“I think you need a break,” Shannon said.
Amy laughed shortly. “I think I do, too, but when and where? Dad’s in the hospital, the hay needs to be cut, Rick’s got this job…” She withdrew her hands and twisted them together.
“And Paul is phoning,” Shannon added softly.
“Yes. Paul.” Amy sighed heavily. “He’s suddenly decided he’s in love with me. And isn’t that convenient. I’m marrying Tim in a few months, and Paul thinks maybe he should get one more kick at Amy’s heart before she does that.” She rose to her feet. “Does he think I’ll just fall into his arms? Does he really think I’m that gullible? I love Tim and Tim loves me. We made a promise to each other. And Paul—” she paced around the kitchen, as if trying to convince herself “—Paul couldn’t stay in one place if he was nailed down. He couldn’t stay faithful to a girl if he was tied to her.” Amy stopped, shoving her hands into her pockets. “Tim’s a good man, Shannon. He loves me and he loves the Lord. What I feel for Paul is just leftovers from a childhood crush and…and…”
“And what, Amy?” Shannon smiled sympathetically at her.
Amy stared at Shannon, shaking her head slowly. “There’s no ‘and.’ Things have gone too far to back away. I’m marrying Tim.”
She walked slowly to the door, rubbing her head as if to erase all the events and thoughts of the past few weeks. “I’ve got to go for a ride. Can you manage while I’m gone?”
Shannon flapped her hands. “Go already. Saddle up your horse and head off into the sunset. When Rick comes back from work, I’ll help him with the calves.”
“Thanks, Shanny.” Amy flashed her a tired smile then turned and trudged out of the house.
When she got to the pasture, her horse was too far away, and she didn’t have the energy to run after it. Instead, she climbed the corral fence and looked out at the mountains, trying to sort out the tangle of her life.
It was as if all the threads she thought she had such a firm hold on were slowly slipping out of her grasp and she couldn’t pull them back together again.
Rick had been working steadily at Dilton’s garage. His income gave them some financial breathing space, but it also meant that Amy had to take care of the purebred heifers and their own herd of commercial cows on her own. Though she had quit her job, there was always some other chore to do.
Or she had to spend time at the hospital learning how to take care of her father’s diabetes. There was a diet to follow, food had to be measured and weighed, insulin adjusted according to blood tests that had to be taken three to four times a day. She didn’t have time to think further than the next day.
And now Paul was pestering her.
His last visit left her emotionally drained. His last kiss still tingled on her lips. His words still rang through her mind. And now he boldly delivered his message to Shannon as if challenging Amy.
And Tim. Kind, solid Tim. She knew how much he loved her, what he would do for her. They shared their faith, they shared a dream.
And her mother…
Amy braced herself on the fence, her hands digging into the rough planks. Noreen couldn’t live out here, she thought, taking in the undulating hills, their shades of buckskin and brown shading off to deep purple against the blue sky. Noreen couldn’t see the beauty here, couldn’t be a faithful wife, couldn’t keep the promises she made.
All her hectic thoughts slowed as a coldness clutched Amy’s heart.
Broken promises.
Amy turned her ring over on her finger, watching sparkles of white, green, pink and blue shoot out from the diamond that was a concrete symbol of the promises she and Tim had made to each other.
And what had Paul offered her? Only words. He had known all his life how Amy felt about him. And what had he done? Treated her like a little sister while he ran around with numerous other girls. Paul had spent most of his life running around, always wanting more. Each time he came back, he had another girl, someone else he had made promises to.
Paul couldn’t keep his word. He had broken up with Stacy and they were practically engaged. He couldn’t stay in the Cariboo, either. He still lived in Vancouver.
But Tim.
Tim was good, honorable and kind. He loved the Lord, and he loved her. He had offered her a solid relationship, himself and his life. And she had accepted. Yet she considered breaking her promise to Tim for a nebulous emotion for a childhood hero. She truly was no better than her mother.
Amy caught her breath. The thought almost shattered her.
Drawing in a deep breath, Amy turned her face heavenward, the heat on her face a penance as she pleaded for forgiveness and prayed for strength.
She prayed to be faithful to Tim, prayed to stop wanting things for herself, prayed to keep her promises.
Her feelings for Paul belonged to another, younger part of her life. It was time to put away childish things.
Slowly, the tension eased out of her. A breeze cooled her heated cheeks. It was as if God’s hand rested lightly on her, consoling, reassuring.
She took a steadying breath, gazing about her at the beauty of the land that was solid and endured. She prayed her love would be the same.
“So Paul, I hate to push, but have you decided what kind of deal you want to cut?” Bruce took a long pull of his cigarette. His suit jacket hung crookedly on the chair behind him, his tie was knotted at half-mast on a shirt unbuttoned at the neck. His stomach, once firm and tight from packing cement forms around, was heavier, hanging over a leather belt that held up pants a few sizes larger. His black hair was cut close to his head, a far cry from the in-your-face ponytail he had favored for many years, a few threads of silver glinting in the overhead lights.
The sun’s evening glow bathed the office. Rhonda and the other staff had left two hours ago.
Paul spent the afternoon at their latest project trying to get excited about being under budget and ahead of schedule. He and Bruce got together, as they usually did at the end of each week to go over their scheduling and new jobs coming up.
Tonight they had bigger things on their minds.
Bruce took another drag off his cigarette and, in deference to Paul who had quit a year ago, spewed the smoke out of the side of his mouth.
As if that makes a whole lot of difference, Paul thought, watching the smoke drift lazily toward him, anyway. With a sigh of resignation, he hunched forward tapping his pencil on the papers in front of him, looking at them but not really reading.
In spite of their weekly meetings, he felt as if he hadn’t really talked to Bruce the past few weeks. The past few months, come to think of it. Once, they had been close. Their Friday get-togethers would take place in a restaurant or each other’s homes. The talk would veer from pricing, to mutual friends, to politics and religion. They had been partners since the beginning, since the Atco trailer parked on-site.
Now Bruce was married, his wife expecting their second child. He couldn’t always spend the time Paul wanted him to on job sites and often cut their Friday meetings short.
Paul spun back and forth in his chair as he searched for the right questions, tired of trying to feel his old partner out. Bruce’s answers had been noncommittal, so Paul decided to go for broke.
“How would you feel if I declined to buy out, if we put the whole business up for sale?”
Silence hung between them as the question settled into each of their minds. Bruce pursed his lips as he studied the tip of his burning cigarette. He sighed then looked up at Paul. “To tell you the truth, right about now I’m ready for anything,” he said slowly. “I’m getting tired of all this stuff, this paperwork.” Bruce waved his cigarette over the papers scattered on the desk. “I surely never expected to be spending half of my day cooped up in an office chasing down a paper trail.” He took another deep pull on his cigarette. “Never thought I’d take up smoking again.”
Paul laughed mirthlessly. “I’m tempted to myself.”
Bruce looked up at Paul thoughtfully. “How ab
out you, buddy? All those years we were carting concrete in wheelbarrows, drawing up our own plans, putting in bids, did you imagine yourself sitting up here, running around carrying a briefcase, of all things, instead of a shovel?”
“I did, actually.” Paul shrugged. “I got exactly what I wanted…once.”
Bruce shook his head and stubbed out his sixth cigarette, half-smoked. “Well, I didn’t.”
Paul glanced back over his shoulder, catching a glimpse of the mountains behind him. Rhonda’s words came back to him. Did he want to fight for this, he thought as he looked back at the office, the desk completely covered with papers, blueprints hanging on the walls? It was seven o’clock. His parents would be finished supper, sitting with a cup of coffee, chatting after a day of work outside.
He’d been fighting traffic all the way back from the job site at the Upper Narrows. He had a two-page list of phone calls to make yet, verifying subcontracts on the new malls Henderson Contractors were to build. He wouldn’t be done until ten o’clock tonight. Then tomorrow morning he could get up and do it all over again.
Was this really what he wanted?
“I hate to rush this momentous occasion, Paul, but Lois wanted me home on time tonight….”
Paul nodded, acknowledging Bruce’s comment.
Home. Bruce had a wife and a child waiting for him. Paul had nobody. And the girl he wanted would soon be married to someone else.
“We’ll talk about it more on Monday,” Paul said quietly.
“You may as well go home.”
“So that’s the best you can do for me?” Paul leaned his elbows on the cold glass table between him and his banker, Les Visser. He frowned at the pages in front of him.
“You’re a good customer, Paul, but the rates have risen since your last loan.” Les shrugged. “I can’t do better than that.”
Paul rubbed his finger along his jaw, calculating. Debts for the next fifteen years. Sky-high payments. Higher service charges. “Maybe I should try for a second opinion?”
“I hope you’re kidding,” Les said, his tapping finger betraying his agitation with Paul’s casual comment. “I had to twist O’Brien’s arm to get you as much as I did.” He leaned forward, his expression earnest. “Paul, I’ve helped you right from your first loan for that forklift and I’ve been with you all the way until now. This really is the best I can do. You won’t get better in any bank in Vancouver, or the lower mainland for that matter.”
Paul gathered the papers and fussed with them, making the pile neat. “I wonder if another accounts manager would have more pull.” He grinned up at Les, unable to resist one more dig.
“If you wait a couple of months, we’re getting some hotshot young guy coming into the branch pretty soon. You could try your luck with him. His old man’s in big with O’Brien.”
“Pass,” Paul replied, his voice dry as he slipped the sheaf of papers in his briefcase. “If he’s cozy with O’Brien, I don’t know if I’d want to do business with him.” He smiled at Les. “Don’t worry. I know what you’ve done for me. If it wasn’t for you, I’d still be pushing cement in a wheelbarrow.” Paul snapped his briefcase shut and stood up. “Where’s this young ‘hotshot’ from?”
“Your old home town, maybe you even know him.” Paul hesitated, frowning at Les.
“Tim Enders. He asked for the transfer a couple of weeks ago, and it came through this morning.”
“He asked for the transfer himself?” Paul raised his eyebrows, his voice hard.
“Well, he’s had a lot of help from Momma and Daddy Enders.” Les frowned. “You sound ticked. You know the guy?”
Paul heaved his briefcase off the table, his movements quick, decisive. “Yes. I think I know him better than some people do.”
“Careful, Amy.” Fred Henderson caught Amy’s arms, preventing a collision in the hospital corridor.
Amy took a step back to catch her balance and grinned up at Fred. “Well, hi, there. What are you doing here?”
“Visiting your dad.”
Amy felt like she should take another step back. She tilted her head to the side, her eyebrows lifted in surprise. “Visiting my dad?” she repeated stupidly. “And you’re still in one piece?”
“It’s not that bad,” Fred said with a smile.
“Maybe not. But I haven’t heard my dad say anything complimentary about you since I could talk. I’m surprised he let you in the room.”
“He did come to our place for your engagement party.”
Amy pursed her lips, considering. “That’s true.”
“I’ve actually come a couple of times to see him since he’s been here.”
Amy shook her head, still trying to absorb the idea of Fred Henderson chatting with her father. “He’s never mentioned it.” Amy grinned up at Fred. “I still have a hard time imagining it, but—” She stopped a moment, suddenly overcome by a wave of emotion. “I’m so glad.” She reached out for him, dropping the package of flowers she had brought for Judd, her heart welling with happiness. It had been too long since she had something to truly celebrate. She squeezed hard. She had loved Elizabeth and Fred all her life. To have her father, now, after all those years of resentment and dislike, allow Fred to visit him was more than she could have hoped for.
“It’s okay, Amy.” Fred held her close, patting her on the back. He straightened and smiled down at her. “I have had my own difficulties with your father. He’s had a lot of bitterness and anger. I’ve had to learn to forgive him and have prayed for an opportunity to talk to him. He seemed quite happy at your engagement party, so I took a chance. We spoke for a while, and I sensed that he was ready to have me come and see him.” He stroked Amy’s cheek. “Besides, you’ve had so much on your mind, I thought if there was some way I could make things easier for you then I should do it.”
Amy shook her head slowly, as if trying to absorb this very welcome piece of information. She felt a surge of happiness lift her heart. “I’ve always loved you and Elizabeth so much, it was so hard for me at times. I’m so glad.”
“Me, too. Especially if we’re going to keep living close to each other.” Fred bent over and handed Amy the package she dropped. “I better get going. I promised I’d meet Elizabeth in a couple of minutes at the grocery store.”
“I probably could have kept on working there, Dad’s been in the hospital so much.”
“It will all even out, Amy. We’re praying for you.” He winked at her, turned and left.
Amy watched him go, her heart overflowing with happiness. “Thank you, Lord,” she said softly. “I really needed something wonderful.”
She turned, her step light as she walked down the hallway and into Judd’s room. His roommate had gone home the day before, and now her father was by himself. He sat on the edge of his bed, his back to her, playing cards on his food tray.
Probably cheating, Amy thought, walking into the room and bending over to give him a kiss.
He jumped, then smiled up at her. “Hey, girl. How are you?”
“I’m feeling great, what about you?” Amy set the flowers on his bedside table and pulled up a chair.
Judd shrugged. “Not bad. Not good. My eyes are kinda blurry. Nurse says it’s ’cause of the diabetes.”
“Will it go away?”
“Hope so. Hard to cheat with poor eyes.”
“At your age, you should start to play fair.”
“At my age, I don’t need to play fair.” Judd rubbed his eyes, blinked a moment and gathered up his cards. “So, how are all the critters?”
“One of the new heifers was a little lame. Gave it a shot of long-acting penicillin and now it’s okay. I think we’ll get some really nice calves from them. I wish we had more pasture, then we could put their calves on grass over the summer and make even more from them in the fall.”
“You might want to sell them in the spring. Even out your cash flow. That way you’ve got money coming in spring and fall.” Judd pushed the table away and pulled his IV pole closer.
“Looks like nice weather outside.”
“It is. Sunny, warm. Slight breeze. Really good haying weather. I’m hoping to get the baler fixed next week and it will be ready to go. Rick is working on our tractor. Things are finally pulling together.” Amy leaned back in the chair, her arms crossed. “I just met Fred Henderson in the hallway. He said he’s been seeing you.”
Judd shrugged. “Yah. He’s been coming.” He looked up at Amy. “He’s okay.”
“I’ve known that a long time, Dad.” Amy struggled to keep the note of censure out of her voice, thankful that her father was finally able to see Fred for who he was.
Judd merely nodded and sat back on the bed, pulling his bathrobe around him. He lay back fiddling with the IV tube. “Anything exciting happen since last I saw you?”
Amy thought of Noreen’s phone call and rubbed her fingers against arms that were suddenly cold. “I…I got a phone call yesterday.” She bit her lip then hurried on. “It was…Nor…I mean, Mom.”
Judd frowned, leaned forward as if to hear better. “Who?”
Amy cleared her throat and tried again. “Mom. Your wife. Noreen Danyluk. She phoned yesterday. She saw our wedding announcement in a Vancouver newspaper and took a chance and called.”
“Noreen?” Judd lay back against the stacked pillows of the raised bed, staring off into the distance. “Noreen called?”
“She phoned to congratulate me on the wedding.” Amy couldn’t keep the bitter note out of her voice. “She’s known our number for a long time. Why didn’t she call sooner?”
Judd closed his eyes, his lips pressed together.
Amy sat up, alarmed at the look of anguish on his face. “Dad, what’s wrong?”
Judd said nothing, only shook his head slightly. Amy eased back into her chair, ready to jump up and call the nurse. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Stop fussing, Amy,” he grumbled. He opened his eyes but still wouldn’t look at her. He seemed to be in another time, another place. “Did she say anything else?” he asked finally.
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