by C. C. Beck
buttons and yelling something about tearingdown the front page, whatever that meant.
Metaxa said, "It also says you have some queer hobbies. Judo, smallweapons target shooting, mountain climbing--" He looked up from thereports. "Why does anybody climb mountains?"
Ronny said, "Nobody's ever figured out." That didn't seem to be enough,especially since Ross Metaxa was staring at him, so he added, "Possibly wedevotees keep doing it in hopes that someday somebody'll find out."
Ross Metaxa said sourly, "Not _too_ much humor, please. You don't act asthough getting this position means much to you."
Ronny said slowly, "I figured out some time ago that every young man onEarth yearns for a job that will send him shuttling from one planet toanother. To achieve it they study, they sweat, they make all out effortsto meet and suck up to anybody they think might help. Finally, when and ifthey get an interview for one of the few openings, they spruce up in theirbest clothes, put on their best party manners, present themselves as thesincere, high I.Q., ambitious young men that they are--and then flunk theirchance. I decided I might as well be what I am."
Ross Metaxa looked at him. "O.K.," he said finally. "We'll give you atry."
Ronny said blankly, "You mean I've got the job?"
"That's right."
"I'll be damned."
"Probably," Metaxa said. He yawned. "Do you know what Section G handles?"
"Well no, but as for me, just so I get off Earth and see some of thegalaxy."
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Metaxa had been sitting with his heels on his desk. Now he put them downand reached a hand into a drawer to emerge with a brown bottle and twoglasses. "Do you drink?" he said.
"Of course."
"Even during working hours?" Metaxa scowled.
"When occasion calls."
"Good," Metaxa said. He poured two drinks. "You'll get your fill of seeingthe galaxy," he said. "Not that there's much to see. Man can settle onlyEarth-type planets and after you've seen a couple of hundred you've seenthem all."
Ronny sipped at his drink, then blinked reproachfully down into the glass.
Metaxa said, "Good, eh? A kind of tequila they make on Deneb Eight. Bunchof Mexicans settled there."
"What," said Ronny hoarsely, "do they make it out of?"
"Lord only knows," Metaxa said. "To get back to Section G. We'reInterplanetary Security. In short, Department Cloak and Dagger. Would yoube willing to die for the United Planets, Bronston?"
That curve had come too fast. Ronny blinked again. "Only in emergency," hesaid. "Who'd want to kill me?"
Metaxa poured another drink. "Many of the people you'll be working with,"he said.
"Well, _why_? What will I be doing?"
"You'll be representing United Planets," Metaxa explained. "RepresentingUnited Planets in cases where the local situation is such that the folksyou're working among will be teed off at the organization."
"Well, why are they members if they don't like the UP?"
"That's a good question," Metaxa said. He yawned. "I guess I'll have to gointo my speech." He finished his drink. "Now, shut up till I give you somebackground. You're probably full of a lot of nonsense you picked up inschool."
Ronny shut up. He'd expected more of an air of dedication in the Octagonand in such ethereal departments as that of Interplanetary Justice,however, he was in now and not adverse to picking up some sophisticationbeyond the ken of the Earth-bound employees of UP.
The other's voice took on a far away, albeit bored tone. "It seems thatmost of the times man gets a really big idea, he goes off half cocked.Just one example. Remember when the ancient Hellenes exploded into theMediterranean? A score of different City-States began sending outcolonies, which in turn sprouted colonies of their own. Take Syracuse, onSicily. Hardly was she established than, bingo, she sent off colonists toSouthern Italy, and they in turn to Southern France, Corsica, theBalearics. Greeks were exploding all over the place, largely withoutadequate plans, without rhyme or reason. Take Alexander. Roamed off allthe way to India, founding cities and colonies of Greeks all along theway."
The older man shifted in his chair. "You wonder what I'm getting at, eh?Well, much the same thing is happening in man's explosion into space, nowthat he has the ability to leave the solar system behind. Dashing off halfcocked, in all directions, he's flowing out over this section of thegalaxy without plan, without rhyme or reason. I take that last back, hehas reasons all right--some of the screwiest. Religious reasons, racialreasons, idealistic reasons, political reasons, altruistic reasons andmercenary reasons.
"Inadequate ships, manned by small numbers of inadequate people, settingout to find their own planets, to establish themselves on one of thenumberless uninhabited worlds that offer themselves to colonization andexploitation."
Ronny cleared his throat. "Well, isn't that a good thing, sir?"
Ross Metaxa looked at him and grunted. "What difference does it make ifit's good or not? It's happening. We're spreading our race out over tensof hundreds of new worlds in the most haphazard fashion. As a result, weof United Planets now have a chaotic mishmash on our hands. How we manageto keep as many planets in the organization as we do, sometimes bafflesme. I suppose most of them are afraid to drop out, conscious of theprotection UP gives against each other."
He picked up a report. "Here's Monet, originally colonized by a bunch ofpainters, writers, musicians and such. They had dreams of starting a newrace"--Metaxa snorted--"with everybody artists. They were all so impracticalthat they even managed to crash their ship on landing. For three hundredyears they were uncontacted. What did they have in the way of governmentby that time? A military theocracy, something like the Aztecs ofPre-Conquest Mexico. A matriarchy, at that. And what's their religionbased on? That of ancient Phoenicia including plenty of human sacrifice togood old Moloch. What can United Planets do about it, now that they'vebecome a member? Work away very delicately, trying to get them to at leasteliminate the child sacrifice phase of their culture. Will they do it?Hell no, not if they can help it. The Head Priestess and her clique areafraid that if they don't have the threat of sacrifice to hold over thepeople, they'll be overthrown."
Ronny was surprised. "I'd never heard of a member planet like that.Monet?"
Metaxa sighed. "No, of course not. You've got a lot to learn, Ronny, mylad. First of all, what're Articles One and Two of the United PlanetsCharter?"
That was easy. Ronny recited. "Article One: _The United Planetsorganization shall take no steps to interfere with the internal political,socio-economic, or religious institutions of its member planets._ ArticleTwo: _No member planets of United Planets shall interfere with theinternal political, socioeconomic or religious institutions of any othermember planet._" He looked at the department head. "But what's that got todo with the fact that I was unfamiliar with even the existence of Monet?"
"Suppose one of the advanced planets, or even Earth itself," Metaxagrowled, "openly discussed in magazines, on newscasts, or wherever, thereligious system of Monet. A howl would go up among the liberals, theprogressives, the do-gooders. And the howl would be heard on the otheradvanced planets. Eventually, the citizen in the street on Monet wouldhear about it and be affected. And before you knew it, a howl would go upfrom Monet's government. Why? Because the other planets would beinterfering with her internal affairs, simply by discussing them."
"So what you mean is," Ronny said, "part of our job is to keep informationabout Monet's government and religion from being discussed at all on othermember planets."
"That's right," Metaxa nodded. "And that's just one of our dirty littlejobs. One of many. Section G, believe me, gets them all. Which brings usto your first assignment."
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Ronny inched forward in his chair. "It takes me into space?"
"It takes you into space all right," Metaxa snorted. "At least it willafter a few months of indoctrination. I'm sending you out after a legend
,Ronny. You're fresh, possibly you'll get some ideas older men in the gamehaven't thought of."
"A legend?"
"I'm sending you to look for Tommy Paine. Some members of the departmentdon't think he exists. I do."
"Tommy Paine?"
"A pseudonym that somebody hung on him way back before even my memory inthis Section. Did you ever hear of Thomas Paine in American