by Gephart, T
I guess I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did.
Things had been a lot easier when the only thing I felt was dislike and hate.
I needed to go back to that.
“OKAY, SO I DIDN’T PRESSURE you yesterday, but now you need to talk to me.” Morgan sat down on my bed where I had been curled up under my comforter since getting home last night. There had been a shower in between, but I hadn’t eaten, something my stomach was reminding me of this morning as it growled in protest.
I flopped over onto my back with little enthusiasm for actually getting out of bed, but she was right about me needing to talk to her. I needed to tell someone if for no other reason than so I could get it straight in my own head.
“I was starting to have feelings for him.” I groaned, covering my face with my hands. “Not just we’re having sex feelings, like maybe it could be more feelings.”
“You think I didn’t know that?” She yanked at my hands, giving me a warm smile. “Lo, you might think you’re pretty smooth, but you’re my sister and I know you. Besides, you haven’t dated anyone for longer than two dates in what? A year or more? It was pretty obvious it was more than just sex.”
I shook my head, wondering if I had genuinely been blind or just stupid. “It wasn’t obvious to me. It just grew into more, and what’s worse is, that I didn’t realize how much I’d really wanted it.”
“So, did you tell him and he didn’t feel the same way? And why the hell did you need a pregnancy test? I get the feeling the two are somehow connected.”
Morgan was right, ironically they were.
So, I started to recount the whole tale of how I went from realizing I was falling in love with Roman, to throwing up in the bathroom, to running into the bride who suspected she was in the family way.
I left out names, Morgan not knowing that Eric Larsson was Roman’s brother and the groom, and Tia Larsson was the possibly knocked-up bride. It wasn’t because I was worried about her saying anything; it just didn’t change the situation regardless of who they were.
So, the bride was worried that an unplanned pregnancy would possibly screw up her new husband’s job offer—the possibility of a future Oscar left unmentioned—and so I’d offered to help. My involvement kept me away from Roman, which prompted a stupid lie about Chase Anderson, followed by the spectacular finale of him finding the pregnancy test and assuming it was mine.
“Where does he live?” she demanded, rising off the mattress with a face full of fury. “Tell me exactly where to find him. How dare he assume anything about you? And even if you were pregnant, he wasn’t exactly sitting at home playing Magic: The Gathering before you two got together. He’s probably been involved in a few pregnancy tests of his own.”
Ugh, funnily enough, hearing about Roman and his past didn’t make me feel better.
When he was with me, his past didn’t matter.
Neither did mine.
We only cared about what was in front of us.
“It doesn’t matter anymore.” I tried like hell to find the silver lining. “At least I found out how horrible he was before I spilled my guts and made a fool out of myself. It could have been so much worse.”
I wasn’t sure if I believed that; it didn’t feel like it could get more painful than it already felt. And to make matters more horrible, I was going to have to see him tomorrow when I went back to work.
That was why office dating was frowned upon. Because only an idiot would believe you could go back to be friendly after an asshole had crushed your heart. In this case, I was the idiot.
I’m sure he didn’t care.
He was probably looking forward to it, thinking up new ways to torment me. It would be like old times only one thousand times worse because unlike before, I knew he could be sweet and loving and be so goddamn kind.
“He can’t honestly believe you would have slept with a client, Lauren.” My sister tugged on my arm, shaking her head. “He has to know that you would never—”
“He clearly knows nothing.” A breath hitched, my chest tight. “And it doesn’t matter if he believes it, he freaking said it. Out loud. To my face. He said it like it could be a possibility, like I would ever use my body like that. It was more than just hurtful; it was malicious. And if he doesn’t believe it and said it anyway, then that’s almost worse.”
Morgan nodded, her hand rubbing against the length of my arm. “I know, and you deserved better. He is going to have to live with that, having said those words to you. And even though he backed you into a corner, you took the high road. I’m so proud of you.” Her hand squeezed. “You have more integrity in your little finger than most people do in their whole body.”
“I can’t believe I have to see him tomorrow,” I groaned, fantasizing about getting a doctor’s note excusing me from work. As tempting as it was, I’d already faked being sick to avoid him once, and I wasn’t doing that again.
“I know it feels horrible, Lo.” Morgan gently rubbed my back. “But I promise you, you are stronger than you think. You will go back in there tomorrow and you are going to kick ass, because you are one of the best damn lawyers the firm has ever seen. And he doesn’t get to take that away from you, not him and his narrow-minded macho bullshit. You did the right thing, and someday he is going to regret walking away from the best damn woman that he’s ever met.”
A soft laugh escaped my lips. “You’re my sister, you have to think I’m awesome, but the best damn woman he’s ever met is a pretty big call.”
Right then I would have settled for being someone he didn’t hate and who he didn’t want to hurt. I was pretty sure I was so far from the top of his list, I’d barely get a mention.
“For someone so smart, Lo, you can act super dumb.” She shoved my shoulder gently. “He might have said all that other stuff, but he was in love with you too. Or starting to be. Why else would he have taken you to his brother’s wedding? The ride on the bike, that isn’t stuff you just do to get a woman into bed. After all, you guys were already sleeping together, right?”
Her words didn’t give me comfort, possibly just confusing me more. “Is that you being kind and telling me I was a sure thing?”
“You were never a sure thing, sweetie, but all that effort, it had to mean something.” She wrapped her arms around me, the comfort they gave me immeasurable.
It was like I was sixteen again and this was my first heartbreak, she had always known exactly what to say.
“And the way he overreacted? Because every man assumes you’re having sex with a client when you need to take a call.” She rolled her eyes sarcastically. “It’s completely illogical, there was nothing to even hint that. And if he didn’t care,” she made quotation marks with her fingers, “would he care which client you were talking to, or how long you were powdering your nose. He cared because he was jealous, because maybe he was scared of what he was feeling. And I can almost bet that is the same as what you’re feeling. If he honestly believed you’d acted inappropriately he wouldn’t have bothered to confront you, he would have taken it to the bar. When have you ever known him to be compassionate in business?”
She was right about that.
I’d just recently seen a kinder side, but at work he was ruthless. And if he suspected someone was up to something, the last thing he’d do was talk about it. Instead, he would systematically plot their downfall. Not sure what it said about the situation, that he confronted me. Did he honestly not believe it? Or was that his version of throwing me a bone, giving me a “heads up” out of the kindness of his heart—my reward for time served or some other bullshit.
Neither gave me comfort.
“He didn’t give me a chance.” The sob got stuck in my throat. “He didn’t even want to listen. He just assumed the worst and allowed himself to believe it. He should have known me better.”
If the situation were reversed, I hoped I would have given him the benefit of the doubt. That the time we had spent and gotten to know each other counted mor
e than a misunderstanding. That I knew him better than to assume all those horrible things he’d thought about me.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the way he looked at me.” My arms wrapped around my chest. “So cold, so detached. When he said he didn’t care, Morgan, he meant that. I don’t think I can ever forget or forgive how he made me feel.”
“Forgive him?” Morgan scoffed. “That man needs to come back crawling on his hands and knees, saying sorry in at least four languages before you even consider it. But I am telling you, that dumbass was in love with you as much as you are him. Probably more, because let’s face it, you’re a hundred times better.”
I didn’t know what to believe, but Roman being in love with me didn’t seem likely. I’m sure Morgan thought she knew what she was talking about, and if we were talking about a regular guy, she’d have probably been right. But there was nothing about Roman or the situation that was regular.
No, he wasn’t in love with me; I doubted he had the ability to love anyone but himself. He was amused by me, possibly even fascinated, but that’s where his feelings ended. And I wounded his ego, hurt his pride in front of an audience, so he decided that I needed to be hurt and punished too.
“I really liked him, Morgan.” The pain cut deep and even still, I couldn’t hate him. “Really liked him, and he hurt me so much.”
“Oh, Lo.” She gave me a squeeze. “It will get better, I promise.”
God, I hoped she was right, because I never wanted to feel that way ever again.
HE WAS ALREADY THERE WHEN I got to work. He’d left his door open so I made sure I kept my steps measured and my head up as I walked past, but I didn’t look inside.
I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to face him.
It was Monday, and we had our usual scheduled meeting with Daniel. There was no way I could avoid him, which was a shame because the last thing I wanted was to see his smug, beautiful face.
I’d spent the weekend absorbing the hurt, letting it consume me.
But I wasn’t going to do that anymore.
Oh, it still hurt. Stung me like no other. But I had a job to do, and I wasn’t going to let him or my previous bad decisions stop me from doing it.
There would be a cold day in hell before I would let him bring my integrity into question again. And if he even dared to breath a word of it, I would make sure it was his name that was destroyed and not mine.
But I wouldn’t retaliate without just cause.
I wouldn’t allow myself to sink to his level.
That was the difference between us. That, despite him, I would remain a decent person.
I was going to be better. Stronger. More proficient. And he, and those past few weeks, would fade into a memory of the time where I had been stupid.
Daniel Moss insisted there were wall clocks mounted in every single office. It made the “oh, I didn’t realize the time,” excuse redundant. So when I looked up on the wall and saw it was five minutes to nine, I rose out of my chair and walked to my door.
He must have had the same idea.
“Pierce.” I nodded my hello, stepping out into the hall.
My pulse was racing even though I had thought I was prepared for this, seeing him two minutes before I had planned throwing me off my game.
But I wouldn’t show it though.
Nope. I was rock solid.
“Harper.” He looked surprised, but followed me to Daniel’s office. I felt his strides just a half step behind me, his shadow looming like my dark mood had all weekend.
I reached Daniel’s office first, pulling the door open and taking my usual spot at his meeting table. Roman—just saying his name made my skin crawl, which is why I had been avoiding it—did the same.
“Lauren, Roman.” Daniel nodded, drumming his fingers on the desk. “Where are we on the Cane divorce?”
“It is signed by both parties,” Roman answered, “I’m putting it in front of a judge today.”
Daniel sighed. “And you’re sure it will remain uncontested? I don’t want one of our biggest clients saddled to this asshole for the next twelve months because someone decided they wanted a bigger piece of the pie.”
“The terms of the settlement were that he sign a postnuptial agreement,” I added, thankful I didn’t sound either scared or like I was about to cry. “There would be no financial gain to stalling the divorce now, if anything, it will cost him money. Once the official waiting period is over, it will be finalized.”
“Good.” Daniel nodded, leaning back in his chair. “Then make it so.” He waved his hand in the air. “I’ll expect the two of you to continue to work with me on her account. With the patent and her new products, the workload is going to be heavy, so the two of you are going to be spending lots of quality time together.” He smiled before adding, “I’m sure everyone is going to enjoy that.”
Great. I forced my face to remain neutral even though I wanted to cringe.
It wasn’t a surprise and I knew if I wanted to keep my job, working with Roman was going to have to continue. Even though my heart and my spirit were broken, I wouldn’t let him see.
I wouldn’t allow it.
“Excited to come up with some new ideas for Ms. Cane.” The words were like acid in my mouth as I continued the smile. “Pierce and I won’t let you down.”
I felt him stiffen beside me, my response not one he was expecting but surprisingly he remained quiet.
“Good.” Daniel nodded, taking Roman’s silence as compliance and flipped open a folder in front of him. “Next, Lauren, the ITP fiber optics acquisition. I had a call from Anderson this morning, he wants to go over your prospects again.”
Shit.
Currently, I hated Chase Anderson only slightly less than Roman Pierce. Not through any fault of his own, we had never met, and only had one brief conversation. But that man had caused nothing but trouble since the day Roman tossed him on my desk.
“I’ll call his secretary and schedule a meeting.” I forced the smile, wondering if I’d imagined the temperature drop in the room or it was Roman being frosty.
“Excellent.” Daniel didn’t seem to notice the sudden arctic chill and continued. “I have a couple of new cases we need to start by this afternoon. I’ll email you both the details.”
The meeting was shorter than usual for once, which meant I got a reprieve. I had no doubt it wasn’t always going to be this easy, but for now, I was thankful. I’d deal with later’s problems, later.
Not waiting for Roman, I was the first to leave my seat, walking out of Daniel’s office without saying goodbye to either of them. My attempt at making it look like I was “all good” with the situation was failing miserably, but at least I wasn’t crying and rocking in a corner. And I’d take the victories where I could get them.
“His secretary?” Roman’s voice came from behind me.
Damn it. I’d almost made it to my door.
“Yes, Roman.” I turned against my better judgment. I should have just ignored him. “It is customary when setting an appointment with a client that you call his or her secretary. It’s actually a very old practice, I’m positive they would have covered it during your time at Yale.”
He put his hands together and clapped, his grin a little less smug but still there. “Well done, Harper.” His head tilted to the side. “But yes, I was aware of the process. I just figured since you two were calling each other during personal hours you’d bypass the whole formality. You two being so close, and all that.”
I should have ignored him.
Should being the operative word in that sentence.
“Do you ever get tired of it?” I planted my hands on my hips, the anger bubbling inside of me with no way of containing it. “Being so interested in everything I do. I mean, I get it—I’m your biggest competition. And in the history of the firm, they have never offered two associates junior partner at the same time. One of us will have to go first, and it scares the hell out of you it might be me.”<
br />
I expected him to laugh. To throw his head back, and for those blue eyes to light up the way they always did, and tell me I was wrong. Because as much as I was saying all that stuff, I didn’t believe Roman was worried about any of it.
But he didn’t.
Instead he moved closer, narrowing his eyes as he leaned in. “You really think I’m worried about losing out junior partner to you?”
I couldn’t decide if the sentence was loaded with sarcasm or distaste. Or maybe disbelief that I’d called out his bullshit instead of ignoring it.
“You should be.” I stood my ground. “Because I’m a damn good lawyer, and you know it.”
And without the theatrics of slamming the door—which was what I’d wanted to do—I walked into my office and calmly closed it.
It killed me.
I’d been gripping the handle so tight I was surprised it didn’t come apart in my hand. But I’d done it.
Unlike him, I’d kept our rivalry professional even though there was so much more I could have said. I wouldn’t allow myself to stoop to his level, deciding I needed to focus on work. He was being a schoolyard bully, taunting me into a reaction because nothing he said had any truth. And if me being the best associate Moss, Byrne and Carter had ever seen threatened him, then so be it. What had he said to me when we first met? He didn’t need any more friends. Yeah, well neither did I.
With purpose driving me instead of pain—it was still there but it was going to be dealt with after hours—I picked up the phone and dialed Chase Anderson’s secretary. The sooner I was done with his mind-numbing account, the better.
“Chase Anderson’s office, this is Holly.”
“Hi Holly, this is Lauren Harper from Moss, Byrne and Carter.” I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “I believe Mr. Anderson wanted to discuss the candidates I vetted for him.”
“Oh yes, Ms. Harper. He’s been waiting for your call, let me put you through.”
Well, hopefully that meant he’d made a decision; I could think of little else that would make him want to talk to me.