by Drew Sera
I laughed and Matt shook his head at Anthony’s comment, but also had a huge grin on his face. We made our way to valet and while we waited for my Range Rover to be brought around, the reality of the effects of what Anthony was going through hit Matt and I both. Hard.
Anthony was leaning on a cement pylon, Matt stood just behind him a bit and I was to his right. While Anthony was looking at his phone, a car in the parking garage backfired and echoed. Anthony was startled and dropped his phone. I turned to look at him and he had his hand over his chest wound. My heart started pounding because I knew how badly Paul fucked with the two most important people in my life.
This time Matt didn’t exercise caution with touching Anthony and set his hand on Anthony’s shoulder and quickly jumped into calm, trauma counselor mode.
“Easy, Anthony. It was just a car.”
Anthony now was very eager to talk.
“I know…it just caught me off guard…I’m sorry. It just sounded like…”
He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and quickly moved out from Matt’s hands but leaned against the pylon again. He didn’t have to finish his sentence. Matt and I both knew that the backfiring car sounded similar to a gun going off.
“We know what it sounded like.” Matt calmly said to Anthony so he wouldn’t feel like he had to finish the sentence.
“It’s okay, Anth,” I said to him.
“No, the fuck it isn’t.” Anthony said under his breath before looking up at me and apologizing again.
I picked up his phone with the shattered glass front and heard him swear again. My car finally arrived and we headed home. Matt and I tried to get him to engage in light conversations on the way home but Anthony couldn’t contribute much right now. He was tapped out.
When we walked inside, Anthony went straight towards the sound of voices in the great room. I could hear Sydney and Gina talking and then I heard Sydney’s voice excitedly say Anthony’s name.
Matt and I joined everyone in the great room and sat down. Sydney was already snuggled up in Anthony’s arms.
“Thank you for the card this morning, sunshine. I love you, sweetheart.”
I went to the kitchen and brought back Anthony’s medicine that he forgot to take this morning and some water.
“Sunshine, let me go change and I’ll be right back and I’ll hold you. I’m sorry I was gone for so long today.”
Anthony kissed Sydney’s head and announced he was going to go change and clean his wound.
“Do you want some help?” Matt asked. Anthony shook him off and said he would take care of it, which didn’t surprise me.
Matt, Blake and Gina left for the day and I assured them that the three of us would be fine on our own for dinner. Honestly, the three of us needed some time to ourselves.
Sydney waited patiently on the couch for Anthony, but we talked about dinner ideas. She wanted cheese pizza. I nodded and told her I’d order it in a little while. Anthony came downstairs and quickly cuddled Sydney up in his arms.
After the incident today, I decided that the three of our cell phones needed to have the app that would allow the others to locate one another’s cell location. Sydney and Anthony agreed, so I spent some time adding it to their phones and then setting it up.
Sydney and Anthony seemed like they were doing ok, so I went to get my laptop to check in on a few things for work.
Mitch has been holding the fort down and doing a fine job, but he was going to be stretched thin for a while. He was going to be doing his job and many parts of my job and Anthony’s. I was going to try to keep up on emails and tend to urgent matters as they came up. I sat in the chair next to the fireplace and began working through some email while Anthony and Sydney cuddled together.
Every now and then I’d catch little pieces of their conversations and was thrilled they were both talking some. He was getting her to engage in conversation with him. Talking was good, Chris said. Even if it seemed small or unimportant, any conversation was good for her. Chris said that since she was in seclusion for nearly two weeks, what he called ‘idle chit chat’ would be good for her. Nothing too deep, just sounds of voices was good for her.
“Sunshine, I need to lie down,” I heard Anthony say to her and then I looked up. I started to set my laptop on the coffee table and was going to go sit by Sydney for a while so Anthony could rest. He kept her hand in his and then lay flat on his back on the chaise. I thought he was suggesting he needed to go upstairs and lie down for a bit.
“Did you want to go upstairs for a while, Anth?”
“No, I’m good right here with my sunshine. I was feeling some cramping and thought if I stretched out I’d feel better.”
He ended up holding Sydney the same way he holds her at night in bed. I went back to my work emails and again paid some attention here and there to their conversations.
“You know what, sunshine?”
“What?”
“While I was in the ICU they stuck a catheter in my pee hole.” The most beautiful sound escaped Sydney’s mouth; her laughter. “Go on, laugh at me. But I’ll tell you that it was very uncomfortable.” Sydney was trying to contain her giggles but Anthony was purposely trying to get her to laugh. “You were lucky enough not to get one of those, sunshine.”
“I think you’re right, Sir.”
“I know I am. The thing gave me an infection and now I have to take even more medicine.” Sydney continued to giggle.
For a while I just leaned back in the chair and listened to them. He was being playful with her and she was giggling. Her head was resting on his shoulder and he was stroking her back lazily. For a brief moment, it was as if those horrible two weeks never existed.
“Sunshine, I love you,” Anthony whispered to her after a few quiet minutes.
“I love you too, Sir...Anthony.”
The next time I looked at them, both had their eyes shut. I could tell by the calm rise and fall of their bodies that they were both asleep. I set my laptop on the coffee table to put a throw over them. As I got closer to them, I noticed Anthony had the bottom right side of his shirt raised and Sydney’s hand was resting over his scar. He protectively held her close to him. They were both protecting each other and giving each other what they needed. I gently set the blanket over them and went back to my emails.
They slept for a good couple of hours while I stormed through some work. It was a little after 7:30 in the evening when Sydney began to whimper and grow restless. As I was on my way over, Anthony was trying to wake her up and she began pushing at his chest. He flinched and turned his right side out of her reach. I realized that she had hit his chest wound. He still tried to calm her, ignoring any pain he might be in. I picked her up and put her on my lap as I sat down on the couch.
“You’re safe. It was just a bad dream, baby.” I rocked her gently in my arms while her tears began to fall. “Shh, baby. It’s just you, me and Anth. You’re okay.”
I pulled the blanket up over her and brushed her hair from her face. I set my hand over her chest and could feel her heart pounding. Matt and the other doctors had been very concerned about this at the hospital so whenever she begins to get jumpy or when she wakes up from a nightmare, I set my hand flat on her chest so I can feel just how hard her heart is working. Chris said my hand on her chest will help to calm and ground her.
Anthony sat in the same spot and watched me rock Sydney. He had his hand over his own chest and I knew it stung when she hit him there and pushed at him. Sydney shook in my arms and soon the tears stopped, which was good. But her voice did too, which wasn’t good. She was starting to shut down on us.
“Sydney, baby…sweetheart,” I said in a calm tone. But when the calm tone didn’t work, I had to get firm. It was my only weapon to use in my arsenal to possibly prevent her from completely shutting down on us. “Eyes, Sydney.” I gave her a few moments. Ever since that night in Paul’s cabin when she clung to me, when I say “eyes” it may take her an extra few moments, but she always
looks me in the eyes. I prayed that this wouldn’t be any different. She raised her eyes from looking at the floor and met my gaze.
“Good girl, baby. You’re safe, Sydney. No one will hurt you. You were just having a bad dream. Okay?”
She nodded her response but I cupped her chin gently and encouraged her to use her voice.
“Okay,” she said quietly acknowledging her bad dream and confirmation from me that no one would hurt her. I decided to push a little more.
“Baby, I want you to keep your eyes on me and tell me what you remember from your dream.” She started to shake her head and turned to face Anthony for a way out. I know it must have killed Anthony inside to see her practically begging him to call me off, but I knew Anthony wouldn’t. He knew this is what she needed.
Anthony moved closer to where I sat with Sydney and he reached out, taking her hand in one of his while he began to rub her back with the other.
“Sunshine, it will help if you try to talk about it. Colin and I are here for you. We will always be here for you. If you can’t get very far, it’s okay. We can stop, but at least you will have tried. Remember, fear doesn’t own you anymore. Right?”
Anthony’s pep talk turned out to be just what she needed to hear to propel forward. Sydney agreed with him and gave us both a smile. She was trying and as long as she was trying then there’d be progress.
“Try, baby. Anthony and I are right here.” I leaned in and kissed her forehead.
“A lot is fuzzy from my dream. But I remember the woods. It was so dark out there.”
Sydney’s eyes began darting around and spent less time looking at me. I tried again to get her to engage once I saw her try to pull her hand from Anthony’s so she could put her hands together. I worried that she was getting to a part that was unpleasant and was beginning to panic. My theory proved correct as her breathing became labored but shallow.
I cradled her and pressed my hand flat against her chest and Anthony reached in and put his hands on either side of her face.
“Sunshine, calm down, sweetheart. Take a few deep breaths with me.”
Anthony was able to get her to mirror his breathing and effectively got her to calm some but I could still feel her pounding heart.
“Try to finish, baby. You stopped at a downed pine tree. Try, baby.”
“He’d...tie me to it…by my wrists and he’d flog me.” She broke down again and cried. Her crying quickly turned into being on the brink of hyperventilating and Anthony and I decided not to push her anymore today.
While she was cradled in my arms, Anthony moved over to sit next to me and pulled her legs to stretch out over his lap. She tried to resist though. Anthony also recognized what she was doing.
“Sunshine, you need to stretch. You can’t be so curled up, honey. You’ll cramp up.”
Anthony took my hand from where I had it on her chest and he pulled it down to rest against her abdomen. He pushed my fingers apart so my hand was spread wide and covering most of her abdomen. I just sat there and let him take the lead. He obviously knew what he was doing because a few moments after I spread my hand over her tummy, I could feel her body relax. I gave Anthony a smile and he winked at Sydney.
I began to wonder how he knew that would calm her. She eventually fell asleep in my arms with my hand on her stomach while Anthony was rubbing her legs over a blanket.
“How did you know that would ease her?” I asked him in a hushed tone.
He shrugged and then looked up at me. I raised an eyebrow at him letting him know I wasn’t going to drop it. He’s gotten me to drop a lot of conversations that he and I should have been having recently. But he merely won those little battles, not the war. He and I will have those conversations but right now I wanted to know how he knew this. He knew I wasn’t backing down. He shrugged again and let out a sigh.
“When shitty stuff happens and you don’t feel connected to your body, it feels good, comforting even, to do anything that helps you to feel not so…open.” He continued to rub on her and then peeked up at me. “When you curl up, your body feels protected. If you can’t curl up, then it’s nice to feel something warm on your stomach. It makes you feel secure and protected, but curling up causes cramping after a while. I knew she’d feel better as long as she had your hand on her stomach. Protecting her. Holding her together.”
I think Anthony probably spent a lot of his youth curled up trying to keep himself together. And now that I think of it, he was curled up protectively quite a bit while Sydney was gone and that day he told Matt and I about his asshole parents and later this afternoon when Matt and I found him at his high-rise.
He looked down at his shirt and we both realized the spot around his stitches must be bleeding. Mostly likely from when Sydney woke up from her dream and was pushing and grabbing at him.
“Fuck.” Anthony stood up.
“Let me see it, Anth.”
“I just need to change the bandage.” He unbuttoned his shirt and a deep crimson color was blotted through the bandage. “Fuck,” he repeated. “I’ll be back. Just going to clean this up some.” He headed upstairs to tend to the wound while I sat and held Sydney.
The three of us ate dinner together in the great room. Everyone was really tired and right after we ate we headed upstairs for bed. Tomorrow Sydney had an official checkup appointment at Matt’s office so he could do a good check over tomorrow.
Anthony and Sydney crawled into bed while I adjusted the lights. Once I got in bed I kissed Sydney’s lips and told her that I loved her.
Hours later I woke up in a panic. I bolted up in bed and glanced at Sydney and Anthony sleeping beside me. I had been dreaming about finding Sydney in the cabin surrounded by blood. I couldn’t get the face of the other woman out of my mind. I took a deep breath and propped myself up on my elbow and faced Sydney.
I pulled the blankets back for a moment and looked at her body. Her t-shirt was raised and twisted up a little, exposing her bruising and wounds. Her arm was draped over Anthony and her head was on his shoulder as she slumbered.
I could have lost both of them.
Chapter 22
Wednesday, February 5th
Anthony
I woke up to a wonderful feeling and it wasn’t until I started coming out of my sleepy state did I realize that it was Sydney gently rubbing my cock and balls over my boxer briefs. I couldn’t help it and damn me for beginning to raise my hips to get closer. It ended up making her uncomfortable and she quickly pulled her hand away.
What the fuck is wrong with me? It has barely been two weeks and I trying to hump her hand. I wasn’t sure what to do now or how to fix it. She was still in my arms leaning on my chest and her hand that had been rubbing on me was now flat and motionless on my stomach.
“Sunshine,” I tried to get her attention or to acknowledge me but she remained quiet. Fuck me. “Sydney, I’m sorry.”
I heard her sniffle and begin to quiver against my chest. My fault. I turned to prop myself up on an elbow and in doing so I situated her on her back. I glanced at Colin sleeping soundly next to her. Sydney’s eyes were closed but her jaw was set firmly.
“Sunshine,” I whispered. “Sydney, let me see your eyes, please.”
Finally, she opened her eyes and looked over at me. She looked sad and it broke my heart.
“Sydney, I’m sorry.” I picked her hand up and held it over my heart. “This thing only beats for you. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. It’s just my body and morning and your hand felt so good. It felt wonderful to be touched that way by you again, but I should have remained still and let you go at your pace. You know I would never hurt you or scare you on purpose. I’m sorry, sunshine.”
She nodded and closed her eyes, rolling her body towards Colin. In that moment, I hated how I felt and I thought my actions earlier had hurt the trust she had in me. Which probably wasn’t much anyhow right now. She’s coming out of a horrible few weeks and would need reattachment. What I just did didn’t help any.
<
br /> I could feel my chest ache and anger at myself was building. I couldn’t push her anymore right now. She needed her space and I needed to take mine and respect hers. I was wide-awake now and needed to let her be in peace for a while. I got out of bed and went into the closet and put some clothes on to go for a jog. I quickly brushed my teeth and scribbled a note saying I went for a jog and set it on the nightstand.
The chill of the winter air assaulted all of my exposed skin before I made it down the driveway and attempted to jog. Jogging was painful, but I welcomed the pain. As I jogged I berated myself for not being able to control my body this morning. It had felt like a lifetime ago that I even thought about fucking. Her hand felt so good and I couldn’t control my own damn body. As a Dominant, that’s not acceptable to me. My chest and abdomen ached even more now and I slowed my jog to a walk. Soon I found myself in front of Matt’s house and I sat down on the curb to catch my breath and hope the pain in my stomach would subside.
I sat there for a while thinking in the cold. I’m not sure how much time had gone by before I heard the garage door behind me open and the sound of footsteps came down the driveway until they were just beside me. I looked up at Matt and then back down at the gutter. Fuck, I didn’t think I wanted to have a conversation with him right now, yet my body refused to move.
“Anth, what’s up?” Matt sat down on the curb next to me. “You shouldn’t be jogging. Let your body heal, Anthony. Plus, you don’t need to be out here breathing in ice-cold air. You don’t want to risk getting a cold.”
I ignored all of his doctor comments and tugged without purpose on my shoelaces.
“Apparently, my body and head are not in sync. I did something stupid and out of control this morning.”