by Becki Willis
“If nothing else, finding out about my past has given me a confidence I never had before. People don’t realize how profound a parent’s love is to a child. It becomes the foundation of their lives, the building block for their future and their self-esteem. Now that I know my mother, my real mother, loved me, I have a new sense of self-worth.”
Makenna interrupted her to interject softly, “In his own way, our father loved you, too, you know.”
“I realize that. And now that I know I had my parents’ love -and my sister’s- I don’t feel the need to work so hard at finding love and approval from other people. I know it will find me one day, in its own way and its own time.”
“And Travis?”
Kenzie’s smile was bittersweet. “I will always love Travis. But I can’t base my own happiness and sense of worth on what is or isn’t in his heart. I have to be my own person, I have to find my own happiness and sense of value. I was hoping for a future with him and, who knows, maybe one day we may have it. But I’m not going to sit around waiting for it to happen. I have a career that I love, a life that I love, and for now, that’s enough.”
“I admire you so much!” Makenna blurted out. She jumped up from the table and grabbed her sister in an impulsive hug.
“Ooo-kay,” Kenzie laughed, oddly embarrassed by the impetuous move. “Why are you crying?”
“Bridal nerves, I guess. I get married next week. Here I am basing my entire future on Hardin, and you have this amazing kick-butt attitude about your own love-life and happiness.”
“And if Travis felt about me the way Hardin feels about you, I would have those same stars in my eyes,” Kenzie admitted with a rueful grin. “But we have to work with what we’ve got, and while you have the love and devotion of an amazing man, I’m making do the best I can.” She glanced at the clock. “Okay, I gotta run. For some reason, Kate wanted me to be sure and be at the park by nine o’clock.”
“What park?”
“Guadalupe. I’m photographing the river and how the draught is affecting tourists and the industry surrounding tubing. In many places, the water is too low to allow rafting.”
“I know, sad, isn’t it?” Makenna murmured as she followed her twin to the door. “Remember we have final fittings for the dresses at four.”
“I haven’t forgotten.”
“Okay, be careful. I’ll see you this afternoon.”
Kenzie frowned as she lingered in the doorway. “You’re nibbling on your lower lip. What’s worrying you now?”
“I hope Hardin likes my dress. The style is a little dated, seeing as Mom wore it when she married my father almost forty years ago.”
“You could show up in a tow-sack and Hardin would still think you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.”
“I just want him to be proud of me.”
“Kenna, that man is head over heels in love with you. Believe me, he’s proud of you no matter what you look like.” She rolled her eyes, thinking how hopelessly in love the two of them were. With a sudden grin, she added, “Luckily for you, though, you just happen to look fantastic in your mother’s wedding dress. Stop worrying and let me get this shoot over with. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can get back and can try on my own dress. Which, by the way, I also look fantastic in.”
Makenna laughed, hugging her sister one last time. “We may have to let it out an inch or two, so that your ego will fit into it.”
Kenzie stuck her tongue out playfully, just before the door shut in her face.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Kenzie pulled Bluebell into the parking area of the Guadalupe State Park one minute after nine. She had finally named her car, choosing the agnomen to represent both the color of the vehicle as well as her favorite brand of ice cream. Despite the early hour, it was hot enough outside to make her long for a big bowl of Rocky Mountain Road.
She made her way down to the water’s edge, noting how the water had receded since her visit a month ago to reveal even more of the sandy bank. A sure sign of draught, she thought with a grimace. She took another half dozen shots before she started toward the rapids. Judging from the lazy movement of the low flow, she guessed there was nothing rapid about the river today.
On impulse, Kenzie abruptly changed paths. There was no one in sight, and the water beckoned to her. She stepped out of her shoes and shrugged off the short-sleeved shirt she wore over a strapless cream-colored camisole and shorts. She left everything but her camera at the base of a pecan tree and stepped into the cool, refreshing waters of the Guadalupe.
The water was an instant balm to her heated skin and her turbulent thoughts. Despite the brave words she had spouted this morning, she was still struggling with bouts of uncertainty. Change always did that to her, and Heaven only knew how many changes her life had seen lately.
Lately? Kenzie scoffed at her own thoughts as she reminded herself that her entire life had been full of changes, one right after another.
As she waded through the waters of the river, she allowed herself to wade through emotions she usually kept suppressed. Alone here at the river, surrounded only by nature and the limestone bluffs she loved so much, she could let down her guard. Right or wrong, there were a half dozen inescapable feelings roiling around in her soul. Most of them she could not even admit to herself, much less confide to Makenna.
The truth was, she felt cheated. Cheated out of a happy childhood and the chance to grow up with her twin and a loving set of parents. Life was so unfair at times.
She felt sadness. The days she had lost with her family were forever gone. That fact left her with an overwhelming sense of sadness.
And yes, she felt grief. She may not remember her mother, but she still grieved her death. Everyone spoke of her with such fondness - her grandparents, her father, even the people of Haverhill. No doubt, Maggie Lawrence Mandarino had been a special person, and Kenzie grieved a life ended too soon, and the lost opportunity to know her.
And if she was being totally honest with herself, Kenzie felt resentment. It was the emotion she was most ashamed of, but it was there, nonetheless. She felt resentment toward her father, resentment toward that woman; because of them, her childhood was sad and lonely. Resentment toward her grandfather; he forced her mother to choose between the two men she loved most in life.
Yet oddly enough, she also felt gratitude toward those very people. Her father had been trying to protect his family, the only way he knew how. She was grateful that in the end, he had done the right thing and taken responsibility for his actions. Telling the truth would seal the fate of those guilty, and keep the mafia from coming after her and Makenna. And she had Ellen to thank for discovering the truth. Ellen could have kept the envelope. No one would have been the wiser, but she not only handed over the envelope from the past, she had also given Kenzie the monetary means for a future. Even Harry inspired gratitude. She was grateful to her grandfather for trying to right the wrongs of the past, and for accepting her and Makenna into his tightly knit family. The man had many faults, but stinginess was not one of them; he gave freely of his money and his affection.
As Kenzie pulled her legs through the water’s resistance, she felt herself pulling free of the past’s encumbrance. She could only be cheated if she was a victim. Sadness was a temporary emotion, and grief, she knew, eased with time. Resentment was a useless waste of energy. If she truly wanted to be free of the past, she had to shake the debilitating hold of negativity and concentrate on the positives. She had to look for the light.
She had a family now. Grandparents. Aunts and uncles and cousins and, most importantly, a twin sister whom she adored. She had the Reagans and in an odd but wonderful sort of way, the Kaczmareks.
She finally had closure. The mystery of her mother’s disappearance had been solved. She knew now why her childhood was so sad and bleak. And Joseph… well, Joseph was Joseph. At least this time, they parted with a proper goodbye.
And she had learned to love. Even though Travis did not
seem to share the same depth of feeling as she did, Kenzie could not regret giving her heart to the Texas Ranger. He was a good man, the best she had ever known. He was full of honesty and integrity and that infallible sense of honor that she loved as much as she hated. If he wanted a future with her, she would consider herself the luckiest woman alive and do her best to deserve his love and respect. But if he didn’t… her heart would be broken, but it would go on beating. She was a better person for having known him, although she might never admit as much to him.
Kenzie kept trudging through the water, even as it grew deeper. It was up to her waist now and so dense she could no longer see her feet when she looked down. All she could see was her reflection upon the water, distorted by ripples. Kenzie stopped and allowed the waters to still. Her image stared back at her atop the smooth sheet of water, almost like a mirror. The morning sun glinted off the surface just right, shining like a light amid her reflection.
“Find the light,” she murmured, mimicking her father’s parting words. “That light is a piece of her soul, shining through you.”
Saying the words aloud, Kenzie felt a sense of peace move into her heart. It almost felt as if someone touched her shoulder, brushing her with a feathery caress. She wondered if it could be an angel’s wing.
As she stared down at the face on the water, she watched in wonder as the edges of her mouth curled upward in a smile. She was standing in the middle of the river, all alone, but she did not feel lonely. Oddly enough, she felt happy. Hopeful. She felt like smiling. Laughing, even. Through the watery reflection of the water, she could see the light twinkling in her eyes.
“The light from my mirror,” she murmured.
Laughter bubbled up from within her and Kenzie stretched her arms out, embracing the warmth of the sun and the light that filtered through the trees and brightened her soul. She took a step forward, twirling around in the middle of the river, arms outstretched, until a series of turns and splashes and unrestrained laughter brought her around a bend.
As dizziness overcame her, Kenzie stopped mid-twirl and closed her eyes. The churning waters crashed against her in confusion and for a moment she swayed unsteadily upon her feet. When her eyes popped open, she knew she was hallucinating.
She thought she saw a raft on the water. Not just any raft, but a flat wooden raft, tied off on both sides of the river so that it bobbed up and down in the water without drifting downstream. She thought she saw a table atop it, set with a flowing white tablecloth and silver candelabra. And since her mind was imagining things, it conjured up the sight of Travis, standing beside the table in his biker garb, all six foot, sexy four inches of him. Kenzie laughed again, knowing she had scrambled her brains with all her twirling.
Of course, in any decent hallucination, Travis would not be frowning. Kenzie’s laughter died away as she shook her head to clear it. Taking another peek, she still saw the same ridiculous image, but Travis’s scowl was deepening.
“Travis? Is that really you?” she called out. She splashed her way through the water, finding it impossibly difficult to fight the current of water when she was so out of breath. Apparently spinning through the water while laughing was excellent cardio-vascular exercise, judging from her lack of oxygen and the way her heart hammered in her chest.
“What do you think?” he asked, putting his hands on his hips. He wore the leather chaps over his jeans and biker boots. In lieu of the do-rag, he had on his summer straw cowboy hat, a sleeveless white muscle shirt, and a dark frown.
“Why-Why are you here?” she asked in amazement. She splashed her way up to the raft, reaching a hand out to see if it was real or just a vivid mirage. One touch proved that it was real.
“Because I had some fool notion that you were as miserable as I was. Apparently I was wrong.” The tone of his voice and the scowl on his handsome face stole the romance right out of his words.
Her dazed eyes went to the table. Yes, that was definitely a table on the raft, set with an elegant meal for two.
“I-I don’t understand.” She sounded disoriented.
Travis knelt down on the raft and reached out to drag her aboard. Kenzie handed her camera up first, more worried about it than herself. She was still too dazed to do little more than allow Travis to drag her out of the water. Floundering along the edge, she almost toppled the entire raft. She finally gathered her wits enough to pull herself up, landing unceremoniously with her face pressed against the leg of a chair.
Kenzie scrambled to her feet, but her legs were still unsteady. It had nothing to do with the bobbing planks on which she stood. It had everything to do with the man frowning down at her, wearing an expression of thunder upon his handsome face.
“Travis?” she squeaked, finding that her voice betrayed her. “What-What is this? What are you doing here?”
“Making a fool of myself, apparently,” he mumbled.
“Why are you dressed like that?” Her eyes traveled over him in appreciation, until a terrible thought had her eyes flying to his in panic. “You’re not undercover again, are you?”
“No, no, nothing like that.”
“Then why are you wearing your biker clothes?” Her face scrunched in confusion.
To her surprise, a blush stained his cheeks and crept down the column of his throat. “I thought you liked it.”
“I do! It’s just that… I don’t understand.” She glanced behind her, to the table set with china plates and silver domes. Linen napkins, the silver candelabra and crystal flutes added a final touch of grandeur. “Is this… breakfast?”
“Yeah,” he said, shifting uncomfortably and making the raft rock. “I thought I would surprise you.”
“That’s the understatement of the year!”
“If you don’t like it…”
She whirled back around, a huge smile lighting her face. “Are you kidding? I love it!”
Relief washed over his face, and he sprang into action. “Here, have a seat,” he said, shoving a chair beneath her. He edged his way around the table to the other side, taking a seat in the opposite chair. With their weight more evenly distributed, the raft balanced out and became steadier as it gently bobbed atop the water.
“Let’s take these off,” Travis said, lifting the silver dome from first her plate, then his. Each held an assortment of mini muffins, a thick slice of cinnamon raisin bread, slices of bacon, and fresh fruit.
“I-I can’t believe you did this!” Kenzie’s voice filled with awe. She stared down at the artfully arranged plate, lifted her gaze to the champaign mimosa, then settled her dazed eyes upon him. “Why did you do this?”
He covered her fingers with his large hand. “I know I’ve been neglecting you, Kenzie. You know I don’t have much practice at being a good boyfriend. I’ve been caught up in my job and I haven’t come home to see you. I’ve barely even called.”
He still considered himself her boyfriend. She barely heard anything he said after that, because that was all that mattered; she had not lost him completely.
“You-You’ve been busy,” she allowed breathlessly.
“True. But you deserve better.”
“True. But I accept your apology.” Her eyes twinkled as she lifted her champaign flute and waited for him to clink his glass against it. As she sipped her mimosa, she studied him over the rim of crystal. “You cut your hair.”
“The minute I had the chance,” he confirmed. “How was Colorado?”
“Beautiful, as always. And definitely cooler than here.”
“I know a candlelight dinner on the river would have been more romantic, but it would have also been a lot warmer.” When he flashed a smile at her, the air around them went up a good ten degrees.
“I think this is the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard of,” she assured him in a breathless whisper.
Travis’s eyes dropped to her bared shoulders and the lacy edge of her camisole, warming her skin with his gaze. “You look beautiful, Kenzie. You are beautiful.”
&nbs
p; She laughed nervously, touched by his unexpected compliment. She squirmed in her chair, suddenly reminded that she was soaking wet from the waist down.
“You aren’t eating,” he noticed.
“Too excited,” she said, but she lifted the bread and nibbled its edge. “No one’s ever surprised me with a river-raft breakfast before. And certainly not a sexy bad-ass biker such as yourself.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows, thrilled to see him looking embarrassed again.
“You know if word gets out about this, it will totally destroy my tough-guy image,” he pretended to scowl.
“Then far be it from me to shatter the illusion! Besides, I don’t see anyone else around here to witness the sight, so I think your secret is safe.”
“No one’s around, because the park is closed.”
“What? No, it’s not. It’s opened until dark.”
Travis’s dark eyes sparkled. “By special request of a certain Ranger Lieutenant, the park is most definitely closed for the next hour.”
“Wh-why would you do that?” she whispered. No wonder Kate had insisted she be there promptly at nine; she had known about Travis’s plans!
“Because I didn’t want us to be interrupted. We hardly have any time together as it is. I wanted at least one hour without any distractions or any phone calls or any stray teenagers coming by.”
Kenzie laughed at his reference to their last visit to the park. “That was rather embarrassing, being caught by teenagers. It’s usually the other way around!”
“Not this morning. It’s just you and me, darlin’.” The way he said it, his voice so deep and intimate, Kenzie felt delicious shivers run along her spine and stir low in her belly.
They chatted casually as they ate their breakfast, an art form they were still learning to perfect. Since most of their conversations usually dealt with heavy subject matter and more often than not ended in argument, mellow discussion was still new to them. But this morning was too gloriously beautiful and bright to tolerate any bickering, and neither of them was willing to sacrifice this special opportunity by fighting.