by Vivian Arend
Maggie glanced at him in confusion.
“There were stems and seeds in the filling—either people were going to complain or not buy, so I pretended to eat them.”
“Them?”
“Four pies.”
A burst of laughter escaped. “And they believed you?”
“I was seventeen. It wasn’t outside the realm of possibilities, so yeah. Once I offered to pay for them all, they stopped complaining.”
“And they’ve never figured it out, what you did?” Maggie smiled as he shook his head. “You’re a good big brother.”
Clay shrugged. “I did make sure that by the following year they knew what they were doing.”
He glanced around the house as she went to grab coffees, bringing them back to the living room. Everything seemed the same as a month earlier—before Cameron had died. But everything had changed drastically.
He wanted to protect her. Wanted to help her deal with all the painful things that were still coming, but he wasn’t sure how to even make the offer without hurting her further. And he had to be extra careful now that he had to hide the less than “just friends” feelings he was experiencing.
She seemed so delicate in some ways, yet so strong. Determined to make it through even though she was nowhere near done crying. He’d seen it, especially in the seconds after she’d smile or laugh. The way her amusement would fade and sorrow filled her eyes.
He knew that sensation far too well—the rush of guilt for having a good time before remembering his mom was gone. Feeling guilty now for wanting more than to simply comfort Maggie.
He glanced across the two feet separating them as she lifted the cup to her lips. She closed her eyes as she swallowed the warm liquid, another long sigh escaping her as if it had been an exhausting evening.
“How can I be there for you?” He spoke softly, but her lashes fluttered up, and their gazes met. “What you need me to do to help you?”
Because not helping her was out of the question.
Maggie put her cup on the table, shaking her head slightly. “I’m okay. There’s nothing—”
He closed the distance between them, slipping his fingers around hers. With his other hand he cupped her chin and lifted her face to his. “I know you’ll be okay. But that’s not answering the question. I’m here for you. Just like I told you at the start, just like I’ll always be.”
For one terrible moment he thought she would refuse to answer him, then she dipped her chin, her eyes filled with moisture she refused to let fall. “I need a hug.”
“That I can do.” He wrapped his arms around her so her head rested against his chest. He stroked her hair and held on as she slipped her hands around his body.
Everything about her was soft and warm, and he wasn’t strong enough to ignore the scent of her shampoo. Green apples, or something equally wholesome, but the thoughts rolling through him had as much to do with easing her burdens as with helping her forget.
They sat there for endless minutes, silence in the background except for the clock on the wall. An old grandfather clock with two long cords weighted down with metal acorns. The pendulum shaped like a bird on a swinging wire swayed back and forth—producing a constant ticking that echoed through the house.
A low shuddering breath escaped her as she tilted her face toward him. “What am I doing?” she whispered.
“You’re getting through one day at a time.” Clay gave in and stroked her cheek, wiping away the single tear that had rolled free. “One day at a time.”
Maggie shook her head. “Sometimes I walk into a room and I totally forget he won’t be there. And every time it happens it’s as if I lose him all over again.”
He nodded his understanding even as he ached for her. And the decision he’d made to keep his desire under wraps became even more vital. She didn’t need a lover—she needed a friend. If it killed him, that’s all she would ever suspect him to be.
“He’s always going to be a part of you,” Clay promised her.
And he held her for as long as she needed him to, pushing his needs aside. Taking comfort from her as well. Dousing the fire in his body and focusing on how much he cared for her in his heart.
Because that’s what he did—and that’s who he was.
Chapter Four
Every holiday was like a fresh blow, but somehow she kept moving.
For New Year’s Eve, Maggie insisted she wanted a quiet night at home, and eventually her friends gave in, though concern shone in their eyes.
Her coworkers called to wish her the best. And Clay…
…dropped by the house just as she’d secretly suspected he would.
He had both hands tucked behind his back when she opened the door. “What’s up?” she asked.
“I know you said not to stop by, but someone really wants to spend New Years with you.”
One hand came out with a stuffed Eeyore in it, the familiar sad eyes and droopy ears bringing a smile to her face. “He’s lovely.”
Clay pulled his other arm forward and offered her a tub of Ben & Jerry’s. An extra-large spoon was tied to the container with a ribbon that matched the one around Eeyore’s neck. Clay’s expression as he handed them over was so adorable Maggie laughed, sneaking in close to offer him a hug.
“Have a good time at the party with your friends and family,” she offered earnestly.
“You’re welcome to join us,” he reminded her.
She shook her head, lifting the stuffed animal in the air. “I’ve already got my date for the night. Thank you so much.”
He brushed his knuckles over her cheek. “If you change your mind, even if it’s at eleven forty-five, call.”
But before the ball dropped, she was in bed. Darkness surrounded her, the sheets cold around her body. There didn’t seem to be much to celebrate, and not a lot to look forward to either.
And then the calendar stretched open, blank day after blank day facing her. School started right away which was good, because it gave her something to do other than sit at home alone. She worked quietly, removing snow from the school parking lot, doing mindless maintenance tasks. Her brain seemed wrapped in a thick fog as sleepless nights ran together in a blur.
She opened her door to a knock a couple days later and discovered Janey Watson on her front step.
“Have you got a minute or two?” the young woman asked, her cheeks red from the cold.
“Of course. Come in.” Maggie poked her head out the door and took a quick peek at the snow-covered lawn and empty driveway. “Did you walk over?”
Janey opened her coat, gloves held in one hand. “I needed to burn off some of the five million calories I consumed over the holidays. It’s not far from your place to mine and Len’s.”
“Do you want a cup of tea?”
“Love one.”
Maggie headed to the kitchen as Janey took off her boots then followed her. “I know what you mean about eating too much. I keep cooking the same size meals as before, and there are too many leftovers crowding my fridge.”
She swallowed around the small lump that had formed in her throat and focused instead on the bright-faced girl who’d joined her. She thought back to Christmas and the joy that effortlessly surrounded Janey. “How are things with you and Len?”
“Fab.” Janey pulled out a chair and made herself at home. “Of course with how much he talks, the only way I find out he doesn’t like something is when he goes and redoes it after I’m done.”
“That could be handy,” Maggie said. “If he doesn’t like the way you do laundry…”
Janey laughed. “I never thought of that.” She shook her head slightly. “Strange how I’ve known him forever and yet, here we are, still finding out new things about each other. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but we keep trying, and I guess that’s the important part.”
Maggie placed cups of tea in front of both of them and joined Janey at the table. “When Cameron and I were first married, somebody suggested every year we should lea
rn one new thing. We didn’t have to learn it together, but whatever we chose should complement each other. Like photography and scrapbooking, or gardening and cooking.”
“That’s a neat idea.” A thoughtful expression drifted into Janey’s eyes. “It ensures you spend time together.”
“Exactly. In fact, that’s part of how I ended up doing landscaping and yard maintenance—it was something we worked on together the first year after we got married.”
Janey took a deep breath. “Speaking of things you were doing together, that’s part of why I came over. Did you know Cameron signed up for the next Habitat for Humanity project?”
Maggie considered for a moment before nodding. “We talked about it before, but so far it had never worked with our jobs, and last year we had the move to Rocky. This was going to be our first year volunteering.”
“No pressure, but I need to know if you’re still interested in being involved.” Janey put her cup on the table. “I saw your name on the list and offered to come and check. If it’s too much, just say so, but if you’d like to be involved, we’d love your help.”
The thought of all those blank days on the calendar popped to mind too quickly. It wasn’t that hard of a decision.
“I see no reason why I can’t help. It would be good for me. But Cameron was going to take care of the larger landscape work,” Maggie added, “and I’m not as good as him on the bobcat.”
“We’ll find someone to take care of that stuff,” Janey promised. “You just help with the parts that are your speed.”
“What about the gala fundraiser? We signed up for that as well.”
Janey’s nose wrinkled for a moment before she flashed a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it.”
Yet even as they changed to other topics, the fundraiser lingered on Maggie’s mind. It wouldn’t be easy to find new volunteers this close to the deadline. That was part of the reason the committee had lined up volunteers last summer. At this point in the year, everyone was committed to other projects.
She pushed her worries aside as a different topic caught her attention. “That addition you did at Katy’s house—are you available for more work?”
“Maybe?” Janey gestured to the window and the fresh snow falling outside, huge flakes that drifted down in gentle spirals. “The weather is slowing us down, and I’d have to check the work list with my partner, but I could get you on the schedule.”
“I don’t know that I want anything done right away,” Maggie admitted. “Just want an idea how much a renovation might cost. If it’s even possible.”
“Of course.” Janey brushed her hands on her thighs as she stood. “Do you want to show me around, or do you want me to come back later? Up to you.”
The truth spilled free. “Now that you’ve dropped in, I don’t want to let you go. It’s nice to have company.”
Like the whirlwind of energy and emotion she was, Janey moved without hesitation. She closed the distance between them, her arms flung wide-open like one of those giant stuffed mascots at a football game. “After that confession, no way you’re getting away without a hug.”
Maggie accepted it without any complaints.
They spent another half hour looking over the changes needed to the older home. Janey had some great suggestions, and time passed far too quickly.
The young woman was pulling on her coat when all the quiet hours stretching ahead of Maggie flashed to mind, and she spoke on impulse. “You know the gala? Don’t worry about finding a replacement. I’ll head up the event.”
“Are you sure? Because—”
“I’m sure. And I’ll ask for help if I need it, but you have enough going on already. It’s not fair someone else has to take on another task.” She smiled at the other woman. “If I get myself in trouble, I’ll shout.”
“Don’t feel guilty calling for help,” Janey insisted. “I know I said I’m busy work wise, but Len is pretty low maintenance, and he’s good about helping with all sorts of things. The two of us have your back.”
Janey bounced down the stairs, lively enthusiasm in her step as snow puffed up from under her boots. She waved at Maggie as she marched the sidewalk, whistling happily as she went.
Moments after Maggie closed the door, silence flooded the room. It rushed in and wrapped her in an icy grasp, and she sighed in frustration before doing her all-too-familiar route around the house to turn on every electronic device possible.
Maybe getting busy with tasks would help ease the loneliness. Maybe soon she’d be able to keep the cold from invading so quickly.
But tonight she wasn’t going to do anything except let the tears come. Tears she’d held back the entire time she and Janey had discussed changes to a home that Cameron would never come back to.
Pathetic. He was capital-P pathetic. Clay grumbled at himself as he crawled behind the wheel of his truck. He’d shut down the shop barely an hour ago and already he was headed back to work.
Nothing caught his attention at home. Everything on the TV sucked, and he had no hobbies he was working on.
Clay considered stopping by the local pub and seeing if anyone wanted to shoot some pool, but that option didn’t sit very well. The last time he’d played he’d spent the entire time missing Cam.
His tolerance tonight was set to low, and he didn’t feel like playing the social games that went on at Traders. The flirting from the ladies, and the bullshit from the guys—all of it good natured, but very much not what he was interested in at the moment.
Tension tightened his shoulders and back until they ached, and the urge to take something, or someone, apart was growing stronger. Far better he put in extra hours sweating off his pissy mood at the shop than ending up in a fight just because.
But at the last minute he turned, not into the parking space behind the shop, but down the long driveway that led to the small house where he’d grown up.
He was in a horrible mood? Of course he should crash his buddy’s place. Maybe it was a shitty thing to do, but Gage was his best friend and that’s part of what best friends put up with. And it was a rule that baby sisters had to put up with their big brothers.
He knocked on the back door before pulling it open and sticking his head in. “Is everybody decent?”
Laughter spilled from beyond the kitchen, but no one answered, so Clay let himself in. He rounded the corner into the living room where he discovered not only his sister and his best friend, but Len and Janey as well. Janey had Tanner cradled in her arms as they peered at the coffee table intently.
“Hey, guys.”
Gage glanced up from whatever they were examining and rose to his feet. “Hey. What’s happening?”
“Nothing. I came over to torment Katy for a while.”
Katy didn’t even look up, just held a hand in the air with her middle finger raised as she continued to discuss something seriously with Janey.
Gage laughed and patted Clay on the back, bringing him into the center of the room. “You should be nicer to your big brother,” he scolded Katy. “He’s here especially to see you.”
“Whatever it is he wants, no.”
Clay winked at his friend as he teased his sister, his foul mood dissipating rapidly. “You’re breaking my heart.”
“Awww. You need repair supplies? There’s a stapler on the desk, or Crazy Glue on the top shelf. Take your pick.” Only this time she glanced up at him. “Hey, big bro, we’re checking the calendar. You have anything you’re committed to early spring? Any dates we need to look out for?”
“Not that I can think of, why?”
“Wedding plans,” Janey announced happily before shaking a finger at him. “But you’re not allowed to get Gage drunk and ship him off on a bus, or anything.” Len didn’t say a word, but he appeared to be silently laughing. Janey frowned then poked him in the side with her elbow. “What are you snickering about?”
“Clay wouldn’t get Gage drunk,” Len said, his tone full of amusement. “He’d duct-tape h
im to a chair to keep him from being hurt. Maybe pad him with a couple pillows first.”
Gage rolled his eyes then faced Clay. “Looks like our wild-oats-sowing managed to fly under the little kids’ radar. They have no idea what a badass you are. Well done.”
“Your wild-oats-sowing? You can explain in more detail when we’re alone.” Katy gave him a stern look that turned into a smile as she held the calendar in the air and shook it. “Excuse me for interrupting, but can we get this figured out before Tanner decides he’s been good for far too long, and it’s time to play his ‘no adults get to talk’ game? The one where he makes as much noise as possible screaming at the top of his lungs?”
Gage stole Tanner from Janey, tucking him partway under his arm and holding him like a football. Tanner relaxed, happily drooling on Gage’s sleeve, little fists waving in the air like he was cheering.
Gage grinned. “Go ahead, he’s fine.”
Katy gave him an adoring smile. “You’re a good daddy.”
“Yada, yada, yada.” Janey clapped her hands over her ears briefly. “You two are so sickeningly sweet sometimes. Let’s arrange to get you married so you can legally annoy people with how cute you are. Pick a date.”
“Not Valentine’s Day,” Katy said.
“Before the summer,” Gage added. “I don’t want to wait that long.”
Janey made another gagging noise that turned into shrieks of laughter as Len tickled her. “Stop it, or I’ll sit on you.”
Clay was in the middle of happy bedlam, and the last of his tension slipped away. He got down on the floor beside his sister to check the calendar with her. “Smart move, not using Valentine’s Day. Everything will be booked already.”
“I want Gage to have to give me flowers as often as possible, so I’m not doubling up on any of my celebrations.” She ran her finger over the calendar pages working forward from that day’s date, and backward from the middle of the summer. “Anna and Mitch are getting married sometime in July, or at least that was the plan the last I heard. They’re having trouble organizing a date between her work and the Coleman side of things. So what about we split the difference between now and then, and plan for April?”