by HC Warner
He had actually laughed. He had thought she was joking. When he became aware that she wasn’t laughing with him, he glanced over at her and saw a tear sliding down her cheek. ‘What? But why?’ His throat dried around the words and he felt his stomach contract. She was deadly serious.
Charlotte swiped at the tears with the back of her hand. ‘I need to be sure that this …’ She motioned from him to her. ‘That this is right for us. Both of us.’
Ben frowned and tried to focus on the road, although his mind was racing and he could feel his own tears threatening.
‘It’s right for me, Charlie. I’m not having any doubts. What’s brought this on?’
Charlotte had shaken her head. ‘I just … I just feel like I need some time, Ben. Ever since Dad died, I’ve been feeling so confused. And a bit rudderless. Wondering if this is it. I’m sorry.’
Ben had frowned to himself. He knew her dad’s death the year before had hit her hard but he didn’t realize how hard. Now that he thought about it, the signs were there: the faraway look she got in her eye more and more often. The sense that she wasn’t listening when he spoke. But there was something else too: the name she had started mentioning whenever she talked about work; the way her eyes danced as she regaled him with stories. He somehow felt it was connected.
They had driven the rest of the way home enveloped in a thick, dark silence, both of them immersed deep in their own thoughts. Charlotte leaped out of the car as soon as he had parked and disappeared into the flat, while Ben stayed put, still unable to digest her words. He tried to convince himself that she was just having a moment. That he would walk inside and find her waiting on the bed, laughing at how she had ‘got him’.
But as he finally let himself into the flat, he already knew that although he would find her in their bedroom, she wouldn’t be waiting for him on the bed, she would be packing.
‘Where will you go?’ He stood in the doorway, watching as she threw her clothes into two large suitcases. Not just an overnight bag. This was serious. She wasn’t planning to come back.
Charlotte ran her hand through her long, fair hair and bit her lip. ‘Lucy’s.’
Ben nodded. ‘Does she know you’re coming?’
Charlotte blinked quickly, as a flush spread up her pale, slender neck. Finally, she looked up and met Ben’s eye. ‘Yes.’
Ben felt his legs weaken. He took a deep breath and grasped the doorframe to support himself. ‘So you told her before you told me?’
Charlotte’s eyes filled with tears. ‘I just told her I was confused, Ben. She said if I ever needed some time out, she had a spare room.’
‘God.’ The feeling of betrayal seemed to squeeze the air out of Ben’s lungs. He had always thought Lucy was his biggest ally, often taking Ben’s side over her own sister’s.
‘Don’t look like that, Ben. Lucy adores you. For what it’s worth, she said that you’re one in a million and I’d be an idiot to let you go.’
Ben smiled sadly. It was a small crumb of comfort. ‘Then don’t let me go.’ It seemed so simple, so straightforward.
Charlotte hesitated, as different waves of emotion crossed her pretty, unlined face. After a moment, she seemed to make up her mind. She closed the cases and zipped them up carefully. The sound of the zips seemed to have a certain finality to it. Like a full stop at the end of a sentence. ‘I have to,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry.’
It had been six months since she left. How much his life had changed in that time. Here he was, living with someone new – Bella had gone home with him that first night and never really left – someone he would previously have thought was way out of his league, now expecting their first child. It made him feel dizzy to think about it. He wondered how Charlotte would react when she heard. Would she feel pleased that he had moved on with his life? Or would she feel regret that he seemed to have got over her so easily?
‘Ben?’ said Bella, as she laid her head on his chest that night.
‘Hmmm?’
‘I’d like to get married. Before the baby comes.’
Ben felt his whole body instinctively tense. He knew that having a baby was a much bigger commitment than getting married but somehow this seemed to loom so much larger. Less than a year ago, he had been planning to propose to Charlotte. Had envisaged her reaction as he asked her at sunset on their favourite beach in Portugal, her blue eyes glinting as she tearfully accepted.
Instead, he was unable to see Bella’s face in the darkness as she issued her declaration. It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. She had made her mind up and he would have no influence at all. It was going to happen. ‘Right,’ he managed.
There was a long, heavy silence and soon Bella’s breathing became regular in the way it always did when she dropped off to sleep. Ben couldn’t sleep. His mind was too preoccupied. He loved her, of that he was certain. She was sexy, clever and utterly captivating. She made his head swim and his heart dance. But for the first time, Ben thought, there was something else about her. He stared into the darkness, trying to put his finger on what it was. Eventually, just as his eyelids were beginning to droop, the words came to him. Sometimes … she scared him.
Chapter Two
‘How’s Ben?’ Charlotte deliberately kept her eyes on her cappuccino, stirring it rhythmically, as she waited for the answer.
She had been surprised by the call from Ben’s sister, Emma, asking her to meet, sensing that there was an ulterior motive. Around them, the cramped coffee shop in Soho was beginning to fill with lunchtime customers and the noise levels were rising with them. Someone bumped the back of Charlotte’s chair, causing some of the milky coffee to spill into the saucer.
‘He’s good. Really good, actually.’
Emma’s emphasis on the word ‘really’ made Charlotte look up. ‘Great. And he’s still with …?’
‘Bella,’ Emma cut in. ‘Yes. Very much so.’
Charlotte nodded, knowing she had no right to feel anything other than pleased for him.
‘Actually,’ Emma continued. ‘I’ve got some news. He asked me to tell you.’
Charlotte felt her stomach clench in anticipation. So she had been right. There was an ulterior motive and it sounded ominous. ‘OK.’
Emma took a careful sip of her coffee, which was black and decaf. No fattening cappuccinos for her. Then she took a deep breath, before blurting out her words. ‘They’re getting married. She’s pregnant.’
Charlotte’s vision blurred momentarily and she reeled backwards slightly, grateful for the steadying resistance of the leather cushion behind her. ‘Pregnant?’ she stuttered. ‘But … it’s so quick!’
‘I know.’ Emma put her coffee cup down on the saucer slightly too hard so that some of the dark liquid sloshed over the rim. ‘We’re all a bit in shock but Ben is doing a good impression of being delighted.’
Charlotte tried to take stock of how she was feeling. She had no right to be upset. She had broken Ben’s heart and left him feeling wrung-out and confused. But the truth was, she was upset. She felt, bizarrely, like he had betrayed her. She took a sip of her cappuccino, aware that her hand shook slightly as she lifted her cup. ‘Do you not believe him then, that he’s happy about it?’
Emma raised a prettily arched eyebrow. ‘Who knows? I’m only his sister and we’re not as close as we were …’ She paused, her eyes momentarily drifting. ‘But he isn’t saying anything other than that he’s delighted. At the very least, he must be pretty shocked.’
‘Unless they planned it?’ Charlotte ventured. ‘He never made any secret of the fact that he wanted children …’ She tailed off, as she thought about the number of times she and Ben had discussed it. Maybe it was that that had spooked her enough to leave. It seemed so huge. And although she knew that she wanted kids one day, she still felt too young.
‘I don’t think they planned it.’ Emma shook her head vehemently. ‘Definitely not. They would only have been together for a week or so when she conceived – if that! – and although
it’s true that Ben has always wanted children, he’s not the reckless type. He would have wanted to make sure they were ready before taking such a big step.’
Charlotte nodded. Emma was right. Ben wasn’t the reckless type. But he did seem to have fallen madly in love very quickly. Maybe it had clouded his judgement. ‘What’s she like?’
‘Bella?’ Emma raised her large blue eyes as she considered. ‘She’s sort of perfect.’
Charlotte felt a little spike of jealousy shoot through her.
‘She’s so good-looking, it makes me sick,’ Emma continued, seemingly unaware of the turmoil she was creating in Charlotte’s head. ‘And she’s certainly lifted him out of himself. He seems genuinely happy again. I was a bit worried about him for a while there …’
Charlotte shifted uncomfortably in her chair. ‘Well, that’s good. He deserves to be happy.’
Emma nodded fondly. ‘He does. He’s a good boy.’ Even though Ben was 30, she still referred to her younger brother as a boy. She fixed her wide blue eyes on Charlotte. ‘And how about you, Charlotte? How are you getting on?’
Charlotte smiled. ‘I’m OK. I’m starting to get myself together again – at last!’
‘Still living with Lucy?’
Charlotte nodded. ‘But I think I might have outstayed my welcome. Need to think about finding somewhere of my own.’
There was a pause, before Emma gave her a sly look. ‘And what about your love life?’
Charlotte felt her cheeks flush. ‘What love life?’ She tried to make the remark light-hearted but her voice cracked slightly as she spoke.
‘Oh.’ Emma looked down. ‘I thought you had met someone else. Ben certainly seemed to think so …’
‘He was wrong about that,’ Charlotte interrupted her. She paused, unsure how to articulate what she wanted to say. ‘I know he thought that maybe I had something with a guy from work but we’re just friends. I think it made it easier for him to think that … rather than that I just wanted some time on my own to work things out.’
Emma nodded. ‘Do you think …’ She hesitated, as if she sensed that she might be stepping over a line. ‘Do you think you would have gone back to Ben, once you’d had some time to yourself?’
Charlotte swallowed hard. It was the question she had been asking herself every day since she left Ben. ‘It’s irrelevant, isn’t it? By the time I had worked things out in my head, he was all loved up with Bella. It wouldn’t have been fair to get back in touch.’
Emma frowned. ‘Wouldn’t that have been for him to decide? He was so heartbroken when you left, Charlie. It might at least have helped restore his confidence.’
Charlotte shrugged again, trying to feign a nonchalance she didn’t feel. ‘Well, I didn’t, so like I say, it’s irrelevant now.’ She didn’t want to say that she felt huge regret that she hadn’t gone back to Ben sooner. Being without him had shown her that he really was the only one for her.
She had been with him for twelve years, ever since they met at university and it was once they started talking seriously about marriage and children that, for some reason, she got cold feet. She still didn’t understand why. But a short time apart was all it took to make her realize how much she loved and needed him.
‘It’s never too late you know …’ Emma said, almost to herself, as she drained her coffee.
Charlotte gave a wry laugh. ‘I think you’ll find that in this case, it is very definitely too late.’
Chapter Three
Matt glanced out of the window of their ground-floor Victorian conversion flat. ‘They’re here!’ he called out, as he headed towards the door.
His wife, Freya, emerged from the kitchen, smoothing down her navy bodycon dress, which showed off her slim figure and surprisingly ample bust. ‘I’m a bit nervous!’
Matt smiled at her appreciatively, thinking how effortlessly lovely she looked. ‘Don’t be. Ben wouldn’t be with her if she was horrible.’
‘I know. It’s just … well, it was so easy with Charlie, wasn’t it? I can’t imagine how he’ll be with someone new.’
‘Well, we’re about to find out.’ The buzzer rang and Matt picked up the intercom to let them in through the main front door, before opening the door to their flat. ‘Hello! Come on in!’ he called, poking his head out into the scruffy, brightly lit hallway, keen to get them into the considerably more glamorous surroundings of the flat.
Bella and Ben stepped inside, armed with flowers and wine. Matt gave Ben his customary bear-hug and stepped back, unsure how to greet Bella. A kiss felt too forward for their first meeting. A handshake too formal. In the end Bella gave a small but friendly wave and a nervous giggle. ‘Hi, Matt, lovely to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.’
‘Ha! All good I hope …?’ Matt tried to pull his eyes away from her but found that he couldn’t. She was definitely the most strikingly attractive girl he had ever set eyes on. No wonder Ben had fallen for her so quickly and so deeply. Behind him, Freya cleared her throat pointedly. ‘Oh! Bella, this is my wife, Freya.’
‘Hi, Freya,’ Bella said, giving Freya a warm smile. ‘These are for you.’ She handed her the flowers.
‘Thank you.’ Freya’s cheeks had flushed slightly red and she looked uncharacteristically shy as she took the expensive-looking bouquet of lilies.
‘You have a lovely home,’ Bella added, gesturing around the open-plan living/dining space that Freya had lovingly decorated with chalky, muted colours on the walls, offset by splashes of bold colour in her choice of cushions and rugs. She had a talent and a passion for interior design and Matt knew that Bella would have scored an immediate bulls-eye with her appreciation of it. He wondered if Ben had armed her with the information in advance or if she genuinely loved it.
There was an awkward pause as they all stood around, shuffling from foot to foot. Finally, Ben broke the silence. ‘Well, I’m starving! I hope you’ve made my favourite, Matt.’
Matt grinned back at him, pleased to see how happy and well he looked. ‘’Course I have, mate. Make yourselves at home and I’ll just go and put the finishing touches to it.’
‘I’ll get the drinks,’ Freya chipped in, already turning towards the kitchen. ‘Red or white?’ she threw back over her shoulder.
Bella and Ben exchanged glances. ‘Red for me, just water for Bella. She doesn’t drink.’ Ben nodded encouragingly at Matt as he spoke.
‘Result!’ Matt replied, thinking how fabulous it must be to have a designated driver all the time. He motioned to them to take a seat on the sofa, before following Freya into the kitchen. ‘What do you think?’ he hissed, as he stirred the huge pan of paella he was preparing.
Freya’s head was bowed, as she concentrated on pouring three glasses of wine and a glass of water, so he couldn’t read her expression. ‘She’s stunning-looking.’
‘I hadn’t noticed,’ Matt lied. ‘But she seems very nice, too, doesn’t she?’
‘Hmmm.’ Freya looked up, her large grey-blue eyes clouding slightly. ‘I wish she wasn’t tee-total.’
‘Why?’
Freya grinned sheepishly. ‘It makes me nervous. She’ll be able to remember every second of every drunken evening.’
Matt laughed. ‘Well, she can fill in the blanks for us then!’
Freya pulled a face. ‘That’s what I’m afraid of.’
The evening went better than Matt had dared hope. Any concerns he might have had that Bella wouldn’t be as much fun as Charlotte disappeared almost instantly. She was charming and funny, but more importantly, she was happy to let Ben shine. Ben had always been the life and soul of the party and she had sat back, listening intently and laughing loudly, as he regaled them with hilarious stories.
She asked Matt and Freya lots of questions about themselves and seemed genuinely interested in their answers. At the end of the meal, as they were drinking their coffee, Ben tapped his spoon against his cup in a jokingly self-important way. ‘Bella and I have an announcement!’ he said, slurring slightly.
> Matt looked at Freya, who seemed to have sat up a bit straighter, as if steeling herself for a blow.
‘Bella is pregnant!’ Ben reached out and took Bella’s hand in his, as they gazed at each other adoringly.
There was a beat of silence, before Matt spoke. ‘Wha—what?’ he spluttered. ‘Oh my God. That must have been a bit of a shock?’
Ben began to nod but Bella’s voice cut through firmly. ‘No, not at all. We’re delighted, aren’t we, darling?’
‘Of course!’ Ben agreed quickly but Matt could see in his eyes that delight wasn’t the only emotion he was feeling.
‘Congratulations!’ Freya’s voice sounded much higher than usual. ‘That’s lovely news. When are you due?’ Freya was a midwife, so knew all there was to know about pregnancy.
Matt glanced at Freya, curious at her tone, before turning back towards Bella and Ben expectantly.
‘The beginning of January.’ Bella gave a strange little smile. ‘There’s a possibility we might be spending New Year’s Eve in a maternity ward. Maybe it’ll be your ward, Freya!’
Matt watched Ben carefully, noticing that he blanched slightly at Bella’s words and wondered how he must really be feeling. If it was him, he knew he would have very mixed emotions. Yes, Bella was gorgeous and she certainly seemed like a funny, pleasant, intelligent woman. But to have a baby together after such a short period of time felt like an enormous leap of faith.
He and Freya had only recently started discussing whether they should think about starting a family, now that they had celebrated their second wedding anniversary. But they had been together for nine years, so it felt like a natural progression. It would have been the same if Ben had announced that Charlotte was pregnant. But this news was like a sledgehammer, coming out of nowhere.
As Bella looked at her watch and yawned, Ben took the hint and stood up. ‘I suppose we’d better be making a move.’
Matt nodded. ‘Fancy a quick stroll to clear your head first? To the end of the road and back?’ It was traditional with Matt and Ben that after every dinner party, they would take a quick walk to have a furtive smoke and a chat while Charlotte and Freya pretended not to know what they were up to.