“How often do you think those guys have to defend themselves against ignorant assholes?”
I turned to see Logan standing directly to my right, looking at the dancers on the stage as they performed the same minute-long routine for the millionth time.
“What do you mean?” Logan was a grip and local, like me. I saw him a few times a year if I was working in Portland. He was a nice guy. I figured he was a few years older than me, but he’d always been friendly.
“I mean, they’re male ballerinas. I would assume, every once in a while, some assholes would give them a hard time.”
I shrugged. “They look pretty built, what with all the lifting of the women,” I said, gesturing as, sure enough, one of the men lifted a girl over his head. “Plus,” I said, turning to face Logan, “I don’t think the kind of ignorant assholes who would torment male ballerinas actually come to the ballet.”
“You’re probably right. I guess I just remember all the shit the male cheerleaders went through when I went to high school.”
I cringed. “High school was the worst.”
“Agreed. Although,” he said, as his eyes turned to me, becoming softer as a smile spread across his face, “I can’t imagine you had much of a hard time.”
My hackles immediately went up, noting the flirtatious tone of his voice. I turned my face away from him, not wanting him to see my panic. “I did all right. I mainly flew under everyone’s radar.”
“You probably had boys knocking on your door every weekend.”
His words weren’t unkind, creepy, or out of line. He was being sweet and obviously trying to flatter me, but I couldn’t ignore the way my heart raced with anxiety. It took everything in me to remain unfazed as I said to him, “I’m sorry, Logan. There’s something I forgot to take care of in the dressing rooms. If you’ll excuse me.” I didn’t wait for him to respond before I took off to head backstage.
When I made it into the lush dressing rooms of the ballet company, I walked straight to the large vanity counter and rested my weight against it, arms stretched out in front of me, head dipped between my shoulders, and breathed deeply.
I feared this was how the rest of my life would go. Any time a man showed any interest I’d lose my composure and panic. It had only happened a few times. I’d sheltered myself so much in the last months, no man really had a chance to get close, but every now and again, someone would say something complimentary or ask me if I was free for a date, and I would close up. Snap shut. Completely lock down. Then I’d spend the next minutes, hours, or sometimes even days trying to block out thoughts of Riot.
I’d been so clear in my desire for him to go away, I made every effort to turn off any residual feelings I had toward him. All of which were unsuccessful. And even though he’d left and gone away, he was still all around me. Sometimes I was convinced I was crazy, and truly I felt that way. If I wasn’t thinking about Marcus then I was thinking about Riot, and it was enough to make me scream. I didn’t want to think about Riot. I wanted the idea of him to be wiped from my memory altogether. I wasn’t angry with him anymore and in truth, I had deep regret for ever being angry with him at all. But there was no way I’d ever be able to be with him.
Chapter Two
Celebrities and Hangers-on
Riot
“Riot, good to see you.” I looked up at the sound of her voice, a polite smile crossing my face. “Thanks for meeting me on such short notice.”
I stood up as Maryanne pulled out the chair across from me, and we both sat down.
“You know I’ll always make time for you.”
“Well, you’ve obviously not been in this business long enough if you’re still willing to drop everything for your agent.” She put her giant bag down on the floor next to her feet and then looked at me, giving a big sigh, as if she were already exhausted by her day, even though it was only 9:00 a.m. “Okay, so, how’s the show going?”
“It’s going great. We’ve shot a few episodes of the new season and I’ve got a really good story line. So far everyone’s been incredible.”
A waitress came and took our coffee orders, and when she left I turned my attention back to Maryanne. “So, I assume there’s a reason you wanted to see me.”
“Yes. I received a phone call and you’ve been invited to a movie premiere.”
“Oh. All right. Sounds fun.”
“Yes, and the most fun part is that you’ve been invited to be Lexi Black’s date.”
“Lexi Black? Isn’t she dating George Lebowitz?”
“It’s irrelevant who she’s dating, she wants to go with you to the movie premiere.”
My eyebrows were drawn to the bridge of my nose and I tried to connect the dots Maryanne was obviously laying out for me. “I’m confused. Why would she want to go with me?”
“It’s a Hollywood thing. She doesn’t want to date you, she just wants to be seen with you, and honestly, I think it could do a lot of good for your career as well.”
“But I haven’t seen her since I did her music video almost a year ago.” I forced my mind to stay in the present, to focus on Maryanne and our conversation, even though I could feel the images of Kalli surfacing, pulling me down. I ran the back of my hand under my chin as a distraction, probably looking as if I were unsure about going to the premiere with Lexi when, in reality, I was trying to keep thoughts of Kalli from taking over.
“That is still her most successful music video, and her people and I agree it would be beneficial for you both to be seen together in public.” She paused, then added, “It’s not a big deal, Riot. You don’t have to sleep with her or anything.”
“I think you guys might be overestimating my level of fame. It can’t do her any good to be seen with me — she’s crazy famous.”
“Riot, you’re the hot young cop on the highest-rated prime-time drama. You’ve got movie deals in the works, and the two of you have been together on film simulating sex. Her fans know exactly who you are and vice versa.”
I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. I was torn. Lexi had given me a huge opportunity and I didn’t want to seem ungrateful, but at the same time I didn’t want to use her or be used by her. I was still fairly new to the “Hollywood” game. There were always decisions to be made, and I feared making the wrong one. Finally, I looked up at Maryanne with a defeated expression on my face. “When is this movie premiere?”
“It’s tonight. Five o’clock. Dolby Theatre.”
“Tonight? Dolby Theatre? Shit, Maryanne, this is a big movie, isn’t it?”
She shrugged. “You’ll be fine. A limo will pick you up at four and Lexi will be in it waiting for you, so don’t be late.”
“What am I supposed to wear to something like this? I don’t have anything except jeans and t-shirts.”
“Don’t worry,” she said, picking up her bag and standing. “I’ll have an appropriate ensemble sent to your house in time. And Riot?”
“Yeah?” I asked, wondering what the hell else she could want from me.
“Don’t shave.” She smiled, dropped a twenty on the table, and walked away, leaving just seconds before her drink arrived.
I stood in my tiny bathroom, staring at a sight in the mirror I’d never seen before. I was in a fancy gray suit with a white button-up shirt. I’d buttoned the shirt all the way up to the neck, but then I’d felt like I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen, so I unbuttoned a few at the top and decided Lexi would have to deal with my lack of tie because there was no way.
My mind thought back to the first time I’d met Lexi, standing on that sound stage in Portland. Lexi was nice, professional even, but not memorable. She wasn’t who stood out to me during those few days. From the moment she entered the room, Kalli had been the one to draw my attention. She’d been breathtakingly beautiful, but unaware of her beauty. She’d been sassy and shy all at the same time, and I’d been a goner from the very beginning.
Never had I lived through a more mortifying experience than trying to
act as if I were into Lexi while Kalli stood by and watched. It was awkward as all hell, but it’d been a job and everyone had been professional about it, even Kalli. Perhaps even especially Kalli.
My eyes closed and I pictured Kalli on her knees in front of me as she took my measurements that day, blushing and trying not to let her attraction show. From that instant I knew eventually she’d be mine, that I’d do anything to be with her, to see her kneeling before me with nothing covering her beautiful body. Even as I’d made the declaration in my mind, nothing could have prepared me for how it would feel to really be with her.
I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of the images torturing me, but they never fully went away. I was never completely without her, or the memory of us together.
When there was a knock at my door, I took a deep breath and made my way to the front of my small apartment. There wasn’t a single time I walked through my living room and I didn’t think about Marcus asleep on my couch. Not one time had I walked through there and not thought of him, missed him, and prayed that he was someplace better.
I opened the door, expecting to see Lexi, but instead I was met by an extremely tall, very large, and robust black man. When he spoke, I nearly startled at how low and deep his voice was, but managed to keep my reaction undetectable.
“Hey, man,” he said, sounding way too much like Barry White. “I’m Tank, one of Ms. Black’s bodyguards. She’s waiting for you downstairs in the limo.”
“Great,” I mumbled, still thrown off by Tank’s sheer size and presence. I left my apartment and headed toward the parking lot, where a black stretch limo was waiting. As I approached, a man jumped out of the front passenger door and reached to open the back door before I could. I slowly climbed inside, a little intimidated, never really having been in a car that nice.
My eyes landed on Lexi, sitting on the seat at the other end of the limo. Next to her was another large man, a bodyguard I presumed. I slid onto the seat closest to me, trying to take in everything I was seeing. Rope lights framed the ceiling of the limo. There was a bottle of champagne sitting in a bucket of ice, and multiple bottles of liquor were available as well. My eyes met Lexi’s and she smiled at me.
“Riot, it’s so good to see you again. I’d totally get up and hug you, but with these shoes and this skirt, I’d never be able to get back down again,” she said with a friendly smile. My gaze traveled down to said skirt and shoes, and I had to agree—the skirt was too short to be moving around much, and the heels looked dangerous. I never understood why women liked to risk their lives in heels that were unusually high and spiky.
“Good to see you, too. Although, I’ll admit, I was a little surprised with this whole setup.”
She waved a hand at me, as if to say, “No big deal.”
“It’s just a movie premiere,” she replied, her voice light and carefree. “I thought it would be a fun opportunity for us both.”
“Now, Ronny,” Lexi said to the large man next to her, “don’t crowd us too much when we get out of the limo, I want the photographers to be able to see us together. And make sure you let Riot help me out.”
“You got it,” he said in agreement, then continued to stare out the window, checking his watch every minute or so. It was a long and quiet ride, and it was also a little uncomfortable. I had nothing to really say to Lexi, and tried to keep my eyes off her because, due to her skirt, my eyes naturally wandered to the point where her crossed thighs met. I didn’t want her to catch me checking out her legs, especially since I wasn’t checking them out, per se; I was just being a normal guy. Any twenty-six-year-old man would be mesmerized by all the skin she was showing.
Instead, I pulled out my phone and tried to occupy myself with it. Eventually, I noticed we were pulling up to a long line of limos. We inched our way forward and Lexi touched up her makeup, smiling at me every couple minutes. It seemed like we’d finally made it to our destination when I felt the limo stop and change gears into park. Ronny moved to get out of the limo first and when the door opened all I saw were people and cameras. The people didn’t even have heads, it seemed. They just had necks with cameras. And there were so many of them.
“Don’t be nervous, Riot. Just be yourself and smile, and make sure you stick with me, it’s easy to get separated.”
I nodded, unsure of what to say in response. I moved to exit the limo and was blinded by all the flashing bulbs, deafened by all the yelling. I turned back, not forgetting my duty to help Lexi from the limo. I saw her come out of the darkness and reached out to her. When she took my hand, it was as if the cameras went even crazier and the energy surrounding us started buzzing in such a way I could physically feel it in the air.
Lexi didn’t let go of me, even after she was out of the limo completely; instead, she laced her fingers through mine and curled into me, clutching my bicep with her other hand. She was smiling still, her red lips surrounding sparkling white teeth, and I couldn’t find any words, so I just led her through the crowd, following close behind Ronny and Tank, who seemed to be parting the bodies with camera heads for us.
We made our way slowly down the red carpet and were stopped in front of a backdrop and suddenly the camera heads knew my name.
“Riot! Look this way!”
“Riot! Are you and Lexi dating?”
“Lexi! Does George know you’re seeing someone else?”
“Lexi! Give Riot a kiss!”
At the command, Lexi leaned farther into my side and pressed her lips to my cheek. I stilled, panicking a little. I didn’t want to be rude to her, but I definitely didn’t want to be photographed as she kissed my cheek. I didn’t want anyone kissing my cheek. Well, that wasn’t true. I’d let Kalli kiss me anywhere. But I definitely wasn’t comfortable with what was happening.
Lexi leaned away from me, smiling, then brought her thumb up to where her lips had just been, laughing. “You’ve got red lipstick all over you,” she justified as she tried to brush it away, all the while the flash bulbs blinded and people yelled.
I brought my mouth closer to her ear so she could hear me when I asked, “What the hell, Lexi?” As I said the words, I felt her hand come up to cradle my cheek and she giggled. I pulled away, confused by what she could be laughing about. Then it dawned on me. She was putting on a show.
She was using me.
She didn’t just want to go to this event with me, she wanted to be seen with me, to make people believe we were together. I pulled away, prepared to drop her hand and find my way back through the camera heads, but before I could say anything, she pressed her lips against mine.
It had been so long since I felt a woman’s mouth on mine that for just one moment, I let her linger, caught up in remembering someone else. Letting my heart pretend, for the tiniest moment, that Kalli was here with me instead of Lexi. But then my brain remembered who she was, realized where we were, what was happening, and I pulled away, furious. I put my hand on the back of her neck, trying to keep her close enough to hear me.
“What are you doing?”
She put on her fake smile and replied without moving her lips much, “Just play along, Riot. It’ll all be okay.”
I searched her eyes, then let her go, stepping back. She laced her fingers through mine again and turned back to the cameras.
“Lexi! How long have you been together?”
“Riot! Has this been going on ever since you shot her music video?”
“Lexi! Is he the one?”
“When are you going to put a ring on it, Riot?”
Lexi giggled but didn’t answer any questions and I stood there, thoroughly pissed off and pretty sure my mood was evident on my face. I didn’t care if I ruined their precious photos, I wasn’t happy so I wasn’t going to smile.
Finally, Lexi led me into the building and once we were out of sight of the photographers, she dropped my hand.
“What the fuck was that?” I growled, feeling my face turn red with the rage building from my gut.
“Calm do
wn, Riot. It’s no big deal. They’ll print some stories about us being together, our names will be hot for a few weeks, and then it’ll all die down.” She looked past me and waved at someone, obviously not caring how I felt about the matter.
“You could have warned me about what you were going to do. I definitely wouldn’t have come if I thought you were going to kiss me in front of all those reporters.”
She smiled at me, a genuine smile that showed me she didn’t mean me any harm, and said, “Why did you think I invited you, silly? This is what the business is all about.”
“What about George? Won’t he be upset?”
For the first time that evening I saw an emotion other than happiness cross her face. She looked hurt and sad, and I immediately felt like shit for bringing him up.
“He doesn’t care what I do,” she whispered, looking down at her hands, which she was wringing between us.
“Lexi, I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. It’s not a big deal. Listen, I’m sorry if I offended you. I guess I assumed you would know what tonight was about and how it would play out. It never occurred to me you wouldn’t be ok with it. You’re still new to the business, I guess. So, I apologize.” She paused, looking me in the eyes again, only this time the happiness was gone altogether. “But you need to understand I did you a favor back there. You might not think so right now, but you’ll see.”
She turned and walked away from me, leaving me speechless. She was right, I was new to the game, but I wasn’t dumb. It wasn’t that I couldn’t understand why she did what she did, I just didn’t like the way it made me feel. Used, and a little fake. I never wanted to be anything but myself. I was an honest person. And this was far from honest.
I exhaled loudly, realizing there was absolutely nothing I could do about it at that moment. The damage was done. In fact, there were most likely already posts on social media speculating about our relationship status. I wanted to leave, to bail on this whole evening, but I didn’t know how to get out of the building without walking right back down the red carpet, and I didn’t have a way home anyway. So I decided to ride the evening out. I took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and went to find Lexi in the sea of celebrities and hangers-on.
Never Tied Down (The Never Duet Book 2) Page 2