* * * * * * *
By the time I got back to Ore City, I’d had ample time to think about Layla’s parting shot and what it might mean. Part of me wanted to scream and cuss in despair, and part of me whispered that maybe all this was a sign that I wasn’t supposed to be with Cody, after all.
I didn’t know what to do, honestly. I’d hoped that sooner or later Cody would come to understand why I had to lie to him and we’d be able to put the whole episode behind us and live happily ever after. But now. . . well, that was never going to happen, that was for sure. I didn’t know what else Layla might do, but I seriously doubted she’d be content just to reinstate the curse. She’d come up with something even worse than that next time, if only for the pleasure of tormenting us.
I told myself I could live with the consolation that at least Cody would live a long life, even if it turned out to be with some other girl, and that his children and grandchildren would never again have to worry about the Curse hanging over their heads. It was cold comfort, but better than none at all. It reminded me of what he said when he talked about why he wrote Nebo’s Crossing, about how sometimes you can’t always have the things you want the most, even if it breaks your heart to give them up, so the people you love can have them later.
Ever since I was little, I always thought I’d have a fairytale wedding to my one true love, my Tristan, my Albert. . . my Cody. Never in my worst nightmares had I imagined anything like the situation I found myself in, making serious plans to give up everything I ever dreamed of in life, because it would kill him if I didn’t.
I cried till my eyes hurt and there were no more tears left to cry, and I told myself it was worth the price of giving him up; it was.
It was a shame my heart didn’t believe it.
I called Marcus when I got back home, and told him what happened.
“Do you think you can handle all that?” he asked.
“I have to. I’m fixing to go give the serum to Miss Josie, so she can have him drink it when he comes home for Christmas,” I said.
“Why don’t you just wait and do it yourself?” he asked.
“Because then I’d have to explain everything to him, and I’m already afraid he might change his mind about wanting to break up. You know how he is. He’ll cool off and start feeling bad after a while, and then there’s no telling what he might do. I can’t let that happen or it’ll all be for nothing,” I said. I wasn’t entirely sure that’s how things would play out; Cody had seemed pretty firm when I left Prudhoe Bay. He might never speak to me again for the rest of my life, for all I knew. But I had to be sure.
“Well, yeah, true. I guess he might,” Marcus agreed.
“That’s why I think you and me should pretend we’re really together for a while, till he decides to give up,” I said, hoping he’d agree.
“I don’t like that, Lisa. It was bad enough having to lie to him in the first place, without keeping on and on with it. It makes things really awkward out here. I might even lose my job, and they’re too hard to come by,” he said.
“It’s not for long, Marcus. Only till I can think of something better,” I explained, and he sighed.
“Okay. For a little while,” he agreed.
“Thanks, Marcus. You’re the best,” I said, gratefully.
It was a little bit late to head over to the big house, but I didn’t think Miss Josie would mind. She’d probably be watching TV, or some other quiet, domestic kind of thing like that.
I knocked on the door, and Miss Josie looked considerably less happy to see me than usual. That saddened me, but it was hardly unexpected.
“What is it, Lisa?” she asked, not unkindly. No doubt she’d already heard the whole story about what happened in Alaska, but she probably also remembered what I told her ahead of time about having to tell Cody some things that weren’t true. She probably didn’t know what to think, at this point.
“I came to bring you something. For Cody,” I clarified, and she wordlessly stepped aside to let me in.
“I talked to Cody last night. I didn’t tell him what you said about having to lie to him, but I want you to know I don’t approve. I don’t think you realize how badly you hurt him the other day,” she said, frowning.
“Yes, ma’am, I do know. It was the only way to get this,” I said, pulling the tube of liquid out of my purse.
“What’s that?” she asked.
“It’s the cure for the Curse. You need to have him drink it. I was told it might be a little bitter, but he needs to finish it all,” I said, offering the tube. Miss Josie took it, holding it up to the light.
“But what is it? Where did it come from?” she asked.
“All I know is that it’s supposed to break the Curse. I got it from a woman named Layla Latimer, out in New Mexico. Breaking up with Cody was her price for giving it to me,” I said flatly.
“That doesn’t make any sense,” Miss Josie said.
“It would if you knew the woman. She’s the most evil person I ever heard of. She likes to see people suffer. She made me wear a camera when I went up to Alaska, so she could watch me and Cody break up and enjoy how hurtful it was. I had to do it, Miss Josie; it was the only way she’d work with me,” I explained.
“I can’t believe you’d agree to such a thing,” she said, shaking her head.
“I did it for Cody’s sake. There was no other way,” I said. I couldn’t tell what she thought about that; maybe she thought I’d lost my mind.
“So have you called to tell him all this, at least?” she asked.
“I can’t. Miss Latimer told me if I ever got back together with Cody that she’d put the curse back on him. Kind of like if I undo the breakup then she’ll undo the cure. He can never know. Me and Marcus are gonna pretend to be together for a while, so he won’t wonder why I won’t talk to him. That’s why I brought this to you. I’m sure you can think of a reason why he should drink it. It’s not safe for me to see him,” I said.
“Sweetie. . . I’m so sorry,” Miss Josie said, putting a hand on my arm.
“Yeah, me too. I love him so much. It’s hard to believe it’s got to end like this,” I said.
Miss Josie looked at me, like she was thinking about something.
“Lisa, can I tell you a story?” she finally asked.
“Yeah, I guess,” I said.
“Do you know how Marcus ended up coming here to live with us?” she asked.
“Well. . . no, now that you mention it, I guess I don’t,” I admitted.
“It’s because his father is an alcoholic. When Marcus was eighteen, his father got drunk and beat him up pretty badly and threw him out of the house. On Christmas Day, no less. I gather it wasn’t the first time, from what Marcus has told me. But it so happened that Cody had a dream about it the night before, and found him sitting in the park that afternoon in his bedclothes with nowhere to go. Thank God it was fairly warm outside that year. But we brought him back here, and gave him some clothes, and we fed him and gave him a job on the ranch, and a place to live. He’s been here ever since,” she said.
“I never knew that,” I said.
“No, he never talks about it very much. But the point is, it all came right in the end. Sometimes when things seem like they couldn’t possibly get any worse, that’s exactly when God has something good up His sleeve,” she said.
“I wish I could be as sure as you are,” I said.
“I know it may not look that way right now. I know you can’t see how any of this could ever turn out for the good. But it will, I promise you. Marcus was a lost boy once, with nowhere to go and not much to hope for, pretty much like you’re probably feeling right this minute. But sometimes the lost can be found, in the most unlikely ways. Now he has a place of his own, and work that he enjoys, and he’s probably happier than he ever would have been if his father had never kicked him out. Have faith that everything will work out for the best. Things w
ill be all right, for you and Cody both,” she said.
I thought about that, and I guess she had a point. I didn’t see how things could ever be right again, but it’s true that God can do wonderful things. I believe in miracles, here and now. But short of a miracle, I didn’t see how Cody and I could ever be together again, let alone how I could ever be happy apart from him. Miss Josie’s story gave me the barest glimmer of hope, but not much more than that.
“Do you think Cody would even want me back, after all this?” I asked. What rich irony it would be if somehow Layla ended up getting eaten alive by a miraculous swarm of vicious fire ants, but then Cody decided he didn’t want to get back together again anyway. I was ninety percent sure I could win him back if I ever had the chance, but ten percent doubt is plenty enough for your nerves to dance on, believe me.
“Cody is hurting right now, Lisa. Put yourself in his shoes and imagine how he must feel. But give him time. He can be stubborn and even foolish sometimes, but he does have a gentle heart when he’s put to the test that way. He’s not the type to hold a grudge,” she said.
That was true, as far as it went. I don’t think I ever really doubted that, or I wouldn’t have felt like I needed to pretend to be going out with Marcus. The thought made me relax a little bit.
“He reminds me so much of Blake, sometimes. He was always noble like that, too. Even before we got married, he always told me he wanted our house to be a refuge for the hurting and a place of peace. . . a place where the lost could be found and the broken-hearted find happiness, as much as it lay within our power to give it to them. That was his dream, and the thing I always loved most about him. I’ve tried to live up to that, and to teach Cody the same. It hasn’t always been easy,” she said, and I saw that her eyes were full. I’d never seen Miss Josie get teary-eyed before, and I thought to myself how much pain this woman must have been through, and how incredibly strong she must be to have lived the life she’d chosen for herself.
I’d never heard any of those stories before, and they touched my heart. I hadn’t known that Marcus had been a throwaway kid, or that Cody had rescued him, or why. I’d never known that there was any vision for Goliad except an ordinary horse and cattle ranch. I hadn’t known so many things.
Suddenly I understood a little better Cody’s fierce love for this place. It wasn’t just the dirt in his blood, although that was part of it. It was also part and parcel with his greatness of heart, the very thing which (I now realized) was what I’d always loved most about him from the very beginning. I’d seen it when he talked about love that day by the lake. I’d seen it when he laughed and kissed me for asking him to give Brandon a place to stay, almost like I was the one doing him a favor. I saw it now in what he’d done for Marcus. Even that story about bottle-feeding Buck when he was a colt; it was all of a piece.
I heard a sermon on the radio once, about finding the things your mate treasures and learning how to bask in the reflected glory of his heart. On some level I think I always knew that. Maybe deep down everybody knows it. But I’d never thought of how it should apply to my own life. Right then, for just a moment, it was clear as crystal in my mind. Cody was a giver, one who poured out his life for others, and that kind of man never falls in love at all unless it’s with a girl whose heart is just as great as his own.
The fact that Cody must have believed I was that kind of girl humbled and thrilled me at the same time, and I loved him more in that moment that I ever had before. Whole entire orders of magnitude greater; it was like everything I’d ever felt for him in the past was no more than hints and trifles in comparison, like turning from the morning stars to the blazing sun at noon. I caught a glimpse, for just a moment, of the kind of life we might have had together, for no one on this earth tastes near as much of Heaven as a man and a woman who join hands to love the world as God does. Even the glimpse of it was enough to take my breath away, and I could truly understand for the first time exactly how Miss Josie must have felt about Blake.
Then I remembered why I was sitting there in Miss Josie’s kitchen right then, and I felt more loss and hurt than I could ever have thought possible. In spite of my determination to be strong, I found myself crying, and none of her attempts to comfort me were any use.
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