by AJ Stern
“If Aimee Chapman says yes, it will all be because of you, Birdy.”
I felt hot redness blush itself on my cheeks. I didn’t want to be braggish about it, but I smiled because I agreed with my dad in an inside type of way.
“Aimee Chapman was your idea, and the letters were your idea, too. Quite an accomplishment, kiddo,” he told me. My dad always made me so happy with his compliments. That was when I told my parents the big news about the type of new job I wanted to get.
“I have decided to be a person who puts on concerts,” I told them. “They have offices, letterhead, stamps, envelopes, and copiers,” I explained.
“Do you mean a producer?” my dad asked.
“Is that what Noah is?” I asked.
“Well, he’s the owner and director of Noah’s Ark, but because he is putting on and organizing a concert, that makes him a producer. A concert producer.”
“I want to be a concert producer, too,” I told them.
“Well, it sounds like you are well on your way,” my mom said. I felt that was true, which was why my smile went from the entire west side of Chester, New York, to the entire east side of Chester, New York.
Later that night after my bath, my parents came in to kiss me good night and tell me excitifying news. They said that they just got off the phone with Noah. I sat up really straight and fast.
“Did Aimee Chapman say she’d do the concert?” I asked.
“No, he hasn’t heard anything yet,” my dad said. “However, Noah mentioned that he needs extra hands.”
My mom butted in. “I mentioned that you expressed interest in being a concert producer and said you might be interested in applying for a job. And you will never believe what he said, Frannie.” My mom made her eyes very bigful.
“What? What?” I couldn’t even wait to know.
“He said he was hiring!” my dad finished for her.
“It’s a part-time job. It will take place after school. Three days a week for the next two weeks until the concert. So, tomorrow you can go directly to the Ark after school and give Noah your résumé and a business card. I think he might even interview you!”
Interview me? That was a dream come true.
“What will I do at this job?” I asked.
“Whatever he needs you to do,” my mom said. “Isn’t that exciting?”
It was. It was so exciting, I couldn’t even speak. I just smiled the biggest smile of ever and nodded my head. It was actually and nevertheless that exciting.
Before breakfast, I put my résumé and business cards into my briefcase. I also put in my dad’s old glasses that didn’t have any lenses, his old cell phone, some batteries, a writing pad, pencils, an oversize eraser, and a few folders and permanent markers. I didn’t know what kind of tools a concert producer needed, so I packed what I thought I might need.
I could not wait to give Noah my résumé. He was going to be so impresstified with how many jobs I’ve had. My parents didn’t say he would definitely interview me, but I hoped that he would, because I had never had an actual interview before.
I think it is important to do things you’ve never done before, except for if it’s dangerous. Interviews are not dangerous, which is a for instance of why I wanted to have one. It’s also a for instance of why I took my résumé out of my briefcase and wrote across the top in pencil, PLEASE INTERVIEW ME FOR A JOB.
Then I went to school.
School took forever and ever and ever and ever and one last ever to be over. At lunch I told Elliott, Millicent, and Elizabeth that I was applying for a job at Noah’s Ark. They wanted to apply for one also, but it’s a scientific fact that I am the only kid in my class with a résumé.
“I will probably need an assistant, though,” I told them. “Maybe even three. So you can all work for me!”
“All of us?” Elliott asked. “Three assistants?”
I nodded my head with pride-itity.
“But usually you only have one. Me,” he reminded me.
“You will be my top-level assistant, Elliott,” I told him. This gave him a worldwide smile, but when I turned to Millicent and Elizabeth, I saw that they were not smiling even one inch.
“We have worked for you before,” Millicent said.
“And it wasn’t the best experience,” Elizabeth added.
“You always get in trouble,” Millicent reminded me.
“There is no way I will get in any trouble this time. I am a born concert producer. Just you wait,” I informed them in my concert producer-ish voice.
“Everyone deserves a second chance,” Elliott told them.
“And sometimes even a third and a fourth,” I chimed in, just in case this was more than my second chance, actually.
They agreed with me, which was why they let themselves be hired.
After school, we ran across the street to Noah’s Ark. Before I went inside, though, I had to capture my breath so it didn’t boggle around so much. Applying for a job was very nervousing.
My three assistants, Elliott, Millicent, and Elizabeth, went inside before me. Outside, I opened my briefcase, pulled out my résumé and business card, and then closed it back up. When I was ready, I walked inside with my chin up and shoulders back, gripping the handle of my briefcase hard in one hand. In my other hand I held my résumé and business card.
I walked right to Noah’s office. Even though the door was open, I knocked on it, because that is what a professional grown-up who is about to be interviewed for a job would do. Noah looked up and smiled.
“Frannie, come in. I’ve been expecting you,” he said.
I smiled.
“Is that your résumé?” he asked.
I nodded and handed it to him.
He took it and looked it over and then motioned with his chin toward an empty chair.
“Have a seat,” he said.
“Are you going to interview me?” I asked, really excitified.
“Well, that’s what it says here at the top of the résumé.”
I sat down and put my briefcase on the ground. Then I put my hands in my lap because I did not know what a person was supposed to do with their hands during an interview.
“Do you have a lot of work experience?” Noah asked.
“Yes, I have a lot, actually. I’ve been a radio talk show host, a dog veterinarian, a restaurant critic, a fortune-teller, a keynote speaker, and a principal for a day,” I said. “Half a day, actually,” I corrected myself. That job didn’t work out so well. Actually, not very many had worked out so well.
“And what about rock stars? Do you have a lot of experience with them?” he wanted to know.
This question stumpified me. I didn’t actually have any experience with rock stars. But then I realized something.
“No, I do not. However and nevertheless, I am a very fast learner, and I get along with a lot of grown-ups. I have never met a rock star grown-up, but I’m sure that Aimee Chapman and I will get along because I know all the words to her songs. And also because I like her scarves. And because she carries a guitar briefcase.”
“Very well,” Noah said. “Are you willing to work late? Can you work long hours?” he asked me.
“I can work until I have to go home for dinner,” I told him. “Sometimes I might have to do some homework, though, before I start my job.”
“Fantastic. Can you make coffee and pick up the phone on the half ring?”
“I don’t know how to make coffee, but my dad can teach me. I will learn how to pick up the phone on the half ring. I will practice at home day and night,” I told him.
“Great. You won’t have to do those things; I just wanted to know,” Noah said with a smirk that showed his face dimples. Then he stood up, held out his arm, and we shook hands.
“Frannie B.
Miller—”
“Frankly,” I interrupted. “My professional name is Frankly.”
“Sorry. Frankly—”
“Mrs.,” I cut in again. “Mrs. Frankly B. Miller.”
“Mrs. Frankly B. Miller,” Noah said. “You are officially hired.”
My heart almost flew out of my chest and hit Noah in the face. I was so happy about this news.
“What should I do first?”
“What would be most helpful to me would be if you picked out the green room,” he told me.
“Okay, Noah. I’ll do that,” I told him, and ran downstairs to Millicent, Elliott, and Elizabeth and told them that I was hired! My first job was to look for a green room. Since they were all my assistants, I asked them to help. We walked down the long hallway and looked for green rooms, but every room we saw was white. None of us remembered ever seeing a green room. We looked around forty hundred times, but we were just going in and out of the same rooms. I did not know what to do about this. I didn’t want to get fired on my very first day. But if I told Noah that we couldn’t pick out a green room because we couldn’t find it, he’d think I was bad at my job. Or color-blind!
I was stumpified. That is why I decided to hold a meeting. We all sat down at my café table–office and I told them that we needed to discuss what I should do. We decided I should go upstairs and tell Noah that we looked everywhere for the green room, and we are very certainly sorry, but we could not find it. Maybe someone accidentally painted it white when no one was looking?
I went back upstairs to the office, very nervousingly, and knocked on the door.
“Frankly!” Noah said.
“Noah?” I asked him.
“Yes?”
“Elliott, Millicent, and Elizabeth are working for me as my assistants, and we all looked very hard for it, but we could not find a room that is green. I am very sorry, and I hope that you don’t fire me. If you give us paint, we can paint a room green for you!” I offered.
Noah slapped a palm against his forehead and said, “Oh, Frankly! I sometimes forget that you’re not an adult. A green room is a special VIP room for performers or people about to take the stage. It’s a place for them to relax and be calm and comfy before they appear in public. The green room isn’t actually green in color. It’s just part of the name. I don’t know why it’s called the green room. I guess we could look it up.”
“So you don’t want me to find you a room that is green colored?”
“No, I do not,” Noah stated.
“You want me to pick out the comfiest room you have?” I said, just to make sure I was getting everything right.
“Exactly. Think you can do that?”
“Yes, I can,” I told him, because that was a scientific fact.
I ran back downstairs to tell the others.
“It’s just an expression!” I explained. “It’s what they call the room for performers. It’s not actually green at all! That’s just what they call it!” I told them.
“So how do we pick it?” Elizabeth asked.
“We have to pick the most comfortablish room. That’s the job of the green room, to be very comfy.”
“Like a bedroom?” Millicent asked.
“I guess,” I said. “Bedrooms are very comfortable.”
“That’s true. They are,” Elliott said.
“But so are living rooms!” Millicent chimed in.
“That’s true, too,” I agreed. This was much more complicated than I thought.
“Our library is very comfortable,” Elizabeth said. I’ve been in her library, and the couches are some of the smooshiest I’ve ever sat on.
“Are we supposed to make the room comfy, or is it just supposed to already be comfy?” Millicent asked.
They were asking me some very good questions indeed, but nevertheless they were stumpifying. I did not want to bother Noah again.
“Both?” I said-asked.
And so that’s what we decided we’d do. We’d not only pick out the comfiest room at Noah’s Ark, but we’d make it even comfier than it already was! We went back down the hall and into every room again.
The first room was just a place where there were a lot of supplies, and it wasn’t that comfortable. A for instance of what I mean is that there was no couch. The second room was a bathroom, so that wouldn’t work. The other room was a janitor’s closet, and the last two rooms were dressing rooms.
But across the hall from the last dressing room was a room whose door was always shut. That’s why none of us ever went in there. But I was the boss of everything, so I opened the door. I did it slowly, just in case something really terrible-ish happened. But the opposite of terrible happened. It was a very comfortable room! And it had two couches! And a special table with a big mirror that had lights all around it. And a small refrigerator. We all looked at one another with “this is the best green room of any green room I’ve ever seen” eyes.
Once we had it picked out, I ran upstairs to tell Noah.
“Which one?” he asked.
“The room in the back with the two couches,” I told him.
That’s when Noah smiled so hard, his own head almost fell off.
“That’s the exact room I was thinking we’d use,” he said. “You are really good at this job, Frankly.”
That’s when I almost bowed, but didn’t.
“Now all we need is for Aimee to say yes. And if she does, she’ll send a rider and we’ll follow the instructions for how to set up the green room,” he told me.
I had no idea what any of that meant. But I said okay, anyway.
Then Noah reached his hand out for me to shake. While he was shaking my hand all up and down, he said, “Congratulations, Frankly. Your first day at work is finished. You may go home and have dinner now.”
That is when I did actually bow. And he bowed back, and we both laughed because we were feeling so happy about my great green room–picking job.
When I got home, my dad was just getting back from work. Before he even put his briefcase down, I ran to him.
“I need to learn how to make coffee!” I cried. “I got a job and I don’t know how to make coffee!”
“Congratulations, Birdy! That’s amazing. If you give me a few minutes to settle in, I will teach you how to make coffee,” he said. I followed him around until he was ready. Then we went into the kitchen where we got the coffeemaker.
It had a lot of complicated parts. There was something called a filter. You have to put coffee in there. Then you put water in a hole in the machine. Then you turn it on. I wrote it all down so I wouldn’t forget how to make coffee ever.
At dinner, I told my parents all the excitifying things that were going on at Noah’s Ark. They said that I had the most exciting career of everyone in the entire Miller household.
“Do you know about green rooms and riders?” I asked them.
“We do, indeed,” my dad said while my mom nodded her head.
“Does the rider come in on a horse or a bicycle?” I asked them.
They looked at each other confusified, like they didn’t know what I was talking about.
“What are you talking about, Frannie?” my dad asked.
“A rider. Noah said we had to wait for Aimee Chapman’s rider, and then we would follow their instructions. I just want to know when the rider will come so I can be outside at the right time to meet it.”
My dad slapped his hand down on the table, laughing. “Oh, Frannie!” he said. “You’re too much.”
“A rider,” my mom started to explain, “is a type of contract. It’s a list of requests from a rock star. They ask for things they want in their green room.”
“What sort of things?” I asked.
“Things that they really like,” my mom said.
“A lot of rock stars ask for special food and chocolate,” my dad told me.
“Others ask for candles or towels or tea or candy. It really depends on what kind of person it is. Big rock stars ask for big things, and smaller rock stars ask for smaller things. Make sense?”
I nodded my head.
“Some very big rock stars even tell the producers how they want the green room decorated!” my mom said.
“I’ve changed my mind about something,” I told her.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“I don’t want to be a concert producer anymore.”
“You don’t?” my dad asked, looking very sad about this news.
“No, I want to be a rock star,” I told him. “So I probably need a rider if I’m going to be a rock star,” I told them.
“Probably,” my dad told me, adding, “I think I should have a rider if I’m going to be a rock star’s dad.”
“I would like a rider as a rock star’s mom!” my mom said. “What’s going to go on your rider?” she asked me.
“You’ll see,” I told her. I didn’t tell them what exactly I was going to put because I didn’t actually know yet. That is why I ate dinner as fastly as possible. I was going to have a long night ahead of me making a rider.
I didn’t know whether riders should be on nice paper or not, but I decided they should be. Also the pages should be stapled. Even if the rider wasn’t two pages, I was going to put a staple in it. Staples make everything look more seriousal. So do paper clips.
I went to my desk, where I keep all my important office supplies, and pulled out a very fancy pen, nice paper, my stapler, a folder with two pockets, and a manila envelope.
Then I sat at my desk and realized something horrendimous. Green rooms were not actually offices, and I really only wanted to work in an office. Having a job was only fun if you got to have a real-life office. Then I got a geniusal idea and started to write.