Broken and Screwed 2 (The BS Series)

by Tijan

  I told him one night that it was ironic. He had grown up as if he didn’t have a family, but now he did. I was the opposite. I had grown up with a family, but now I didn’t. He rolled his eyes and lifted me on top of him. Then he proceeded to undress me and show me how I was still his family, no matter what. And then one day I headed towards my old dorm room. My last final had been turned in and I had left a bag in my room. I needed to get it before I headed back to Jesse’s.

  I heard in the distance, “Alexi, come back here.”

  A little girl was running down the sidewalk towards me. A high-pitched giggle came from her as she pumped her arms harder. Her legs went too fast and fierce determination came over her next. A slender girl raced after her. They shared the same blonde curls, but when the little girl saw me, she braked suddenly. Her eyes got big and her cheeks puffed out. The mother hurried and caught up, lifting the girl in her arms. Fat arms and chubby legs wrapped around her, but she twisted back to me. Her eyes didn’t look away. Her thumb slipped up and popped in her mouth. Her other hand caught hold of some of her curls and she hung there. She pulled on her hair as she continued sucking her thumb, all while she never looked away from me.

  I couldn’t either.

  I felt the breath knocked out of me. Someone took a sledgehammer to my chest. I was batting practice.

  This was Ethan. Or she was Ethan. This was his little girl. I knew it. Every cell in my body told me that and I jerked forward. The mom started to turn, but I called out, “Wait!”

  She turned back, frowning at me. Her free hand went to cover her eyes. As she saw me, her eyes got big. Her mouth fell open to form a small o and she suddenly went rigid.

  This was Claire.

  My eyes shifted to the daughter. That was Alexi.

  I hurried towards them, fearful she’d decide to scramble. I caught up before she could have that thought and I stuck my hand out. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I hoped my voice was sturdy as I said, “I’m Alex. I’m Ethan’s sister.”

  She chewed on her lip for a moment and then she nodded. She never shook my hand. “I know.”

  “You’re Claire.” But my gaze couldn’t leave the little girl. She had Ethan’s eyes. She had Ethan’s mouth. She was Ethan. I just knew it. It was like my brother was back with me and not in a haunting presence anymore. “And who are you?”

  She smiled, still sucking her thumb, before she twisted and buried her head into her mother’s shoulder. Claire’s smile was sad as she covered her daughter’s head. She blinked away some tears and cleared her throat before she could say, “This is Alexi.” Regret flared over in a second and she amended, “Alexandra. Her name is Alexandra.”

  A huge knot formed at the base of my throat. Did she mean…

  “We talked about names, Ethan and me. He wanted her named after his little sister.” She rolled her eyes, but in a good way. A small grin came over her. “He always talked about you. He adored you, you know.”

  I bit my lip. I was trying to keep from sobbing. I had done so much over the last few years.

  “Anyway,” she took a deep breath and forced a brighter smile. “I came here to introduce you to your niece. This is Alexandra Claira Connors.”

  “You took his name?”

  She nodded, and then shrugged before she turned away. “He wanted that. I wanted my daughter to have a piece of her daddy. And of her aunt. Stupid, I know, considering that I haven’t wanted anything to do with your family. But whatever. I came here to tell you not to blame Jesse. I threatened him if he told you about us. I knew Ethan hadn’t. I threatened him too. Both of them wanted you to know, but I couldn’t handle it. Not then, anyway. I can barely handle it now.”

  I was struck speechless.

  And then I realized how beautiful this girl was. She had almond eyes with freckles over her complexion. A small mouth was adorned with pastel pink lips. When she turned in the sun, her hair framed her face. It gave her the illusion of a halo. I knew why my brother had fallen for this girl. She was an angel. In his romantic ideal, that’s why he loved her. If she had the kindness that I figured she must’ve, Ethan would’ve made this woman his wife. Being torn apart from her gave me some understanding of why he did what he did.

  If only he had fought. If only he had stood against our father.

  “Listen, uh…” She brushed at her eye.

  Alexi turned back. She hunched down between her shoulders before she darted back to her mother’s shoulders. She was playing peek-a-boo with me.

  I tried to keep from grinning too much.

  Her mom took on a serious tone. “Jesse’s been begging me to tell you about Alexi, but I refused. I thought you were like your parents and I don’t want them anywhere near her.”

  I nodded.

  “And, uh…” she turned away again. Her throat was trembling and she bit her lip again. “Anyway, I threatened Jesse. I knew about all of the affairs Malcolm had when he was married to Evelyn. My dad worked with Malcolm for years. I said I’d go to the press and ruin his mom’s memory if he said anything to you. To give him credit, I think he stayed quiet out of loyalty to Ethan, but I knew it was hurting him. He loves you. He always had. Ethan talked about it. I was sick and tired of hearing him moan about his best friend and his sister. Once we got pregnant, he stopped caring so much about that. But anyway. God, what am I doing here? That’s right.” She hoisted her daughter higher up, adjusting for a better hold on her. “So this is your niece. Alexandra Claira Connors. I’m a sap.” She gave her daughter a soft smile, one that showed her love and she tucked some of Alexi’s curls behind her ear. “Ethan wanted her named after you and I gave her my name. That’s how we started talking, about you. He said your middle name was my first name. But I gave her different spelling. I wanted her to be different. Special. Oh my word.” She fanned herself. “I’m just rambling. I’m so nervous. You’re not what I thought you’d be.”

  My own nervousness came out. I couldn’t even laugh normally now.

  Her eyes pinned to mine. She heard it and relaxed. She was able to breathe normal again. “So, uh, what now? Do you want to be her godmother?”

  My eyes got big again. My chest was starting to hurt, too much to speak.

  It wasn’t a problem. Claire kept going, “I know it’s late. Three years late, almost, but we’re having a birthday party at my mom’s. She helps her out a lot. I live with her and go to the community college in Clarkson. That’s where we live. I do what I can. I’d love if you and Jesse would come. Please not your mom. Your mother hasn’t stopped calling me for the last two months. I can’t handle it anymore. I think that’s another reason why I came here. Can you talk to her? Although Jesse said you don’t see them either. I think that’s when I decided to reach out. Maybe you’re not like them. Ethan always said you weren’t. He said you were so kind and so gentle. He said you’re nice. There are so many people who aren’t nice. So many people are so selfish, but I can see he was right. And I’m kicking myself for not listening to him. I was so mad at your family. Then I was mad at Ethan. We broke up and he never tried to see me—”

  My hand grasped her arm. “He did.”

  “What?” She fell silent.

  “He did. Jesse called him when you gave birth. He was coming to see you.” I swallowed back the pain. “I think he was coming to save himself too.” I never said those words to Jesse, but I wondered. It felt right to say it to her now.

  Her bottom lip started trembling. Her throat strained and I could tell she was trying not to lose it. Then she rushed out, “Can you take her?”

  “What?”

  But Alexi came to me willingly. Her mother turned away. A hand was pressed to her mouth and she walked a few steps away. As her shoulder started shaking, I knew what she was doing and I turned to give my niece the brightest smile I could muster. “You’re so pretty!”
>
  A toothy smile was my reward. Little fingers reached out and she grabbed hold of my cheeks and started yanking my face back and forth. It was the best feeling. Her eyes darkened and she grew serious then. Leaning forward, she plucked at my lip. My hair was attacked next. I didn’t care. She could yank all she wanted.

  When Claire remained away, still crying and wiping at her face, I took Alexi to a nearby bench. I was bouncing her on my knee when I heard my name called out. Hannah and Beth waved and came over. Beth frowned at the little girl. When she reached for her, Beth took two staggering steps backwards. The little girl grew more determined, but grabbed Hannah’s knee instead.

  Hannah gestured at her. “Who’s the kid?”

  “My niece.”

  I didn’t bat an eyelash. I didn’t hesitate. I was so damn proud. Ethan created this little girl. She would’ve been the love of his life.

  “Oh. Wow.”

  I looked up and squinted against the sunlight. There were no sarcastic remarks. Even Beth looked close to tears. She took the seat beside me and held a finger out. Alexi grabbed on and twisted. As Beth cried out in pain, Hannah snorted. “Dumb—”

  She caught my look.

  And finished, “head. Dumbhead.”

  “I’m better now.” Claire joined us, her voice still wobbly. She knelt and took Alexi from me. “Thanks for holding her.” Then she glanced at Beth and Hannah.

  “These are my friends.”

  “Oh, right. Angie and Marissa. Ethan told me about them.”

  “Hannah and Beth.”

  “Oh.” She flushed. “Sorry. Of course. You’re at college. Who goes to college with their high school friends?”

  “I did.” Hannah threw her arm around Beth’s shoulders. “Actually, I coerced my cousin to come here after me. Couldn’t live another year without her.”

  “Shut up,” Beth mumbled. Her eyes were glued to Alexi before she turned away. “Let’s go. This is a private moment.”

  “Oh man.”

  “Shut it, Chatsworth!”

  “Shutting it.” Hannah winked at me as she followed Beth to the dorm.

  “They’re, uh, nice?”

  “They’re like me.” I stood from the bench. “Not everyone gets us.”

  “So, um, the birthday party. Yes. We’re having it in two weeks. Did I say that before? Two weeks at my mother’s. Jesse knows the address. Bring him too. I haven’t been all that nice to him, but I’ve started to realize that he’s not the bad guy I always thought he was.”

  I grinned. I understood that as well.

  “It’s not going to be anything special. I mean, I can’t afford much, and I don’t like letting my mother dish out money all the time. Free rent is good enough, you know.” She rolled her eyes and sucked in her breath. She puffed out her cheeks. “Sorry. You don’t need to know all about that. I just feel bad. Seeing you, I know I’ve been wrong the last three years. I was so angry with your dad and I took it out on everyone. Alexi too. She’d probably love meeting your mom, huh? What am I doing here?” She choked out next, “Thank you for telling me about Ethan. I never knew. They only said he died in a car accident. That was it.”

  I stopped her as I put my hand on her arm. “Do you mind if I ask, but how do you spell Alexi’s middle name?” I needed to make sure.

  “Oh.” She blinked in her confusion, but rambled out, “C-L-A-I-R-A. I wanted it to be a bit different. My aunt’s name is Claira too. I thought I was taking care of three birds with one stone. Okay. I have no idea what I was thinking. I didn’t want her to be just like me or just like you. All right.” She forced out another deep breath. “I am so nervous right now. You are so beautiful. Ethan told me you were pretty, but I had no idea.”

  Now I was the confused one. Jesse always told me that I was hot. My mother mentioned I was beautiful, but it came from Claire now. I was touched. The tears started forming.

  “Okay. I’m going to go. I’ll be in contact. I really will. This wasn’t some form of drive by and meet-your-niece-sort-of-thing. You know what I mean. I’m just having a hard time keeping it together. You’re not what I expected. Jesse said that’s your dorm over there. I’ve been waiting all day to catch you. I almost left. Alexi needs to eat and take a nap, but then she took off running. I have no idea why. She’d been fine with me under the tree, but all the sudden she took off. It was like she was chasing something. I don’t know. She does that at times. She’ll suddenly start talking to someone in the room, but no one is there. And I’m rambling again.”

  She darted forward and gave me a hug. Her skinny arms wrapped around me before she let me go. Then she gave me an awkward wave and hurried to the parking lot. Alexi hung over her shoulder. Her dark eyes didn’t look away. Before they got into their car, she lifted her tiny hand and waved.

  I bit my own lip now. The tears were starting to spill.

  I missed my brother so goddamn much in that moment.

  Four months later

  “Hey!”

  I looked over and saw Hannah and Beth crossing the lawn to me. Instead of the skintight and skin-showing ensemble Hannah usually wore, I was surprised that she was in jeans and a lightweight white shirt. She almost looked like me. I glanced down, but my jeans were ripped at the knees and Jesse had stretched the cleavage down one night. We’d been cuddling on the couch and wanted a better view. I was now the scantily clad one, but I was comforted at Beth’s usual apparel. All black. A new tattoo peeked out from underneath her neckline. It looked like the tip of a bird’s wing. Then I glanced around. “Where’d you park?”

  “On the street.” Hannah gestured to the red Camaro. “We figured everyone’s moving back in so there wouldn’t be enough room.” She glanced around and saw two other cars. “Maybe I was wrong.”

  “No,” I sighed and bent forward to grab my boxes. “Jamie just got here. Cord moved back last week. And their new roommate isn’t here yet.”

  “You guys got a new roommate?”

  I nodded. As both of them grabbed a box, I headed into Jesse’s house. Jamie had put all his boxes in the foyer and dining room so we sidestepped his stuff and placed my boxes in the living room. “Yeah,” I answered Beth as we headed back out. “Derek and Kara got their own place since she’s not a Resident Advisor this year.”

  “I can’t believe you’re really living with Jesse now.”

  Beth frowned at her cousin. “Why not? She basically did last year.”

  “Yeah, but she still had a place of her own. What if something happens? What if she needs somewhere to go?”

  I grinned while Beth punched her cousin’s arm. “Good thing I have your place to go to.”

  “Go to?” Hannah froze as if she hadn’t thought about that. “But we only have a two bedroom apartment. And her boytoy doesn’t work at Club T anymore. He’s got a new job so I know he’ll be sleeping over more. And me—”

  “We all know your sex life hasn’t really dwindled,” Beth spoke over her cousin, giving her a meaningful look.

  “What? It has. I’m not dating Scarred Baldy anymore.”

  I grinned, reaching into my car for another box. The other two followed suit and we headed back inside. As we got there, Jamie had jumped from the stairs. He landed in the foyer and scooped one of his boxes. When he noticed who else was with me, the slight warmth chilled. “Oh. You.”

  “Oh. You.” Hannah sent him a snarl.

  Beth sighed and moved around her cousin to put her box down. Hannah lingered in the foyer, skimming a disgusted eye up and down Jamie. “Have you gained weight over the summer?”

  “No.” He looked insulted. “I’ve been lifting over the summer.” Then he cast a shrewd eye over her figure. “You’re not the normal whore that you usually are. What’s up with that? Are you in costume today? Practicing for Halloween? We’ve still got two m
onths to go.”

  “Shut up and what are you doing, gaining weight? That’s only going to slow you down on the basketball court.”

  I frowned and handed my box to Beth so I could take the one Hannah was holding. She looked ready to throw it at him.

  “It’s none of your business. You’re just hot for me. That’s the only reason you give a damn.”

  Her top lip curved even higher in a sneer as she tossed her platinum hair back. “You’re just jealous because my sister dumped your ass in May. Good one. Classy move cheating on her.”

  He stiffened, looking ready to throw his box at her now. “I was set up. Your sister wanted me to cheat on her.”

  Her mouth dropped open and her eyes bulged out. “Are you kidding me? That’s the lamest excuse I’ve ever heard.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Whatever. I don’t give a shit what you think. Alex.”

  My back stiffened at the abrupt call. “Yeah?”

  “Who’s the new roommate?”

  I sucked in my breath and shook my head. No way was I getting involved with that one. “Jesse’s almost home. You can ask him.”

  “What?”

  But I hurried out of there. I wasn’t looking forward to hearing Hannah’s reaction either when the new roommate did show up. And just then, because karma hated me, Tiffany’s Mazda pulled into the driveway. She got out, flashed me a friendly wave, and grabbed two large suitcases before she crossed the lawn. “Hi!”

  This wasn’t going to go well. I gestured towards the house. “He doesn’t know. And neither does she.”

  Tiffany went rigid. “My sister’s here?”