Victorious, A Tame Quantum Novel (Quantum Series Book 3)
Page 23
Now if only my fucking cock would get the message and stand the hell down, I might actually be able to enjoy this incredible night. It’s not happening with her, no matter how badly I might wish otherwise. I repeat this refrain to myself over and over again, but when she snuggles into my embrace, laying her head on my chest, my cock tells me to fuck off.
I look to my left to find Flynn eyeing me with an astute look that tells me I’m not fooling him by trying to act like I don’t care that Addie is lying all over me. I care. I fucking care way more than I should, and Flynn knows it, even if I’ve never fully owned up to his suspicions about my feelings for her.
He called me out on it recently, going so far as to insinuate that I’m in love with her. I did what I always do when my name and Addie’s are mentioned in the same sentence—I denied it. What else can I do? Everyone loves Addie, and the last thing I need is my closest friends and business partners turning against me when I fuck things up and hurt her.
Because I would fuck it up—and I would hurt her. I have no doubt at all about that, which is one of the many reasons I keep my distance. Or I usually keep my distance. With her body pressed against mine, I allow my hand to curl around her shoulder, enjoying the rare lack of distance.
I instantly realize I’ve made a huge mistake by touching her.
Holy fuck. Her skin is like silk, soft and smooth. One touch will never be enough. And was that… Fucking hell, she moaned. I have to get out of here. I have to get away from her and the wicked temptation she represents. Except I can’t move a fucking muscle with our whole crew crammed into this goddamned booth.
Not to mention, I’m so hard there’s no way to escape without giving myself away to Addie and everyone else in the room. FUCK! I break out in a cold sweat. Then her hand lands on my abdomen, and I nearly lose my shit.
“Move,” I growl to Jasper, who’s next to me.
“What?” he yells over the loud music and voices.
“I need to take a leak.”
“Oh, okay. Let Hayden out, you guys,” he says to Kristian and Marlowe.
“Be right back,” I mutter to Addie. Jarred by my sudden movement, she sits up, a stunned expression on her face—as if she just realized she was lying on me. Not that I minded. I didn’t mind. In fact, I loved it a little too much. As I slide out of the booth, I remove my tuxedo jacket and fold it over my arm, hoping it will hide my raging “problem.”
I’m reminded of eighth-grade science class, when I popped a boner for my lab partner, Jamie, when we were presenting our findings in front of the class. She had the best rack of any girl in our grade, and I was hard for her for a solid year. I thought everyone must’ve noticed, but no one ever said anything—and they would have if they’d seen it. I’ve never forgotten how humiliating it was to discover that I had absolutely no control over what—or who—my dick chose to get hard over.
As an adult, I’ve devoted a lot of time and energy to the concept of control. So it’s galling, to say the least, to lose control the way I have twice tonight.
I can’t remember the last time any woman made me sweat just by sitting next to me. I’m a fucking Dom, for Christ’s sake. My control is legendary. Except, apparently, when Addison York is pressed against me.
With my jacket still strategically positioned, I make my way through the crowded room, accepting handshakes and congratulations from colleagues on the way to the men’s room. Once there, I lock myself in a stall, hang the jacket from the hook on the back of the door and lean my head against the cool tile on the wall.
Get it together, will you?
I want to pound the shit out of something. Anything to rid myself of the frustration and desire that possess me like a demon I can’t shake no matter how hard I try. What the fuck was I thinking when I kissed her? I wasn’t thinking. I just acted. In the biggest moment of my career, I took what I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. I took her. I took Addie.
I fumble with my belt and the irritating buttons and hooks on my tuxedo pants, nearly swearing out loud at how cumbersome the process is. Then my cock springs free, hot and hard. I take myself in hand, looking for relief from the most painful desire I’ve ever experienced.
I cannot have her. I will not have her. I cannot have her. I will not have her.
The thoughts parade through my mind as I relive that kiss, that one fleeting, magical moment in which I had absolutely everything I ever wanted—the ultimate career success and the woman I love. Fuck.
Hearing voices outside the stall, I bite back a moan. I’ve never admitted to anyone—even myself—that I love her. Motherfucking hell, I can’t love her. I cannot. I will not. I grip my cock so hard that it hurts. Part of me can’t believe I’m actually doing this here, a heartbeat away from colleagues and paparazzi, but I can’t stop what she started in that booth.
I can’t control that which cannot be controlled. I love her. I want her. I need her. I can’t have her. From deep within my sex-addled brain, I have the foresight to reach for my handkerchief in the seconds before I come. Every muscle in my body participates in the soul-cleansing release. The relief is immediate and overwhelming.
Breathing hard, I close my eyes and stay perfectly still, letting the oxygen feed my starving muscles. I stand there until my cock begins to finally retreat, satisfied for now. With shaking hands, I clean myself up and knot the soiled cloth into a tight wad that I store in the pocket of my jacket.
I know better than to dispose of a cloth full of my DNA that also bears my initials in a public restroom at a Hollywood event. Such is the life of a celebrity. “Leave nothing behind” is one of our mottos.
I give myself another five minutes to calm down before I take the leak I came in here for. I restore my clothes and inhale a series of deep breaths, determined to get through the rest of this night, to get her home and then head for Club Quantum, where I’ll find someone who can help slake the need she stirs in me.
I emerge from the stall to a room that’s empty except for an attendant. Thank God for small favors. I wash my hands and splash cold water on my face, mopping it up with the towel the attendant hands me. I suspect he knows exactly what I just did.
Whatever. With the evidence tucked away in my pocket, let him try to prove it.
I’m heading for the door when Flynn comes in, placing a hand on my chest to move me backward into the room.
“We need to talk.”
“No, we don’t.”
“Yes, we do!” Thankfully, he keeps his voice down. “So this thing with Addie… It’s happening?”
“No, it’s not happening.”
“We all saw you kiss her. We saw her eyes light up with surprise and joy that you finally did something.”
“It was just a kiss.” I keep my tone intentionally nonchalant, even though I feel anything but. “Nothing to go crazy over.”
“Except she is going crazy because you gave her hope! I swear to God, Hayden, if you hurt her, I’ll kill you.”
Flynn is one of the few people in this world who I genuinely love. But right now, I want to pummel his movie-star face. “Thanks for the warning. Can I go now?”
“Hayden… If you aren’t in this, really in it, you can’t. You absolutely cannot.”
I keep my voice down, lest Flynn and I be all over the tabloids tomorrow for “fighting” at the Vanity Fair party. “Do you think I need you to tell me that?”
“Either go all in or hands off,” he says through gritted teeth. “I mean it.”
“You’re a fucking hypocrite, you know that?”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“Remember when I told you that you had no business getting involved with Natalie?”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“Isn’t it? Isn't it exactly the same thing? A nice girl who deserves better than us?”
With industry people and press in and out of the room, we can’t afford to let this get out of hand. So as much as we might like to let loose and go a
t it, we know better.
“It’s not the same. Addie is—”
I raise a brow in inquiry. “Special? Is that what you were going to say? And Natalie isn’t?” It’s never a good idea to drag a man’s wife into an argument, but I need Flynn to acknowledge his own double standard. Before he can pounce, I do. “Leave me alone, Flynn. I’m not going to touch her—and I’m certainly not going to hurt her. Why do you think I’ve kept my distance all this time? I don’t want to hurt her.”
I start to walk away, but he grabs my arm, spinning me around to face him. “Give me your word.”
I look into the eyes of my oldest and closest friend, my business partner, one of those few people I truly love. “Fuck you.” I rip my arm free of his hold and leave the room before I make the huge mistake of punching him.
Get book 4, Rapturous, right now to continue with Hayden and Addie’s story!
Get Book 5, Ravenous, Jasper and Ellie’s story, here!
Thank you for reading Victorious and the initial Quantum Trilogy! I hope you enjoyed reading Flynn and Natalie’s story as much as I enjoyed writing it. If you wish to talk about Victorious with other readers—with spoilers allowed and encouraged—join the Victorious Reader Group. And remember to join the Quantum Reader Group.
And now for the thank-yous! To my HTJB team: Julie Cupp, Lisa Cafferty, Holly Sullivan, Isabel Sullivan, Nikki Colquhoun and Cheryl Serra, thank you for all you do to make it possible for me to do almost nothing but write. And to my husband, Dan, who runs our lives so I am free to write as much as possible. To my kids, Emily and Jake, who are so endlessly supportive of my career—you guys are the light of my life, and I love you to the moon and back. Thank you to my son Jake, who was my car consultant for the first three Quantum books and chose all of Flynn’s cars for the various occasions—without reading the books.
Thank you to my beta readers Anne Woodall, Ronlyn Howe and Kara Conrad. To my copy editor, Linda Ingmanson: thank you for always making time for me when I need you. And to my proofreader, Joyce Lamb, you’re the best, and I love having your eagle eyes on my books before they go live. Joyce did an amazing job helping me to keep all the details straight, and I appreciate her so much! To Sarah Spate Morrison, family nurse practitioner, thank you for your assistance with medical details.
And to my lovely, wonderful, amazing readers who have changed my life so completely, thank you so much for taking this wild ride with me. I’d be nowhere without each and every one of you, and I appreciate you more than you’ll ever know. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
xoxo
Marie
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About the Author
Marie Force is the New York Times bestselling author of contemporary romance, including the indie-published Gansett Island Series and the Fatal Series from Harlequin Books. In addition, she is the author of the Butler, Vermont Series, the Green Mountain Series and the erotic romance Quantum Series. Duchess By Deception is the first in her new historical romance Gilded Series, that will continue with Deceived By Desire in September 2019.
Her books have sold more than 7.5 million copies worldwide, have been translated into more than a dozen languages and have appeared on the New York Times bestseller list 29 times. She is also a USA Today and Wall Street Journal bestseller, a Speigel bestseller in Germany, a frequent speaker and publishing workshop presenter as well as a publisher through her Jack’s House Publishing romance imprint. She is a two-time nominee for the Romance Writers of America’s RITA® award for romance fiction.
Her goals in life are simple—to finish raising two happy, healthy, productive young adults, to keep writing books for as long as she possibly can and to never be on a flight that makes the news.
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