Popcorn

by Clare Nonhebel

CHAPTER 6

  ‘Go away!’ shouted Soony. ‘I’m very busy.’

  ‘Soony, we’re due at the doctor’s in twenty minutes!’

  ‘You go. I’m staying here.’

  ‘It’s you she wants to see! Come on, Soony, don’t be a pain.’

  ‘I haven’t got a pain! Go away!’

  ‘Soony,’ June began. She took a deep breath and sat down with Soony behind the compost heap. ‘Are you listening to Popcorn?’

  Silence.

  ‘Is she singing well today?’

  No answer.

  ‘Soony, I keep wondering. Don’t you think Popcorn gets tired of singing sometimes? Wouldn’t she like to do something else for a change?’

  ‘No. She likes it. She’s music.’

  ‘Musical.’

  ‘Yes. She’s musical.’

  ‘But even musical people get bored sometimes, you know. Would she like to go to the park after we’ve been to the doctor’s?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘We could take a picnic. Chocolate cake.’

  ‘Popcorn doesn’t eat chocolate cake. I keep telling you!’

  ‘Soony. Soony, listen. What else does Popcorn do? When she’s not singing? Does she like going for walks?’

  ‘Popcorn doesn’t walk.’

  ‘Does she draw? Paint? Skip? Go on the swings?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘She must do something,’ said June, exasperated.

  ‘She swims about,’ said Soony helpfully, ‘and sometimes she goes to sleep.’

  ‘Well, after we’ve been to the doctor’s’, said June in relief, ‘we’ll take her down to the river and she can have a swim. She’d like that, wouldn’t she?’

  ‘Not in the river!’ roared Soony. ‘In my room!’

  June sighed. Tears came to her eyes.

  ‘I don’t mind going to the river, though,’ said Soony. ‘We can have a picnic if you like.’

  The doctor’s waiting room was crowded. As soon as they got there, Soony knew something was wrong. June sat rigidly on her chair, sightlessly flipping the pages of old magazines. Fear and tension radiated from her.

  Soony kept well away from her. She knelt on a chair by a woman with curly hair. She kept patting the woman on the head. ‘It goes round and round,’ she said wonderingly. She stroked her own hair. ‘Mine doesn’t.’

  The woman smiled at her warily.

  ‘Why doesn’t mine?’ demanded Soony loudly.

  ‘Your hair is straight,’ the woman whispered. ‘And mine is curly.’

  ‘Yes, curly,’ said Soony appreciatively, patting the woman’s head again. ‘Beautiful. Wonderful curly.’ The woman smiled more warmly.

  Soony stuck her face right up against the woman’s. ‘You’ve got hair on your mouth as well,’ she announced, in ringing tones. ‘But it isn’t curly!’

  ‘Soony!’ said June. ‘Come over here.’

  ‘Why aren’t you?’ Soony enquired. ‘Why aren’t you curly on the mouth?’

  ‘Soony,’ said June. ‘We’re going in now! Does anyone mind’, she pleaded to the room at large, ‘if we go in next?’ There was a frosty silence. ‘Thank you,’ she said, and grabbed Soony’s hand.

  ‘Well, we didn’t have long to wait, did we?’ said Soony brightly.

  The surgery was so small that in seconds June had filled it with her fear. A nurse was there, as well as the woman doctor. There were too many people here. Soony backed away from them into a corner and faced the wall.

  ‘When is she going for the ultrasound?’ the doctor enquired.

  ‘On Monday, but the senior social worker wants a rough idea of when she’s due. He said if you examined her...’

  The doctor eyed Soony. Soony glared at her. ‘The scan will show much more accurately,’ she said.

  ‘Yes,’ said June, ‘but in the meantime I would like to be able to tell them...’

  ‘Oh, I don’t think that’s necessary,’ said the doctor.

  Soony picked up an instrument and wandered round his desk.

  ‘A manual examination,’ the doctor said, ‘is really not very accurate at all; it would be sheer guesswork.’

  ‘Yes, but even a guess...’

  Soony approached the doctor with the speculum and snapped it open and shut in her face.

  ‘Soony,’ said June absently, fingering her handbag.

  ‘Far better to wait, believe me,’ the doctor said leaning back. ‘Hospitals have much more experience of these things.’

  ‘Of pregnancy?’ said June. ‘But surely...’

  ‘Of... er ... technology,’ said the doctor, leaning sideways.

  ‘Oh,’ June said. ‘But shouldn’t you just make sure she’s all right? Blood pressure and things?’

  Soony veered away and started running the instrument up and down the couch, making vrooming noises.

  ‘The hospital will take care of it all,’ said the doctor soothingly. She stood up and and the nurse opened the door. ‘But if there’s anything else you need – letters for the hospital or anything – just give me a ring. No need to come in specially.’

  ‘Oh,’ said June, remaining in her seat. ‘There was just something else.’

  By Monday, June was belting out tension like a radio giving out sound waves. Soony wished she would turn the volume down. It was as much as she could do to listen to Popcorn swimming about and singing. Popcorn’s voice was getting stronger these days, and ever more tuneful, but June almost drowned her out.

  ‘What are you frightened about?’ Soony asked in the end.

  ‘Frightened?’ said June. ‘I’m not frightened,’ and burst into tears.

  Miss Janes arrived. Soony thought she had better keep her out of June’s way. Miss Janes seemed to make June worried.

  ‘You can come and look at my bed if you like,’ she offered.

  ‘Not just now, Soony,’ said Miss Janes. ‘We’re all going out.’

  ‘Where to?’

  ‘To the hospital.’

  ‘I’m not going,’ said Soony. ‘You go.’

  ‘I bet Popcorn’s never been to a hospital,’ said June. ‘I think she’d really enjoy it.’

  ‘Popcorn doesn’t like hospitals,’ said Soony.

  ‘Oh,’ said June, ‘but she’ll love this one. There’s a fountain in the grounds, isn’t there, Miss Janes? She can swim in the fountain afterwards if she likes.’

  ‘Oh don’t be silly!’ shrieked Soony. ‘She lives in my room!’

  ‘Well, we can’t drag her there, can we?’ said June. She sounded relieved.

  ‘Perhaps we could give her a sedative?’ proposed Miss Janes. ‘I believe she has some in case of need?’

  ‘They take an hour to work,’ said June. ‘We’d be too late.’

  ‘There’s always a long queue in hospitals. I could phone and explain the circumstances.’

  ‘Oh, I think we’d better leave it till next week,’ said June. ‘Shall I make you a cup of coffee, as you’re here?’

  ‘June dear,’ said Miss Janes gently. ‘There’s nothing to be gained by putting it off.’

  ‘Oh,’ said June. ‘But ...’

  There was a silence.

  ‘Isn’t there a legal limit?’ she asked Miss Janes. ‘I mean, if the pregnancy’s over a certain number of weeks you can’t have an abortion, can you?’

  ‘Is that what you’re hoping?’ said Miss Janes. ‘That she’ll have to keep the baby?’

  ‘No,’ said June. ‘I’m hoping we won’t have to make the decision. That it will be taken out of our hands.’ She was crying again.

  ‘If it’s any consolation, and I don’t suppose it is,’ said Miss Janes, ‘The final decision is in the hands of the local authority, because Soony is technically still in our care. And yes, there is a legal limit, but in exceptional circumstances ...’

  Soony came in, wearing a pair of Jim’s tartan boxer shorts on her head. ‘I’ve got a hat!’ she shouted.

  ‘Yes, darling,’ said June. ‘It’s lovely. Is Soony an exceptional circ
umstance?’ she asked Miss Janes.

  ‘Well yes,’ said Miss Janes, ‘I think you could say she is,’

  The sedatives seemed to have no effect on Soony. June and Miss Janes were both very tired. The receptionist at the ultrasound clinic refused to let Soony go in ahead of the queue.

  ‘Couldn’t you make an exception?’ asked Miss Janes.

  ‘That’s what they all say.’

  ‘I’m the patient’s social worker,’ began Miss Janes, but the receptionist sniffed and said, ‘If you ask me, there wouldn’t be any problems if there weren’t any social workers.’

  June looked at Soony, large and pregnant, lying on the floor of the waiting room looking up everyone’s skirts. ‘It’s hard to see how social workers could have caused this one,’ she said.

  ‘I’ll call you when it’s your turn,’ said the receptionist.

  Soony stood up and looked out of the window at the nearby park. ‘There are swings!’ she shouted. ‘I want to go on the swings!’

  ‘Why don’t you take her,’ suggested Miss Janes, ‘and I’ll keep your place in the queue?’

  Soony could only just fit on the swing. ‘Push me!’ she shouted, and June pushed. ‘More!’

  ‘You’re heavy,’ June complained.

  ‘Too many sweeties,’ said Soony cheerfully.

  Soony swung back and forth and kicked her legs in the air. Maybe they’re right, thought June. How could we let her have a child? She’s only a child herself.

  Soony closed her eyes and let herself swing, the breeze stroking her hair. If anyone had asked, she would have said she was very happy.

  Soony kept her eyes closed for a long time. Her grip on the swing slackened.

  ‘Soony!’ said June. ‘Don’t go to sleep!’

  Soony opened her eyes and blinked at her.

  ‘Come on,’ said June ‘We’d better go back.’ She hauled Soony off the swing and they walked back arm in arm. Soony leaned on June heavily.

  Miss Janes saw them coming. ‘Everything all right?’

  ‘The sedatives’, panted June, ‘are taking effect.’

  The receptionist, on seeing her, agreed that a pregnant, doped sixteen-year-old with a mental age of four did, after all, qualify to jump the queue. They hoisted Soony on to the scanning couch seconds before she fell fast asleep.

  June and Miss Janes sat side by side and watched Soony’s unborn baby appear on the screen. Soony snored.

  ‘It’s amazing really, isn’t it?’ whispered Miss Janes. ‘I’ve never seen one of these scans before.’

  ‘Here is the spine,’ said the girl, pointing it out on the screen. ‘Quite normal. Roughly twenty-six weeks I would say.’

  ‘It’s a real baby, isn’t it?’ said June soberly. ‘I mean, it’s not just a blob of cells.’

  Miss Janes said nothing.

  ‘What do you think are the chances’, said June, ‘of Soony being allowed to keep it? Honestly?’

  Miss Janes looked at her. ‘Very small,’ she said.

  June took a deep breath. ‘Miss Janes,’ she said, ‘I think there is something you should know.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Miss Janes, ‘this has to affect our decision.’

  ‘Of course,’ said Mr Fisher, and Mrs Hobgrass nodded.

  ‘Yes,’ said June eagerly. ‘You do see, don’t you, that I couldn’t go ahead and have my baby and not let Soony keep hers?’

  The others exchanged glances. ‘I’m afraid,’ said Miss Janes, ‘that isn’t quite what I meant.’

  ‘Looking after Soony is already a full-time job,’ said Mr Fisher. ‘We appreciate that you want to keep Soony when you have had your child. Your attachment to her does you and your husband credit. But to take on two babies as well as Soony ... with the best will in the world, Mrs Donnell, it just isn’t on. I admire you for wanting to try ...’

  ‘I wouldn’t be taking on two babies!’ cried June. ‘They are already there! I’m just accepting the fact. Miss Janes, you saw Soony’s baby on the screen!’

  ‘June,’ said Mrs Hobgrass, ‘you’ve done a wonderful job with Soony. She’s made great progress since she came to you. But she’s still very immature and she always will be. She won’t be able to help look after a baby. She may be jealous of the attention you give your own child. You may even have to watch that she doesn’t harm your baby when it arrives.’

  ‘Soony loves babies!’ said June. ‘I know it would be a lot of work, but it might be the making of her, you know. Why don’t you give her a chance?’

  ‘I accept what you say,’ said Mr Fisher. ‘Soony may well enjoy the baby and enjoy helping to care for it. So won’t your baby in a sense belong to both of you? Do we have to put a young girl with a mental age of four through the experience of childbirth?’

  June was silent.

  ‘Have you told Soony yet, about your own pregnancy?’ asked Miss Janes. ‘No? Why don’t you do that? Let her become involved in your happiness – a piece of good news for the whole family. Soony won’t realize what her operation is for, June. It will soon be all over, and then the fact of your baby will give her something nice to look forward to.’

  ‘I know your own pregnancy makes it even harder for you to allow hers to be terminated,’ Mr Fisher added, ‘but you must try to put your feelings aside and consider objectively what will be best for Soony.’

  ‘First they say I don’t want Soony to have an abortion just because I’m infertile,’ June sobbed, ‘and then they say I can’t be objective about it because I’m pregnant.’

  Jim hugged her. ‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I know. But love, didn’t you think there was something in what Mr Fisher said? I mean, how would you cope with three babies, one of them aged sixteen and with very strong opinions on what she will and won't do?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ June wept. ‘He was right. It’s all very reasonable. It’s just that you’ve got to believe me, Jim – it’s just that I know that somehow it’s wrong. I feel as though we’ll be doing Soony some terrible harm. I mean ...’

  ‘Ssh,’ he said quickly.

  Soony came in wearing Jim’s underpants on her head. ‘Why is June crying?’ she asked him.

  June rubbed her eyes. ‘Oh,’ she said, ‘it’s because I’m happy, Soony. The doctor told me I’m going to have a baby.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Soony, ‘I know. I knew ages ago,’ she said.

  ‘Did you?’ said June sniffing.

  ‘You remember,’ said Soony. ‘I asked for you.’

  June stared at her. ‘Yes, you did,’ she said. ‘and I haven’t even thanked you.’ She put her arms round Soony and kissed her.

  ‘Oh, that’s all right,’ said Soony, and went out into the garden.

  ‘Asked what?’ said Jim perplexed.

  ‘Asked God to give us a baby,’ said June.

  ‘June,’ said Jim, ‘you don’t believe in God. Neither of us do.’

  ‘I’m not sure,’ said June. ‘I’m not really sure about anything any more.’