by Anne Leigh
“15 minutes.”
“You’re in the area?” he wondered.
“Yeah.” As a matter of fact, I’m in front of your place. I’m not stepping inside even if you invite me in because right now I don’t feel safe being alone with you.
“Ok, I’ll meet you there. I’m around the campus so it will take me about 20-30 minutes.”
“Alright, bye.”
I drove to Coffee, Tea, and More Café. Brennan loved this place. This was one of his go-to hang outs.
I picked a corner table inside the café to give us some privacy. The place was always busy so if at any point I felt unsafe, there were people around to help.
I received an incoming text.
Zander: Just got off the phone with Matt, our lawyer. Where u at?
I really hated lying to him, especially under the circumstances. Zander would freak out if he knew where I was at and who I was meeting with.
Me: Group study
Zander: K. Any media people bug you?
Me: No
Zander: Good. I’ll drop by ur place tonite.
Me: Ok
Zander: Later, bye
Me: K, bye
I pursed my lips. I felt so bad about lying to Zander. But I needed to talk Brennan to drop the charges.
The café door opened and Brennan strutted inside. He was sporting a purplish bruise on his right cheek and a band-aid was high on his forehead. Clad in his regular attire, dark brown khaki pants and red polo shirt, he looked worn out.
I waved my hand in the air; he walked straight onto my table.
“Hi,” I said.
“To what or rather to whom, do I owe this pleasure?” I couldn’t see his eyes because he kept his sunglasses on. His mouth was definitely turned into a smirk.
Underneath the table, I was wringing my hands. I was fighting the urge to smack his arrogant face and plop his head into the coffee cup that I was drinking.
I stated, “I think you know why I’m here.”
He shrugged his shoulders, “For your boy toy? No, Sedona. I am not dropping the charges. He attacked me like an animal!” His jaw clenched.
“We were friends, Brennan. At one point in time, we were friends. You know you started this,” I was trying to get through his stubborn, crazy, thick head, “You and Kieran were close. What I’m trying to say is, ‘please don’t do this.’ Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to Zander. You’re hurting me.”
His lips remained in a tight line.
“I liked you. When we dated, I honestly liked you. But you broke my trust.” The words in my mouth were not coming out fast enough to describe the turmoil I was feeling. “It’s been over between us for a while now. I don’t know why you’re still thinking that I’m coming back to you. I’m not. I’ve forgiven you for what you did. It’s just that we’re not ever getting back together, Brennan.”
He removed his sunglasses, his brown eyes were dark, almost black, as he spoke in tight, clipped tones, “It’s because of Zander, isn’t it? If he wasn’t around, maybe, you could have given me another chance.”
I shook my head, “No, Brennan. It’s not because of Zander. Even if Zander wasn’t in the picture, I still wouldn’t be getting back with you.”
Exasperation showed on his face, his brows furrowed and he winced when he accidentally touched his bruised cheek.
“Why Sedona? Why couldn’t you give me another chance?”
His hand was on the table. I reached out and held it. He didn’t flinch away. We were, after all, friends once. He was my first boyfriend. Together, we had some good memories.
“It’s because you broke my trust. I can’t go back to that place where we once were. I was hoping we could be friends. But you kept pushing and started acting crazy and now this. I don’t feel safe with you. I feel like you’re going to explode on me and I don’t know why. It’s scary, Brennan,” I said sadly, my voice breaking.
For a long time, he stared at me, memorizing the lines of my face. His eyes were expressionless. His voice was filled with raw emotion when he found his words, “I’m sorry, Sed. I am. I’m sorry for making you scared. I…I don’t,” he was struggling to speak, “I’ve never been like this. With you, I saw a future. I messed it all up with that one-time fling. It’s been really hard for me to accept that fact. And Kieran, he hasn’t spoken to me. We used to hang, you know. We were cool. I saw him one or two times at events and it was like he never even saw me.”
This was the Brennan I knew, the person I’ve known since high school. He might be arrogant but he cared for other people’s feelings. I held on to his hand and he placed both of his hands on mine.
“I can’t speak for Kieran. He has his own mind and does what he wants. Maybe, if you gave him time, he’ll come around. You guys were friends before so maybe he’ll come around,” I said. After all the events that have transpired, I highly doubted that Kieran will ever come around.
His eyes dawned with understanding as I continued speaking, “Maybe we can friends again. Just not right now. I wish you all the best, Brennan. But please, you have to stop this.”
He looked at me and asked, “Did you ever notice why Kieran didn’t hang around when we were together?”
I nodded.
Brennan sighed, “He knew. I think he knew that I would hurt you or do something to fuck it up but I also think he wanted you to be happy.”
“But,” my voice barely a whisper, “Kieran can’t predict that you would cheat on me.”
He raised his eyebrow, “Couldn’t he? He knew I was a player in high school. I had to practically beg him for your number. He asked me to stay away. And when I didn’t, when I couldn’t, he just said that he would leave it up to you. The minute we started becoming more, he stayed away. Sedona, I chose you over my friendship with Kieran.”
His admission stunned me.
“You chose me?” I stammered a little.
His gaze was sad when he continued, “Yes and if given the choice, I would do the same thing all over again, minus the cheating part.”
“Brennan,” I said, aware that my voice was shaking, “When we were together, I gave it my best shot. I think I knew why Kieran stayed away. He wanted to give you and me the chance to build a relationship. I didn’t expect that you would do what you did. But I can’t come back from it. I don’t want to come back from it. You just seem so different now. You’re full of anger and bitterness. You have to let us go. You have to let me go.”
He gave a soft nod and said, “I just can’t control myself. I feel enraged, mad when I see you with him. Zander has fucking everything. And now, he has you.”
“Maybe you need to get some professional help if you feel like this. You can’t go around getting mad at people when they break up with you. You’re a good person, Brennan. You have a great future ahead of you. If you feel like this is too much to handle, you need help to manage your anger.”
I thought he was going to say no.
“You’re right,” he swallowed, “I think you’re right.”
My phone buzzed on top of the table. It was Kieran calling. I let it go to voicemail.
“I have to go.” I stood up on the table.
He stood up and he looked forlorn. The weight of the world, crumbled down on his shoulders. I stepped towards him and gave him a hug.
I felt his arms around me and he whispered, “You’ve been so good to me. If only I could go back and tell myself not to do what I did.”
“Everything happens for a reason,” I reached up to his ear and whispered back, “Take care, Brennan.”
“You too, Sed. You too.”
“Bye.” I said and walked outside to my car.
******
I placed Kieran on my speakerphone and talked to him on the way back.
He knew about the media storm happening around campus. I did not tell him about my meeting with Brennan. It was so hard to keep a secret but he would probably react the same way Zander would if he knew what I did.
He in
formed me that he just heard Brennan had dropped the charges. He saw it a few minutes ago at a local news channel.
Whew! I sighed in relief. Brennan came into his senses.
Zander’s Porsche was parked in front of my apartment when I arrived.
I was overcome with the good news; I almost hopped the stairs two at a time to my apartment.
Zander had his right ear to his phone when I saw him on the living room couch. Tanya must have let him in and left. I didn’t hear any sounds coming from her bedroom.
He really was a handsome guy. His eyes flickered when he saw me but he didn’t smile.
“Alright, thanks Matt. Just keep them updated. Thanks for all your help, man. I really appreciate it” he was addressing his lawyer.
I went up to him and reached up to kiss him on his lips as soon as he hung up.
He kissed me quickly and pulled away.
Something was up.
His eyes flickered, his expression, undecipherable, “How was group study?”
I looked away, pretending to be interested at the news on TV.
“It was ok.”
“Yeah?”
I gulped, “Yes. By the way, I heard Brennan dropped the charges.” Shifting the conversation to the main thing that occupied our attention the whole day.
“Yes. Matt said his charges won’t stick anyways.”
I smiled, “That’s great news, right?”
Why was he stand-offish? He was sitting away from me and his mouth was held in a tight line when he said, “Yes, it’s good news.” The look on his face belied the happy news.
“You don’t look happy,” I observed.
“I am happy that dick wad dropped those charges because they’re baseless. Plus, they won’t stick.”
I repeated myself, “Alright. Why don’t you seem happy about it?”
He handed me his phone with a stoic expression on his face. A picture message was on the screen. It was of me holding Brennan’s hand at the Café.
I gasped.
“I asked you twice, Sedona. Twice you lied to my face!” His voice, dripping with anger, “You said you were in a group study and all this time, you were holding hands with that dickhead!”
Lies, no matter how small they were, have ways of seeping into the surface. I knew I would not be able to say anything to appease him. He had warned me to steer clear of Brennan.
“Do you know how angry I feel right now?! I just learned that my girlfriend, who I’d protect from anything in this world, was holding hands with this motherfucker who was charging me with fuckin’ assault! Oh, and all this time, I was thinking she was in a safe place, that she was in a freaking group study!” His breathing was harsh as he unleashed his fury. His hands shook on his sides, his fists were clenched, and I didn’t dare move.
I honestly did not know how or what to say to make it better. I sat there, cringing with each word that came out of his mouth.
I scooted into the corner of the couch, pulled my legs up to my chest, and burrowed my head in my arms. The damning silence hung in the room. He paced for a couple of minutes and stopped in front of me. I was unable to lift my head to meet his eyes. There was silence. The last thing I heard was the door latch clicking in place.
I was exhausted. My mind couldn’t take in anymore. My heart was so heavy. I wanted to make things better but I ended up messing everything up with Zander.
Zander was probably going to leave me. He had every reason to. I lied to him. Not once, but twice in one day. I slumped my shoulders in defeat and clutched my arms around my waist. Tears slowly streaked down my face. I deserved this. I lied twice. I knew how he felt about lies. He absolutely hated them.
Zander
I didn’t know how long I’ve been in this bar. All I knew was that there was no way I could drive. I couldn’t even operate a cellphone. I texted Xavier and within minutes, he was calling me, “What’s ‘mmgrry’, dude? Is that a code for something?” His voice was loud on my ears.
I stuttered all the way through but managed to say, “Pick me up at Hudson’s.”
He said, “No prob. Be there in 20.”
Thank god for friends you can rely on. Not like girlfriends. Especially girlfriends who lie and meet with their ex-boyfriends when their boyfriend was being sued.
How the hell could she do that?! She was smart. When it came to that shithead, her actions were idiotic.
I thought she was in a group study! I should’ve known something was not right when she was evasive about it. Why did she have to lie?! Oh, that was right. Because that was her stupid ex-boyfriend who she had to cover up or help or whatever the fuck up!
A few girls approached me at my corner. Oh, how easy it would be to take them with me and drown whatever hell I was in into them. But I couldn’t even move a muscle in my mouth to talk to them. They were not HER. My body recognized the difference and it knew the distinction between her touch and other females!
A woman actually had the nerve to touch my shoulder and I coiled away from her. I was mad. I was upset. Angry and livid. But Sedona was still my girl. My lying girlfriend. I didn’t know what hurt more – the fact that she lied to me or the fact that it was because of him she was lying to me. What kind of hold did that asshole have on her? After 3 beers, 4 shots of my friend, Jack, and a couple more of rum shots, I stopped counting.
“Celebrating?” Xavier was here.
I ignored him and tried to stand up. He caught my arm before I plastered myself on the floor, “Whoa. Easy, Superman” I snatched my card from my wallet but Xavier stopped me, “Let’s go, buddy. All’s taken care of.”
Once we were inside his car, he warned me, “I will not forgive you, if you throw up and piss in my car.”
I had no urge to puke or piss. When the car moved though, I wasn’t sure if that was still the case. I climbed out of his car as soon as we hit the front of our apartment. Xavier asked if I’d be ok to reach our apartment or if I wanted to wait for him to help me up. I shook my head, “No. I’m cool dude.”
I was far from cool. I just wanted to climb onto my bed and sleep for a decade. The elevator ride up to the 3 floor was of no help. Within minutes of reaching my room, I stumbled into bed and darkness engulfed me.
The next morning was a bitch. I woke up with a huge hang-over that a couple of aspirin and Xavier’s mix of ‘hangover cure’ barely relieved. I turned my phone on and I expected a call or a text from her but there was none. I had the urge to call her during the day and I fought that urge. I had to give myself time to simmer down.
Three days. It took three days for me to contain my anger into a manageable degree. My anger was still there, lingering, reined in. Now, I was ready to speak to her. She was giving me space. I knew that. She did not call or text. It was time for me to talk to her.
At 2 PM, I texted her, “Can we talk?”
She was probably in class. Sometimes, she didn’t answer when she was in class.
By 7:30, she still hadn’t answered. I called and it went straight to voicemail. Worry crept through me. What if something had happened to her during the past 2 days? Kieran would call me. That was for sure. Right, Kieran. He would know. I called him.
He answered on the third ring, “Hey.”
“I was wondering where Sedona was.” I went straight to the point.
“Oh,” A long pause followed.
Unease settled on my stomach.
“Is she ok? Did something happen to her?” I asked. Now, I was worried.
After what seemed like a minute or two, Kieran said, “She’s ok but she’s not here, Zander.”
“Ohh-kaay. Mind telling me where she’s at?” My heart was racing and my head was starting to throb.
Kieran took a long breath, “She left yesterday.”
Left? In the middle of the semester? Sedona would not do that. She was too obsessive of her grades. Plus, she wouldn’t leave without telling me. Or, would she?
“Where is she, Kieran?” My voice came out harsh and urgent.
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“She left to see her dad. In Costa Rica.” Her dad was on assignment in Costa Rica.
“What about school? Isn’t she going to miss class or clinicals?” I managed to ask. My chest was constricting. She did leave. Without telling me.
“I believe she talked to her professors. She did her clinicals ahead of time.”
There was only one thing left to ask, “When’s she coming back?”
Kieran’s silence scared me. Then, he said, “I’m not sure.”