“I like you like this.” Her hand moved back up to his chest and her full mouth, lush and welcome, smiled at him.
“Like what?” His voice, craggy and low, held a note of lust. Whenever she touched him, it infiltrated the space between them.
“Relaxed.” She opened her mouth like she was going to say more, then shut it. Which wasn’t like her. Isa said what was on her mind regardless of what Eli wanted or what he thought.
“And?” he found himself asking.
Her eyes screwed to the ceiling, before she admitted, “I was going to say open, but you’re not open, are you? You’re more like a screen over a window. I can see in, but I can’t get in.”
Isa’s honesty made him want to squirm. She wasn’t wrong.
“I’m…not skilled at being open,” he said, feeling his brows pinch over his nose.
“You’re kidding.” She gave him a good-natured eye roll.
Open spaces were a threat. As a military man, they were a matter of life and death. As a man who’d lost his mother tragically, they were a matter of internal pain he couldn’t escape. Letting someone in—letting himself out—equally dangerous. He knew well the feeling of putting himself on the line and feeling the slap of disappointment, of heartbreak.
His mother had broken his heart into bits when she died.
After a gap of a few breaths, Isa spoke again.
“I’m not sure what we have here.” She pushed up on one elbow, not bothering to cover her body with the sheet. Goose bumps prickled her tan skin, her breasts rising when she inhaled. If anyone had practice at being open, it was Isa. In that way she was a hundred times braver than he was.
“I like you, Eli.”
He held his breath and waited for the but. For her to tell him it was over. Maybe she’d worried as he had after last night that he hadn’t been able to keep her safe—that his scaring off a mugger was a little too close for comfort.
His heart hammered an uneven pattern. He worried she’d tell him she couldn’t be with him because he wasn’t enough. He’d never be enough for the woman who deserved everything.
“But…,” she started.
His heart seized like it’d been peppered with buckshot. He didn’t want her to go. Not after winning her back.
“…I can’t keep guessing what’s in your head,” she finished.
He was so shocked she wasn’t reciting a Dear John letter, he blinked at her in silence. Maybe it was that relief that made him offer her more. “What do you want to know?”
“Do you really believe you’re bad luck?”
He blew out a laugh, but it was a desperate attempt to keep her from knowing that she’d hit the nail pretty damn close to the head. “Not exactly.”
He chewed on his thoughts another few seconds before committing what to share.
“Good things…don’t chase me.”
“Life is about you chasing good things, Eli, not the other way around.”
He thought of last night. Of the position she’d been in. Of his presence there. Of the swamping guilt and seething anger he’d felt at not being able to chase that asshole down. At the very least, Isa deserved someone who could protect her.
“A lot of bad things happen when I’m around.”
“Are you afraid you’ll screw up?” She shrugged. “We all screw up.”
“Some screwups come with a hefty price, Sable. Screwups like letting my two men lead resulted in them losing their lives.” He tipped her chin. “Screwups like you being attacked because your attacker didn’t believe I could fight him off.” Quietly, he added, “And I didn’t.”
“No.” She shook her head, but he ignored her attempt to make him feel better. He knew what happened. He’d been there.
“It’s a fact, Isa.”
“It’s bullshit, Eli.” Her gaze sharpened and never left his face. “You came for me after I left, and that was a miracle. If you hadn’t showed at all…” She batted her lashes like she was fighting tears. “I don’t want to think about it.”
He was in awe of her strength. He’d rather take a Taser to the nuts than have this conversation. Especially when fear returned—that prickling spike of adrenaline as he recalled her ear-piercing scream for help. His stomach twisted even though she was here next to him, completely safe in his bed.
“What happened to me is not your fault.” She touched his face. “I could have been robbed, raped. He could have climbed those stairs and broken into my house while I was in the shower.”
He’d thought about that, too.
“You heard what I told the officer. That guy’s eyes were wild like he was high on something. He was twitchy. Strange. He hadn’t been lying in wait and carefully plotting. Maybe he saw you in the shadows, maybe he didn’t. It could have happened at any time.”
He hadn’t stopped to consider that. He hadn’t considered much of anything other than the fact that he’d failed her.
“But if I wouldn’t have shown up at your door, you never would have been outside.”
“If you wouldn’t have shown up at my door, Eli, I wouldn’t be here right now.”
He frowned. He was grateful she was here. He valued her safety first, but she wasn’t wrong. She was in his arms and in his bed because of last night.
“So…you’re moving in with me,” he stated, his dark humor hitting its mark when she laughed lightly.
“I have pepper spray. I’ll be on alert.”
“And have a male employee stay late to walk you up. Finish your work upstairs and never ever head up there after dark unless—”
Her fingers pressed to his lips. “I promise.”
Her words made him want to promise her things right back. But he wasn’t the man he used to be and fell short of being the man he should be. Crushed beneath that realization, he refused to make Isa a promise and not deliver. He wouldn’t fail her again.
Isa fiddled with the edge of the sheet. He admired her raspberry-tipped breasts, bared and beautiful. She was gloriously naked and not hiding from him. That was the crux of who she was—someone who didn’t hide.
Meanwhile, Eli had behaved like a hibernating bear.
“Have you ever lived with someone?” she asked suddenly.
He waited for his fight-or-flight response to kick in. When anxiety didn’t lodge his throat, he counted it as progress.
“Yes,” he answered. “You?”
“Never. Not a romantic interest, anyway. I lived at home and with a friend from college, but I’ve mostly been on my own. Josh wanted to move in together, but it felt wrong.”
“You held back.”
“I guess so. I knew we weren’t right, but I’m not sure I know what ‘right’ feels like.” She flicked Eli a glance and then looked away, and in that brief exchange, he understood exactly how she felt. He’d spent years not knowing what ‘right’ felt like and had eventually determined that relationships never felt right. They just were.
“Her name was Crystal.” Eli slid an arm beneath the pillow under his head. Isa had asked, and dammit, he was going to give her a complete answer for a change. “She and I met through a mutual friend. We dated for three or four months and then she moved in when I deployed. She said it’d make her feel closer to me if she was around my things.”
He stole a glance at Isa, who was riveted, yet also looked like she didn’t want to hear any of this. He couldn’t blame her. Here he was sharing and he didn’t want to talk about it at all. But Isa deserved the truth. If she wanted it, he’d give it to her.
“Do you want me to continue?”
She nodded, and he honored her request.
“Whenever I was back, she’d insist we go house-hunting or talk about financial plans for our future. I would be trying to acclimate to civilian life again, settle into a temporary schedule, and Crystal wanted to play house.”
“She loved you.” Isa’s voice held a truckload of disappointment. He tried to alleviate her fears.
“Maybe.” Love wasn’t something they’d talke
d about. Crystal knew what he was like—that he didn’t embrace the sentiment of swapping four-letter L-words. If there was one thing he hadn’t been successful with at all, it was love. Hell, he didn’t even know what it was in regard to anyone who wasn’t related to him. “She wanted children, a family. A house with a yard. I don’t want that.”
“Not ever?”
Great question. He didn’t feel as opposed to it as he used to. “Now I’m not sure what I want. I’ve changed in a lot of unexpected ways since I’ve come back.”
Changing had scared him more than anything. He used to know who he was…who he’d been his entire life. After literally losing a part of himself, he wasn’t sure who he was anymore. Or who he would become.
Isa snuggled down in the bed next to him, hands in prayer beneath her cheek. Her dark eyes wide with hope as she watched him and he watched her.
“So this…what we have. It’s enough for you?” Her tone was careful.
Sometimes it was more than he could handle, but he knew better than to tell her that. Instead, he took one of her hands and laced their fingers together, hoping she’d take what he was about to tell her the right way.
“I’m not sure I can give you more, but I’m not done with us, either.”
The light in her eyes dulled. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“That’s fair.”
It wasn’t. He didn’t like her heavy acceptance, but he also didn’t want her to leave. What he was asking of her made no sense. She should never settle for less than she deserved. Not running her parents’ business, not a jackass ex who only wanted to use her as a cog in the wheel of his future. But if she’d stick around long enough for Eli to figure a few things out…he’d take it.
“I need you,” he admitted. “So if you wouldn’t mind staying a little while long—”
She was on top of him in an instant, her wild hair tickling his face, her plush lips crashing into his. Eli wanted to be the man she deserved, but there was a selfish part of him who wanted her any way she’d have him.
He kissed her back, sifting her hair through his fingers and trying not to think about the fact that she, too, could run through his grip like sand.
Chapter 15
Things were back to normal.
Kinda.
Isa wasn’t at Eli’s warehouse, but at her desk dispatching and scheduling. She’d worked on Sable Concierge business more than Crane business, and thank God she had. Business was booming, word getting out about her personal assistants. Partially in thanks to Merina, who had recommended her to a few friends, and mostly in thanks to Chloe, who had taken the new management position and run with it.
Isa had also found a manager for Refurbs for Vets—someone she and Eli had both met with and approved of—so Eli no longer had to handle the day-to-day.
One week ago, he’d rescued her from an attacker, taken her home, and cared for her. Then they’d made love—falling into their routine as a couple as if she’d never left. And while he hadn’t made anything clear, she’d received his message loud and clear. Eli didn’t want to think about how things would go or how long they would last. He wanted to live in the present. After hearing about his ex-girlfriend, Crystal, Isa understood why he felt that way. Sounds like his ex had worked overtime trying to make Eli commit to a future he had no interest in.
After Isa and Josh split, she’d enjoyed being single. She didn’t stay single for three years because she had no choice. She’d turned down plenty of men at a time she could’ve buried her loneliness in someone else. There was enjoyment in being in charge of one’s own life and schedule.
She’d stayed alone because she wanted to build her business. Thrive in a way that wasn’t attached to her parents or to a man with designs on her parents’ business. Losing herself was no longer appealing.
If nothing else, Eli was giving her that same opportunity. He wasn’t pressuring her to define what they had or cage her into a routine-riddled relationship. She wanted to be content with the arrangement…She was just having trouble getting her heart on the same page as her brain.
That blame she could place on Eli Crane’s gorgeous shoulders. He was the one who’d introduced her to what she’d been missing.
She let out a sigh.
Right or wrong, he was what she wanted. It had to be enough because he wasn’t someone she could walk away from.
Her phone trilled with a message and Eli’s rudimentary all-caps text read: DATE TONIGHT.
She had to smile. He didn’t often text, saying he preferred not to mess with it. When he did message her from his office to her office at his kitchen table, he e-mailed instead, which cracked her up. He claimed his fingers were too big for his phone’s onscreen keyboard, but she suspected he didn’t have the patience to peck out a message.
You have a date? With who? she texted back.
SOME HOT CHICK WHO LICKS ME.
She was still laughing when she swiped the screen and called him instead.
“Shit,” he answered.
“Licks you?” She was still laughing.
“Likes. I typed likes. I hate texting,” he grumbled. “I didn’t want to interrupt your work with a phone call.”
“Well, it wasn’t inaccurate.” Her laughter faded to a soft hum.
“No,” he said warmly. “It’s definitely not inaccurate.”
He was sweet. She never would have guessed that Eli Crane and “sweet” would go together in her mind.
“So. Our date? When and where?” she asked, not about to turn him down.
“Tag and his buddy Lucas are dragging me out for a beer at Dooley’s around eight. I know you’re working late tonight, but I figured I could leave and pick you up around nine.”
“Don’t cut your drinks short on account of me. I can meet you there.”
“You want to have drinks with the guys?”
“Sure, why not? There’s no sense in you driving to the other side of town when I can easily take a cab.”
“A cab? That’s not very gentlemanly of me.”
“I never accused you of being a gentleman.” She could practically hear his smile through the phone. “I’m not sure when I’ll be done. It’s easier to just cab it there, honestly. And before you ask, yes, I have pepper spray.”
“Okay, Sable. Fair enough. See you tonight.”
“I’ll be there.” She ended the call, a smile affixed firmly to her face.
Yeah, she wasn’t done with Eli.
It was nice to know he wasn’t done with her, either.
* * *
“I can’t believe it. Elijah Crane in the flesh.”
“Luc, he’s not a celebrity. Do not act awestruck.” Tag tipped his bottle of beer and drank.
“He’s right. I’m a broody loner with a bad attitude.” Eli slid his gaze from Tag’s best friend, Lucas, and back to his brother. Tag and Luc had been buddies since high school. Back then Eli had considered them a pair of knuckleheads, floating around with zero goals. Eli was proud of Tag, who’d managed to carve out a life that suited him. Guest and Restaurant Services wasn’t a department until Tag suggested it; then he ran it his way. Long hair and all.
Eli signaled the waitress for another round, then shouted at the football game on the TV over the bar. “Don’t suppose they could win one for me,” he griped.
“They never win. You should be used to that by now,” Tag said.
“No shit.” Eli glanced at his phone: 8:32.
Twenty-eight minutes until Isa gets here.
He’d surprised himself when he’d agreed to come out for beers, then surprised himself further when he’d called Isa to ask her out after. Maybe he was shedding the skin of who he’d been for years. The only problem was he had no idea whether there was a fresh, clean Eli beneath or a scaly monster.
8:33.
“You can’t be that much of a loner if you have a lady friend. Is that why you keep checking your phone, then looking toward the door?” A smirk slid onto Lucas’s smug face.
“Seriously?” Eli sent a glare at Tag, who, cheeks full of beer, swallowed it down and shrugged.
“What? I mentioned her.”
Eli should move out of the state to get some privacy, but he loved his house. He loved this city. And his brothers, the sons of bitches.
“It’s a sight to behold—you Cranes toppling like dominoes.” Luc crossed his arms over his chest. In a black sweater, black jeans, and boots, he looked a lot like the rock stars he produced instead of an executive. “I always said the right woman changes your world.”
“You always said the right woman fucks with your head,” Tag corrected.
Lucas let out a loud “Ha!”
Eli shook his head. He wasn’t participating in this, though he suspected they were both right. Isa had relocated his center so drastically he’d lost his balance.
“Eli doesn’t topple,” Tag said. “He’s completely in charge of his faculties around women. Isa happened to be the first to crack into his safe, but his security system is fully armed. No way has she taken anything of real value.” An elbow shot into Eli’s arm. “Isn’t that right, bro?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, because it was easier to agree with Tag than engage him. The waitress delivered another round of bottles as Eli drank the last of his.
Ah, right on time. No way was he mulling over Tag’s metaphor.
“I’m supposed to bring you a shot of tequila,” the waitress said, handing Eli his bottle. “That woman over there said you could pick a different shot if you no longer drink tequila.” The waitress pointed to an adjacent table. A brunette he recognized instantly gave him a casual wave, her two friends sitting at the booth across from her studying him over their shoulders.
“Shit,” Tag muttered.
Eli felt his frown deepen when her eyes met his. “No. Thanks.”
“I’ll let her know.”
“No, I will.”
“Suit yourself.” The waitress left with a shrug.
“That’s not Isa, is it?” Lucas jerked his glance from the brunette, then back to Eli. “Are you two doing some kinky meet-cute role-play?”
“No, that’s not Isa,” Tag said. “It’s a woman from Eli’s past.”
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