She started to lower to the floor and he cupped her elbow.
“I’m not done,” she argued.
“No?” His voice was a wheeze.
She shook her head, tugged the skirt of her dress up, and lowered to her knees in front of him. Then she dove in again. This time, she heard his swearing clear as day.
“Fuck, Isa. God. Dammit. Fuck me.”
Each word was a rust-covered rumble paired with his hand massaging her head. He bucked his hips, so close now. She could feel him coiling, every muscle in his thighs tightening. She kept going. Kept pleasuring him until he surrendered his release on a shout.
She swallowed him down, every drop, and only then did she let him loose with a soft pop before laying a reverent kiss on his shaft. She stood to find Eli had collapsed on the bed, arms overhead, shirt open and revealing his stomach and heaving chest. She admired him for a few seconds: the shadow his lashes cast on his cheeks, the newly shaven jawline she hadn’t yet grown accustomed to. Tanned skin and slim waist, thick thighs, and the way his pants were bunched around his ankles.
Knee on the bed, she trailed a hand over his stomach and up to play with one flat nipple.
“You are the most stunningly handsome man.” She kissed the corner of his mouth, pleased when he barely had the strength to pucker.
Eyes open and honed in on hers, he gave her a lopsided grin that made her heart flip. “I never imagined someone like you existed.”
Her hand froze on his chest as she let the words soak in. The love she felt for him intensified, saturating her very being. She was sure he could see it. Feel it. How could he not when she absolutely radiated with it?
“Wait until after dinner.” His hand brushed her cheek, pushing her hair away from her face. “I’m going to make you come so hard I’ll render you useless.”
Her teeth speared her lip and Eli reached up to free the flesh from her bite.
“Do you want that? Me rendering you useless?” His eyes darkened with wicked intent. “At my whim and command? Shaking and pleading with me to stop because you can’t take any more pleasure?”
Well. Look who’d found his voice.
“Yes,” came her broken whisper. Broken because she wanted all of that. All of him.
“Good.” He lit her up with a long, wet, warm kiss. “I wasn’t going to give you a choice.” His slow blink reminded her of a big cat in the sun. Pleased with himself and his kingdom. In control and he knew it.
She wanted to be under Eli’s control. She trusted him. Not only with her body—with her heart.
Once upon a time she’d fought for every inch of power and ground she could gain. And now? Now she found herself wanting to sacrifice it for the man she’d fallen for. It was probably why they called it “falling” in love. At some point, she’d let go—an out-of-control tumble in the hopes Eli would catch her.
“Come on, sleepyhead.” She pushed off the bed and offered a hand to help him up. “You owe me dinner.”
“It’s in the oven. Lasagna.”
“You made lasagna?”
He sat up and ruffled his shorter hair with one hand. With the clean-shaven jaw and the outfit, he looked so…businessy. It wasn’t how she was used to seeing him and wasn’t a bad look on him at all. He finally looked like a billionaire Crane brother.
He took her hand, but only to kiss it, then stood on his own. He pulled his pants over his legs and tucked his shirt into his waistband.
“I did not make lasagna,” he said as he ran his hands into his hair again. “Benicia’s Italiano made lasagna. “I heated it in the oven.”
“Smart.”
“Yeah, well, when you’re a bachelor you learn a few tricks.” He sent her a wink that beckoned another heart palpitation. Then another when he lowered his lips to hers for a sweet, brief kiss.
* * *
Dinner was divine, Benicia’s vegetarian lasagna an amazing feat.
“Was that eggplant?” Isa asked after having savored the rich flavors of basil and garlic and robust tomato sauce.
“And portobello mushrooms,” Eli answered.
“Why don’t you eat meat?” She’d always wondered.
He swiped the napkin over his mouth and watched her for a second. Candlelight flickered on the angles of his face, making him look mysterious and gorgeous.
“Truth?” he asked.
“Always.”
“It’s not dinner conversation.” He reached for the wine bottle and refilled her glass.
“I have a strong stomach.”
“You have a strong everything,” he said with a smirk of approval. She liked that he saw she was strong, especially since where he was concerned she felt like a kite in the wind.
“After witnessing the mess left behind when I lost my foot and part of my leg…” He shook his head and met her eyes. “Well, without being too morbid, let’s say my appetite for flesh went away instantly.”
“That makes sense.” And had her questioning her own penchant for a juicy hamburger every so often.
“Yeah. Not manly, but there it is.”
“Trust me, Eli.” She rested her elbow on the table and fed him a line similar to the one he’d delivered on their first date, “No one would ever look at you and see you as ‘not manly.’”
She felt like he was dancing around the real reason he’d invited her, and after silence settled between them, it must have become obvious to him, too. The next thing she knew, he brought it up.
“Now for the reason behind this celebration,” he said.
Finally.
He refilled his wineglass and Isa lifted her own and took a long drink. Eyes on hers over the candlelight, his smile was at once nervous and sure. Her heart slammed relentlessly against her ribs. She was unable to keep hope from blooming in her chest and spreading down both arms.
“Corporal Benjamin Hough, Junior,” he said.
Well, that threw her off. Totally not what she’d expected him to say.
“Known as Benji to me and to his wife, Michelle.” Eli’s smile faded. “He was the one who shoved me when Christopher dove on the grenade. He shouldn’t have died from the blast, but a piece of metal shot out like a dart.” Eli pointed at his temple. “Hit him here.”
She winced, her skin zapping her like she’d been pricked with a thousand needles. That strong stomach of hers did a somersault.
“If that stray piece hadn’t found his head, he would have been lying on the ground next to me missing a leg. Maybe two since he was closer.” Eli spun the stem of his glass. “We probably could have bitched our way through rehab together.”
His smile didn’t last.
“I went to see his wife and met her baby—one she and Benji had planned on adopting.”
“You did? That’s amazing.”
“It was. And it started me thinking about what I was doing with my life, whether I was living it to the fullest. I thought long and hard about what Benji would want. About what I would want for him if I was hoeing a row in heaven instead of down here on the pavement.”
Eli met her gaze and Isa realized she hadn’t taken a full breath in a while. His speech seemed to be leading to something big.
“I don’t want to have any regrets,” he said, his voice quiet. “I have been holed up alone since I returned. I’ve challenged everyone I’ve come in contact with. With the exception of my family, you were the only one who challenged me back. The only one who stayed.”
Her breath left between her pursed lips as she mentally talked her blood pressure down to a reasonable level. This was it. He’d had a life epiphany and she was part of it. This was huge.
Massive.
Everything was about to change.
Reaching across the table, he took her hand in his. “Isabella Sawyer. You asked me once if I believed I caused people pain. The answer was yes. But you let me off the hook. You said you were fine with me retreating, but you aren’t, are you? You want me to live up to the promises I make. You push me to be a better man.”
Oh God, here it comes.
She couldn’t speak or keep the tears away. She blinked rapidly, hoping the dim light hid her reaction.
Eli squeezed her hand.
Isa gave him a watery smile.
“I’m stepping in as COO at Crane Hotels,” he said. “The official announcement is happening at the Royale London event.”
With bated breath, she waited for more but he released her hand and sat back, raising his wineglass.
“Good thing you already RSVPd yes for me, right?” he asked with a casual smile.
That was…it? No I love you, Isa, and can’t live without you? She tried to keep the disappointment at bay, but it crashed into her at warp speed.
“You were right to push me toward Crane Hotels,” Eli continued, unaware she was completely devastated. “You were right to encourage me to get involved. I’m working hard to learn to go all in, and this gets me another step closer.”
Going all in? Another step closer to what?
The rug had been pulled out from under her—no, not pulled. It was like the rug had zoomed hundreds of feet over the city with her on it.
“To you, Isa.” He raised his glass in a toast. “Thank you for helping me find where I belong. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
She didn’t raise her glass, too stunned to move. That was the big announcement? He didn’t notice her shock. He tapped his glass against hers and drank.
“Isa? Are you all right?”
No, she wasn’t all right. She’d expected him to confess his feelings for her, not to announce that he’d accepted the position of COO at Crane Hotels.
“Is this your way of being open?” she asked.
He frowned, his brows pulling over his nose.
“When I asked you to be open, I meant with your feelings, Eli, not your business plans.”
His chin jerked on his neck. Good. He deserved to feel as stunned as she did.
“You know I don’t make it a habit to mince words—or keep my opinions to myself.” She dug for the courage to say what she needed to say. “The truth is…”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat—because she had no idea how he would react when she throttled him with this information.
“I’m falling for you, Eli,” she blurted. “Hard. The kind of falling where you don’t want to be saved.”
He went completely still. Eerily quiet. She kept on anyway. What more did she have to lose?
“I want a future with you. I want to see who we can be when you’re not holding back. I want to come home to you. Have dinner together and spend holidays together. I want to text and call and see you. I want you. All of you. Not just your body. And I definitely don’t want you to withhold part of yourself from me.”
Silence hovered in the room like an angry spirit. When Eli finally spoke, it was with a heartbreaking, but not surprising, response.
“I asked for time, Sable.”
“I know you did. I thought tonight you were ready to tell me how you felt about me. Not that you were going back to work for Crane Hotels.”
“I thought you’d be happy,” he said, anger eating into his voice.
“I am! It’s wonderful,” she managed, fighting with her emotions as she tried to be fair. Going back to Crane Hotels was fantastic for Eli, for his whole family. But…“I thought there would be more.”
“More,” he growled.
“Yes. More.”
“There is no ‘more.’” With his flared nostrils and flat line of a mouth, Eli looked more like the man who had run off ten of her best assistants. She’d uncovered warm, solid, happy Eli, but that version of him had retreated in an instant.
“Crystal complained I couldn’t go all in,” he said. “She always said I’m incapable of committing all the way. I want to. God knows I’ve been trying. I’ve been finishing my unfinished business with Refurbs, with Benji’s widow, with Crane Hotels.” As he talked, he rose from the table. “Goddamn, Sable, I thought you’d celebrate with me.”
“I did! I am!” She stood, too, shaking now. Like a freak flood had hit, everything between them was eroding. “This has nothing to do with Crystal. This has to do with us. Are you incapable of giving yourself to me before everything else in your life is tied in a neat little bow?”
His eyes darkened. “What if I am?”
The words were a slap across the face.
“I asked for time because I need it,” he said. “I thought we’d agreed.”
“And I thought you’d see what we have.” Tears burned her nose but she refused to give in to them. “I have to go.”
“Isa, wait.”
She heard a pinch of regret in his voice but it didn’t matter. He couldn’t give her more and she didn’t want him to lie and say he was ready just because she was angry.
“Wait! Dammit, Sable.”
“It’s Isa,” she corrected. “You’re out of time, Eli.”
She slammed the elevator door and rode down to the parking lot. As she marched to her car, a burst of guilt mingled with her own anger and suffocating, heart-rending sadness.
Leaving was the right thing to do.
She loved him and she deserved to be loved in return. She deserved more than half measures from him. She at least wanted the assurance that there was more to come.
She’d given him everything. It was Eli who had held back—or worse.
Maybe the reason he didn’t profess his love for her was simple. Maybe he didn’t love her.
Maybe he never would.
Chapter 19
Okay, he thought he’d work from home.
Until his normally comfortable warehouse began crushing him like a trash compactor. Mostly because Isa had left without a goodbye after their argument. The air at home was stale—heavy with the weight of her absence.
On Wednesday, he gave up his home office and stepped into the Crane with—God help him—a leather shoulder bag containing his laptop and other important files.
G.I. Executive.
Eli hadn’t been to Reese’s office downtown in…he didn’t know how long. His older brother was made for this place. Reese had always had a penchant for business, for presentation. For professionalism. Eli preferred some grit in his life. Always had. The most grit inside of the Crane was…well, Eli, at present.
He’d dressed in a suit and tie, face shaved—a sight he hadn’t yet grown used to seeing in the mirror.
At the top floor, he stepped out of the elevator and greeted Bobbie, Reese’s long-time assistant. Everyone said the woman was a bear to deal with. He didn’t get it.
“Good morning, Bobbie,” he greeted.
She smiled, but the expression did little to erase the hard lines of her features. “Elijah. You look well.”
“How is Derrick?” Her son was military, a few years older than Eli.
“Home for the holidays.” Her smile broadened.
“That’s good news.”
“It’s the best news. I’m sorry about your injury, but I’m glad you made it back alive. Derrick has lost friends.”
“Comes with the job,” Eli commented. The worst part of the job. At least as COO of Crane Hotels, the fallout wouldn’t be as traumatic if he fucked up. “Is Reese in?”
“He is.” She lifted the handset of her desk phone. “Reese, Elijah is here.”
“Seriously?” Reese asked into the speaker.
“I’ll send him in.” Bobbie pressed a button and Reese’s office doors swished open, automated or some fancy shit. Reese stood beyond them, stark surprise on his face.
“What’s wrong?” Reese asked.
“See you, Bobbie.” Eli touched the woman’s shoulder as he passed by and watched as she blushed. Merina and Tag always said the older woman was a hardnose. He didn’t see it.
The doors whooshed shut behind him as he stepped into his brother’s office. “That’s some real Star Trek shit.”
“She loves you more than any of us,” Reese commented, ignoring Eli’s observat
ion about the doors.
“Who? Bobbie?”
“I think she has a crush on you.”
Eli grunted. “Whatever.”
“Yeah. She’s married anyway.” His brow crinkled. “I think.”
Reese’s office was regal. A lush leather couch sat under bookshelves packed with spines, and a black block of a desk stood in front of windows that wrapped the room.
“So…?” Reese lifted an eyebrow at the bag slung over Eli’s shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“Why does something have to be wrong for me to show up here?”
Reese offered a bland blink.
“As it turns out, I need a space to work that is not at my house,” Eli said. He hadn’t heard from Isa since she’d walked out. When he texted her on Monday to see if she was okay, she’d replied Tuesday with one word: Fine.
Sounded like a bad omen to him.
“Too quiet there.” If Eli’s options were to overexamine his relationship with Isa or blame the quiet, he’d go with blaming the quiet.
“I thought you liked quiet. You’ve spent the year trying to get Tag and me to leave you alone.”
“I know. I don’t understand it either.” Eli had changed. And most of the reason for that change had long, dark hair, legs that wouldn’t quit, and sincere whiskey-brown eyes that he could fall into and not care if he ever returned…if he could find a way to give her what she wanted without losing his mind in the process.
“Women are complicated,” Eli grumbled.
“No kidding.” Reese leaned on the corner of his desk and folded his arms. “What happened?”
“Isa and I had a fight.” Apparently, they were talking about this. Eli plunked his bag on the guest chair.
Reese shrugged. “Couples fight. What was it about?”
Eli swallowed past his very dry throat, debating on how to collapse what had happened and fit it into a manageable nutshell. “She…expects more from me.”
“Hmm.”
Eli lifted his chin. His brother wore a smirk of amusement mixed with a dose of Been there, done that.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“If I had to guess, I’d say Isabella Sawyer is under your skin.”
All the way under. But admitting it involved him talking about a plethora of other feelings and emotions—none of which he was willing to go into.
The Bastard Billionaire Page 24