She

by HC Warner

  ‘No,’ Charlotte agreed. ‘I suppose not. Jo, what can I do? What can Matt and Freya do? We must be able to do something.’

  ‘I honestly don’t know.’ Jo wracked her brains, thinking over the possibilities. ‘It’s such a horrible, odd situation. I’ve got no idea how we tackle it.’

  ‘Why don’t we come and see you at the weekend? We could try to work out a game-plan.’

  Jo’s spirits soared instantly. ‘Oh, Charlie, I would love that! Do you think Matt and Freya would be able to make it, too?’

  ‘I’ll ask them. I know they’re as worried as we are, so I’m sure they’ll do their best.’

  ‘And it would be so lovely to meet Bertie!’ Jo cried, instantly revived by the thought of meeting Matt and Freya’s 3-month-old baby boy.

  ‘Leave it with me and I’ll organize it all,’ Charlotte said, now back to her usual, no-nonsense, clear-headed self.

  ‘Oh, thank you so much, Charlie – you have no idea how much this has helped already.’

  Jo hung up, feeling lighter than she had done for weeks and wishing she had thought to call Charlotte sooner. If only … she started to think, before swatting the thought away quickly. There was nothing to be gained by dwelling on the past. Right now she needed to focus on the future and finding a way to get her son back.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  I looked at the clock on the office wall. It was just before noon, almost time for Elodie’s lunchtime nap. I called Ben’s mobile, listening with increasing annoyance as it rang six times, before cutting to voicemail. ‘Where the fuck are you?’ I hissed into the Ansaphone, before hanging up, the urge to smash the phone onto my desk almost irresistible.

  I clicked on Find Friends and was furious to see that he was in town, rather than at home where he should be. So bloody typical of him to be gadding about shopping when it was time for Elodie’s nap. He had never understood the importance of keeping rigidly to her routine. The few times in the past that we had deviated, she invariably woke in the night and caused us all a sleepless night. Well, he would be the one getting up to her tonight, the selfish pig.

  Just as I was contemplating ringing again, Marcus appeared at my office door, beaming broadly. I quickly rearranged my scowl into a smile. ‘Someone’s in a good mood.’

  He walked into the office and perched on the edge of my desk the way he used to when I was his PA. I didn’t know whether to be annoyed and point out that since my promotion, he should stop doing it. ‘Yes, I bloody well am! Turns out that new client you brought in is proving extremely lucrative.’

  ‘Leo?’ I raised my eyebrows, as if I was surprised by the news. ‘That’s good to hear.’

  ‘Remind me how you met him again?’ Marcus narrowed his eyes slightly. He obviously suspected that my relationship with Leo was more than just platonic and he made no secret of his jealousy.

  I gave a dismissive wave of my hand. ‘It’s a long story … But I’m delighted that he’s proving such an asset to Norton.’ I didn’t want Marcus knowing too much about my relationship with Leo, in case he started questioning how much confidential information I might have passed on, in my efforts to get him to invest his considerable wealth with Norton. It was what had eventually secured my promotion.

  I genuinely hadn’t planned to see Leo again and had consigned our illicit afternoon together to the back of my mind. But following Peter’s funeral, with Ben tiptoeing around me like a frightened deer one minute, and sobbing pathetically whenever he locked himself in the bathroom the next, I felt in need of a bit of a boost.

  In what had proved to be a master-stroke on my part, I had insisted that Ben give up his job when we moved to Surrey, while I went back to work. Thanks to the money Peter had already given us for the house, plus a substantial inheritance from his estate, we were rolling in cash. But, I told Ben earnestly, I still needed to work for my own self-esteem and so that I didn’t feel like I was sponging off him.

  And although in truth I had absolutely no qualms about sponging off him, it certainly had helped my self-esteem, as it meant that I had ample opportunity to hook up with Leo during the week.

  His reaction to my call was instantly uplifting. ‘Beautiful Bella!’ he exclaimed. ‘I was hoping you might call one day.’

  I smiled to myself, aware that it was the first time in ages that I had worn anything other than a frown on my face. ‘I’m not sure it’s a good idea but …’

  Leo chuckled. ‘Couldn’t resist me, eh?’

  I laughed, already feeling a frisson of excitement at the prospect of seeing him again. ‘Something like that.’

  ‘I have to say it was one of the more pleasurable afternoons I’ve enjoyed …’ Leo’s tone was a mixture of amusement and mischief. I liked that we could be so upfront with each other. There was no need to dance around the real meaning of our conversation.

  ‘So, I was wondering … do you fancy a rematch?’ I asked, adopting my most seductive tone.

  There was a very slight intake of breath from Leo. ‘I certainly do …’ he began. ‘And, would our mini-chaperone be joining us again? Not that it’s a problem, of course,’ he added hastily.

  I grinned. ‘No, our little chaperone is otherwise engaged. So we’re free to be as badly behaved as we like, although it will have to be outside of office hours this time …’

  ‘Excellent! That suits me just fine …’

  Usually, we went to Leo’s flat after work. Working in the City, he started early and finished early, which fitted with my schedule perfectly. On the evenings we met, I could spend a couple of hours with him, before getting on the train back to Surrey with a spring in my step.

  He was an exciting and voracious lover, with a dangerous edge to him that only added to the excitement of our trysts. He pushed me further than anyone ever had before and I found it addictive and electrifying.

  Returning home to Ben after I’d seen Leo was like coming down from a drug-induced high. He was so tentative and wary around me that it just made me despise him even more. I had thought about leaving him numerous times but he was too useful with Elodie, allowing me to indulge my needs and get away from the claustrophobia of the house during the day. I loved Elodie, but found being at home with her boring and stultifying, whereas Ben didn’t seem to mind. Not that I gave him any choice.

  Ben and I rarely had sex these days, which suited me just fine. The only times I forced myself to let him anywhere near me were after we had had a particularly vicious, often violent, row. I knew I needed to keep him sweet, so I would work my magic on him until he was back onside, knowing he would stay because of Elodie.

  He was undoubtedly a good father and he and Elodie were becoming increasingly close. It used to irritate and upset me when she turned to him first for comfort, but I also knew that it benefitted me in the long run, as she stopped being clingy and tearful about me going out to work each day.

  Thankfully, moving to Surrey meant we now had almost no contact with his awful family or nosy, horrible friends. I kept a close eye on his movements to make sure that he wasn’t seeing them behind my back or getting friendly with anyone new in the area. To begin with, he would whine that he didn’t want Elodie to lose touch with her grandmother and suggest that we should visit her. But I would create such a scene that he gradually stopped mentioning it. In fact, the last time resulted in a physical fight so violent that it left him nursing a black eye and cracked cheekbone, so perhaps it wasn’t surprising that he didn’t want to risk it.

  There was another reason that I didn’t want Ben seeing his family or friends but I could barely admit it, even to myself. His appearance had changed so dramatically over the past year that I didn’t want them to start asking any awkward questions. He was like a balloon that had been popped. Everything about him seemed to sag inwards and his eyes had taken on a haunted, defeated look. Sometimes I would catch him staring into space with such a grief-stricken expression that I almost felt sorry for him. But then he would do something to annoy me and all sympathy
was lost.

  I arrived home that evening and parked on our sweeping driveway, looking up at the large, white, modern house we had bought with Peter’s money. It was what I had wanted for Elodie and it always gave me a surge of satisfaction knowing that her upbringing would be a damn sight more privileged than mine. That was one thing at least her father had provided for her.

  I let myself into the house and listened for a while to Ben and Elodie, who were in the kitchen, chatting and giggling at CBeebies, which was blaring from the TV on the kitchen wall.

  ‘Haha, look, Daddy!’ Elodie said with the precision of a toddler who was still new to speaking.

  I walked to the kitchen door, in time to see Elodie pointing to a character on the screen who was rolling his extra-long tongue around his mouth.

  ‘Daddy do it!’ she demanded bossily. She was certainly her mother’s daughter, I thought with a rueful grin.

  Ben glanced at the screen, before copying the character and sticking his tongue out as far as possible, before rolling it around in a huge circle, eliciting squeals of delight from Elodie. Ben beamed and turned back to the worktop, where he was preparing a Jamie Oliver chicken dish that I had once mentioned was my favourite.

  ‘Hello, you two,’ I said, making them both jump with surprise. Elodie beamed and put her arms out from her high chair. ‘Mummy!’ she cried delightedly, agitating to be lifted out. I walked over and scooped her up into a hug, trying to avoid my hair making contact with her sticky little hands.

  Ben eyed me nervously. ‘Hi, darling. You’re home early.’

  ‘I thought I’d get home in time to put Elodie to bed. Ooh, you smell gorgeous,’ I told her, kissing her chubby red cheeks, which were hot from where she was teething. I omitted to mention that I had been supposed to meet Leo tonight but he had had to cancel due to a work crisis of some sort.

  Ben nodded, relief at my apparent good mood flooding his features. ‘That’s nice. Well, I’ll get dinner ready while you bath her and it’ll be ready by the time she’s in bed.’

  ‘Lovely,’ I said, taking Elodie upstairs. I ran the bath and sat on the floor while she splashed around with her toys and told me several nonsensical stories about her day. I wasn’t required to speak, so I scrolled through my phone and filled in any gaps with an obliging ‘Oooh’ or ‘Wow’.

  Leo had texted me: Sorry about tonight – wish I was fucking your brains out as usual rather than being stuck here in my office!

  God, he wasn’t the only one. Even his texts turned me on. You’ll just have to fuck me twice as hard next time, I replied.

  Just then, Elodie leaned over the side of the bath and with a delighted giggle, tipped a huge bucket full of water over my phone. ‘Shit!’ I yelled in panic, causing her to sit back down suddenly and look at me in shock. ‘Fuck, fuck, fuck!’ I shouted, before I heard Ben’s footsteps pounding on the stairs.

  ‘What’s happened?’ he gasped, running into the bathroom with a stricken expression, which immediately relaxed with relief when he saw Elodie sitting up safely in the bath.

  ‘She tipped water over my bloody phone!’ I snapped, wiping it furiously with a towel.

  Ben sighed and took the phone out of my hand. ‘Christ, is that all? I thought she’d been electrocuted or something. It’ll be fine, I’ll sort it.’

  I exhaled with relief. One thing Ben was good at was technology. He could usually fix most things. That was another reason for not leaving him.

  ‘It’s OK,’ I told Elodie, who was watching me with a worried frown. ‘Sorry Mummy shouted – but you mustn’t throw water. It’s naughty and you might have broken my phone.’

  Elodie gave me a tentative smile. ‘Sorry, Mummy.’

  I nodded and lifted her up and into her bathrobe. ‘Right, let’s get you dry and into beddy-bies, shall we?’

  By the time I got downstairs, Ben was putting dinner on the table. It did look good and I was suddenly ravenous, not having eaten all day. I sat down and picked up my fork, before remembering my phone. ‘Oh! Did you manage to fix my phone?’ I looked up at him expectantly.

  Ben was staring at me in an odd way, as if he was making up his mind about something. ‘I did actually …’

  I speared a forkful of chicken and nodded as I ate it. ‘Great. Thanks.’

  Still Ben kept watching me. He didn’t touch his food.

  ‘Aren’t you going to eat?’ I motioned to his plate. It was delicious, I had to admit. Ben was a pretty good cook. Certainly a lot better than me. I could never be bothered with anything more than an omelette or a piece of toast.

  Ben took a deep breath. ‘I sorted your phone …’

  ‘I know you sorted my phone … you told me already. Why are you being so weird, Ben?’

  Ben turned and picked up my phone from the worktop, then he tapped something in and looked at it for second before handing it over to me.

  Shit. The messages from Leo. They would still have been on the screen. I put down my fork and took the phone as slowly as possible, trying to buy some time.

  ‘I read them,’ Ben said quietly.

  I rolled my eyes and shrugged. ‘So? They were just banter.’

  Ben pursed his lips. ‘Really? They looked like a lot more than that. And now it all makes sense, of course. Why you’re so keen for me to stay at home with Elodie while you go out to work, even though we don’t need the money …’

  I could feel the heat in my cheeks and knew that I was blushing furiously. ‘Oh, stop being so dramatic!’ I blustered. ‘There’s a perfectly innocent explanation …’ I wracked my brains to think of something plausible.

  ‘Which is?’ Ben’s eyes met mine and I could see a spark of defiance that I thought had gone completely.

  ‘It was a joke. That’s all.’ I adopted my sternest tone in the hope that he would let it drop.

  ‘And all the other messages from Leo? Are they jokes, too? Only they’re not very funny and they look a lot like arrangements to meet.’

  Damn, I didn’t think that he might have read them all. I bit my lip, my mind racing. Eventually I decided that there was no point in denying it. I had been caught red-handed. ‘OK, so what? It’s just sex, nothing more. It means nothing.’

  Tears sprang into Ben’s dark eyes, which surprised me slightly. ‘How long?’ he whispered.

  I exhaled loudly, not wanting to discuss this now – or ever. ‘Not long. Look, Ben, don’t make a big deal out of it. You never seem to want to have sex so what am I supposed to do? Live like a bloody nun?’ It was deeply unfair of me but guilt was making me bluster.

  Ben recoiled at my words and shook his head. ‘Why didn’t you talk to me about it? Instead of skulking around behind my back? Behind Elodie’s back.’ His voice wobbled slightly at the mention of Elodie’s name.

  ‘Oh, for Christ’s sake, Ben!’ I snapped. ‘Stop being such a bloody wimp!’ I stood up crossly and picked up my plate, all hunger now completely gone.

  ‘Promise me you won’t see him again.’ Ben’s voice lacked conviction but he was clearly trying to sound as manly as possible.

  I hesitated. ‘Oh, whatever! Fine!’ He didn’t need to know whether I saw Leo or not and I wouldn’t be making the mistake of giving him access to my phone again.

  Ben watched me silently as I scraped the food into the bin. ‘You haven’t even said sorry,’ he murmured.

  I gritted my teeth, as a wave of rage swept through me. ‘Ben, please stop making this into such a big drama. You’re blowing it all out of proportion.’

  ‘I’d like to see how you’d react if it was me you caught having an affair!’

  I looked up at him, surprised by his outburst. I couldn’t remember the last time he had raised his voice to me. ‘As if anyone would want to have an affair with you!’ The words flew out of my mouth like the rattle of a machine gun.

  Ben’s face creased in pain and he stood up slowly. ‘You are such a bitch sometimes,’ he whispered, shaking his head, before turning his back on me and heading towards the door.r />
  Instinctively, without registering what I was doing, the plate I was holding had left my hand and sailed across the room, landing with a sickening thud against the back of Ben’s head, before crashing into pieces on the kitchen floor. His legs gave way and he seemed to melt down onto the cold, tiled floor, where he lay very still.

  My mouth dried instantly. What if I’d killed him? I made my way over to him, stepping tentatively over the pieces of smashed crockery. ‘Ben?’ I said, rolling him over onto his back. His face was deathly pale but I could see that he was breathing. ‘Oh, thank God,’ I said, stroking his face. ‘Come on, Ben, wake up, darling. You’ve fallen over.’ I gave him a small shake.

  After what seemed like an eternity but was probably no more than a minute, his eyes flickered open. He looked at me unseeingly, before he seemed to regain focus.

  ‘You’re OK,’ I told him gently, making a promise to myself there and then that I would never hurt him again. This had been too much of a fright. But I didn’t seem able to control it. The anger inside me just bubbled up out of nowhere. ‘You’re OK,’ I repeated, as much for his benefit as for mine.

  Ben reached up to touch his head and winced.

  I helped him into a sitting position and got an ice-pack from the freezer. ‘Here, put this where it hurts. You’ll be fine.’

  Ben did as he was told and sat quietly while I swept up the broken pieces of plate.

  ‘Right, let’s get you upstairs.’ He allowed me to help him stand and lead him up the stairs to the bedroom. I lay him on the bed and perched beside him, taking his hand in mine. ‘What can I get you?’ Relief that he seemed to be OK was making me solicitous.

  Ben gave me a wan smile. ‘Nothing. Just lie with me for a little while.’

  I took off my shoes and lay down with my head on his chest and my arm across his body. It felt surprisingly nice. For the time being at least, the storm had passed.

  Chapter Thirty

  Charlotte pulled onto the driveway of Jo’s house, which had once been as familiar to her as her own. The last time she’d been here was the day of Peter’s funeral and it had been such a bittersweet experience to be back, in the home where she had spent so many happy times with Ben and his parents.