by Nicole Helm
She ran her hands over her stomach in her morning ritual. She whispered a few greeting words to the baby, tried out names like she did every morning, and then finally forced herself to get out of bed.
She’d help Grandma Pauline wash up after breakfast. Then maybe she could talk to Duke about her parents.
Her chest got too tight. Her parents were dead, and they’d given her away to protect her. For so long Sarah had done everything she could not to think about them, to convince herself she was better off without them and vice versa—she didn’t want to know if they were good or bad people because both options were awful.
Now, both options were pointless because they were dead.
And her mother had been impregnated by Ace Wyatt. So she did have something in common with her mother, one way or another.
There was one big difference, of course. Dev wasn’t Ace. He might be grumpy and have a guilt complex the size of the Badlands, but he was a good man. He watched over his grandmother, took care of the ranch—and helped with hers and Duke’s when they were needing it. He was grumbly and contentious, but it hid a kindness he couldn’t fight no matter how much he seemed to want to.
“You’ll never have to wonder if your father is a good man,” she promised her boy.
Except, how could she keep that promise if Dev was determined to be nothing more than sperm donor?
Our baby.
All this time she’d held onto a hope that our would mean something. Shouldn’t she just keep holding on to that hope until this danger with Anth passed? What was more important: feelings or surviving a lunatic making threats against some of the most important people in her life?
She heaved herself out of bed. Too much thinking for one morning. Besides, a giant baby kicking her bladder wasn’t exactly the stuff relaxation was made of. She waddled across the hall and took care of the morning unpleasantry, then waddled right back to the room and threw on a few layers.
Even with pregnancy hormones and overheating, it was dang cold this morning. Of course by the time she’d managed to pull on socks she was breathing heavily.
No, she wouldn’t miss pregnancy in the practical sense. Once dressed more warmly, she headed for downstairs. She knew Grandma Pauline had given her the room that best suited her needs—close to the bathroom, sandwiched between Grandma Pauline and the room Felicity and Gage were staying in so she had quick access to help if she needed any, but boy were the stairs something she dreaded.
Still, she could hardly kick Dev out of his room downstairs when he had an actual physical injury—one that pained him, especially in the winter and especially since he’d been doing extra ranch duty for months now.
It was very hard to be appreciative when she’d always prided herself on being so self-sufficient. She often had to remind herself it was for the baby, not her, before she snapped at some well-meaning family member or Wyatt brother.
As if thinking of one conjured one up, as she gripped the railing to help her down the stairs, Dev appeared below.
His nose was red with cold, and she had no doubt his leg was paining him, but more than that he looked tired, exhausted really. Dark shadows under his eyes, and slumped shoulders she’d learned meant he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep. “Looks like you had a rough night.”
Dev grunted. “You look like a snowman.”
She scowled at him. “It’s cold. And I’m pregnant.”
His mouth twitched a little, bordering on a smile. She wanted to really make him smile. Or laugh. Before the whole baby thing she’d been on a personal mission to get him to do both more, but then Brady and Cecilia’s wedding plans and Rachel moving in with Tucker had made her feel a melancholy that could only be filled with achieving the next goal.
Motherhood.
Now she was here and it felt less like a goal to accomplish. She wasn’t sure what it felt like instead, but nothing so cut and dried as a goal or an achievement. It was too big for that. Too all encompassing. Oddly like the danger they were in. She didn’t know what lay ahead, or how to plan it out so things would go the way she wanted.
To an extent she was used to that with ranch life. Weather turned, cows died, years were bad. But the ranch and the land remained. People didn’t necessarily.
“Grandma wanted me to come check on you. Having some problems with the heater.”
Sarah forced herself to smile, still gripping the railing tightly. “I’ll survive. I have all this extra insulation now.”
He nodded, but he didn’t move out of the stairway. He stared at her as if puzzling out some unsolved mystery.
Since she was familiar with that look, and that Dev might stand there and puzzle for a good few minutes before he got around to telling her what it was all about, she waited. She’d learned to have patience with Dev. Not that he’d ever see it that way. She still moved too fast and too decisively for him.
They balanced each other out rather nicely all in all.
“You kissed me,” he finally said, eyebrows drawn together and voice equal parts lecturing and confused.
She crossed her arms over her chest, which meant resting them on her belly. “Yeah. So?”
Dev’s gaze drifted there for a second and then back up to her face. “Duke’s acting like...like you want more from me.”
She wanted to curse her father, but instead she focused on the irritating man in front of her. “More than what?”
He scowled. “You know damn well what.”
She didn’t know why it hurt her feelings that he’d ask that. He had every right to speculate over her reasons for wanting him to be the father of her child. Which meant she’d have to give him a truth she wasn’t too keen on laying at anyone’s feet.
“I didn’t get pregnant to trap you into having feelings for me if that’s what you’re asking. At the time, I wasn’t too keen on having a Wyatt brother stomp my heart to bits, even if I did want his sperm.”
Dev winced at the word sperm as she’d hoped he might. Honestly, men were so overly squeamish about some things. But his expression quickly sobered.
“What does ‘at the time’ mean?”
Sarah sighed. How could she explain how things had changed? How she had changed. How she wanted something from him, but didn’t expect something from him. Hoped maybe, but not expected.
In the end, like so many things lately, it all boiled down to their baby. She unfolded her arms and placed her palms on either side of the round lump. “I love this baby and I don’t even know him yet. I can’t imagine what it’ll feel like when he’s real and in my arms and I’m in charge of keeping him alive. I’ve had to come to terms with being that vulnerable, and I imagine I’ve got a ways to go, but I’m not so afraid of it anymore.”
“Of what?”
“Love.”
Any confusion or effort to understand disappeared from his face. Emotion shuttered away to blankness. It made her want to cry, but she blinked back the tears.
For a moment, he’d wanted to know. Maybe he didn’t like her answers, but he’d wanted to understand.
“Grandma will be wanting to feed you now that you’re up,” he grumbled, then turned on a heel and disappeared down the stairs.
Sarah stayed where she was for a few moments. It was hard to let him walk away, because she was better suited to be a bulldozer. Still, she’d learned a thing or two. Dev needed a good hard push sometimes, but more often than not he needed time to work out a problem to his own satisfaction. He was an internal kind of guy.
It was just a shame so often he came to the wrong conclusion, that she’d have to talk him out of.
* * *
DEV FELT AS IF someone had shoved a cattle prod into his chest. There was a disquieting, painful buzzing lodged there and no matter how much distance he put between him and Sarah, it remained.
What the hell was she talking about love for?
He took a deep breath and listened to the voices in the kitchen.
“I think town is the safer option when she’s that pregnant.”
Dev closed his eyes. Oh, they couldn’t be so stupid as to think they could make a decision about Sarah without her in the room. She would not handle that well at all.
He glanced back at the stairs. She’d waited to follow him, but not long. She took the last step and moved toward him, her expression oddly...blank.
He wasn’t sure he’d ever seen that kind of expression on her face before. She was a woman who was not afraid to show how she felt. Well, that wasn’t true. She didn’t care to show off sad or sweet, but pregnancy had brought down some of those walls.
God help him.
She came to stand next to him and cocked her head.
“We need to convince her it’s her own idea. She’ll never agree if we tell her to do it. We’ll have to be careful about how we approach her...”
Dev closed his yes. Oh, no. No, no, no. This was not going to go well. When he reopened them and glanced down at Sarah he saw just what he’d expected.
Wild, untethered fury.
“Sarah, why don’t you calm down before—”
She shook her head and brought her fingers to her lips.
“I’m not going to stand here and eavesdrop,” he whispered to her, though he supposed the whispering kind of undercut his grand stand against listening in.
“We’ll just pretend it’s random,” Cecilia was saying from inside the kitchen. “Sarah, Dev, and Rach and Tucker. That’s four in town. Four in Bonesteel, and leaves us five here. It’s not such a bad split.”
Dev felt his own anger begin to simmer. That wasn’t just random. He and Rachel both had physical limitations, what with Rachel being legally blind. It wasn’t just coincidence they thought it was a good idea to ship him into town.
When he had a ranch to run and was the whole reason danger was at their doorstep in the first place.
Sarah raised an eyebrow at him and gave him a smirk, as if to say see, I’m not overreacting.
Dev grunted and charged in, though Sarah was right at his heels. The conversation came to a clear stop as they entered. Felicity and Cecilia were standing in the kitchen area, likely helping Grandma Pauline with kitchen duties. Gage was sitting at the table, helping feed his daughter breakfast.
Dev knew Brady, Tucker, Duke and Rachel were out doing chores at both ranches, but would likely be in soon. He hoped they would be here soon enough to get an earful.
“So, you have to be careful huh?” Sarah demanded of her sisters, hands on her hips.
Felicity and Cecilia shared a look, while Grandma Pauline kept cleaning and Gage kept feeding.
Felicity sighed. “Now, Sarah. We’re only trying to look out for you. You should be close to the hospital. That’s just common sense,” Felicity insisted.
“How come up to this point it was common sense to keep us all together?”
“We’re not saying you should stay in town alone, Sarah,” Cecilia replied.
“No, you want to ship the guy with the limp off with her,” Dev added. “Like some sort of weakest link eradication.”
Cecilia frowned at him. “You’re both being overly sensitive. We’re working out best options to keep everyone safe, including and most especially the children.” She gestured at Sarah’s stomach.
“Why on earth would she be safe with me? I think we’re well aware I’m a big part of the target here. I got a note just like the rest of my brothers. I’m the one who actually knows Anth. Why don’t you women take her off to town? No one’s threatening you.”
“Oh, Dev,” Gage said sadly.
Dev didn’t even have time to ask Gage what he meant before all four women in the kitchen were glaring daggers at him. Even one-year-old Claire seemed to give him a dirty look.
The door to the mudroom opened and Tucker and Brady came in, though they both stopped short at the tension in the room.
“Abort. Save yourselves,” Gage muttered, earning him a light slap on the shoulder from his wife before Felicity swooped in and picked up Claire.
“I’ll just go change her and you all can have the knock-out drag-out fight you’re so desperate to have.” She stopped in front of Sarah, expression going sad. “I hope you know we’re all just looking out for you.”
If Sarah was mollified, she didn’t show it. She turned her anger toward Brady and Tucker at the door. “So, which scenario do you two agree with?”
“Uh,” Tucker said. “What were the options again?”
“What happens if you’re stuck out here in labor while there’s danger?” Cecilia demanded of Sarah, ignoring Tucker’s question.
“What happens if I’m off in town in labor while there’s danger? Not much different, to my way of thinking.”
“A lot quicker to get you to the hospital though. Brady agrees with me,” Cecilia said resolutely. “Everyone agrees because it’s the most sensible, reasonable option.”
Sarah took exception to that. Brady tried to smooth things over, which only got his wife angry at him. Gage cracked a joke which made everyone mad until the voices all rose over each other and the entire kitchen was just an unholy din that made Dev’s temples pound.
The clanging bell echoed through the kitchen, making everyone wince, but also bringing the arguing and shouting to a dead silence. No one dared break it until Grandma Pauline said her piece.
“How did we weather last year?” she demanded. “Going off in different directions? A few of you did, and what happened? I’ll tell you what happened. You got your butts kicked—every time—except when you got it through your thick skulls to ask for help. Now you.” Grandma Pauline turned and pointed at Sarah.
Sarah blinked, even kind of leaned toward Dev as if she could hide behind him and avoid Grandma’s lecture.
“You’re nine months pregnant in the dead of winter and acting like a stubborn mule. And you!” She moved the pointed finger to him. “Are acting like an egotistical teenager who can’t get it through his head that not everything is about him.” She huffed out a breath. “And the rest of you are shouting out orders without asking anyone how they feel about them—which is not how a family does things. Now, we’re going to start over, and we’re going to act like a family—not a military institution, not a high school cafeteria, and most especially not like one of those god-awful reality TV programs.”
“That you love to watch,” Gage muttered, ever attempting to lighten a moment.
Sarah sighed heavily, massaging her stomach like she did when it was paining her but not a contraction. “Grandma’s right. We need to talk. Really talk. And I think most of all, we need to stick together.” She looked up at Dev, something unreadable in her expression. “How can one man beat us if we all stick together?”
Dev didn’t know how to answer that question. The truth was, Ace had always seemed to win—even escaping the Sons of the Badlands, even being raised by Grandma Pauline, it hadn’t saved them from everything. Not the first terrible years of their childhood. Not their mother’s death. It certainly hadn’t solved any of the rage inside of him that he’d forever be cursed by who and what his father was.
Even now, Ace was dead, but they were still in danger. Still trying to figure out how to fight bad with good—almost as if good could never permanently win.
But Sarah rubbed her stomach and something shifted in his chest. There was a baby in there—one that would be making his appearance very soon. That baby didn’t deserve to be born into a world of fear and gravity. He didn’t deserve what Dev had been forced to endure as a child.
Maybe Dev had a hard time believing good could win—maybe he’d even
given up on truly winning—but there was a child that needed more from him than giving up.
“He won’t beat us,” Dev managed. Maybe he’d failed everything up to this point, and maybe he’d never be a father to that child, but the baby was his. Part of him. Part of Sarah.
No matter the consequences, he’d fight to give that baby something better.
Chapter Seven
Trying to find consensus amidst the varying opinions of fourteen people was, to Sarah’s way of thinking, impossible.
She’d managed to talk almost everyone out of the whole ship-her-off-to-town plan—at least for another few days. Everyone wanted to “reevaluate” after her doctor’s appointment on Tuesday.
Eventually she’d given up. She’d tried to help Grandma Pauline with kitchen chores but had been shooed away. She’d tried to help Felicity with Claire, but Claire had been taking a nap and, well, it sounded like a fine idea to Sarah.
She was tired and uncomfortable and grumpy, and a good sleep in a quiet room was just what she needed. Especially since no one would let her do anything.
But it would require the endless trek up the stairs. Sarah looked up the staircase. Never in her life had it looked so gigantic. May as well have been Mount Everest.
She could go doze on the recliner in the living room, but with so many people coming and going it wouldn’t be very restful. It also wasn’t the image she wanted to present right now. She didn’t want people to see her tired or worn out—they’d worry about the drive time to the hospital and anything else.
No, better to do the resting in her own room.
Still, she stood at the bottom of the stairs, grimacing, and wishing there was any other option.
She heard footsteps behind her, turned to see Dev step into the hallway. He still had his coat on, though it was unzipped, plus a stocking hat and gloves.
“You okay?”
Sarah let out a hefty sigh. “I want to take a nap. My bed is very far away.”
He seemed to consider this, then started walking toward her. “Come on,” he grumbled. He made a move like he was going to take her arm, but in the end he just kept walking, passed her and then went into the short hallway that led to his room.