Mandibles

Home > Humorous > Mandibles > Page 14
Mandibles Page 14

by Jeff Strand


  * * * *

  Moni tugged on the extension cord around her waist. It seemed secure enough, and the rest of the rope seemed like it would hold together, but extension cords didn't tie together very well, and they'd done it in a hurry. The other end of the cord was tied to a large desk, which seemed like it would support her weight if it came down to that. She had to admit, she much preferred the exact science of corporate accounting.

  She thought she could smell smoke, but wasn't sure if it was just her imagination.

  Mr. Kamerman still wasn't willing to try to escape with them, but he was willing to help out with their attempt. Shooting a giant ant off somebody's face with a crossbow was apparently a good way to secure manual labor.

  For a moment she considered that trying to climb out of the building might perhaps be the stupidest idea she'd conceived in her entire life. It was a definite possibility, but taking the risk was better than dooming themselves inside Lavin, Inc. And she was getting back to Phil, no matter what.

  "Are you guys ready?" she asked.

  "We're not the ones about to scale out of a fourth-floor window, so yeah, we're set," said Jack. He looked at her with genuine concern. "You be careful."

  "I will be."

  "I mean it. Because if you fall to your death, I'm stuck here to die with Mr. Kamerman."

  "A truly horrible fate," said Mr. Kamerman, winking at Moni.

  "Well, let's do this," said Moni, sitting on the edge of the window and letting her legs dangle over the side.

  "Don't look down," Jack warned. While he didn't elaborate on the thought, Moni had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking: _Because you know who's down there, probably half-eaten by ants already_.

  The wall seemed free of ants, so she gave the cord one last tug to make sure it wouldn't break in half, then twisted herself around to face the building. "Remember, lower me quickly," she said.

  Jack and Mr. Kamerman nodded, and then began to spool out the cord. She lost her footing immediately, but regained it and managed to keep her balance as she moved down toward the third floor. Still no ants on the wall. Things were looking good.

  She looked in the third floor window as she passed. No smoke, no ants. She'd never spent much time on the second or third floors, but they all had that stupid electronic card reader system. Her card wouldn't work on those floors even if the system were functional.

  Moni wasn't the litigious type, but if she were, she'd probably have a good case. If people could sue because they started a fire by leaving a Pop-Tart in their toaster for too long, she could darn well sue Lavin Inc. for making her dangle outside of their building from a bunch of tied-together extension cords.

  She continued to scale down the wall. Jack and Mr. Kamerman both looked terribly concerned, so she gave them a thumbs-up sign.

  Right before she reached the top of the second floor window, she noticed that the cord tied to the one around her waist, which was just out of her reach, was starting to come undone.

  "Stop!" she cried out. "Stop lowering me!"

  They did so. She reached up as high as she could, but the cord was still at least two inches from the tips of her fingers.

  It was definitely too far to fall without breaking important bones necessary for fleeing from ants. And by the time they pulled her all the way back up, it might be too late.

  Even if the knot didn't untie itself, Moni's heart was pounding so rapidly that she was _sure_ the shockwaves would snap the extension cord.

  "What's wrong?" Jack asked.

  "The cord is coming apart!"

  She cursed. Every rope in every movie she'd ever seen had done something like this when the hero was hanging from it, so why should real life be any different?

  She took a deep breath, then took the cord with both hands and began to pull herself up. Her muscles felt like they were going to rip right off of her bones from the effort. She either needed to build some upper body strength or lose some weight.

  The cord was coming undone quickly. In about two seconds she was going to be on her way down.

  Two seconds passed.

  The knot came completely undone.

  Moni's hand shot out and grabbed the other cord while the one tied around her waist dropped and dangled uselessly. She hung there by one hand for a moment, feeling her grip already start to weaken, then got a hold of the cord with her other hand. She twisted the end of the cord around her right hand to keep from slipping any further.

  "Hold on!" shouted Jack.

  She wanted to shout back a sarcastic reply, but her lungs burned and she needed every bit of energy to keep from falling and becoming ant chow. The fingers on her right hand were already turning red, and the pressure was extremely painful.

  "Lower me!" she called up to Jack and Mr. Kamerman.

  They began to lower her, but her hands were soaked with perspiration and even with the cord twisted around her hand she wasn't going to be able to hold on much longer. She slammed her foot against the top of the second floor window, gasping for breath and gritting her teeth against the pain in her right hand.

  She kicked again, in the center of the window this time. The glass held.

  The pressure on her hand was becoming unbearable.

  A third kick produced a spider web pattern in the center of the glass.

  She heard a hideous _crack_ as the fingers in her right hand were crushed together by the cord. Her index finger, now a dark purple color, protruded grotesquely between her ring finger and middle finger.

  But she didn't let go. She kicked again, and the window finally shattered. Two more kicks cleared out most of the glass. She braced her feet against the bottom of the frame, then reached through the window with her good hand and tightly gripped the inside wall.

  Moni took a moment to catch her breath, and then pulled herself inside. Her ears were ringing and the pain in her broken hand was absolutely brutal. She jumped to the floor and collapsed into a chair.

  "Moni!" shouted Jack from outside. "Are you okay?"

  "Oh, just dandy," she mumbled to herself.

  She forced herself to get up out of the chair, leaned out the window, and peered up at Jack and Mr. Kamerman, who were reeling in the extension cord.

  "You're next," she called up to Jack.

  * * *

  *-CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX-*

  Dustin passed the Westshore Mall, then stopped the motorcycle at the ramp to Veteran's Expressway and took the instructions the convenience store cashier had given him out of his breast pocket. Thank God he hadn't lost them in all the chaos, or he'd never find the place.

  Yep, he was headed the right direction. Traffic wasn't nearly as bad this far down Kennedy, since the ants were concentrated by Dale Mabry, so if he didn't run into any major infestations along the way, he'd make good time.

  A plane was flying overhead. Not a pest-spraying one. Dustin wondered when they'd start spraying the area, and if traditional sprays would even have any effect on ants this size. Maybe they'd just drop a bomb on the whole city and cut their losses.

  He frowned. That wasn't such an outrageous notion. Fire ants had spread over most of the southern United States from an infestation that started in one city. They weren't exactly talking world domination here, but if these ants continued to expand their territory and made themselves into permanent guests, this country had some big-time problems to worry about. Everybody would have to pack up and move north where it was too cold for the ants to survive.

  He resumed driving the motorcycle, picking up his speed.

  * * * *

  "Hello," said Dr. Ruiz.

  This was the fourth time he'd said "hello" in the past couple of minutes, as well as various other things that were completely incoherent. He was obviously delirious, and Roberta was terrified that he wasn't going to make it much longer. Zachary was doing his best to keep track of the motorcycle driver, but even though the traffic was better here, the jeep still had to weave around cars, while the motorcycle had a more or less strai
ght shot at its destination.

  Maybe Hack had been right, though. Maybe keeping Dr. Ruiz awake wasn't doing any good, and she should just let him sleep it off.

  No, this wasn't a hangover; it was a poisonous ant sting. She needed to keep him conscious and as lucid as possible or risk losing him altogether.

  They drove on the ramp to Veteran's Expressway. The motorcycle was out of sight, but Zachary drove as fast as he possibly could without getting them in an accident.

  She continued to talk to Dr. Ruiz about his family. She couldn't even tell if Dr. Ruiz had any idea what she was saying, but she wasn't going to give up. She thought she saw Hack roll his eyes at Dave, but resisted the temptation to punch the son of a bitch in the face.

  She really didn't like either of these guys. It wasn't just their sleazy appearance; it was something in their attitude. They seemed like the kind of guys who'd torture puppies and get a good laugh out of it. She hoped that she'd part ways with them as soon as possible.

  * * * *

  Dustin had never been on Veteran's Expressway before, so he couldn't say for sure whether the heavy traffic was unusual, but it seemed pretty much normal. No ants in sight.

  He passed the Tampa International Airport exit. About a minute later, he came upon the exit for Independence Parkway; a sharp left turn underneath a bridge.

  As he made the turn, he noticed several smears on the highway. It was likely that they'd previously been oversized ants. A couple of minutes later, he turned left onto Trexler Road.

  The ants grew more numerous as he drove down the road. An ant-covered body lay on the sidewalk, curled in the fetal position.

  After about three blocks, he brought the motorcycle to a screeching halt. He squinted to see if he was really seeing what he thought he was.

  "What on earth...?" he whispered.

  * * * *

  "You may not want to keep touching him like that," Hack told Roberta as she continued to rub the back of Dr. Ruiz's neck.

  "What do you mean?"

  "I mean, the ant venom might be contagious. You wouldn't want to poison yourself just because you're trying to make him feel a little better."

  "Are you kidding me?" she asked.

  "Hey, I'm just giving you a friendly little warning. Man, there are a lot of uptight people in this jeep."

  "Do you wanna get out and walk?" asked Zachary.

  "No, not particularly."

  "Well, you're gettin' pretty close." Zachary sighed. "Anyway, I think we lost him. I don't see that motorcycle anywhere."

  "Smooth move," said Hack.

  "Hey, he's on a motorcycle, he's got a little more maneuverability in heavy traffic than I do!"

  "Yeah, yeah, excuses, excuses."

  Dave slapped Hack on the side of the head. "I'm pretty sure he said he was going to Trexler Road. Let's head that way."

  "Maybe you should encourage your buddy to show a little respect," said Zachary.

  "I will," he said, smacking Hack once again.

  * * * *

  Dustin parked the motorcycle and walked toward the warehouse, a concrete structure that was the size of a large house. It had a sliding metal door that was most of the way up, revealing what was inside.

  An anthill.

  An _enormous_ anthill.

  An anthill that almost filled the entire warehouse. It had to be at least fifteen feet tall and thirty feet wide.

  It was made of dirt, but the dirt was too smooth. The anthill was too symmetrical. This wasn't something the ants had built. This thing was man-made.

  * * * *

  Hack touched the gauze on his arm. "I think I need a change," he said.

  Roberta thrust the first aid kit toward him. "Help yourself."

  "This gauze isn't working very well. Don't you have anything better?"

  "No."

  "Sure you do. C'mon, hand over your shirt."

  "Go to hell."

  Hack grinned broadly, and then smacked her across the face. Hard. Roberta's head flew back and tears blurred her vision from the sting.

  Zachary slammed on the brakes. "That's it! You are _out_ of here, you piece of -- "

  Suddenly Roberta felt the warm metal of a gun against her side. "Maybe not," said Hack. "I'll make you a sweet deal. You get out of the jeep, and she gets to keep her kidneys. Sound fair?"

  "I'll kill you," said Zachary, his eyes flaring with fury. "I swear, I'll kill you."

  "Sucks to be me then, doesn't it? You have five seconds to get out of the jeep. Then you have ten seconds to come around and get your drunken friend out of here, too. Understand?"

  Roberta glanced to the side. There weren't as many ants outside as there were in the parking lot at work, but there were still more than enough to make it extremely dangerous to be running around out there.

  Dave rubbed his forehead in frustration, looking as though he wanted to give Hack another smack in the head, but then looked up at Zachary. "He asked you if you understood."

  "I swear -- "

  "Stop swearing. Just get out. The dumb-ass _will_ shoot her."

  Zachary opened the door and started to ease his way out.

  "Do it quick," said Hack. "And don't forget your friend."

  Zachary got out of the car and then hurried around the front, while Dave climbed through to the front seat. "It'll be okay," Hack assured Roberta. "Just think of this as a surprise party. We're going to have ourselves more fun than you can imagine."

  "Please," she said, "leave Dr. Ruiz where he is."

  "Nah."

  Zachary opened the door. "Yeah, yeah, I know," said Hack. "You swear you're going to kill me. It's old news."

  "Zachary, take care of him," Roberta pleaded.

  "I will, I promise," said Zachary, putting his arms under Dr. Ruiz's shoulders and pulling the dentist out of the jeep. He scooped him up into his arms like a bride being carried across the threshold, and backed off as he started kicking away the ants that were coming toward his feet.

  Dave leaned over and shut the door, and then they drove off, leaving Zachary running for cover.

  "Don't feel bad for them," said Hack with a chuckle. "They're only going to get killed by ants. Your death isn't going to be quite as gentle."

  * * *

  *-CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN-*

  Moni couldn't believe what she was seeing.

  A glass door.

  There were no glass doors on the first or fourth floors, so she'd assumed that the same was true on the second. But here it was.

  This was perfect. Now Jack wouldn't have to scale all the way down to the ground. He could come in this way, and they'd be able to better plan out their escape. Of course, the plan at this point was basically "run like hell," but a little bit of extra strategy couldn't hurt.

  * * * *

  Jack tugged on the cord for the sixth time. He had triple knotted the cord tied to the one around his waist, and it was not going to come apart while he was dangling outside the building.

  He'd wanted to take the crossbow along. If Moni and Abigail could shoot it, so could he. But he also wanted to have both hands free in case of trouble involving, oh, say, the cords coming apart at an inopportune time, so he settled for Winnie covering him.

  "Ready?" asked Winnie, pulling the arrow back until it caught.

  "Yeah," said Jack. "Here's the deal, though. If one of those things comes anywhere near my face, I do _not_ want you to attempt to shoot it off. We've already more than used up our luck in that department. Okay?"

  "You're the boss," Winnie said.

  Moments later, Jack found himself scaling down the wall. It was approximately one hundred and fifty times scarier than he'd anticipated, but Moni had survived the ordeal, and so would he.

  He glanced down at Moni as she watched him. "Stop looking at my butt," he said.

  "I can't help myself."

  "I mean it. This is a highly stressful situation and I don't need you compounding it with your sexual harassment. Is my butt as nice as your husband's?"


  "Not even close."

  "I bet Phil has never climbed down a wall like this, though," Jack said, as he scaled down past the third floor window.

  "I believe you're right."

  "See? So he's not all the man you claim he is." His stomach suddenly took a plunge as he saw one of the rat-sized ants crawl over the top of the building and head towards him. "Mr. Kamerman! Ant at twelve o'clock!"

 

‹ Prev