by M. E. Carter
I can feel the blush creep up my face. She’s right. There’s no way my family or I could get away with hanging out in the parking lot of the stadium. “Nah. But we do get the best hot dogs in the house.”
She grins back and me, licking her lips of the grease from our food. Wiping her hands on a napkin, she completely changes subjects on me. “Why’d you decide to get into medicine?”
Well, that was a giant topic leap. I have nothing to hide, but I brace myself for her reaction. “I had cancer as a kid.” She stops chewing with the bottle halfway to her mouth. “I’m fine now, I’m considered ‘cured.’ But those experiences kind of shaped me, ya know?” She nods and gets back to eating. “Have you heard of the Heart to Hart Foundation?”
She thinks while she finished chewing and swallowing. “Now that you say that, I have heard of it. But I didn’t put it together with your name.”
I like that she isn’t overreacting to this conversation. Most people want to ask all kinds of annoying, prying questions, not only about my previous illness but the celebrities I’ve met. I like that she’s much more reserved.
“My pediatric oncologist is on the board of directors. He’s a great guy and made my experience much more comfortable. I’ve always wanted to grow up and be like him.”
“A good doctor can make all the difference in the world.” I see a flash of what is probably a memory on her face. She tamps it down quickly, but not before I catch it. I can’t help but hope her doctor was one of the good ones and made her feel comfortable. Maybe I’ll ask her someday, but for now, we’ll stick with safer topics Like cancer. Ironic. “So it’s because of him you want to be a doctor?”
I shrug. “Him. My dad. My desire to help people. I spend my time in practice helping the other players get better using statistical data. I figure maybe I can use this weird gift of mine to do some good in the world.”
She wipes her mouth with a napkin and leans forward, clasping her hands together and leaning on the table. “I think that’s really admirable. Most guys in your position would follow right in their father’s footsteps and use their connections to be an agent or manager or something. But to go out on a limb and do your own thing, that’s really cool.”
She gets it. I like that she gets it. I’m not my dad. I’m not his foundation. I’m me. I have my own dreams and goals. She has no idea how badly I needed to hear someone say it.
“What about you?” I ask, changing the subject. “What’s your major?”
“Double major in kinesiology and physical therapy.”
“Really?”
“Yep. I wanna be a trainer. Ideally”—she looks up at me and I can see it before she says it—“for the Steelers.”
“No,” I groan. “Who would want to touch those guys in the locker room?”
She smiles at my quip. “It’s not about touching them. It’s about working their muscles and joints, so they can be the best players they can be. It’s about making sure they’re in tip-top shape and are well-oiled machines. I wanna help with that. I’ll probably never darken the doorway of that locker room, but it’s still my dream.”
“How come I haven’t seen you on the field before?”
“You have to be a junior to get into the training program. You’ll probably see me there next year. And maybe even in some classes, now that you’ve changed your major.”
“I didn’t even think about that; yeah, I’m sure some will overlap.”
Our conversation is cut short when the commercial break ends, and the final quarter begins. We spend the next forty-five minutes watching the Steelers beat up the Broncos, much to her delight and my dismay.
When the game is over, it’s dark out, and she has no hesitation when I offer to walk her home. The conversation continues with us talking about my siblings, her dad, and Lauren’s last gymnastics meet when she fell on the beam and ended up with a bruise from the inside of her knee all the way to her groin. I’ve had big bruises before, but I admit when she showed me the picture, I’ve never had anything like that before.
We have a lot in common, and she makes me laugh. I still feel protective over her, but now, I want to keep getting to know her.
Lauren isn’t there when we get to the dorm, leaving Annika all alone. She lets out a yawn, and I know I feel the same way. There’s only so many nights without sleep a person can get. I know I should leave, but frankly, I don’t want to leave her behind.
“I had a really good time,” I say, trying to find a polite way to make my exit.
“Me too. You were right. I needed to get out and back amongst the people. I think next time will be easier.”
“You’re really impressive, you know that, Annika?”
She tilts her head in question. “Really?”
“I’ve never met anyone as strong as you. Anyone who refuses to be beaten down and takes life by the horns and makes it her bitch.”
“I don’t feel as strong as you’re making me sound,” she admits sadly. “I know it’s going to take time, but I guess I need to fake it till I make it, right?”
“I need to learn how to fake it better.”
“It sucks to be afraid all of the time, to not even be able to drink water at a bar. But more than anything, I’m pissed off.”
I take a step closer to her. She doesn’t even flinch. “Good. Be angry. Stay angry for as long as you need, until you feel like you’ve pushed through the hard parts. Coach always says to let your anger fuel you to be the best you can be.”
“He sounds like a good motivational speaker.” She yawns again, and I take that as my cue. But before I can head out, she stops me, putting her hand on my arm. The look on her face is almost pleading.
“This is gonna sound really strange, but the only time I seem to relax is when you’re around.” I understand exactly what she’s talking about. “I know this sounds really forward, but I’m so tired.” Her eyes close and her head drops in defeat. “Would you please stay the night with me? Maybe I’ll sleep better if you’re here.”
My eyebrows quirk up, and she slaps my arm playfully. “Not for that.”
“No, I know,” I say with a laugh. “Just for sleep.”
“Yeah. Maybe you being here will help me relax enough to sleep. And I think maybe you’ll be able to sleep too.”
I know I should walk out that door and tell her it’s not a good idea, but she’s right. Every part of me wants to stay, to make sure she’s okay. Hopefully I’ll be able to sleep as well.
She sits down on the bed and takes off her shoes. I follow her lead and toe mine off as well. Stripping myself of my sweatshirt, leaving just a white T-shirt underneath, I meet her at the bed.
Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t take her big hoodie off at all.
It takes some time to situate ourselves on the bed. We’re both unsure of how much touch will make us uncomfortable, but it’s inescapable because dorm beds are not big at all. Finally, after some maneuvering, we’re lying comfortably, facing each other, her hands under her cheeks.
“Get some rest,” I say as her lids are already getting heavy. “And Annika?”
“Hmm?” she mumbles.
“If you end up working for the Steelers, this friendship is over.”
The sound of her light chuckle is the last thing I hear before drifting into the best sleep I’ve had in a week.
Chapter Fourteen
Annika
As I slowly come to, I realize for the first time in over a week, I slept through the night. No dreams. No nightmares. I didn’t even hear Lauren come home.
I’m warm and comfortable. And I’m listening to the sound of a heartbeat in my ear.
My eyes blink open, but I don’t dare move as the memories of last night come back.
I remember asking Jaxon to spend the night and him saying yes. He stayed. Jaxon stayed.
What I don’t remember though, is how we ended up in a tangled mess of arms and legs. Not that I’m complaining. He feels solid underneath me, and as long as he doesn’t kno
w I’m awake, I could relax right back to sleep
“Good morning.”
Busted.
I begin to move off of him, but before I can go anywhere he holds me tighter.
“Don’t go yet.” His voice sounds groggy and gravely. I like it.
Without hesitation, I snuggle right back into him. “How’d you sleep?” I whisper.
“I don’t know. I think I must still be dreaming.” I bite back a smile at his answer, not just glad we both slept, but glad he doesn’t regret staying.
A few minutes later, we’re both more awake. As he stretches, I move off him, backing myself closer to the wall allowing him to roll over and resituate himself back on the bed. Neither of us is quite ready to get up yet, and somehow, in all the moving around, we end up face to face.
“Hi,” he whispers, his brown eyes looking right into mine.
“Hi,” I say back.
“What are you thinking about?”
I clap my hand over my mouth. “Morning breath.”
He tries to hide a smile, but isn’t very successful. “Does my breath smell that bad?”
“Actually, no. Does mine?”
“I don’t know. My nose it stuffed.”
I pinch his rib at the quip, making him laugh, still no odor to be detected. He pulls me closer to him and kisses me on the forehead. And suddenly, the sexual tension moves up a notch.
Jaxon licks his lips and looks down at mine, and I know exactly what he’s thinking. It’s what I’m thinking too. I really want to kiss him.
I’m attracted to this man which is strange under these circumstances. But he’s so much more than the guy who saved my life. He’s funny and smart and protective. I’m not sure if I have a hero’s crush or if he really is that wonderful. Either way, I don’t care right now. Right now, I just want him to lean in closer.
As if he can read my mind, he leans in slowly. Centimeter by centimeter until our noses are almost touching, and that’s when the door flies open, and Lauren comes barreling in.
“Oh good. I see the love birds are finally awake.” She’s wrapped in her pink bathrobe, a towel on her head, smelling like her fruity body wash.
Rolling over to look at her, I spoon right back into Jaxon, who buries his head into my hair and wraps his arm around my waist.
“Good morning, Lauren. I didn’t hear you come in last night.”
“That’s because the two of you were sleeping soundly.” She drops the towel and begins combing through her wet hair. “Not that I’m complaining. It was much nicer hearing Jaxon snore than hearing you thrash around in your sleep all night.” Jaxon stiffens behind me. “You must be finally on the mend if you’re not having fever nightmares anymore.”
Two of us in this room know full well those weren’t fever nightmares. But neither of us are going to correct her. Instead, I respond with “Yeah, we both slept like the dead.”
“Good. You needed it. Because we’re going out tonight.” She claps her hands together excitedly and smiles like she’s won a trip to Disney World.
I, on the other hand, freeze because this is what I’ve been dreading. I knew eventually she was going to try to drag me out again. But I’m not ready. I’m just not. I didn’t even want to go out in public with Jaxon last night.
But I did it. I powered through my anxieties, and I’m glad I did. Although I’m nowhere near ready to go out with Lauren. Not by myself and absolutely not to the kinds of places she wants me to go.
“Can’t,” I say, coming up with an excuse off the top of my head as quickly as possible.
‘What?” Her excited expression drops. “How come?”
“I have a big report in my American history class due tomorrow. It’s worth a third of my grade, and I haven’t finished it yet.”
She huffs in frustration. “Come on, Annika. Can’t you get it done early before we go?”
“I wish.” I’m lying through my teeth. I don’t wish that at all. What I do wish is that Jaxon would continue rubbing his hand up and down my arm like he’s doing now. It’s comforting and relaxing and maybe turning me on just a little bit. Which, again, is weird under the circumstances. But my body reacting normally to a man’s touch is a good sign.
Unfortunately, it also makes it very hard to concentrate on this conversation with my roommate. “I-I’ll do my best, but I wouldn’t count on it. I have a statistics test in a couple days that I need to nail. I can’t afford to work hangover recovery time into my schedule.”
“Fiiiiiine,” she breathes out slowly, rolling her eyes. “I’ll give you a pass this time, but only because you went out last weekend.” Looking over her shoulder, she winks at me. “And because I’m impressed to see a football player in your bed this morning.”
I feel the rumble of Jaxon’s chuckle behind me, making me elbow him in the ribs. “Don’t encourage her.”
“Oh, you can encourage me all you want.” Lauren heads around the corner into our walk-in closet where she can have some privacy to get dressed. “There’s more where that came from.”
I roll back over and look at Jaxon again. The sexually charged moment is gone, but it’s almost as nice just to see him still smiling.
He brushes the hair out of my face and runs the tips of his fingers down my jawline, making me tingle all over. “Thanks for letting me spend the night,” he says quietly.
“Thanks for humoring me and staying.”
“I wasn’t humoring you. I wanted to. It was nice sleeping next to you.” I close my eyes, memorizing the feel of his fingers on my face. “I gotta go,” he finally whispers again.
“I know.” I do know. But that doesn’t mean I like it. I enjoy being with him. I enjoy the comfort he gives. I enjoy the laughter he creates. The conversations we have. I don’t know how it happened, but I have feelings for him. Real, genuine feelings.
I won’t tell him, though. I won’t put that pressure on him. I’m damaged goods right now, and we both need some time to sort things out.
Finally pulling away, he rocks himself forward so he can launch over me and out of the bed.
Stretching his arms over his head, my eyes catch a sliver of skin between his shirt and jeans. Oddly, it turns me on, which makes me excited. I’m not as broken as I thought I was. I’m nowhere near ready to go “there” but knowing my hormones aren’t damaged makes me happy.
“Are you ogling me?” A flirty grin crosses Jaxon’s face.
“Nope,” I deny, shaking my head and crinkling my brow. “I was wondering how you could sleep in those jeans all night. Looks uncomfortable.”
“Only for you, Annika. I only sleep in jeans for you.” He leans over and kisses my forehead before snatching his discarded sweatshirt off the floor and pulling over his head.
And now I lie here, after turning into a puddle of complete and utter uselessness. That had to be the sexiest kiss I’ve ever had in my life.
“Is the coast clear?” he yells out to Lauren as he puts his hands over his eyes, shuffling forward. “Can I walk past that room to get out the door?”
“You’re good, Loverboy,” she responds, walking back in fully clothed. And by fully clothed, I mean in her team workout gear of a sports bra and tiny, skin-tight shorts. “Although I’m not quite sure how good yet.”
I slap my hand over my face and Jaxon chuckles.
“I’ll call you later, Annika. Bye, Lauren.”
Once again, she gives him a flirty wave.
The door no more than closes behind him and she launches herself onto my bed. “Spill. The. Details,” she demands while bouncing up and down. “How in the hell did that happen? Again! He’s fucking hot, Annika. Please tell me you got it on with him. Please!”
I try to smack her in the face with my pillow, but she sees it coming and deflects it at the last second. “I don’t have anything to tell. We haven’t gone there.”
“What?” she shrieks. “You haven’t had sex with him yet?”
I look at her like she’s nuts. “Some of us don’t pu
t out on the first date.”
She sits back, acting way more offended than we both know she really is. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“No, I say that like it’s not my thing.” I sigh dreamily and focus my gaze on the ceiling while I talk. “I don’t know what’s happening, Lauren. I ran into him at the coffee shop.” Not totally the truth, but she doesn’t need to know that. “We ended up going to a sports bar to watch the Steelers game.”
“O. M. G,” she says slowly. “He took you to a sports bar to watch a football game?”
I nod, smiling at her. “And he drank Shiner.”
“He’s like your perfect guy.”
“You have no idea,” I mumble, throwing my arm over my face. It doesn’t stay there long as she pulls it away, looking me in the eyes.
“You really like him, don’t you?”
I quirk my lips to the side, trying not to smile, but the look of excitement on her face finally has me caving. “I really do,” I gush. “I have no idea how it happened. I didn’t know him before last week. But, god, Lauren, he’s just perfect. He’s kind and generous, and he’s smart. So smart. He comes from a football family, so he totally gets my obsession. He’s just—”
“Hot,” she interrupts, making me giggle.
“That, too. I don’t know. I don’t want to jinx anything.”
“You spent the night with him twice now, so clearly he likes you too.”
I understand her logic but that’s not the way this relationship really works. I don’t tell her all the ugly details, and there are a lot of them. But she’s got one thing right—Jaxon Hart has gotten under my skin.
I just need to be careful this isn’t some one-sided obsession on my part. I’m already mentally and emotionally broken. I don’t need my heart to be shattered too.
Chapter Fifteen
Jaxon
Everything changed the night I stayed with Annika. For me anyway. It was almost a month ago, and I still can’t get her out of my head. Not because we’ve spent at least a couple nights together every week since then. No, it’s even more than I sleep so much better when I can feel her next to me.