by Amy Clipston
“I do.” He looked like he might say more, but instead he tilted his head. “What have I missed in your life?”
She stepped away from the sink and rested her hip against a kitchen chair, then fingered the corner of the table. “I’ve just been busy taking care of mei dat and schweschder.” She paused, suddenly thinking of her mother. “I wish mei mamm could know Emma Grace is getting married.” Her voice cracked, and she tried to swallow back the sudden emotion.
His expression filled with sympathy, catching her off guard again. “I’m sorry about your mamm. She was a wunderbaar woman.”
“Danki.” She looked down in an attempt to avoid his warm expression.
“Mei mamm told me when she passed away. I was at the funeral, but I didn’t get a chance to talk to you.”
Stunned, her gaze snapped to his. “You were there?”
He blinked, looking surprised. “Ya. You looked at me at one point, but you didn’t . . . seem to see me.”
“Ach. I was a mess that day. I don’t remember much of it.” She shouldn’t be surprised that he’d come to the funeral. After all, her mother had treated him like a son.
An awkward silence developed as they stared at each other. So many unspoken words seemed to be floating between them.
Lorene suddenly needed to keep her hands busy. She grabbed his mug, then focused on washing it. But she could feel his stare.
“It was gut seeing you.” His voice was close to her ear, sending a shiver through her.
She looked up at him, and butterflies swept through her stomach as she took in his expression. “Gut to see you too.”
As he walked back into the mudroom, she gripped the edge of the sink. How was she going to make it through this wedding?
* * *
Back on the porch, Ryan sat next to Menno while he and Jon talked about the Bontrager farm. He tried to listen, but his mind was beset with thoughts of Lorene.
As much as he’d longed to avoid her, he was overcome by curiosity when he found her alone in the kitchen. He was struck by how she spoke about taking care of her father and sister, as though that was all she had in her life. Did that mean she was single? Not even a boyfriend?
For a moment, Ryan considered asking Menno if Lorene was seeing anyone. But he dismissed the idea. He didn’t want to seem too nosy or make him uncomfortable.
“It will be nice to have Jon’s help,” Menno said, turning to him and Dat. Elias had gone inside to check on Joyce and the girls. “I’ve been paying a couple of farmhands to help me for a few years, and I thought I might have to sell my land when I retire. But now I can keep the farm in the family.”
The back door opened, and Emma Grace stepped out to the porch, followed by Mamm and Lorene.
“I think we need to get going, Dat,” Emma Grace announced. She looked at Jon. “Would you please walk me out to the buggy?”
“Of course.” Jon stood and took her hand.
Emma Grace said good-bye to Ryan, Elias, and Dat, then turned toward Mamm. “Danki again for having us for lunch today.”
“Gern gschehne,” Mamm said. “Let’s get together soon.”
“I look forward to it.” Emma Grace seemed to glow as she and Jon descended the steps.
Lorene held the cake saver—tightly, he noticed. “I enjoyed lunch, Verna.” Then she looked at Dat. “It was nice seeing you, Rufus.”
Dat nodded. “Nice to see you too.”
When Lorene looked at Ryan, his heart thumped.
“Take care,” he said.
“You too,” she responded before heading down the steps.
“Well, Ryan,” Menno began as he stood, “I suppose we’ll be seeing each other.”
Ryan swallowed as he stood, then shook Menno’s hand. “Seems so.”
Menno said good-bye to Ryan’s parents and then left to hitch up his horse.
Ryan rested his hands on the porch railing as Lorene climbed into Menno’s buggy. When she looked back at him, he lifted his hand in a wave. She nodded, and for a moment, he thought he saw a little warmth in her gaze.
But back in the kitchen, he’d almost told her he’d built himself a house in Gap. And what if he’d confessed he’d kept something important from her all those years ago? What would he have seen in her eyes then?
5
Ryan knelt on the floor of the shed he needed to finish, and the frustration he’d experienced off and on since Saturday night surged through him. He slammed his hammer on a nail as hard as he could as visions of Lorene flashed through his mind.
“Gude mariye,” his uncle Jay called as he approached. Jay was only fifteen years older than Ryan, and he was easy to talk to and had a great sense of humor. Ryan considered him one of his best friends. “You’re here early on a Monday morning.”
Ryan sat back on his heels and swiped the back of his hand across his sweaty forehead. “I didn’t sleep much last night. I finally figured I should just come in and get started.”
Jay pursed his lips as he studied Ryan, then pointed at him. “You seem tense. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
The older man shook his head and grinned, his hazel eyes narrowing. “I doubt that. Did something happen at your parents’ haus Saturday night?”
“You could say that.” Ryan sighed. “I found out Jon is engaged, and I didn’t even know he was dating someone.”
“Whoa. No kidding.” He held up his hands. “When’s the wedding?”
“Christmas, and then he’s going to move to his fiancée’s farm and work it with her dat. Jon will take it over when he retires.”
“Gut for him.” Jay tilted his head and pulled on his beard. “Is that all?”
“Ya.” Ryan shrugged, then continued hammering for a few moments. But he stopped when he realized Jay was still staring. “What?”
“Seems like there’s more on your mind.”
Ryan sat back on his heels again. “Jon didn’t tell me he was dating because he was dating Lorene’s schweschder.”
Jay flinched. “Lorene Bontrager?”
“Ya. He’s marrying my ex’s schweschder.” Ryan pointed the hammer at him. “Lorene and her family even came to my parents’ haus for lunch yesterday, and Jon asked me to be there.”
“How did that go?”
At first Ryan shrugged as if it weren’t a big deal. But then he decided to admit the truth. “It was maddening.”
“Why? Is she married?”
“No. And I don’t think she has a boyfriend either.” Ryan blew out a shaky breath. “She’s still the most schee maedel I know. And she was sweet.” At least by the end of her visit.
He slammed his hammer down, causing a loud crash.
“Is everything okay back there?” Jay’s son, Peter, called from somewhere up near the office. At fifteen and just out of school, he was fast learning the business.
“Ya, it’s fine!” Jay called before looking at Ryan. “Calm down.”
“I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated.” Ryan clenched his teeth. “She broke off our engagement five years ago and broke my heart. She wouldn’t even give us the chance to work things out. But I couldn’t stop staring at her. What’s wrong with me?”
Jay rubbed his beard. “I guess you still care about her.”
Ryan pushed both hands hard through his tangled curls. “And mei bruder had to fall in love with her schweschder, so now I have to see her at every family event.”
Jay gave him a hopeful expression. “Maybe you and Lorene can forge a friendship, put the past behind you. After all, you’ll be family.”
Ryan shook his head, but then a calmness settled over him. “You know, that’s a gut way of looking at this situation.”
Jay patted his shoulder. “I think so. Now, get back to work,” he said, teasing as usual.
Ryan turned his attention back to his task. Maybe he could be Lorene’s friend, but he’d have to ask God for help.
* * *
Lorene knocked on Renae Byler’s back door Wednesday aftern
oon, holding a loaf of banana bread and shivering in the cold. While she waited, she scanned the property, taking in the two large cinder block buildings that housed a shop and showroom. The furniture Renae’s husband, Robert, and his employees made was popular and expensive, leading to a comfortable lifestyle for his family.
Then she looked up at the large, two-story brick home Robert had built for Renae. Renae had always seemed happy with her life, and Lorene tried to tamp down her secret envy.
The back door opened with a whoosh, and Renae grinned as she pushed open the storm door. With golden-blond hair, bright-green eyes, and a pretty face, Renae had never had any trouble finding dates. “I was so excited when I got your message saying you were going to stop by today.” She rested one hand on her protruding belly, and Lorene experienced a familiar longing. Renae had waited a long time for this baby, but Lorene might never be a mother.
“I’m sorry it’s been so long.” She held up the bread. “I made your favorite.”
“You remembered! Danki!”
Lorene laughed. “It’s been your favorite since we were in school. How could I forget?”
“Come in.” Renae beckoned her inside, and Lorene followed her to the kitchen.
Lorene glanced around the large room, taking in the long walnut table and six matching chairs Robert had given Renae as a wedding gift, and she once again felt a slight pang of self-pity. Renae had everything Lorene had ever dreamed of—a good marriage, a home, and a baby on the way.
Don’t think about that now.
“How are you feeling?” Lorene asked as she filled the teakettle.
“I’m feeling big.” Renae reached into a nearby cabinet for mugs. “And I’m starting to get uncomfortable, especially when I try to sleep. But I’m fine.”
“It’s so exciting that you’re due just before Christmas.” Lorene set the full teakettle on a burner on the propane stove, then turned to grab plates and a knife.
“Ya. Robert is working on the crib.” Renae looked at her. “How are you?”
“Well, I got a shock last week. Emma Grace announced she’s getting married around the time your boppli is coming.”
Renae spun toward her. “Is she marrying Jonathan Lapp?”
“Ya. And they’ve been dating only six months. Can you believe that?” Lorene shook her head.
Renae shrugged. “Well, I guess that happens sometimes.”
Lorene carried a tray with the bread, plates, knife, and butter to the table. The kettle whistled, and Renae poured water into the two mugs before taking them to the table. They both sat down, then bowed their heads in silent prayer.
Lorene sliced the first piece of bread. “There’s more. We went to the Lapps’ for lunch on Sunday, and I saw Ryan.”
Renae gasped. “You did?”
“Yup. First time in five years.”
“And . . .” Renae leaned forward as Lorene put the bread on a plate and gave it to her.
“He’s still the most handsome man.” Lorene cringed after her admission, then sighed. “And he doesn’t have a beard, and he came alone, so I don’t think he has a girlfriend.” She sliced her own piece of bread, then quickly bit into it as she looked across the table. Renae had lifted her eyebrows.
“Maybe you two could work it out.”
Lorene stared at her. “And get back together? Never.”
“Why not?” Renae gestured around the kitchen. “You and Ryan were so froh together for a while. Maybe you could start over. God could be granting you a second opportunity. Could you even consider giving Ryan another chance?”
Lorene stared at her mug. Could I? But then reality crashed over her. “No. I could never trust him again. He made every possible excuse for why he couldn’t even start building a haus for us on his father’s land. I waited and waited, not even asking for a wedding date. But then I finally had to face the truth. His excuses proved he didn’t want to marry me. He didn’t really love me, at least not enough.”
Renae looked like she wanted to say something, but then she shook her head and looked out the window.
Lorene sighed. “Just say it.”
Renae hesitated. “I haven’t wanted to press you about this, but did you ever consider that something else held him back from building the haus? Something that had nothing to do with you?”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know.” Renae shrugged. “I just always believed he truly loved you.”
Lorene shook her head. “He never gave me any real reason for dragging his feet. If he had loved me, we’d be married now—and maybe expecting too. Now I’m just alone.”
Renae reached over and rested both her hands on Lorene’s. “Don’t lose faith. I believe God has the perfect plan for all of us.” She lifted the knife and reached for the butter. “Now, while I eat this appeditlich treat, tell me all about Emma Grace’s Christmas wedding.”
Lorene took a sip of her tea and let Renae’s words settle in her mind. She was trying not to lose faith, still hoping God’s perfect plan for her included marriage. But only time would tell.
* * *
Lorene sat in a booth at the Bird-in-Hand Family Restaurant across from Verna and Emma Grace the following Wednesday afternoon.
“I’m so excited about the shade of green we found for the dresses,” Emma gushed as she held up the bag of material she’d just purchased at the nearby fabric store. “I liked the material you offered me, Verna, but I think this shade of green will look even more fabulous with Lorene’s red hair.”
Lorene shook her head. “Don’t worry about me. This will be your day.”
“I think that shade is very Christmassy.” Verna divided a smile between them. “Danki for inviting me to go shopping with you. Today has been so fun. Let me pay for lunch.”
“That’s not necessary, but danki.” Lorene touched Verna’s hand.
“We’re just glad you wanted to come,” Emma Grace added.
The waitress delivered their food, and they all bowed their head in silent prayer before they began to eat.
Lorene picked up a section of her club sandwich and took a bite.
“I can’t believe the wedding is less than eight weeks away,” Emma Grace said as she lifted her chicken salad sandwich. “Time is flying by, and I have so much to do.”
Verna swallowed a bite of her grilled ham and cheese. “We need to talk about the menu.” She dabbed at her lips with a paper napkin.
Emma Grace looked at Lorene. “I also want to make sure we keep our Christmas traditions while we’re preparing for the wedding. Making our Christmas cards, decorating, baking . . . Plus, I need to reorganize my room before Jon moves in. It’s all coming so fast.”
Lorene tried to smile, but a new dread had begun to wash over her. Frankly, she was surprised Jon wasn’t building them a house, but maybe it made more sense for her and Dat to move into a daadihaus. When Jon moved in, the couple could come to think of her as an intruder. A nuisance. Dat would be a partner on the farm, but she’d be a spinster sister in the way.
“Ryan is coming for supper tonight,” Verna suddenly said. “I’m making something special for him when I get home.”
Lorene looked away as her thoughts moved to Ryan for what seemed like the hundredth time since she saw him at the Lapp farm last week. As much as she tried to forget him, memories of his smile and gorgeous blue eyes still taunted her.
Lorene looked up. “How is Ryan?” The question rolled off her tongue too easily, but she couldn’t help it.
Verna smiled as if pleased by the question. “He sounded well when I spoke to him Monday.”
“Gut.” Lorene nodded. “So what are you thinking about the menu, Emma Grace?”
As her sister talked about lasagna and garlic bread, Lorene caught Verna watching her from the corner of her eye. Why on earth had she asked about Ryan? She didn’t want to give Verna the wrong idea—or support the one she might already have.
“That sounds gut,” Verna said when Emma Grace took a breath. “And n
ow that we have the material, we need to start making the dresses next week. Again, you two are welcome to come to mei haus to sew. I have that big sewing room with two machines.”
“That’s nice of you to offer.” Lorene looked at her sister. “You should go. I can handle the chores at the haus.”
Emma Grace frowned, sticking out her lower lip. “But I want you to come too. You need to be a part of this.”
Lorene looked at Verna, who nodded in agreement. “Okay.”
“Great.” Emma Grace rubbed her hands together. “So . . . Jon’s birthday is on Monday, and I’d love to have both families at our haus for a surprise party Friday night, a few days before so he’ll never expect it. I’ll come up with an excuse for him to come over.”
“How thoughtful of you,” Verna said. “May I invite Ryan?” She glanced at Lorene as she asked.
“Of course,” Emma Grace said, and Lorene nodded.
She closed her eyes as Emma Grace unpacked her party plans. She would have to see Ryan sooner than she’d hoped. But no matter what she did, he was once again becoming a fixture in her life—just not how she’d once believed he would.
6
“How does this look?” Emma Grace took a step back from the chocolate cake she’d just finished icing.
Lorene breathed in the sweet chocolaty smell, then held out her finger, pretending she was going to swipe a bit of the frosting. “It looks perfect, but let me just sample a little of it—”
“Don’t you dare!” Emma Grace laughed as she swatted Lorene’s hand away. But then tears filled her eyes. “What would I do without you? I’m so glad you’re here to help plan my wedding.”
Lorene clucked her tongue. “Where else would I be?” Then a familiar worry hit her, but the sooner she faced it, the better. “Unless you think I should leave after you’re married. I could ask Dat about building a daadihaus for him and me so you and Jon have privacy.”
Emma Grace blanched as if Lorene had struck her. “Are you kidding? Why would I want that?”
Lorene gestured around the kitchen. “I’m thinking about even more than your privacy. You’re going to be a fraa, and then you’ll be a mamm. You’ll deserve to run the household, and I’ll just be in your way.”