charged except for Garvey’s words to Cole’s mother. Standing beside Cole’s bed in the hospital, he had said to her, “This is what has come from your silence. Keep quiet now, and you share the blame.” The next day, she reluctantly agreed to press charges and testify.

  During Cole’s hospital stay, many people from the Circle had visited him, including his mother. Her visits had been the hardest. She spoke little except to wring her hands and ask, “How are you doing?” Each visit, she repeated, “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”

  Cole didn’t know what to say at those times. Why now, all of a sudden, should he believe she cared? She visited every day, but that didn’t prove anything. She still wasn’t there at night. Nobody was there after dark when visiting hours ended, when Cole was left alone with his thoughts. That was when he relived the nightmare of the mauling and felt the ache of being alone, the fear, and yes, still, the anger. Edwin had been right. Anger was a memory never forgotten.

  But late at night, Cole also remembered the baby sparrows. And he remembered touching the Spirit Bear. He remembered the white hair and the gentle eyes, black orbs that peered patiently at him through the dark. Remembering those eyes brought Cole a certain calm.

  Cole hugged his lame right arm in close to his chest as he turned and glanced back at the hospital. It felt good to be leaving. It had been six months since the Spirit Bear sank its teeth into his hip and arm and raked his chest into hamburger. Even now, red puffy scars still crisscrossed Cole’s body and served as painful reminders of the mauling.

  Although his body had begun to heal, Cole knew that many more months of therapy lay ahead. “What happened to your body would have killed many people,” the physical therapist had said. “You’re lucky to be alive, and your body will continue to react to the trauma for a long time. You will never have full use of your right hand again. Some nerve damage and blood flow will repair itself, but you’ll always have areas of weakness, numbness, and poor circulation. Damaged muscle and cartilage will stiffen your joints. Wounds will build scar tissue—that can cripple you if you let it. Fight back. Stretch, run, push, pull, anything to expand your range of motion. You are in a battle with your body now. Lose, and you end up crippled the
rest of your life.”

  As they reached the guard’s station wagon, Garvey turned to Cole. “The therapist told you only about your physical healing. That’s the easy part.” He pointed at Cole’s head. “Healing up there is much harder. I don’t know what the justice system will do with you now that you’ve burned your bridges. I’ll stop by the detention center tomorrow and we’ll talk.”

  “I’ll stop by, too,” Cole’s mother said, her voice barely loud enough to be heard. Suddenly she reached out and hugged Cole, clinging to him. He heard her sob.

  Cole felt embarrassed but did not push her away. Instead, he placed his hands on her shoulders until she released him. He swallowed a big lump that had grown in his throat. “I’ll be okay, Mom,” he said, crawling into the vehicle.

  “Fasten your seatbelt,” ordered the guard.

  As Cole fumbled with the buckles, he nodded good-bye to Garvey and his mother. Now what, he thought to himself. As long as he had been in the hospital, he hadn’t worried much about the future. Each day had been filled with surgeries and follow-up surgeries, physical therapy, daily visits from his mother and from Garvey, and a constant flow of visitors from the Circle wishing him well.

  Cole peered out the side window of the station wagon as they drove across town. Would he end up going to jail now? And what would happen to his father? He couldn’t picture his father in jail.

  All too soon, the station wagon pulled to a stop in front of the detention center. Cole’s pulse quickened as he eyed the familiar stark brick building. Obediently, he crawled out, letting the guard hold his elbow to escort him inside past the locked doors. He wore new clothes his mother had brought for him. All he owned now, including the at.óow blanket, fit in the small duffel bag he carried over his shoulder.

  Cole found himself assigned to a different room than before. Not that it mattered. This one had the same plain walls, cement table, and bed. The only difference was the toilet. This one was dull green; the other had been tan.

  When the guard closed the door, Cole walked over to the bed and hung the at.óow over the bed frame where each hour and minute it could remind him of the island. Then he sat down. He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. Sitting there, it was easy to remember the island, the storm, the cold, the lightning, the fallen tree, the dead sparrows, and the mauling. Now he would find out whether he could still remember the gentleness of the Spirit Bear.

  When Garvey stopped by the next afternoon, he looked rushed. “Did you get settled?” he asked.

  “How do you settle into a prison cell?”

  Garvey smiled and pointed to his head. “It’s all up here.”

  “Did you find out what’s going to happen to me now?”

  “Yes and no. As soon as it can be arranged, the Justice Circle will meet again with you. Because of what happened, they will probably relinquish authority over your case and send it back to the court system.”

  “Then what?”

  “Then, I’m afraid, you go to trial and face sentencing.”

  “A jail term?”

  Garvey nodded. “Most likely.”

  Cole looked down and picked at his thumbnail.

  “How are you feeling about that?” asked Garvey.

  “I’m wishing I hadn’t blown my chance on the island.”

  Garvey nodded. “We all have things we wish we could do over again.”

  “Someday I’m going back to the island,” Cole said.

  Garvey glanced up curiously. “Any reason?”

  “To see the Spirit Bear again.”

  “Ah, the great white bear,” Garvey said.

  “You don’t believe I really saw one, do you?”

  “You saw something, Champ,” Garvey said with a frown. “Something chewed you up and spit you out.”

  “The bear didn’t try to hurt me,” Cole said.

  “How do you know that?”

  Cole hesitated. “When my dad uses a belt on me, I know he’s trying to hurt me. I see it in his eyes. The bear was different. It was just trying to protect itself because I tried to kill it.”

  “Ever wonder why your dad beats you?”

  Cole looked up, surprised. “I’ve never done anything to him.”

  “I didn’t say you did.”

  “He just whips me ’cause he’s mad.”

  Garvey smiled. “Remind you of anybody we know?” When Cole didn’t answer, Garvey shrugged and walked toward the door. “I have to run, Champ,” he said.

  “You think I’m lying about the Spirit Bear, don’t you!” Cole blurted.

  Garvey paused in the doorway. “No, you’re not lying. I think you believe you saw one,” he said.

  During the next week, Cole settled into the monotonous routine of the detention center. His father still didn’t visit. Each day, however, Garvey stopped by, as did Cole’s mother. His mother seemed a little different now, happier, and more sure of herself. She wore casual clothes to visit instead of dressing up.

  “Maybe when this is all over, we can go start a new life somewhere,” she said one day.

  “It will never be over,” Cole said.

  “That’s up to us,” she said. “I’ve quit drinking.”

  Cole studied his mother. “Why?”

  A faraway look crept into her eyes. “Nineteen years ago, when your father and I were newly married, we were just like any other young couple—in love and full of dreams. We dreamed of having you, raising you, and having an ideal family. We never meant for things to turn out this way.”

  “What happened?”

  “Somewhere we took a wrong turn. Life got to be more than we could handle. Your father carried too much baggage from his past—baggage he never dealt with.”

  “What do you mean, ‘baggage’?”

  She smiled sadly. “Your father isn’t a bad person, but when he was younger, he had parents who beat him for everything he did. That’s all he ever knew. When I saw him start doing it to you, I kept telling myself things would get better. Drinking helped me ignore reality.” She shook her head. “It took a divorce and you ending up in the hospital to wake me up. I realized I couldn’t change your father, but I could change me. I’m sorry you’ve gone through all you have. Can you ever forgive me?”

  “You weren’t the one who hit me.”

  “No, but I didn’t try to stop it. I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

  “It’s okay,” Cole said.

  “No, it’s not okay, but maybe we can change things.”

  Cole studied her curiously. “This is the first time you’ve ever talked to me about this.”

  She touched his hand. “This is the first time you’ve been mauled by a bear.” Then she gave Cole a big hug.

  Cole clung to his mother even after she let go, then turned away to hide his misty eyes.

  One week later, Garvey announced, “The Justice Circle meets tomorrow night. I’ll stop by to ride over with you.”

  “Does Mom know?”

  Garvey nodded. “And so does your dad. By the way, we have a little surprise for you tomorrow night.”

  “What’s that?”

  Garvey gave no answer as he left.

  True to his word, Garvey arrived the following evening. Cole was surprised that the guard did not handcuff him as long as Garvey accompanied them.

  They arrived at the public library a little after seven o’clock. Already the Circle had gathered. Cole recognized most of the faces as those from the old Circle, including his lawyer, Nathaniel Blackwood. Peter’s lawyer was there, but Peter was missing, and so were Peter’s parents. Also noticeably missing from the Circle was Cole’s dad.

  As before, the Circle began with the Keeper giving prayer while everybody stood and held hands. As they sat down, Cole noticed that Garvey kept glancing over his shoulder toward the door. Several times he checked his watch.

  After introductions, the Keeper described briefly all that had happened and why they were gathered again. She told about Cole burning the supplies, trying to esca
pe, and being mauled. Then she ended by telling how he had spent six months in the hospital.

  That wasn’t the whole story, Cole thought. She didn’t know about the baby sparrows, the storm, trying to survive, how cold it had been, how alone he had felt, or that he had seen and touched a Spirit Bear.

  “Cole’s response to this opportunity was very disappointing,” the Keeper concluded. “He broke his contract with the Circle, and he violated our trust. Is there anything more this Circle can reasonably do?”

  One by one the Circle members held the feather and expressed their disappointment over what had happened. “My belief is that this situation should no longer be handled by the Circle,” one member finally said. Most of the others nodded their agreement.

  Again Cole noticed Garvey glancing toward the door. Suddenly the door opened, and everyone turned to look.

  In walked Edwin.

  The Tlingit elder seemed totally out of place here in Minneapolis. He still wore faded old blue jeans, but instead of his worn T-shirt, he wore a baggy sweater that covered up most of his potbelly. “I’m sorry for arriving late,” he announced. “Here in the city you have something we don’t have in our village: traffic.”

  The Circle members chuckled as Garvey asked permission to speak. The Keeper handed him the feather, and Garvey introduced everyone to the Tlingit elder.

  “May I join your circle?” Edwin asked reverently.

  The Keeper nodded. “Yes, please do,” she said, bringing another chair into the circle and placing it immediately to her left.

  As Edwin seated himself, he looked over at Cole and nodded. Cole smiled back. The Keeper motioned for the feather to continue around the Circle. “We were just getting ready to hear from Cole,” she said. “Cole, would you please tell us why you have broken your contract with the Circle? Explain why we shouldn’t transfer your case back to the court system for prosecution and sentencing.”

  CHAPTER 15