Queen

by Daya Daniels

  I can do no such thing.

  With an open mouth and barely able to breathe, slowly, I twist to my right.

  “Alexander, Alexander, Alexander, my king.” Briar’s sweet voice surrounds me.

  As Berkhamsted Castle in the distance burnnnnnnnns…

  It is a raging ball of flames—coming apart and collapsing all around us in a hot stone heap. The drawbridge lowers and the horses which once resided in the large paddock that I cherish explode from it. Hope for life behind those massive walls blooms in my chest but it dies a quick death when the flames licking across their ruined coats comes into view.

  Traveler, my loyal steed, enveloped by bright and angry orange flames, gallops my way.

  He is death and determination befriended.

  But the two share no love at all.

  There is only hate between them.

  And I know only one will win the battle…

  Shock and awe sweep over my gaze before my eyes return to Terra’s bewildered ones.

  “This is your sacrifice, Your Majesty.” Her bony fingers grip my arm tightly. “She stayed behind…”

  As a woman like Briar would…

  “She wanted you to live.”

  And I wanted her to stay by my side forever…

  Terra’s smile is weak.

  “She gave all for you. She gave all for England. She gave everything for the people.” A strangled breath struggles to leave me.

  “I am sorry, Your Majesty, but she is gone.”

  Noooooooooooooooo!

  Standing, helpless, breathing, heart barely beating, I witness my castle—my home burn to the ground.

  I let her die.

  I did not save her.

  I could not protect her.

  A roar explodes from me and I regard Terra for the answers she seems unable to provide.

  Is this the future?

  Is this a vivid showing of what is to come should we choose to remain together?

  Is this a warning?

  THIS IS A MOTHERFUCKING NIGHTMARE!

  The weight of it all threatens to bury me.

  I sink down, down, down to my knees and weep.

  All is gone.

  She is gone.

  I am alone.

  Without her.

  I am as good as dead.

  I am a king no more.

  I AM A MAN WITH NOTHING!

  Only destroyed, destroyed, destroyed.

  I always knew I would be her ruin, just as she is mine…

  Briar

  I JACKNIFE IN BED, uncurling from Alexander’s unyielding grip. It’s the murmurs which have woken me along with my own pounding heartbeat. I scramble away from where he lies on his back, sprawled and with his head turned to the side, cheek planted against the pillow, whimpering.

  “No, please, Terra, you must do something…” His body jerks and twitches.

  Easing out of my own dizziness, what is occurring in front of me suddenly becomes apparent…

  Alexander’s long locks are sweat-saturated and wild. His powerful chest heaves. Soaked bedsheets are tangled around his waist. His fingers curl. His head thrashes from side to side. Thick tears trickle from his eyes which are squeeze tightly together with a mighty strength.

  A horrified breath leaves me, and I struggle to take another one.

  I have never seen him like this…

  Is this what his nightmares do to his spirit?

  He looks nothing like the man I only regarded hours ago. In this moment, he is not powerful, or in control, or calm. The man who lies before me looks nothing like a king. The man I love is just a boy in this moment…

  Vulnerable.

  Exposed.

  Honest.

  Pure.

  It all slams into me like an unstoppable force which disturbs my entire being when it does. “Alexander.” I palm his cheek. “Alexander, please wake up.”

  Eyes still shut, writhing and tucking himself into a protective ball, he sobs like a wounded child.

  Pain infects me at his suffering, at witnessing him so weak, so helpless.

  I don’t know what to do, so I shake him a little, desperately. “Alexander, please wake.”

  Oh, why did he insist I sleep here…

  Breath-stealing sobs leave him.

  Shaken to my very core, I cry too.

  “Alexander, please wake.” Caressing his cheek, he has none of it and whacks my hand away.

  I retreat, shifting back a little to give him space.

  “No, please, Terra, YOU MUST DO SOMETHING!” A roar explodes from his chest.

  I nearly fall off the bed.

  His eyes snap open, chest heaves and all falls silent for just a little while.

  I swallow back all the bile which has crawled its way up in my throat.

  “Briar.” Entrancing gray eyes regard me.

  “Alexander.”

  A terrified gasp rips from him, and immediately, he looks away from me to hide away his shame.

  “You were having a nightmare?”

  “It was nothing.” Composure once again flows through his veins.

  Approaching him, I swallow just as a tear rushes down my cheek. “Please tell me about it.”

  His bottom lip quivers when he exhales another breath. “It was nothing.”

  Taking his large hand in mine, I pull it to my lips and press a kiss to it, soaking it in my tears.

  Alexander shifts to look at me.

  “You cannot protect me from everything.” My voice begs.

  “I can.” His gaze is unrelenting. “And I will.”

  But, you can’t…

  “We shouldn’t marry, Alexander.”

  He settles into a regal position and takes my face in his large palms, forcing me to look at him.

  I manage a weak smile.

  “Don’t ever say such things…” He scowls.

  “You know it and I know it.”

  Utter torment skitters across his brow.

  All the things which he refuses to acknowledge about our union…

  A reality about our future he simply will not accept…

  But, I see it, maybe not clearly…But, I see it.

  Ahead of us is a rose-petal-laden path of horror which we will trod together while holding hands!

  It cannot be…

  But, it is.

  My tears fall and he licks every single drop away. “Please don’t ever say such things…”

  “Tell me about your nightmare…”

  “No.” His lips are sealed.

  “Tell me, Alexander.” The plea breaks out of me over and over.

  And still, he refuses, only peppers kisses to my lips before he consumes my mouth entirely.

  My tongue delves into his, searching and wanting to stay there a while, tasting him.

  The kiss ends.

  We only stare at each other and breathe.

  “I will not allow you to suffer the same torment I do.” He clutches my face once more. “I-will-not.”

  “You don’t have to, Alexander…”

  His thick brows collide. “What do you mean?”

  A sob shakes me. “You don’t have to, Alexander…” My eyes shut a long while before they open again. “Because I can still smell the smoke…”

  CHAPTER

  VIII

  Alexander

  LONG GONE ARE THE blustery and unforgettable shores of Cornwall…

  We have found ourselves behind the thick walls of Berkhamsted Castle again for a few weeks now.

  It has been a most memorable time, deserved time, I should say, that I was able to spend with a woman who I’ve grown so close to in the preceding months. I have not touched her since leaving Cornwall…

  I am trying not to, but my efforts seem futile. Everything in my trousers swells with the thought of taking her again, only the next time it will be different…

  As of lately, Briar has ch
osen to remain in her chamber, eating in private and sleeping alone although she has the opportunity to spend the night in my bed. I am not quite sure how I feel about that…

  Lowering my gaze, I focus on the pawns.

  They litter the chessboard.

  Tapping my finger on the edge of it, I decide my next move.

  It isn’t one my opponent would be expecting if I had one sitting to the other side of this table.

  King takes the bishop and leaves the queen standing.

  With a sigh, I stretch out in my chair and when I flex my fingers they ball in a tight fist.

  “Your Majesty.” Hamilton’s voice cuts into my thoughts.

  I almost forgot he was even here.

  He takes a breath. “Have you made your decision?”

  I do not look his way. “Yes.” I rise and stride across the room to where he stands.

  Hamilton’s eyes are solemn.

  Spinning away from him, I head toward the large window ahead and fiddle with the white tulips in the vase near it. Flowers are all about this chamber, filling it with life and color. They are a stark contrast to all the cold stone which surrounds me often. And beyond the window is Briar’s garden. It is stunning, and even though I know in a few months that it will be covered in frost, it will still be mesmerizing to look at for I know what it will become once again when spring sets upon us.

  “With all due respect, but do you know what this means, Your Majesty?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Very well.” He exhales. “But, I should inform you of the consequences—”

  My head swings in his direction. “Do not dare lecture me about consequences, Hamilton.”

  I am well aware of them.

  The crown releasing persons convicted of high treason is inconceivable. But, I find comfort in knowing that I will rewrite history with my unconventional decisions. And I have decided…

  His mouth snaps shut. “Of course, Your Highness.” He swallows. “When?”

  A sharp exhale leaves my nose. “At the first sight of winter, when the chill is bone-deep and the snow falls…”

  She always loved the snow…

  “Very well, Your Majesty.” The clearing of his throat earns my attention. “A letter has been received from the Prince.”

  I groan. “What did it say?”

  “It is addressed to you, Your Highness, I have not read it. When your mood has settled perhaps you should find the time to mull over his written words.”

  “I do not wish to sully the rest of my day, Hamilton.”

  “Yes, Your Majesty.”

  “All I wish to think of is that I will soon be a husband.”

  A genuine smile touches Hamilton’s lips, one I haven’t seen in quite some time. “Yes, Your Majesty, soon. And then shortly after, you can get to work on ensuring you have an heir.”

  Biting my lip, I laugh softly.

  I’m two steps ahead on the matter…

  And all thoughts of stripping Briar naked and taking her in every imaginable way flood my mind.

  “Lady Freya is on the last of the wedding preparations, Your Majesty.”

  I massage the middle of my chest with a hand. “I will have a wife, Hamilton. England will have a queen. I will have someone to rule this great country at my side, always.” My eyes find Hamilton’s and my memory flickers back to how difficult our relationship was in the beginning, and I accept that now, he has become a great friend and advisor to me, just as he was to my father.

  “Yes, this upcoming union is cause to celebrate. It most certainly is.” He grins. “I must apologize, Your Majesty, but I have other matters to attend to.”

  “Yes, of course.” I gesture with a hand. “You are dismissed.”

  “Thank you.”

  When the doors shut, I stride back over to the small table where the chessboard rests. I eye all the pieces which are set in perfect array and remain exactly where I’d put them.

  Every piece has its place…

  The bishops. The knights. The pawns. The rooks. The queen.

  They are all integral to this game only meant for faithful souls.

  Each piece shifts on the chessboard, but, only the king’s move will destroy all order and end the game.

  Briar

  I RUN MY FINGERS over the brocade fabric. “This is gorgeous, Lady Freya.”

  “Yes, it is.” Smiling, she putters about my dressing parlor and lays out the remaining garments.

  Planting a hand to my chest and taking a step back, I examine my wedding dress.

  Lady Freya, who has been nothing but kind and gentle from the very moment I first met her, edges up close behind me. “It has been made just for you, Princess Briar.”

  Glancing over a shoulder, I meet her soft gaze. “Yes, it has, and it is marvelous.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “I feel wonderful.” A breath swells my chest as I spin around to face her. “I am a little afraid.”

  The corners of her eyes crinkle. “About becoming a wife, my dear, or about becoming the Queen of England?”

  “I suppose both.” I smile. “But, this is everything I want.” Pressing a hand to my belly, I leave it there for a moment, thinking. “I will be married…”

  Again.

  Or, for all intents and purposes for the first time?

  I do not know how to view it.

  But, I will say that this time around, I am in love with the man who has promised his heart to me.

  So in love.

  Lady Freya smiles.

  “I am in love,” I gush.

  “As you should be.”

  A giggle explodes from me and I collapse on the chaise in front of us in a heap of satin and silk.

  Lady Freya ignores my outburst. “I have much work to do so I should be going, Princess Briar.”

  “I will see you later!”

  The doors shut and I am left alone again and laughing to no end, I lie on my back and gaze up at the wooden beams high above me. I have not been to church. I have not made amends with Sister Rebecca. I have not handed out roses in weeks because I have been occupied with caring for Anna.

  I should’ve have known better than to have brought Anna here.

  Still, I would never send her away.

  I love her already.

  I am her mother.

  So, I decide that even though secrets are monstrous little things, Anna is one which I will continue to keep.

  ***

  Anna’s tiny fingers grip the windowsill as she peers out to the courtyard. “Why can’t I go outside?”

  My fingers rake through her chocolate curls. “I promise you that one day you will.”

  A sigh drifts from me.

  It’s late in the day.

  The sky above us is gray but still outside the landscape is gorgeous and green for miles. The tall green grass sways with the wind. The thick cloud cover moves in a westerly direction overhead. It is breathtaking.

  Raven Forest has been calm as of lately, but still, I find myself in Alexander’s nightmares…

  Often, they wake me, and when they do, I refuse to speak about them.

  I feel his torment.

  I feel his pain.

  How has he endured these visions for as long as he has without going mad?

  “It is so pretty out there, Mother.” Anna bounces on her toes.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “I only get to stay in this room and play with you and Aunty Vesper.” Her forehead wrinkles.

  “Yes, Anna, for now.”

  Her shoulders fall and sadness settles in her blues.

  This has not been easy…

  Vesper ensures that she delivers the food to my chamber once it is prepared.

  Lady Freya also seldomly visits even though for all intents and purposes, she is my lady-in-waiting. Vesper ensures that Anna is smuggled out of this chamber when it needs to be cleaned. My quarters much of
the time have been designated as “off-limits” without further explanation, and gratefully, no one demands one.

  I admit that to a child, even though Anna is allowed to roam around these quarters of the castle to play hide-and-seek and Simon Says with Vesper and me when it is empty, this fine chamber still must feel like a prison. Anna is caged, not free. And I know I cannot keep her behind the walls of Berkhamsted Castle like this for much longer without dampening her spirit.

  She wishes to go outside, and I am afraid I cannot let her; so often, I open the windows so that she can feel the wind on her face and breathe in the fresh scent of the grass.

  I drop down to my knees in front of her and cup her warm cheeks. “I promise you that soon I will take you to see the gardens, Anna, and you will get to sniff all the pretty flowers before winter comes.”

  With her eyes big and hopeful, she nods.

  “I promise you.” My words are full of conviction.

  And a promise is a promise…

  “Yes, Mother.”

  Pulling her close, my arms wrap around her and she weeps into my shoulder.

  How do I fix this?

  Who do I tell?

  What if with my truth they rip Anna from my arms and send her away?

  “I am sorry, Anna.” I stroke her hair. “I will make this all better…”

  I just don’t know how…

  I just don’t know when…

  I am so very afraid of losing you…

  “I like it here, Mother.” She mumbles into my shoulder.

  “I know.”

  “And I don’t want to be sent away.”

  I force her to look at me. “Then you must stay hidden. You must stay quiet. You must stay a secret.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay.” I hold her close to my thudding heart. “I won’t let you go, Anna. I promise, I won’t.”

  Alexander

  THIS WOMAN IS EVERYWHERE…

  Like the Plague.

  I remain expressionless when I catch her with her ear pressed to a door, listening.

  My strides toward her are slow and as soundless as her eavesdropping is. “Anything of interest?”

  Vesper jumps and her head whips around to face me, eyes bright with surprise. “Your Majesty.” The two words leave her on a gasp.

  I arch a brow. “Good morning.”