Well, as alone as one could be in a hospital waiting room. I glanced around at the other people waiting around for their friends and family members, all staring off aimlessly into the distance as they lost themselves in their thoughts.
Which was exactly what I did for a solid ten minutes until Stacy finally returned with two cans of soda and a random assortment of snacks. I put on the brightest smile I could summon up and stood as she approached, reaching out my arms to help her with her haul.
“Went a little overboard, don’t you think?” I asked, raising an eyebrow as I scanned the various packages of cookies and chips she bought.
“It won’t go to waste,” she pointed out, reaching for her bag and dropping everything but the sodas inside. “Help yourself.”
For the next twenty minutes, Stacy and I tore into the snack food while staring at the television. I wasn’t entirely paying attention—my eyes continuously drawn to the doors I knew Adam would eventually walk through—but the show that was playing reminded me of the soap opera I briefly watched with his mother.
The reminder of Adam made it that much harder to concentrate on the show. Every time I tried, my thoughts just circled back to his overall well-being as well as what was going to happen now that the threat of his father was finally taken care of.
Before I had a chance to consider the different scenarios that I could imagine happening, Adam came walking through the doors looking even more dragged down than before. I sat my soda on the table and rushed over to him, the question on my lips silenced by his finger.
“Don’t ask,” he said with a humorless chuckle before he led me back to where Stacy was waiting.
He raised an eyebrow at the stack of wrappers we’d accumulated and I shrugged. After shaking his head fondly at me, his expression faded to one of hesitation as he looked back to Stacy.
“Would it be an imposition if I asked to stay with you for the next few days?”
“I don’t have a problem with it,” Stacy said with a shrug. “Bri?”
“No problem whatsoever.”
“Thank fuck. You want to get out of here?”
Stacy was already gathering up our trash, nodding at us before darting over to the garbage can. While I didn’t want to be here any more than they did, I couldn’t help but to frown at Adam.
“Don’t you want to see your mom?”
Adam started to shake his head but abruptly stopped. “Listen, I do want to see her. But even if she is awake, I don’t think... No. I know I can’t handle listening to her rant about Kyle being in custody. Not after everything that’s happened tonight. I just want to go home and get some sleep.”
Despite everything, I felt a small smile make the corners of my lips curl up.
“Home?”
Adam frowned for a moment before he caught his slip. He opened his mouth to correct himself, but stopped short and simply shrugged.
“I feel more at home with you than I’ve ever felt anywhere else.”
The butterflies in my stomach fluttered hard as I replied, “The feeling’s mutual.”
Adam’s smile was wide as he wrapped his arm around my back and guided me to where Stacy was waiting beside the door. She rolled her eyes and shook her head at the two of us, but despite the teasing mock gag she let out as we passed, I felt like I was on top of the world.
All I could do now was pray that the feeling would remain as the next few days played out.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Adam
True to his word, Dale handled everything else that needed to be done after I gave the positive identification on the body.
Unsurprisingly, mom wanted nothing to do with any of it. She even refused to attend the small gathering we had in lieu of an actual funeral.
“This feels strange,” Brianna whispered to me as I led her through the graveyard.
“I know.”
“It’s not... disrespectful or something?” she asked, gesturing down at her blue jeans and t-shirt. “This definitely isn’t traditional funeral wear.”
“This isn’t a traditional funeral,” I reminded her before making a vague gesture down to my own clothing choice. “And I look just as casual as you. Don’t worry about it.”
I’d done my best to reassure her, but I could still see the tenseness in her shoulders as we approached where Dale stood near my grandparent’s graves. I had a feeling that there was more going on in Brianna’s head than how she was dressed, but I decided to wait until after the gathering was over before I questioned her about it.
“Hey, kids,” Dale said when we had gotten close enough to speak without yelling. “Anyone else coming?”
“Stacy and Sammy came along but I asked them to wait for us. They’re just here for moral support,” I told him, glancing back to Sammy’s car where he and Stacy were chatting while they waited.
Dale seemed a little disappointed and I didn’t fully understand why until he said, “I take it Linda didn’t change her mind.”
“No. Can you blame her?”
“For not wanting to say goodbye? Nah. But for not being here for you?” Dale abruptly stopped and shrugged. “Ah well. Not my business, I suppose.”
It might not have been his business and I honestly hadn’t even thought of it the way he suggested, but I couldn’t deny that he had a point. Mom should have been here for me, or at the very least given me a phone call. But I knew better that to expect anything from her.
“For what it’s worth... thanks.”
We shared a look and I caught myself giving him a tight smile, one that was mirrored back at me. He might have been a violent asshole, but the man was still my father and Dale’s brother. Neither of us would have felt right not doing this.
Dale reached for the urn of ashes and passed it to me, stopping me before I opened the container and dumped out the contents.
“Did you...” he trailed off, looking mighty uncomfortable. “Did you want to say a few words?”
I shook my head. “If you want to, go right ahead. But they gave me a few moments alone with him at the hospital. I’ve made my peace.”
“Fair enough. Go ahead.”
I got the vibe that he had also managed to find the time to make his peace with his twin at some point during the past few days, so I lifted the lid off the urn and scattered my father’s ashes over where his parents were buried.
It still surprised me a little to discover that my dad had a will at all, even if it only contained specific instructions about what he wanted to happen after his death. Beyond that, there was nothing of note. He had no possessions to divide or pass on, so there was nothing more to be done beyond the spreading of his ashes.
“May you find peace, brother,” Dale said quietly once all the ashes were out of the urn. “Godspeed.”
The three of us stood together quietly for a few minutes before Dale gave me a fatherly pat on the shoulder and walked away without a word. I couldn’t tell if he was needed elsewhere or just needed to be alone. Either way, I let him go.
“Do you need a minute?” Brianna asked once Dale was out of earshot.
“I’d like a moment with you,” I told her, turning to face away from my father’s ashes as the wind started to move them around. “Before we head back.”
Brianna’s eyes darted over to where Sammy and Stacy were waiting, picking up on what I meant immediately. But even though she understood that I wanted to speak to her without our friends, her frown told me that she had no idea why.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yeah. Well—it’s okay as it can be, I guess. I wanted to talk to you about tonight.”
“Tonight?” she asked, totally lost. “What’s happening tonight?”
“I’m supposed to be going to stay with Sammy,” I gently reminded her, feeling a small sense of pride when I saw her face fall. “But the thing of it is... I really don’t fucking want to.”
When her face instantly lit up, I smiled right back at her. The irony of standing in a graveyard s
miling like an idiot after I just spread my father’s ashes was not lost on me, but I couldn’t help it. Making Brianna happy made me happier than anything else in this world.
Which led me back to the reason I needed to talk to her.
Before I could consider the implication of my words, I blurted, “I’m not in love with you.”
Her eyes went wide as I frantically backpedaled, holding up my hands and quickly adding, “Yet! Shit. I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I just—What I mean is, logically, it’s too soon to say that yet.”
“Well, duh,” Brianna responded dryly, her eyebrows furrowing together. “We’ve been together for like a week.”
“I know. But what I’m trying—and obviously failing—to say is that I can already feel it. I already have feelings for you that I can’t put a name to. All that comes to mind is love even though my head says it’s too soon.”
Brianna’s confusion seemed to clear and an easy smile spread across her face.
“Trust me. I’m right there with you.”
When I realized that I somehow managed to rectify my fuck-up without any serious damage, I continued.
“I meant it when I said I’ve never felt more at home with anyone else—not family, friends, women. Just you. When we’re together, I feel... whole. Like everything is exactly as it should be,” I told her, hoping she’d be able to hear the sincerity in my words. “So even though I think it’s too soon for the L-word just yet, I hope you realize that I can already feel it happening. And I hope I’m not alone here.”
“You aren’t,” she said with a nod, albeit a little sadly. “Although I think I’m a little further along than you.”
I had to chuckle at that. “Kind of makes sense though, doesn’t it? You’ve been in a spot like this before. But for me—this is my first real relationship. I’m a little slow on the uptake here.”
Brianna nodded thoughtfully, some of the sadness draining from her smile.
“Uncharted territory, huh?”
“It really is,” I said with a sigh of relief, thrilled that she seemed to understand where I was coming from.
“Just promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Promise me that we’ll find a way to make this work,” Brianna pleaded, her wide eyes rapidly looking back and forth between my own. “I know you’re not where I am yet in terms of feelings and I know that you travel a lot with the team, but—”
“We’ll make it work,” I promised, cutting her off and pulling her into my arms so I could rest my cheek against the top of her head. “I swear to you—we’ll find a way. I don’t plan on ever letting you go, sweetheart.”
When she let out a content sigh and relaxed in my embrace, I knew that she believed me. But I still promised myself that if there ever came a time when I did something to make her doubt my intention to keep her with me, I’d find a way to remind her that I truly did mean it.
Regardless of the fact that it was still too soon to put an official title on it, Brianna was mine and I was hers. I’d never been surer of anything in my life and I planned to make damn sure that she realized that.
“Adam?”
“Hmm?”
She pulled her head away from my chest to look into my eyes as she said, “Let’s go home.”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Adam
Four weeks later
Brianna insisted on inviting some friends over the day I moved into my new place for the time-honored tradition of a housewarming party, though I had tried to argue that it wouldn’t be much of a party at all. Stacy drove Brianna over early in the day and Sammy showed up not long after them, which was pretty much everyone I had bothered to invite.
Perhaps Brianna was right and my hesitance to throw a party was due to spending such a huge portion of my life purposely not inviting people to my house. But the habit was so deeply engrained that I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be able to fully shake it.
So I invited only the people I trusted.
My own mother didn’t even make it on the list.
When the doorbell rang as Sammy was dealing out a hand of poker, I was reminded that there was one person missing from the select few.
“Hey, kid. Happy home ownership,” Dale greeted after I answered the door, shoving a case of beer to my chest as he walked by. “Welcome to the lovely responsibility of mortgages, homeowner’s insurance, and having to take care of every fucking maintenance problem yourself. Good luck.”
“I’m so glad you could make it,” I dryly stated, forcefully stopping myself from rolling my eyes at his back.
I’d been spending way too much time with Stacy and Brianna. They were starting to rub off on me.
“Can’t stay long, unfortunately. My shift starts in an hour,” he said distractedly, looking around the house with a low whistle. “Damn, boy. Moving on up, right?”
“It’s a little much, I know.”
“No, no. It’s nice. Just kind of got that ‘just-sold’ feel to it still. Get some furniture and shit in here and it’ll be like a real home.”
“That’s where I come in,” Brianna chimed in happily as she rushed down the hallway. “Since Adam clearly has no idea how to decorate, I’ve offered my assistance.”
“Probably a wise decision,” Dale agreed, jerking his chin towards me as he said, “You should’ve seen the way this kid decorated his bedroom when he was a kid. Talk about a clusterfuck.”
I frowned while he and Brianna shared a laugh, wondering if this is how normal people felt when their families spilled embarrassing details to their significant other. If it was, I was certainly glad I’d missed out on it growing up.
“Okay, then,” I interrupted, placing my hand on the small of Brianna’s back and pushing her back towards the living room where we had the poker table set up. “Let’s get back to the party, yeah?”
“What’s the matter, kid?” Dale asked, digging the knife in a little deeper as he followed us. “You worried I’m going to tell Brianna here all the embarrassing shit I can think of from your childhood?”
Well, now that he mentioned it...
“I have no idea what you mean,” I said dismissively, opting to play it cool even though Brianna’s snort told me she had already caught on to my discomfort. “I was a wonderful child.”
“A wonderful pain in the ass,” Dale chuckled. Brianna rushed to take her seat beside Stacy and Dale waited until she was out of earshot before he asked, “Linda coming?”
“I didn’t invite her.”
“Have you spoken to her lately?”
I let out a sigh and turned away from Brianna’s questioning eyebrow raise, murmuring lowly to Dale.
“Yeah. She’s doing exactly what I expected her to—spending every waking moment obsessing about Kyle. I just can’t listen to it anymore.”
“He did protect her when it counted.”
“I know and I’m grateful for it... but mom doesn’t seem to get that I just lost my fucking father. Regardless of everything that happened between us—it still hurts. She has no sympathy for how I feel and I’ve got none for Kyle. We’re at a stalemate.”
Dale nodded thoughtfully. “I get the feeling that she’s still in a state of shock, bud. Instead of thinking about David’s death, she’s chosen to focus on Kyle for the time being. Everyone mourns differently.”
“Wise words, but they change nothing.”
“Maybe not. But when she does come back around—and she will—try to remember them.”
With that said, Dale patted me on the shoulder and moved into the living room, leaving me to stand there pondering just how long it’d take to repair the rift between my mom and I.
My anger at her was partially blinding me, but deep down, I was really hoping that it’d be sooner rather than later.
Dale left when it was time for him to get back to work and the four of us sat around for hours after his departure—just drinking, joking around, and playing cards. While I was incredibly happy that I let Br
ianna talk me into inviting Sammy and Stacy over, by eleven o’clock, I was ready for them to get the hell out.
They seemed to catch on to my wish soon enough and after Brianna promised to go shopping with Stacy the following day, I closed the door behind them and leaned my back against the wood.
“Finally,” I breathed out, turning back to throw the locks into place.
“Oh, come on. You had a good time and you know it,” Brianna argued, crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow like she was daring me to disagree.
“I never said I didn’t. But I was looking forward to being alone with you.”
Her expression softened and she smiled. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“Because now that everyone’s gone...” I said, trailing off as I reached for Brianna’s hand and spun her around until her back was pressed against my chest. I craned my neck down until my lips were hovering over her ear and whispered, “I can show you the best part of my new place.”
Brianna laughed and saucily asked, “Would that be your bedroom?”
“No, but you’re warm,” I said as I started to guide her down the hall.
“Oh! Is the mystery behind the locked door finally going to be revealed?”
“It is.”
She’d been nagging me for a week about why I had one room in the house locked up and her excitement about finally finding out why made the nerves in my stomach dissipate. Brianna grabbed my hand and practically dragged me down the hall, bouncing up and down on her heels as I fished the key out of my pocket. Once it was unlocked, I made a grand gesture of swinging it open and letting her inside.
I could feel the confusion rolling off her in waves long before she blankly stated, “It’s an empty room.”
“That it is. When I was touring the house the agent told me this is supposed to be a bedroom, but I thought it was a little small for that.”
The Body Page 17