by M. E. Carter
I poke him in the ribs. “I don’t think you’re normal. I think you’re just as extraordinary as he is.”
Jaxon turns to look at me and I can’t help but caress his cheek with my hand and lean in to kiss him again. We both know sex is off the table for now, but it still feels good to kiss slowly and with feeling.
“I’m sorry you have blue balls now,” I whisper against his lips, making him laugh.
“No worries. I wasn’t far enough along for that anyway.”
Crinkling my brow, I ask, “You mean you weren’t turned on?”
“On no. I was turned on. It’s just”— red-faced, he runs his fingers through his hair like he’s nervous—“sometimes it just takes my body longer to react than normal.”
I lean up on my elbows to get a better look at him. “I don’t understand.”
“Just another fun long-term side effect of chemo.” Wrapping his arms around my waist, he snuggles his face in my shoulder, hiding like I did a few minutes ago. Looks like we both need to take a minute when forced to face our humiliations.
“Wait.” I punch his shoulder lightly trying to get him to look at me. “What does that mean? Like, you can’t get it up, or…”
He sighs and pulls back to look at me, despite his embarrassment. “I can get it up. Sometimes it takes a while. And sometimes it takes me a while to…uh…finish.”
I blink several times, wrapping my brain around this new information. “But, why only sometimes.”
“That’s the part I don’t know,” he says with a shrug. “I haven’t figured out if it’s when I’m tired or stressed or what. But the good thing is I’ve learned how to be patient, so I’m a very giving lover.” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down, an ornery look on his face, and I can’t help my belly laugh because of it.
“But seriously, Annika.” His voice seems to drop an octave and takes on a serious tone. “That means we don’t have a choice but to go slow when we decide to go there. And I promise, we’ll get there.”
I smile shyly before leaning up and kissing him again. I’m lucky to be able to love this man. Even through the biggest struggle of my life, he’s everything I need.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Jaxon
“Seventeen! Eighteen! Nineteen! Come on, Hart,” Germaine yells, me groaning through my last leg press. “Give it all you got! Twenty!”
My eyes squeezed tight, I yell my relief as I finish and lock the machine in place. A week off for the holidays really did me in. I knew I should have pushed harder during the workouts with my dad. I didn’t, and now I’m suffering for it.
“What’s the matter with you?” he asks as I climb out of the leg press machine and begin adding another seventy pounds for his turn. “You stay up too late after we got home last night? Don’t think I didn’t notice you never came home after walking Annika to her dorm.”
I chuckle at his razzing. He has no idea Annika had a freak-out moment yesterday, or that the whole reason we went out with him was because we had decided on a whim to get out of the dorms and cool off with some wings and beer. Since Germaine was back in town, I asked him to join us. I’m glad I did because they hit it off. I mean, really hit it off.
They talked so much shit to each other about football that I just sat back and let them go at it, waiting to see who would come out on top. It was hilarious how mad they would get while arguing and debating over the best players and best teams. It was great.
When we got to her door, I gave her a quick kiss and turned to leave, but she asked me to stay. I knew we weren’t going to pick up where we left off earlier, but spending time with her is what I love. We settled in to some chick-flick that we never made it to the end of, both falling asleep. I’ll never admit that to my nosy roommate, though.
“Don’t be hatin’,” I reply as he gets settled into the weight machine. “Just because I have a warm body to keep me company at night doesn’t mean you can get all jealous.”
He pushes the weights up with a grunt and holds them there while he finishes his thought. “I’d say you were wrong, but I admit it…I’m jealous. She’s a cool girl.” Then he grunts again as he begins to work his legs.
Twenty reps later, he continues. “Loves football. Loves beer. Loves wings. Seriously man, where can I find a girl like her? She got any friends?”
I laugh out loud, thinking about how exact opposite Lauren is from Annika. Come to think of it, Lauren and Germaine might actually get along.
“Oh, she has friends all right.” I huff out as I re-rack the plates now that we’re done. “But there’s only one Annika.”
“I guess I’ll just have to keep sorting through the pussy before I find what I’m looking for.” He slaps me on the back as we walk to the next station.
Leg day is always the roughest. Especially when Coach works sleds into our routine. I fucking hate the sled. Dragging that shit stacked with two hundred pounds of weight on it is not my idea of fun. Today is going to be harder than normal after binge eating Thanksgiving dinner.
As we attach the shoulder straps in preparation, he asks about Kade.
“What did you do over break? Just hang with the fam? Did you see your brother?”
“Sure did.”
“How’d that go?”
“It went well.” I grab more plates to add to the sled. Shit. This is gonna be heavy. “We went and saw a movie and then to the mall for a little while. He’s uh…never really had anyone teach him about style before. I helped him out a little bit.”
Germaine wraps the straps around him, setting himself up to go. “I guess he didn’t get your pretty boy genes then, huh? Trying to show him how to be the ladies’ man you are?”
“Shut up,” I joke, pushing down on the sled with my body weight so he can’t move it. “He’s fourteen. Give him a couple years to become studly like his older brother.”
Finally looking over his shoulder to see why the sled isn’t moving yet, he glares at me. “Get off, asshole. You’re gonna make me throw my back out trying to pull you.” Turning back around and getting into position, he adds, “And fourteen is a sucky age. You couldn’t pay me to go back to high school. That shit was terrible.” He grunts as he begins a slow jog to the other side of the room, dragging over two hundred pounds behind him.
When he makes it back and we begin the switch for my turn, I ask what is sure to be a loaded question. “How was it with your sisters?”
He shoots me a glare, making me laugh. Germaine is the oldest of four, and the only boy, so he has a strong protective instinct over his sisters. But none of them are pushovers, and none of them listen to anything he says, so he gets irritated when he goes home for any length of time.
“I met Jackie’s boyfriend.” He doesn’t even bother hiding his distain. “He’s a total fucking douchebag. Bucked up to me when I told him I’d break his dick off if he hurt my sister.”
I chuckle. “I might buck up to you too, if the family jewels are on the line. My boys aren’t going down without a fight.”
“Not my point,” he argues. “You wanna show respect to the girl? Show respect to the family, man.”
“Don’t you think you might be a little bit overbearing?”
He cocks his eyebrow. “Jackie is seventeen years old. Maggie is fifteen. And all of a sudden my little twelve-year-old baby sister Amy has boobs, man. Boobs! What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?”
“Uh, nothing? They’re her boobs, not yours.”
He drops another weight on the sled, ensuring it makes a “bang” as it hits the bottom. “You just wait until Lucy is wearing a bra. No way you’re gonna keep from going ape shit when you see some guy checking her out.”
Pointing at him, I say, “That will never happen. She’s going to stay eight years old forever.”
He just laughs. “That’s what I thought. It’s all fun and games until it’s your little sister.”
The thought of my Lucy-Goosy, who spent hours doing my hair in little ponytails this past week, be
coming a teenager is the motivation I need to pull the damn sled across the room and back.
Almost an hour later, we hit the showers, listening to the banter of all our teammates as they discuss their week off. Everyone was disappointed when the team didn’t get picked for a bowl game this year, but from the laughter in the locker room, they got over it.
Pulling my shirt over my head after finishing up my shower, I grab my phone out of my locker. A text and a missed call.
“I think I’m gonna go out to eat, maybe check out Buck’s and see what’s on cable before hitting the books,” Germaine casually mentions while getting dressed. “You guys wanna come along?”
Opening my text, I see it’s Kade. He’s sent me a meme referencing Star Wars. “Yeah, maybe. I’ll have to see what Annika’s up to.” Turning the phone around to show him, I add, “I can honestly say I have no idea what Kade is talking about half the time.”
Germaine looks confused as he tries to understand what the hell he’s reading. Finally, he gives up with a shake of his head. “Like I said, you couldn’t pay me to be fourteen again.”
Chuckling, I close out the text and hit the button for my voicemails. It’s from my dad.
“Hey, Jax, it’s Dad. Listen, I know you’re probably in practice right now, but you said something a few weeks ago about the foundation posters being outdated. We were tossing around some marketing ideas today, and I had a thought. What if we did some new pictures with you as an adult, and something about how Hart to Heart is helping keep dreams alive? I don’t know. I’m sure the team will come up with something more catchy than that. But give people a reference point to how long we’ve been around, and maybe throw some statistics about how many donors have been added to the registry. That means you’d still be one of the faces of the Foundation. If you’re opposed to it, that’s okay. But just think about it.”
He pauses just as I hear a beeping noise. Looking at the screen, a number I don’t recognize is trying to call in, so I ignore it. I’m too busy listening to how nervous my dad sounds. I know it took a lot for him to even pitch the idea to me. He’s definitely trying to mend our relationship, and he’s put the ball in my court.
“Anyway, you’re right when you said you’re not a kid anymore. You’re an adult. And it’s totally your choice, but you have an awesome story of a child with leukemia growing up to be a pediatric oncologist. I think it could really encourage people. Just let me know. Love you, son. Don’t push too hard…er…never mind. You know what’s best.”
I chuckle. He’s trying hard to let go of his overbearing nature, but that’s one thing about my dad. When he loves someone, he loves them fiercely. When I think of it that way, it’s not as annoying. This time.
“Call me when you can.”
When the message ends, I quickly click over to my texts and type one out to him.
Me: Got your message. Great idea. I’m in. I’ll call when I can to hash out the details.
Pausing, I think for a second before adding something I haven’t said in a while.
Love you too.
Just as I press send and get ready to shove my phone in my back pocket, it alerts me of another message. I quickly open it up as I grab the rest of my stuff. Until I hear who it’s from. Then I freeze.
“Jaxon, this is Detective Bellerini. I interviewed you the night of the attack behind Ambrosia. We got the guy.”
My legs give out, and thankfully, there’s a bench right behind me so I don’t end up with my butt on the floor. They got the guy. The guy who raped Annika. They got him.
“I need you to come in at your earliest convenience. I’d like to go over some of your statements and verify some of the details. And I need to let you know what happens next. Give me a call at this number as soon as you can.”
I drop the phone from my ear before he can give me the number. My brain is running a thousand miles an hour. Who is he? Who is this asshole that assaulted my girlfriend? And do they have enough to keep him locked up?
I barely register Germaine’s voice when he asks, “Dude. Are you okay?”
“They got the guy.” It comes out like a whisper, but I’m pretty sure I’m in shock. I can’t think. I can’t move.
“Got what guy?”
I blink a few times and look up at my best friend. The one I’ve kept everything from, but who is about to find out all the details anyway. Getting the guy could mean a trial. A surge of adrenaline jolts through me, and all I can think is I have to get to Annika.
Jumping up, I turn back to my locker, waving my hands as I talk. “The guy. The guy, Germaine. The guy from behind Ambrosia that night.”
“What are you talking about?”
I look down when my phone makes a noise, and I realize I never ended my call. “Here, listen.” I hand him my phone as I grab all my shit, shoving my wallet and my keys in my pocket.
Germaine listens to the voicemail, and I know when he puts together the importance of this call. “Holy shit, they got the guy. But why are they calling you…?” He pauses as realization hits. “Holy shit. You’re the guy who found her?”
I clench my fists and look at the floor, nodding once.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He looks legitimately hurt, but I don’t have time to make it right. If I just got this call, Annika either already got a similar one, or it’s coming soon.
Instead I give him my default answer. “It wasn’t my story to tell.”
He rubs his hand over his short hair, still putting it all together. “Your nightmares a couple months ago. Your lack of focus. It was all about this, wasn’t it?”
I nod again and grab my phone from him, shoving it in my back pocket. “I gotta go man. I gotta get to Annika. She’s going to be freaking out.”
“What does she have to do with this?” The words are barely out before I see the final puzzle piece fall into place. “Holy shit. It was Annika? Annika was the girl who got…who you found?”
My jaw clenches as a wave of anger runs through me. Not at Germaine, but at knowing how difficult this is going to be on her. On us both. Giving him a pointed look, I slam my locker and prepare to bolt. “It’s her story to tell. Please keep it to yourself.” He nods in agreement, still looking shell-shocked. “But I promise, we’ll talk later.”
Then I bolt out the door, not looking back.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Annika
It’s still tense around here. Too tense. I’ve tried to talk to Lauren since she’s gotten back from break, but she doesn’t seem interested in talking to me. I can see the hurt by my lack of attention in her eyes when she looks at me. And she doesn’t look at me very much. Mostly she ignores me.
It makes me sad to know our relationship has suffered this way because she hasn’t done anything wrong. Then again, neither have I. Still, the more time that goes by, a giant void grows between us, and it’s filled with this horrible secret I haven’t been able to tell her. I know I should, so she knows none of this is about her, but the thought of her knowing my deepest humiliation makes me freeze up.
In general, I’m doing better, though. I’m not as afraid. I can go out in public alone again. I still have a hard time with crowded places. But on campus, I’m doing fine. So tonight, I'm going to use my progress to show her that things are okay.
With Jaxon still at practice, I’m dressed and ready to go. And as soon she gets in from her late afternoon class, I’m going to see if she wants to go to dinner with me. Just me. In the dining hall so she can see that none of this has to do with me not wanting to be seen with her.
As I wait I try to concentrate on my clinical biology class, but I’m too busy bouncing my knee to get anything done.
When I finally hear the door open and shut behind her, I stand up and smooth my hands down my pants. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. This is good, I remind myself. I’ve made a lot of progress. This is just one more step. And it’s a step I need to take. Lauren deserves it.
Coming around the corner, s
he sees me standing there, waiting for her. She quickly looks away, knowing I’m not letting this go anymore.
“What’s up?”
“Um, I was getting hungry. I wanted to know if you would like to go eat with me in the dining hall.” I cringe when I realize it sounds like I'm asking her on a date. What an awkward way to start.
She freezes, looks up at me again, but with indecision on her face. I can tell she doesn’t trust why I’m asking so she’s hesitant to say yes. Finally, after what seems like an hour, but is probably only seconds, she turns away and laughs. “Let me guess…Jaxon isn’t done with practice yet.”
My shoulders drop because she’s right, but she’s not going to believe he has nothing to do with this. “No, he’s not. But I wasn’t waiting on him. I was waiting on you.”
She whips around and crosses her arms over her chest, cocking out her hip. “How come? Finally decided I’m good enough to hang out with again?”
I close my eyes and will my frustration away. “No,” I say, biting back the snarky comment that wants to come out. She has a right to feel like I’ve dismissed her, because I have. It was with good reason, but I know it’s been painful for her. I hold my tongue and instead calmly say, “That has nothing to do with it. I just wanted to have dinner with my best friend.”
She stands there for a few more seconds trying to decide what to do and how to respond. “Yeah. I don’t think so. I think the minute that your phone rings, you’re going to be off with your new friends anyway. I don’t need that kind of bullshit in my life.”
“Lauren, that’s not—”
“Save it.” She holds her hand out to me. “I’ve been through this before. If you don’t like me, that’s fine. Don’t like me. But don’t patronize me too, okay? I can find some real friends.”