by Shouji Gatou
The red dragon growled and glared straight at Seiya. His eyes alone were the size of watermelons.
“...Er, what I mean to say is... we got lost. We’re missing two of our friends, too. We’d like it if you’d let us recover them, then help us find a way back to the surface... well, then we could get back to work, you could get back to sleep... it seems like a win-win proposition.”
The dragon let out a series of staccato growls.
“Y-You made him mad, mii!”
“I think that was laughter, fumo.”
The two mascots hid behind Seiya like a riot shield as they spoke.
《Win-win? Win-win, you say? ...Don’t make me laugh. I know what you are, small one. You came here to steal my treasure hoard, did you not?》
“Certainly not! I’m the park’s acting manager, you see, and I was just investigating one of the park’s old facilities.”
Even as he spoke, Seiya found it suspicious. The dragon spoke of a treasure hoard, but there was nothing treasure-like anywhere in the chamber. The survivors of the Dornell incident had spoken of the dragon and the treasure being in the same room.
“Y-You know about the amusement park on the surface, don’t you? We’re members of its staff. I don’t know how this maze got here, but running a dungeon on our property... ah, it’s a bit illegal, don’t you think? If you won’t cooperate, I’ll have to refer this matter to the park’s legal department!”
“Now he’s bringing in the legal department...” Moffle muttered under his breath. “What kind of negotiation is this, fumo?”
“He’s gotta treat this guy like the black market operator he is, mii...”
“Shut up!” Seiya hissed at them both.
The dragon let out another growl, this time more thoughtfully. 《Small one. I do not believe your story. Many sneak-thieves, in their desperation, have made similar excuses.》
“Ah, then... here. Here! My park ID! Do you believe me now?!” Seiya held up the cast ID card hanging from his neck.
《Heh... you think that you can fool me with that meaningless scrap? Me, a being born in the days of antiquity? Me, traveler of the ten realms, with knowledge to surpass mortal men?!》
“That all sounds very impressive, but this card is still real!”
《Foolish one... You shall pay for your lies!》 the dragon growled.
In that instant, the door behind them broke, and the monsters rushed in. Shrieking and jeering and banging their weapons and shields, they formed a semicircle around the group.
“This is bad, mii!”
“Moffu! We’ll just have to take out as many as we can...”
Tiramii started crying, while Moffle readied his fists. But Seiya stayed Moffle’s hand, turned to the dragon, and raised his voice... “Hey, dragon! Rubrum, or whatever! You said something about ‘knowledge to surpass mortal men,’ right? Well, I find that laughable!”
The monster rabble had been about to charge, but one growl from the dragon and they all stepped back. 《...Small one. What was it you just said to me?》
“I think you’re lying about how much you know,” Seiya accused. “You’re just a NEET holed up in a cave! I probably know more than you do!”
“K-Kanie-kun, maybe you shouldn’t provoke him like—mmgh.”
Moffle stopped Tiramii before he could finish. “Let Seiya handle this, fumo.”
“M-Mii...”
The dragon opened his maw, revealing jaws wider than Seiya was tall. His fangs glittered in the light of the braziers’ flame. 《Cease your prattle! I’ll swallow you whole!》
“Yeah, yeah. Swallow me whole! What a dumb lizard... You roar and you growl and you eat small creatures whole, but I bet that’s all you can do.” Seiya laughed mockingly. The dragon’s eyes flashed with anger, flames spurting from his nostrils. Then a nasty smile formed on his lips, and he fixed his eyes on Seiya.
《Interesting. Then why don’t you prove how much you know?》
“Sounds great. Ask me anything.”
《Oh?》
“Riddles, laws of the universe, the Ukrainian word for ‘dumb lizard’... Any question at all, as long as it has an answer. But if I get it right, you need to let us go and release our friends. Is that acceptable?”
《Hmph... very well. But as penance for your pathetic boasting, if you can’t answer, your death will not be quick. I’ll take my time with your friends, too, dissecting them in five-minute increments!》
“Agreed. Bring it on, then. I’m in a hurry, so make it snappy.” Seiya held his palm out and beckoned the dragon with his fingers; now was the time to use a grenade.
“Hey, Kanie-kun! This is a little reckless, mii!”
While the weeping Tiramii tried to stop him, Moffle watched, contemplative. The red dragon was grinning openly, now. He must have thought of a question that couldn’t possibly be answered—or maybe he was imagining how he’d deal with Seiya after he failed...
The dragon spoke grandly. 《Then, small one. This is my question to you, reaching deep into days of yore: During the early medieval period, Regnum Sonim’s Illimo I, known as the God of War—”
“The grail of Sage Thodemme Onshisho.”
Correct!
If this were a quiz show, there would be a happy chime sound and a shower of audience applause. But here, the group just stared at him.
《Er... Well... I haven’t finished asking the question yet...》
“I’m right, aren’t I? The grail of Sage Thodemme... uh, Onshisho. Don’t make me repeat myself.”
《Er... well...》
“It’s the right answer, isn’t it?!”
《I-It is... yes, it is.》 The dragon, intimidated, ducked his head.
“Moffu...”
“A-Amiizing! Kanie-kun, how did you know?!”
“Heh. Trade secret,” Seiya said brusquely. He had used the “magic” that Latifah had given him when she’d offered him the manager position—the power to read a person’s mind a single time. He wasn’t certain if it could be used on a monster like this, but he’d tried it on a neighborhood cat the other day, and he’d heard its mind saying(?) “meow, meow, mrrow,” so it had seemed logical that he could.
He had known that now wasn’t the time to be stingy with his grenades—though lately, he’d actually been using them frequently outside of the park to help with his negotiations...
《Y-You must have cheated!》 the dragon argued, after coming back to his senses. 《There’s no way that a mortal like you could know the answer to that question! It appears on the entrance exam for the livestock alchemy department at the Schubert University of Agriculture! It’s the most difficult exam in the magical world!》
“It’s an old entrance exam question?!”
“Lame!”
Seiya and Tiramii both stood there dumbfounded, while Moffle nodded in deep understanding.
“I see, fumo. SchuAgri is definitely a well-respected institution, and its exam study workbooks are highly prized, fumo. It’s enough that even Maple Land’s Kawai Juku have special courses for it.”
“You have that prep school chain in Maple Land, too?”
“Moffu,” Moffle said affirmatively. “Now, I wouldn’t say it constitutes ‘knowledge beyond mortal men.’ If you start with the fundamentals and put in the effort, you’ll get in easily enough. I’m thinking this little lizard’s brain isn’t so mighty after all!”
The red dragon, who had been grinding his fangs in frustration, now exploded at Moffle’s words. 《Sh-Shut up! Shut up, shut up! Even if it is an old question, you shouldn’t have been able to answer it! I don’t accept it! I won’t let you leave here after all!》 The red dragon let out another roar.
“Hey, no fair, mii!”
“Now he’s throwing a tantrum...”
“You’re a despicable dragon to go back on your word, fumo! Have a taste of my fist!” Moffle sprang up as the red dragon attacked. Slipping through the claws that smashed into the ground, he closed the distance between them in an instant,
and slammed his fist hard into his wide open jaw.
“Moffu!” With an uppercut propelled by his entire body, Moffle was able to unleash force that was an easy match for a Shin Shoryuken dished out at max gauge.
Despite the immense gap in size, getting struck in a weak point still sent the dragon reeling back. 《Guwah?!》
After landing, Moffle swiftly crossed his arms and gathered chi into his body. “Well, I see you’re not so weak after all! But can you withstand this, fumo?!” Mysterious destructive energy began coalescing just below his navel.
Seiya had his doubts about why a theme park mascot could do that, but the authentic-looking aura wreathed Moffle nevertheless. So rather than object, he ordered: “Hey, cut it out.”
“Graaaaaaaaaaah!” Moffle roared, totally ignoring the order. “Take this, fumo! Secret Technique! Dragon-Slaying Destructi—”
“I told you to cut it out!” Moffle tumbled forward with a kick in the butt from Seiya. His mysterious aura vanished with a poof.
“What are you doing, fumo? I was going to use my focused spiritual power to create a micro black hole and fry him with Hawking radiation!”
“Liar!” Seiya scoffed. “You can’t fry people with Hawking radiation on a whim!”
“Moffu...”
“Anyway,” Seiya continued, “look at him.”
“Hmm?”
The red dragon was curled up in a corner of the room, cradling his injured jaw with his forefoot. 《Sorry. I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so carried away...》
He was like a wannabe delinquent who lashed out half-heartedly, then gave up immediately when he got disciplined for it. It was enough that Seiya was starting to feel a little bad, as if he was the one who had tried to shake down the dragon. He looked around and saw that the minor enemies were showing no further signs of aggression; they were just watching them from afar. It looked as though Moffle’s violence had cowed them.
“Moffu... I suppose that first hit was enough, fumo.”
《...But it was a little much, don’t you think? I was swinging my claws intentionally to miss you... but you really hit me! I know I probably got a little too into the role, but you were my first guests in a while and...》 sulked the red dragon Rubrum.
“Wait a minute,” Seiya interrupted. “Did you say ‘guests’?”
《Yeah. You’re the second ever visitors to this attraction, Rubrum’s Proving Grounds.》
“Um... ahh... attraction?”
Just then, a stone pillar in the back of the chamber slid open, an employee door opened, and Sento Isuzu came into view.
“Sento?” Seiya blinked. “You’re okay?”
Macaron came out after Isuzu. They were followed by an unfamiliar, weasel-like mascot.
“Kanie-kun,” Isuzu greeted him perfunctorily. “This may surprise you, but they’re telling the truth.”
Now that she mentioned it, he remembered seeing a document or a project sheet for something like this: twelve or thirteen years ago, there had been a plan proposed for the second park area—apart from the stadium—whose development had been stalled for lack of funding.
It would have simulated the world of a computer RPG, which were quite popular at the time, and let visitors experience a dungeon adventure. The project name was “Final Quest (temp).” It had been such a cheap-sounding name that Seiya couldn’t help but remember it.
That was all he knew about the project. That, and the fact that it should had been scrapped, and the land abandoned, when their financial issues proved intractable.
“If the project was scrapped, then what’s it doing here now?” Seiya asked the downcast Rubrum and his staff.
《Oh, well... The truth is, I’m just a hired hand, so I don’t know much about the place personally...》
“I’ll explain this, mog.” It turned out that the monsters were being played by a large swarm of mole-like fairies, the apparent leader of whom now stepped forward.
Though it was a bit late to matter, Seiya could see now that the weapons they had been carrying were well-sculpted urethane foam. The traps must have been made the same way; there had never been any danger of anyone getting hurt.
The three-heads-tall leader mole (for some reason, he was wearing a tie and a safety helmet) continued:
“I’m Taramo, son of Dorumo. I’m the chief of the Mogute clan, and president of the Mogmog Builders’ Union!”
“Um, which means...?”
“It means I’m in charge here, mog.”
“Good to hear it,” Seiya said agreeably. “So, Taramo, please enlighten me; what’s a scrapped attraction doing here?”
“I’ll need to start with the tragic history of our Mogute clan, mog. It all began 2,000 years ago—”
“Ah, no. Please keep it brief.” Seiya waved both hands and cut off Taramo mid-speech.
“Huh? But it’s a long and epic story on par with the history of Tolkien’s elves. You’re such a philistine, mog.”
“Just sum it up in three sentences,” Seiya ordered.
“...We’d long been on the run from tyrants who sought us for our amazing carpentry skills,” Taramo explained. “Thirteen years ago we got sick of it all, and asked the manager of the park to let us use this land. They needed it to be an attraction on paper, so we set this up, and we’ve been living here ever since. There! Three sentences.”
Everyone other than Seiya clapped, impressed that he had managed it.
“Hey, hold on a second!” Seiya objected. “Are you people satisfied with that explanation?”
“You’re the one who wanted it summed up in three sentences, ron.”
“I found his explanation very clear, fumo.
“Kanie-kun, are you secretly stupid, mii?”
Why does everyone treat me as stupid here? Seiya was just about to argue when Isuzu interrupted. She was holding a laptop in her hands, and seemed to have been using cloud data to check out the story.
“I just looked through our past expenditures... and it appears to be true,” she concluded. “The manager at that time conspired with various other department heads to accommodate the Mogute Clan. There were even unexplained diversions of money...”
“In other words, the ‘scrapped attraction’ actually existed, and it’s been using park funds?!” Seiya was scandalized. “Without bringing in any guests?!”
“...Is that the case, Taramo-san?”
Prodded by Isuzu, Taramo nodded. “Well, we accepted funds to build the attraction... But we haven’t taken one cent from the park since then, mog. We do tap you for electricity and water... but that’s just a very small amount, mog. We’ve been digging into our personal funds for all other living and operating expenses.”
Macaron and Tiramii both went pale at that.
“Wait, ron! Digging into your own funds, you mean...”
Taramo nodded. “This chamber was once full of treasure... but it’s almost all gone now, mog.”
“You used it all up, mii?!”
They had been taking care of dozens of Mogute Clan members for over a decade, after all. It was easy to imagine that costing millions, perhaps even billions of yen. As expected, the legend of the treasure of the maze was a dead end.
“Of course, we’ve been running low lately, so for the past few years we’ve all been working part-time jobs. Convenience stores, family restaurants, late night road work...” It seemed like a rather dreary life.
“So you have been leaving here?” Seiya questioned him.
“Quite often. We have secret passages all over the park, mog.”
“Hmm...”
Taramo gazed into the distance. “We’d like our presence to remain a secret, mog. So if you could just go and pretend you never saw us, we’d really appreciate it, mog.”
“......”
“The manager we met was so kind. We had been hired by the rulers of the Polytear Kingdom to dig secret escape tunnels from their palace. Then were buried alive to keep us quiet about it. Of course, we weren’t abou
t to skulk around underground forever!”
“Isn’t that from the A-Team?” Seiya questioned.
“I can’t believe you recognized it! ...So, of course, we dug tunnels to escape. But anywhere we went, they pursued. We were at the end of our rope when your manager threw us a lifeline, mog. We were even given this land to hide on, mog!” Large tears began to spill from Taramo’s button eyes. Seiya looked and saw that the rest of the Mogute Clan was welling up out of remembered gratitude for “the manager.”
“Please, Mr. Acting Manager! Please leave us be, mog!”
“Poor things, mii. Let’s do it, mii!”
《I beg you too. Please, please!》
All eyes fell on Seiya. They were waiting for those five little words: “Fine, I’ll leave you be.”
“Hey, Sento. Is this ‘manager’ they’re talking about...”
“...Yes. It is.”
He then looked at Moffle. Moffle nodded seriously.
“I see...” Seiya had more or less gotten a grasp on what had happened. In light of that, he’d have a lot to think about. He ran some calculations in his head, as quickly and impartially as he could. And the answer he came up with was—
“No.”
The room broke out in a chorus of cries of disbelief.
“Why, mii?!”
“That’s cruel, mog!”
“Tell us why, ron!”
Backing away from the group as they interrogated him, Seiya repeated himself. “The answer is no! No, get it?! And as for why—” Seiya checked the time. He couldn’t stay any longer. He had to get back to the administration building. “Look, I’ll explain later! Just take me to the exit for now!”
The red dragon Rubrum moved to block their path. 《I w-won’t let you! I won’t let you leave until you ensure that we—》
“Moffle!”
“Moffu!” Moffle stepped forward. His glare caused Rubrum to back off, cowed.
《Y-You don’t have to glare at me... I just wanted you to realize how desperate I was. I wasn’t really going to stop you. So please, please, don’t hit me!》