by Larissa Ione
The erotic pinch of pain set Con off again, igniting a chain reaction in her and a series of orgasms that kept milking him, dragging out his orgasm for so long he thought he might have blacked out.
Gradually, she sank down on him so they were chest to chest, her face buried in his neck, and even though they were half-dressed, lying in the freezing snow, this somehow felt like the most intimate position—and situation—they’d been in. He could hold her like this forever.
Or, at least, until they either froze to death or Eidolon found them and killed Con.
“I’ve always been quiet during sex,” she murmured.
“Sweetheart, you just defined the term ‘screaming orgasm.’ ” He felt her smile against his skin, but he couldn’t find anything amusing about it. This was just one more example of how he’d broken through her shell, and probably not for the better. And wasn’t he a massive ball of indecision? Because he couldn’t decide if it was best for her to feel again or not. She needed to be happy, to have a family. But she also needed to protect herself.
He sighed, and Sin joined him. “I know,” she murmured. “We need to get back to the cabin.”
“I’d give anything to be able to make love to you without worrying about what’s next,” he said, kissing her neck lightly. “To just lounge around and do nothing but touch you. Feed you. Watch movies.”
She chuckled. “Sounds so normal. I wouldn’t know what to do.” She lifted her head, stared into his eyes, and her smile faltered. “What if… What if I could get out of my commitment to the Assassin’s Guild?”
Grief hollowed out his chest, turning it into a bottomless pit as he brought his hand up to cup her cheek. Even if she could get out of it, he couldn’t get out of his own obligations. And he definitely couldn’t risk hurting or even killing Sin. “Don’t. Let’s not go there.”
She nipped the pad of his finger. “Come visit me. You can come to the den—”
“Sin…”
“Please.” The strain in her voice matched the pain in her eyes. “I’m not… I’m not ready to give you up.”
God, his heart broke wide open, and he heard himself reply with a serious disconnect between his mouth and his brain. “Yeah, I’ll go to you,” he said.
But it was a lie.
Twenty-one
The emergency department was in chaos when Con stepped out of the Harrowgate, leaving Sin inside, her lips swollen from his good-bye kiss.
Don’t think about it.
Not thinking about it actually turned out to be easy, given the crazy medical situation. The injured wargs from the battle in Canada had been triaged, were lying around the emergency department on stretchers and on the floor, lined up all the way down the two hallways leading from the area.
Con immediately jumped in to help, and it was nearly four hours before the situation was under control. He spent the next hour with Bastien, doing what he could to comfort the warg until Con called time of death. Afterward, Sin’s brothers, Tayla, and Luc joined him in the waiting area.
“Where’s Sin?” Shade asked as he stripped off his bloody surgical gloves.
Con’s own gloves got tossed in the trash, and man, he couldn’t wait to get in the shower. “On her way to the den.”
Eidolon swore. “I thought you were going to talk her out of that. She didn’t need to go back there. She’d be safe here.”
Unbelievably, Lore came to Con’s defense. “She’s better off there. She needs to get back to normal.”
Normal. What a fucking joke that was. Her normal was pain and isolation. And meaningless sex. Probably with that Lycus guy. Jealousy expanded in Con’s chest as an inappropriate blast of heat curled through his veins. There had been nothing meaningless about what he and Sin had done at the mountain safe house. Or in the snow. Every cell in his body vibrated with hunger for her, both for her body and her blood, and just thinking about it was revving him up again.
“What about you, Con?” Shade asked, and Con took two deep, calming breaths before he answered.
“What about me?”
“You aren’t a danger to her, right?”
“No,” Con said levelly. “I’m not.” But even he didn’t believe his own words.
Wraith flipped a blade in the air, a very Sin-like move. “Okay, what the fuck is all the subtext here?” He blinked when everyone stared at him. “What? Like I don’t know what subtext is? I watch movies.”
“That’s because you can’t read,” Tayla said brightly, and the demon shot her the finger. One on each hand.
E and Lore returned their focus to Con with varying expressions of confusion, and Shade looked like he might want to rip Con’s throat out. Yeah, Con’s secret was about to be revealed.
“Male dhampires are prone to blood addiction if they feed off the same female host more than a few times,” Shade said. “Isn’t that right, Con?”
Eidolon swore under his breath. “How did I not know that?”
“Ever had to chain up a female dhampire and, ah, coax out her deepest, darkest secrets?” Shade asked, every word laced with dark sarcasm. “Well, that’s why.”
Con’s entire body jerked with surprise. “You tortured a dhampire?”
“Trust me, she didn’t get anything she didn’t want.” Shadows writhed in Shade’s eyes as he locked them on Con, as if daring him to challenge him.
“There were things Shade had to do before he met Runa,” Eidolon said quietly. “So let’s drop it.”
Damn. Con had seen Shade’s little BDSM cave hideaway once, but it hadn’t occurred to him that Shade had used it for anything other than pleasure. And what did E mean by “had to”? Con wondered what other information Shade had gotten from the dhampire female.
“So?” Shade asked. “Are you a danger to our sister?”
Con struggled to keep his voice level, to convince these guys that he was no threat to her. To convince himself. But the image of her being with other males was making his blood boil and his temper flare.
And he was… hungry.
“I am not a danger,” he swore. “I’m never going to see her again.”
Lore’s gloved hand worked into a fist at his side, something Con had noticed he did when he was agitated. “Why not?”
“I’m quitting Underworld General as of now, and after I take care of a few things, I’m going back to my clan’s lands in Scotland.”
“Ah… does Sin know?”
“No.”
“Fuuuck.” Lore scrubbed that gloved hand over his face, looking suddenly worn out.
“You son of a bitch,” Tayla snapped, her green eyes blazing. “She cares about you. And you’re going to slink away without telling her?”
“Yeah, it’s a dick move,” he said. “But I can’t see her again, Tayla. I’m already too close—”
“Fuck that. You could have told her. You could have warned her.” When Eidolon slung an arm around her shoulder, she softened against him, but it was obvious she still wanted a piece of Con.
Shit. He didn’t know why he’d lied to Sin, except that he didn’t want to hurt her after they’d just had mind-blowing sex that had actually meant something.
He was such an asshole.
“Are you coming back?” Luc asked.
“No. Come tomorrow night, a ritual will bind me, as a Council member, to the land and the clan. I won’t be able to leave except for short periods.”
“That sucks.” Luc’s voice was gruff. “Bad.”
“It’s what I’ve wanted all my life,” Con said, but his voice was hollow, wooden. Because no, he didn’t want this anymore. And truthfully, he wasn’t sure he ever had. His rebellion against the clan had started early, peaking with his edgy, idiotic flirt-game with addiction that had ended so badly for Eleanor and had gotten him kicked out of the clan. He’d lived off the chain ever since, leaving smoke behind him as he burned a path of death wish.
“If you change your mind,” Shade said, “we’d like you back.”
Con swallowed. For
how long had he told himself the job was temporary, that eventually, he’d move on, because that’s what he always did? But now, hell, these people felt like family, and the hospital like home.
“I’ll remember that,” he rasped.
Lore looked down at the floor, and when he glanced back up, his expression was almost… friendly. “Are you sure there’s nothing you can do? About Sin, I mean. The addiction—”
“Nothing.” Con backed up toward the Harrowgate. Good-byes had always been easy for him. A simple see-ya-around, and then he was out of there. But this was different. And he didn’t want to do it. “I gotta go. I, ah… yeah. See ya.”
The brothers looked skeptical, and Con couldn’t blame them.
* * *
Sin didn’t go back to the den. She needed to, she knew that. But she wasn’t ready yet. For some reason, the hospital called to her, and while she could come back anytime she wanted to, she knew that once she’d gone back to the den, she’d harden, would avoid the hospital, her brothers, and the place would once again be nothing but a cold building.
She wanted just a little more time to indulge in silly sentimental wanderings before she had to banish fuzzy warm feelings from her life forever.
She’d taken the Harrowgate with Con, had kissed him good-bye when the gate opened up into UG’s emergency department, and had watched him step out. Once the gate closed, she waited a minute, opened the door, and while chaos reigned, she slipped out and down a hallway.
She wandered around, until, oddly, she found herself in the nursery. It reeked of baby powder and disinfectant, but it was empty and was the last place anyone would look for her, so she sank into a rocking chair and, utterly exhausted, she closed her eyes and rocked.
“Sin?”
Startled, she sat up, blinking as she got her bearings. Where was Con? Her body burned, ached with succubus needs that he’d been so good at fulfilling… Oh, right. He was gone. Her heart sank as she remembered saying good-bye to him, knowing the whole time that it wasn’t the see-you-later kind. It had been nice of him to lie, though.
Disappointment tempered her lust a little and, still disoriented, she looked around. She was in UG’s nursery. Shade and Lore were standing in front of her, and Lore held out a Styrofoam cup of coffee. Freaky. She glanced at her watch. Twelve hours. She’d been asleep for twelve hours.
“Hey.” She gratefully took the coffee.
“A janitor found you,” Shade said. “How are you doing?”
I’m sleeping in a freaking nursery and I miss Con. “Peachy.” She scrubbed her eyes with the heel of her palm. “Any news? On the vaccine?”
Lore nodded. “E was up all night working on it, and the R-XR even allowed Wraith to bring specialists from USAMRIID into the hospital to help.”
“They’ll be mind-wiped, of course,” Shade said.
Sin sipped the coffee, hissed when it burned her tongue. “What’s going on with the warg war and the military action against them?”
Lore whistled, loud and long. “The last few hours have been fucked-up. The war is dragging a lot of different demon species into it. Some that are loyal to the borns, some who are loyal to the turneds, and some who just like to fight. Both sides have hired mercs, too.”
Shade nodded. “It’s already getting messy and spilling over into the human world. The Aegis is working overtime on damage control, but people are seeing shit they shouldn’t be seeing. Religious fanatics are screaming about the end of the world, governments are trying to deflect, but it won’t be long before someone catches something on video and it ends up on the Internet or some crap.”
“What’s going on with the R-XR?”
Shade growled. “Arik, that bastard, is holed up in my cave and won’t leave.” He clenched his fists as though imagining his brother-in-law’s neck in them. “And Runa won’t let me kill him.”
“That’s too bad,” Sin said, but Shade totally missed the sarcasm and nodded.
Lore rolled his eyes. “Shade’s cave is filling up, between Arik, Luc, Kar…”
“Good thing I have the cave set up for a warg shift,” Shade muttered. “Kar’s Feast shifts are insane.”
“Luc mentioned that Feast wargs are bigger and stronger.”
Shade snorted. “No shit. She nearly tore the hooks out of the stone. It would have been better to put her in Runa’s cage at our house, but it’s not safe yet.”
“So the R-XR and The Aegis are still trying to exterminate the wargs?”
“Until E starts the vaccinations, yeah,” Shade said. “He’s hoping to start testing today.”
“Are Con, Wraith, and Eidolon still in trouble with the Carceris?”
“Eidolon and Wraith will be fine.” Shade patted his BDU chest pocket and pulled out a pack of gum. “They’d have risked a lot more to make sure you were safe.”
So yes, they were still in trouble, and she felt guiltier than ever. Thanks, Con. I appreciate having these horrible feelings.
She shouldn’t ask. She really shouldn’t. The fact that her brothers hadn’t mentioned Con’s name should be a warning sign. But then, she’d never been one to obey signs or take hints.
“What about Con?” she blurted, her heart pounding wildly, because at this point, she needed to let him go. She’d go back to her den and back to her life, and he’d go back to being a paramedic and dealing with his dhampire clan stuff.
But she really, really couldn’t bear the thought of sleeping with someone else. Or of being alone.
Shade’s expression shuttered, and her lungs struggled to take in a breath. “What about him?”
“Is he… is he here right now? Working?”
“No.” Shade revealed nothing in his voice or his eyes, but Lore had a tell when he was nervous, and the way his left pinky flexed totally gave him away.
“What’s going on?” she growled. “And don’t BS me.”
The boys glanced at each other, and after a little shuffling of their feet, Lore said, “He left for Scotland.”
“He’s not coming back,” Shade said. “He quit.”
“Oh my God.” Her heart jerked painfully against her ribs. “He wouldn’t quit. He loves it here.”
“Dunno what to tell you. His clan will perform some sort of ritual tonight that’ll bind him to them.”
“No.” Her dazed mind refused to believe he’d leave the hospital. Sure, she’d planned to stay away from here, but some small part of her had taken comfort in knowing that if she did come back, he’d be here. Even if they couldn’t be together, he’d be here. “I’ll go to him. Talk him out of it.” And jump his bones while she was at it.
“Sin,” Lore sighed, “it’s too dangerous.”
“I don’t care about my safety!”
Shade stiffened. “We do. If you haven’t figured that out by now—”
“I know.” Her voice was soft, but firm, a copy of Con’s soothing medic voice she’d somehow learned. “But I really can take care of myself.”
“But Idess can’t,” Lore said, and then he winced, closed his eyes as if he just realized what he’d said.
“What? What do you mean, Idess can’t? Dammit, bro, what the hell is going on?”
Lore and Shade exchanged glances, and she wanted to scream. Stomp her feet. Throw a little-girl temper tantrum because they were certainly treating her like she was a delicate tot. “I swear, I’m going to knock your heads together so hard you’ll be hearing tweeting finches for a year. Now tell me!”
Shade’s mouth twitched in a half-smile, and she figured he was picturing her trying to slap down two demons who were twice her size, but Lore didn’t appear so amused. Probably because he knew she could do it.
She shoved to her feet. “Well?”
Lore sighed. “Your assassins went after Idess.”
She felt all the blood drain from her face. “What happened?”
“Marcel tried to take her off the streets of Rome a couple of days ago. It was nothing I couldn’t handle, but Idess is human now, an
d she’s vulnerable.”
Sin sagged back down into the rocker. “Fuck. I’m so sorry Lore.” He took her hand, squeezed her fingers, and in that one gentle gesture, there was more love than she’d ever felt from him. Not because it hadn’t been there, but because she could finally see it.
She’d been so blind. So stupid! Sin clutched Lore’s hand like a lifeline. “I’ll fix this. I swear I’ll fix it.”
Lore narrowed his eyes at her. “What have you got planned?”
Sweat dampened her temples. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Why do I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me?”
“Because you’re paranoid.” She paused, her brain working overtime to process everything she’d just been told. “Marcel worked with Lycus a lot. Do you think he was involved in Idess’s attack?”
“I didn’t see him. But if he was involved…”
“Yeah, I know. I’m out of here.”
He wanted to argue; Sin knew it. But he was still working off the guilt he felt for leaving her so long ago, something she’d been content to let slide for all these years. Shame burned her cheeks, and she swore that after this, she would do whatever it took to finally release him from the obligation he felt for her. She’d been so wrong to let him continue to try to make it up to her, when he’d made up a thousand times over.
Now it was her turn to make it up to him.
* * *
Sin was greeted at the den by scowls, growls, and curses. Not the vulgar kind; the actual, may-your-bile-sacs-explode-and-poison-you-to-death kind.
“I love you guys, too,” she’d called out as she stalked down the dark hallways to the throne room. Once inside, she collapsed against the door, her breathing fast and heavy, her hands shaking like a rookie on her first kill mission.
What the hell? She’d been rock solid for a hundred years, and she’d expected to get back to the den and immediately shift back into the assassin mode that had kept her sane—and alive—for so long.
Not so much.
Angry at her own weakness, she called for Sunil and waited, pacing next to the hearth, taking care to avoid the trapdoor in front of the hideous throne Deth had commissioned to be made out of the skeletons of humans and several species of demons.