by Anna Brooks
Meara doesn’t knock when she comes in and smiles at us. “Hey, brothers.”
She looks beautiful with her baby bump, and I’m so glad I’m going to be here for the birth. I missed Charlotte’s babies, and I hate the fact that my niece and nephew don’t know me very well. But I’m not going anywhere, so hopefully with time we’ll get closer, and Clover will have the tight bonds that my siblings, cousin, and I do.
“Where’s the baby? You guys going to have a beer or something?” she asks in her normally perky voice.
“She’s in her playpen, and yeah, something like that.”
Meara scurries to the living room to grab Clover and kisses her cheek. “Aunty Meara is going to take her to Aunty Char’s, and we’re going to play with the other babies. Aren’t we? Yes, we are.”
“Okay.” I gather all of Clover’s stuff to put in her diaper bag. I buckle her in her car seat and kiss her rosy cheeks. “Love you, baby girl.”
“Love you too, Declan,” Meara teases.
She ducks out of the way when I reach to ruffle her hair. “Ha-ha.”
“We’ll be back in a few hours. You kids have fun, but be safe. If you need me to come pick you up or something, let me know.”
As soon as I watch her pull away from the curb, I grab my keys. Pure adrenaline pushes me forward, and I itch to put my fist in that fucker’s face for daring to touch my Mimi. Yeah, she’s mine. Time may have passed, but the look she gave me told me she hadn’t forgotten.
Pierce follows me in his car, and after about fifteen minutes, I pull up in front of Larry’s house. Same beat down piece of shit he lived in twenty years ago. Pierce grabs my shoulder, and I shrug him off.
“Dec. Stop.”
“I’m cool.”
He stops at the bottom step to the porch. “I’m standing right here, all right? If you get carried away, I’m gonna stop you. You have a kid to think about, man. Don’t do anything stupid.”
“I’m not. I’m just going to get her away from him.” And bring her back to me where she belongs. Where she’s always fucking belonged.
I pound on the door, and half a minute later, Larry opens it. He smirks when he sees me—fucking prick. His sleazy dark brown eyes and greasy black hair make me remember how much of a prick this guy is. “Where is she?” I push past him, and he stumbles back a step.
As I’m walking toward the hallway, he grabs my shoulder. I turn around and push him back into the fridge. “Put your hands on me again, and I’ll fucking break ’em.”
“You ain’t gonna come in here and take my bitch.” His words aren’t as slurred as I’d imagined they would be.
“Yeah, I am.” I get in his face, and it takes every ounce of my willpower not to deck him, but I know he’d call the cops… he’s that much of a pussy. “’Cause, ya see? I’m back, motherfucker. And nobody, especially you, is gonna put a fuckin’ hand on that woman.”
“She’ll be back. Ain’t nobody want a broken bitch anyway.” He walks around me and plops down in a recliner in the living room.
I begin to make my way to the hallway when she appears. She comes out of a bedroom and gasps at my presence. The bruises on the side of her beautiful face make me burn, but if I let loose on him right now, I’ll fucking kill him.
“Pack your shit, Amie.” I stand in the middle of the living room with my arms crossed.
She looks back and forth between Larry and me. Her feet move toward the room she came out of, but Larry stands up from his chair.
“Sit your ass down.” I continue looking at him but direct my words to her. “Grab what you need, Amie. Now.”
“She ain’t goin’ anywhere.” Larry sounds determined, and it only pisses me off more.
“She’s not staying here.”
He jumps up and takes a step toward Amie, who’s frozen, but I block his path. I put a hand on his chest and push him back, and then I crane my neck to look at her. “Grab your stuff, honey.”
She blinks rapidly, as if rousing from sleep, and then quickly nods her head before scurrying to her bedroom.
“You can’t just come in here and take my—”
“She’s not your anything, fucker.” I grab a fist full of his shirt and pull him closer to me. “Touch her again and I will fuck you up, Larry. You hear me? You’re lucky I don’t want to spend the night in jail. Otherwise, I’d break every fucking finger that touched her after I shattered your jaw for calling her a bitch.”
He smiles smugly. “She’ll be back.”
“No, she won’t. Fuckin’ guarantee that. And if you try to take her, I will destroy you… there will be nothing left of you. Nothing.”
He tries to shove me away, but I slam him against his collection of DVDs against the wall, causing half of the cases to break. “Do you fucking understand me?”
“Fuck you,” he spits.
“Don’t test me. Do not. Fucking. Test me, Larry.”
Amie’s soft footsteps sound behind me, and I shove him one more time. “Don’t,” I warn, one last time before I turn around and motion for her to leave.
As she makes her way to the porch, Pierce gives her a sympathetic smile and nods at me before going to his car.
She looks back at me several times without saying anything, but I wish she wouldn’t. Every time I see the bruises on the side of her face, it makes me want to go back in there and break his neck. I’ve never wanted to kill another person before in my life, but I would gladly stare at him while I squeeze every last breath out of his pathetic body.
After I open the back passenger door, I grab her duffel bag and her backpack, toss them in, and then open the front passenger door for her. She hesitates, and I roll my eyes. “Get in, Amie.”
Once she’s seated, I slowly walk around the back of the car to give myself a second to calm down. By the time I get inside and start driving away, my anger hasn’t settled, and sitting this close to her, remembering the last time we were in a car together, is causing my nerves to tighten.
“Honey, stop. I’m driving.” I gently push her back in her seat, and she pouts.
“I want to kiss you.”
“I want you to kiss me, too, but I’ve gotta keep you safe, and when your lips touch me, it drives me insane.”
“So noble,” she mumbles. Her fingers busy finding a station on the radio, and when she finds one she likes, she turns the volume up a tad.
I reach over and wrap my hand around her thigh and rub my thumb across the smooth skin. I love it when she wears skirts.
“Declan?”
“Mimi?”
“Where do you want to be in ten years?”
“With you.”
Her giggle brings a smile to my face, and I glance over at her. Crazy thick blond hair blows in the breeze, bright white teeth peek out from her pink lips, and her cheeks are rosy red. God, she’s so pretty. And I’m the lucky guy she fell in love with.
“Well, duh. We’ll be together forever, Dec.”
“Promise me?”
“Yes, Declan, I promise. Forever.”
“Where are you taking me?” Her nervous voice brings me back to now, and I have to focus on the road so I don’t look at her again and remember even more. It’s too hard to remember.
“My place.”
“You don’t have to do that. I can go to a hotel—”
“It’s not a big deal. I have an extra room.”
“Dec… I don’t know what to say, I—”
“I fucking told you, Amie. I told you to stay the fuck away from him.” I realize I’m yelling, so I take a breath. “People don’t change.”
“You changed.”
She’s not turning this on me? That is what she has to say to me? “Excuse me?”
“You’re definitely not the same.”
“No shit?” I pull into my driveway. When I put the car in park, I unhook my seat belt and turn toward her. “I have spent the last seventeen years alone and miserable, because the only person in the world who I ever loved, fucking betrayed me
in the absolute worst way, at the time I needed her most in my life.” Her eyes well up with tears, but I look through that and can still see the anguish and regret in them. “I didn’t know how… No, I don’t know how to move on from that. I never did, and I never will. But this man sitting in front of you is still the kid you used to know who would protect you until his last breath, so no… I don’t think I changed at all.”
It’s killing me not to reach over and wipe her tears. To pull her into my arms and comfort her, especially knowing what she’s been dealing with. But I don’t. She used to have the power over me; it didn’t matter how many thousands of miles were between us, she still had me by the balls. My life was nothing but empty and hollow… That was normal, and I was fine with it, but it’s different now. I have to think about Clover and be strong for her. She’s the only one who has my heart now.
As much as I love to pretend shit hasn’t happened between us, I can’t. I just can’t.
The metal keys chime together when I pull them out of the ignition. “Let’s go. Meara’s dropping Clover off soon.”
A sob tears through her throat at the mention of my little girl, and I bite back the tears stinging my eyes because I know what she’s thinking. And she’s right.
“When we have babies, what do you want to name them?” she asks, picking up a purple flower and twirling it in her fingers.
“I don’t know. Whatever you want, I guess. Just nothing dorky like… Bedford or anything.”
“What about Clover?”
“Like a four-leaf clover?”
“No, like this—it’s a clover field.” She spins in a circle, and her skirt flares around her.
“That’s a beautiful name, honey.”
“Good, it’s settled then. Our daughter’s name will be Clover.”
“I can’t stay here, Declan.” She chokes on the words, and I swallow through the lump in my throat. “I can’t be around you and your wife and your baby.”
“You’re staying here, Amie Lee. Stop fuckin’ arguing with me.” I get out of the car and grab her stuff then open her door. “Get out.”
God, I’m being a dick, but I can’t help it. She’s fucking crying over me, and the fact that she thinks I’ve moved on. If she only had a fucking clue.
“Declan, don’t make me.”
I reach for her with one hand to help her out of the car, and she flinches. “Damn it.” I curse under my breath. Squatting down, I drop her bags and wait for her to look at me. Her teary blue-green eyes shred me. “You know I would never ever hurt you.”
“I know. I’m sorry; it’s a ha-habit.” She sniffles, and I have to look at the ground to control myself.
“I’m not married.”
“What?” I swear she fights a smile.
“I don’t know where Clover’s mom is.”
“What?”
“She was just someone I slept with once. She didn’t want the baby.”
“How could she not want her own child?” Amie angrily wipes at her face. “What kind of person does that?”
“I don’t know, Amie.” I stand and grab her things. “So yes, you are coming in with me.”
She runs her tongue along her teeth and contemplates for a second. “Fine.” She sighs and finally gets out of the car, slams the door behind her, and then walks in before me when I open the front door. “Where do you want me?”
On your knees, I want to say. Instead, I lead her to the guest bedroom of my three-bedroom house. We pass my and Clover’s rooms on the way, along with the bathroom that I point out to her. I set her bags down in the spare room, and she thanks me.
“You really didn’t have to do this for me, Dec. I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you for what I said, but I appreciate this. I’ll leave tomorrow.”
I’m not doing this now. “Let me know if you need anything.”
Her fucking beauty astounds me, even looking past the bruises on her neck and face. My chest hurts just looking at her, and I need to get away before I do something stupid, like strip her bare and remind her what she gave up. Fuck her rough and dirty so she’s forced to remember how good we were together. Come all over her to prove she’s still mine.
I walk to the kitchen and open the freezer to cool off; just thinking about her makes me hard. It doesn’t matter how many women I have fucked—she was by far the best. Nobody compares to her. It doesn’t matter that she ripped my heart out, stomped on it, and then spit on it. She’s always been and will always be the love of my life. No matter how much I hate her—I love her more.
Chapter 6
Amie
HE WALKS OUT OF the room, and I collapse on the bed, my mind going a million miles a minute. I want to ask him so much. I want to find out how he knew where I was; I want to know why he even cares. I should have known better than to go to Pierce, but I was desperate. Larry’s anger has recently escalated, and I was ready to go to my parents, but I wouldn’t put it past him to come after me.
Muffled voices sound from the other side of the door, telling me that Meara and the baby are back. I’m going to make sure to avoid her. Once, a few years ago, I ran into her at the movie theater. She stared at me the entire time I was in line for my ticket and popcorn. No, she didn’t stare. She glared at me. I know her hatred runs deep, not only for what I did to Declan but for what I did to her. She loved me like a sister, and I betrayed her, too. I left. I broke my promise to her and I don’t blame her for the feelings she has towards me.
I always stayed as far away from the Kellys as I could. When I pushed Declan out of my life, I also severed ties with a family that treated me as one of their own. A family I miss every single day. I would never ask for their forgiveness because I don’t deserve it.
As the minutes tick by, the sky gets darker and darker, and I blindly stare at the numbers on the clock. After four hours, my bladder finally forces me to get off the bed. I tiptoe to the restroom and quietly begin to walk back. A soft glow illuminates Clover’s bedroom, and I peek in. Declan sleeps on a rocking chair next to her crib; his hand dangles over the edge where her tiny fingers wrap around his thumb.
The sob that fights to get out makes me dart back to the bedroom. I duck under the covers and press my face into the pillow to muffle the sound. I won’t be falling asleep tonight, so I stare at the ceiling until the sun starts to rise. Then I get dressed and call a cab, ignoring Larry’s hate-filledand threatening messages.
Declan isn’t in Clover’s room anymore, so I sneak in to get a closer look at her. She’s absolutely beautiful. Pudgy little cheeks and strawberry blond hair. She’s perfect. Tears burn at the back of my puffy eyes, and I kiss my fingers then press them to her hand. Quietly shutting the front door behind me, I wait for the cab to arrive and then go to work. On the way, I take out my compact and make sure to cover the fading marks on my neck and face.
By the time I pull up to the small elementary school, I’m pleased with my appearance. When I open the door to my classroom, the worry fades away as happiness from my wonderful job takes over.
“Ms. Dotty, look!” Tessa, one of my kindergarten students, runs up to me with a picture in her hand. “I colored this for you last night. Do you like it?”
I take the wrinkled paper from her hands and squat down, examining the rainbow and what I think is supposed to be a butterfly. “I think it’s the most beautiful rainbow I’ve ever seen. I love it. Thank you, Tessa.”
She jumps up and down and throws her arms around my neck, causing me to fall on my butt. “Tessa!” her mom shrieks.
“She’s fine.” I scoot her over so she rests on my thigh, and she lays her head on my shoulder. “Say bye to Mommy.”
“Bye, Mommy.”
I cuddle with Tessa a little while longer until Jackson starts climbing on the shelf to reach our class pet, Fish, the goldfish. The kids keep me busy for the whole day. They allow me to forget everything else as I focus all my attention on them. As the last child files out for the day, I call my mom to make sure she’s
home so I can go there and talk to her and Dad. It’s time they knew what was going on. I’m going to need their help until I can save some money again, since Larry drained my savings.
The same cab company I called this morning is picking me up in ten minutes, so I go outside to wait, but come to a halt when I see Declan leaning against his car, looking pissed. Sexy and hot, but pissed. My feet move me to stand in front of him; an involuntary force pulls me to him even though I don’t want to. He doesn’t need me interrupting his happy life.
His arms are crossed, his ankles are crossed, and his eyes are drilling into me. “Get in the car.”
I lick my lips, and his eyes follow my tongue. “I have a cab on the way.”
“Get in the car, Amie.”
I flinch at his angry tone, and his face softens. “You know I’d never, ever hurt you, honey. I’d fuckin’ rip my own nails off with pliers before I let any harm come to you.”
I know he’d never lay a hand on me in anger. He’s always treated me like a damn princess. “Declan, I—”
“Tell me you know that, Amie.”
My voice softens. “I know that, D.”
“Good.” He straightens again. “You wanna do this here?”
“Do what?”
“I gave you last night. But now you’re going to tell me why the fuck you’re with Larry fucking Foster.”
I hesitate, and he sees it. He always saw everything.
“So again, you wanna do this here, or do you want to get in the car so I can take you back to my place where you can explain it to me?”
Just then, the cab pulls up, and I start to back away from him and head toward the yellow vehicle. I don’t want to tell him. I can’t tell him. I can’t say it out loud because if I do, it shows how pitiful I am. How the person I used to be is nothing but a hollow version of a girl with a broken heart.
“Don’t think about it, Amie. I will throw you over my shoulder if you ever try to run away from me again.”
My eyes widen as he snatches my duffel and backpack and throws them in the backseat, pressing the lock button. He grabs some cash out of his wallet as he walks over to the cab and gives it to the driver. I huff when he opens the passenger side door for me and then I stare out the window during the entire drive to his house.