She took a deep breath to settle her nerves as she stood in the hallway. It would take him a moment to catch up with her, and she was thankful for the reprieve from him, even if it only spanned a few seconds. He was just a gentleman she found on the side of the road who needed healing as much as she needed a husband to ward off Lord Mason. She needed to go back to thinking of him as the stranger. It was the only way she could keep the distance she needed from him. Maybe Appleton could let him slip into the role of her husband easily, but she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t open herself up to him that way.
She closed her eyes and swallowed the lump in her throat. This was necessary. She had no choice. Lord Mason must never be the duke, and the stranger was the answer to her prayers. As soon as he was well enough, he’d start going to the gentleman’s club, hunt, horseback ride, and do other things gentlemen did to fill up his days. She wouldn’t always have to be around him so much. And at that time, the distance between them would be sufficient so he could slip into his role as a duke and she could continue being the duchess, much like she and her husband had done before. The only difference would be that she would be treated well. Surely, she could handle that.
“Oh good, you’re still here,” the stranger said as he hobbled out of the room. “I was afraid you already took off running to enjoy the sunny day.”
Her emotions settled, at least for the time being, she turned to him and offered a polite smile as the footman approached with their cloaks. “The gardener takes good care of the grounds, Your Grace. On occasion, the visitors have commented on how beautiful the grounds are.”
“Do they?”
As the footman helped her with her cloak, she nodded. “Yes. It’s a lovely sight.”
“Well, then we’re wasting time standing here talking, aren’t we?”
Just as she was about to respond, the footman asked her, “Will you require a parasol, Your Grace?”
“Surely, you don’t want one of those on a perfectly good day like this,” the stranger told her.
“It’s to protect my eyes from the sun,” she informed him and nodded to the footman to indicate she’d take it.
“A hat for you, Your Grace?” the footman asked him.
“No thank you.” As the footman retrieved the parasol for her, the stranger let out a regretful sigh. “Don’t you want to feel the sun on your face?”
“I’m not particularly interested in it.”
“That’s a shame.”
She accepted the parasol from the footman when he returned but waited until the stranger had his cloak on before she left the house. She opened her parasol and slowed her steps so he could keep up with her. “Why is it a shame that I don’t want the sun on my face?”
“I was on the veranda outside my bedchamber earlier today, and you know what I discovered?”
Though she suspected he’d tell her even if she didn’t say it, she asked, “What?”
“The sun feels great.”
She shifted her parasol to her other arm and peered up at him, noticing the way he tilted his face back and grinned. She paused and waited as he stood still and soaked up the sun. In all her years of marriage to her husband, he never once smiled the way this man was smiling now. This man enjoyed life. She wondered what it was like to embrace life with such abandon.
He opened his eyes and turned his gaze to her. “Put down the parasol and feel the warmth of the sun.”
“I don’t need to lower my parasol for that. Even with the chill in the air, I can feel how warm the sun is.”
Though he sighed, his smile didn’t falter. “Why do I have a feeling that you’ll fight me every step of the way?”
Her eyebrows furrowed. “Fight you? I don’t recall us having an argument.”
He started walking down the path that led to a fountain, so she joined him, allowing him to determine the pace they’d be walking. “While it’s true we haven’t had an argument,” he began, “you seem reluctant to do what I ask.”
“I don’t understand. I’ve been eating meals with you, and I’m walking with you as we speak.”
“But you hesitated when I extended the invitations, and just now, you hesitate to let the sunlight grace your face. I don’t blame you, Anna. Whatever I was like in the past, it’s made it difficult for you to trust me.”
“How do you figure that?”
“It’s in the way you hesitate. I had to convince you to eat with me, and if I hadn’t come down the stairs today, would you be walking with me right now?”
“We didn’t often eat together in the past, and we never took walks. You spent a lot of time detained in London, and I spent a good portion of my time here at Camden.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know,” she lied. “It’s not a lady’s place to ask where her husband spends his time.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
He held his hand up to stop her. “I might not remember what I did, but I’m intelligent enough to see the result of my actions. You’re my wife, and you’ve treated me with much kindness. Kindness, I realize, that I don’t deserve. I might not be able to change the past, but I’d like to do what I can to give us a good future.”
What could she say to that? He was innocent of everything her husband had done, and yet he was promising her something she’d desperately wanted for so long. She did the only thing she could think of to do: she nodded. Seeming content with her response, his smile widened.
His gaze went to the fountain which was surrounded by red, orange, and yellow leaves. “Ah, I see I’ve stumbled upon the first batch of leaves.”
“No, that’s not the first. If you look behind us, you’ll see we passed by some leaves close to those trees.”
He glanced in the direction she pointed to. “How did I miss those?”
Because he’d been watching her the whole time, but she didn’t dare tell him that. Instead, she said, “In the spring and summer white flowers surround the red ones in front of the manor, and if you look at them as you come here from the road, you’ll see the red ones spell ‘Camden’.”
“Do they?” he asked, looking intrigued.
“They do.”
“I’d like to see that.”
“You will. Come spring, we’ll go for a carriage ride, and I’ll make sure to point them out to you.”
With one of his disarming smiles, he said, “I look forward to it.”
“In the meantime, do you feel well enough to walk to the fountain and back to the house?”
“Yes. It feels good to be outside after being cooped up inside for over a month.”
“Remember, don’t overdue it. You don’t want to regret walking too much when tomorrow comes.”
“I’ll be sure to take it slow.”
Satisfied, she turned to the fountain and enjoyed the rest of her walk with him.
Chapter Seven
Two weeks later, Anna was playing an upbeat tune on her piano when Appleton entered the drawing room with something in his hand. She stopped the music and focused on him.
“I can’t recall the last time I heard a melody so cheerful in this house,” Appleton commented.
She shrugged and stood up so she could approach him. “I thought I’d try something different today. Is that letter for me?”
“For you and His Grace. It’s an invitation.”
By the hesitant tone in his voice, she gingerly accepted it, her face going pale when she realized it was from Lord Mason. As much as she didn’t want to see what the contents of the invitation contained, she opened it and read it.
Lowering his voice, Appleton said, “You don’t have to accept it, Your Grace.”
“But if I don’t, he’ll get curious and come out here again.” And her newfound peace would be ruined.
“What is that?” the stranger asked.
Appleton stepped away from Anna.
Anna looked up from the invitation in her hands as the stranger entered the dr
awing room. “You’re without your cane?” she asked him.
“I don’t need it anymore,” he said.
She glanced at Appleton. “Will you be so kind as to ask the footman to get our cloaks?”
After Appleton nodded and left, the stranger turned to her. “You mean I don’t have to ask you to go for a walk with me today?”
“That’s not fair, Your Grace. We went for a carriage ride yesterday, and that was my idea.”
“Only because you thought I was doing too much walking.”
“Does that matter?”
He shrugged and smiled. “I suppose not. It’s actually a compliment that you worry about my health as much as you do. Will we be discussing what you’re holding in your hands during this walk?”
“Yes, I suppose we should.”
“It doesn’t look pleasant.”
She sighed. “It’s not.”
Appleton returned with their cloaks and asked him, “Will Your Grace be going without a hat?”
As they slipped on their cloaks, he grinned. “I can’t refuse the opportunity to go without one. I find them bothersome.”
That was yet another difference between this gentleman and her husband, but she chose not to dwell on it or the possibility that Lord Mason might pick up on the fact that he wasn’t really his brother.
“Very well, Your Grace.” Appleton bowed and led them to the front door where the footman waited for them before he opened it and handed her the parasol.
Once Anna and the stranger were outside, she almost didn’t open her parasol right away so she could get an idea of what made him enjoy the sunlight touching his face as much as he did. But he turned his gaze to her, an action which made her self-conscious enough to open it. He shot her one of his charming smiles, and she tightened her grip on the handle of the parasol, praying he didn’t detect her uncertainty. She must keep thinking of him as the stranger she and Appleton found that night they buried her husband.
As long as she thought of him as the stranger, she could keep an emotional distance from him. Each day, it was getting harder and harder to do that, and several times, she had slipped and almost thought of him as Jason. But she hadn’t even thought of her husband so intimately. It was the stranger’s persistence on calling her Anna that made her feel closer to him than she wanted to be.
“Will you escort me to the fountain?” He offered his arm and looked at her with that hopeful expression that made her afraid she’d give him anything he wanted.
She swallowed and debated whether she should take his arm or not. Up to now, she hadn’t touched him, except when she had cleaned his healing wounds.
He took her hand and placed it on his arm. “There. Now I can feel like a true gentleman and let you escort me to the fountain.”
Despite her apprehension at being so close to him, she chuckled. “You’ll let me escort you? If you were a true gentleman, you’d be the one escorting me.”
“Hmm… You have a good point, though to be honest, I don’t mind it when you take the lead. As long as you let me come with you, I’m content.”
“At least you’re not hard to please.”
“I try to be accommodating,” he teased.
“You are.”
After a moment of silence passed between them as they strolled down the path to the fountain, he asked, “Is now a good time to ask about the invitation you received?”
“Yes,” she softly replied, thinking if she was going to do it, it might as well be now. “You remember Lord Mason?”
He nodded. “My brother.”
She winced and hoped he didn’t notice since the parasol partially obstructed his view of her face. “Yes. He came to visit you shortly after you lost your memory.” She cleared her throat. “He’s having a dinner party in a week and we’re invited to attend.”
“What happens at dinner parties?”
“Not much, really. You catch up on the latest gossip, eat, play a few games, and go home.”
“It doesn’t sound like you enjoy them.”
“It depends on who attends the dinner parties.”
They stopped at the fountain, and she sat beside him on the bench. She fingered the invitation and glanced at him. Considering the clothing he’d been wearing when she and Appleton found him, she wondered if he could read it. If he could, then he’d understand, by the way Lord Mason worded the invite, what kind of gentleman he was. Otherwise, it was hard to explain.
“Can you read?” she asked him.
“I don’t know.”
As a duke, he should be able to, and it suddenly occurred to her that if someone were to find out he couldn’t, then problems might arise, even if he did lose his memory. To find out if he needed to be taught to read, she showed him the invitation. “Can you read this?”
He studied the script and shook his head. “No.”
She turned so she could face him. “This is very important. You must not let anyone know you can’t read. Even if you’ve lost your memory, you don’t want them to know you’re illiterate.” She took a deep breath and willed the image of Lord Mason’s smirk from her mind. “Some people don’t care who they hurt.”
“Are you talking about my brother?”
Choosing her words carefully, she replied, “Lord Mason isn’t someone I’d voluntarily spend time with.”
“Why not? What has he done?”
Breaking eye contact with him, she shrugged and faced the fountain. “He hasn’t done anything, exactly. I don’t know how to explain it, but even though he’s of noble birth, he’s not what a gentleman should be.” And how it pained her to even think of him as a gentleman, but because of his status, she had to. She cleared her throat. “As long as you don’t let him get any power over you, you’ll be fine.”
“I don’t understand. How could he get power over me? Did he manage that in the past?”
“No. You’ve never given him the opportunity.” At least, her husband hadn’t. “Try not to show him your weaknesses.” He furrowed his eyebrows, and she knew he wasn’t sure how to follow her advice. “If he makes you uneasy at all, leave the room.”
After a moment, he nodded. “All right. I can do that.”
She really hated to go to the dinner party. It was akin to sending him to the wolves since there would be times when he’d be alone with the gentlemen while she would be with the ladies, but she didn’t know what else she could do without arousing Lord Mason’s suspicions.
“Do you worry I won’t be able to handle him like I did in the past?” he softly asked.
She couldn’t tell if he was hurt by the possibility she might think that or if he was worried about it, too. She opened her mouth to assure him that she was confident he could handle it, but it would be a lie. And ironically, despite the many lies she’d already told him, this was the one lie she couldn’t. With a sigh, she admitted, “You’re nothing like the Duke of Watkins I used to know. You’re gentle and kind. You’re much better in ways I don’t think you’ll ever appreciate.” Her voice trailed off and she closed her eyes before her voice wavered. God help her, but it was hard to keep thinking of him as the stranger.
“You worry my brother will take advantage of who I am now because I’m not as hard as I used to be,” he finished for her.
She took a deep breath to steady her emotions and nodded. Yes, he was so gentle and kind, he might not be able to stand up to Lord Mason.
“I can do it, Anna,” he whispered, resting his hand on her shoulder.
Startled by his touch, her eyes flew open and she looked at him. Her heart leapt in excitement. She didn’t want to enjoy it, but no matter how much she willed herself to scoot away from him, she couldn’t. He released her shoulder, and though she knew she should be relieved, she also felt disappointed. A lady could get used to the kind of touch he’d just blessed her with. Apparently, years of coldness and rejection left her more vulnerable to gentleness than she cared to admit.
“Since you warned me, I’ll be prepared and act accordin
gly,” he told her.
She nodded, hoping he was right, but the only way either one of them would know was for him to try it.
“Would you do me a favor?” he asked.
“What is it?”
“If you can’t refer to me as Jason, would you please call me Watkins? I don’t want to be ‘Your Grace’ all the time.”
She winced before she could stop the reaction. He didn’t ask her an easy thing. If he had any idea how difficult it was, he wouldn’t ask it at all. “There’s nothing wrong with me referring to you as ‘Your Grace’. It’s your due as a duke.”
“But it feels unnatural to do that every time. I suppose if you were a stranger or an acquaintance, it would suit, but I’m your husband.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Sure you can. Open your mouth and say Watkins.”
She got ready to shake her head, to deny she could even do that much, but he leaned forward and kissed her cheek. His lips were soft and warm, just as gentle as his touch, and despite her better judgment, her resolve weakened. “All right. I’ll call you Watkins.” Perhaps if she stuck with that, it wouldn’t be so bad. Perhaps she could still keep enough distance from him so she wouldn’t get too attached.
He smiled and wrapped her hand in his. “Thank you.”
He turned his attention to the fountain, but she couldn’t think of anything but the terrifying prospect of what calling him Watkins and allowing him to touch her so intimately might mean. It seemed to her she was quickly approaching a bridge—one that she’d not only cross but one that might possibly be her undoing.
***
Jason couldn’t help but notice the way Anna kept fidgeting next to him in the carriage, and it got worse as they got closer to Lord Mason’s estate. He considered holding her hand or putting his arm around her shoulders to offer her some kind of comfort, but he sensed she didn’t want him touching her so he refrained.
He turned his attention to the window, his mind wandering to nothing in particular. When the estate came into view, he straightened in his seat. From the other carriages pulling up to the front, he estimated that Lord Mason had invited five other couples.
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