by Becky Wade
“‘It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens,’” she read. “Ah, in reference to the Constitution. Susan B. Anthony indeed.”
“Yes.”
“Well, obviously, I’m going to have to purchase one of those shirts.”
“Was it my effective modeling that sold you on it?”
“That, and the opportunity to support gender equality. But mostly your modeling.”
She leaned forward to select a shirt, and he caught the scent of lavender. Not too sweet, but distinctive. She handed cash to one of the girls. “It’s nice of you to assist Ben this way,” she said to him.
“To be honest, I showed up for the free T-shirt.”
She laughed. “And yet you’re the one who’s present, and Ben, the faculty advisor for this club, is absent.”
“He’ll be right back.”
She studied him like he was a chess game she was winning.
“Are you a football fan?” he asked. The round pin attached to her jersey showed a picture of Dylan, kneeling in his football uniform.
“Growing up, I went to exactly one football game. When I was in middle school.”
“To receive an academic achievement award at halftime?”
“How’d you know?”
“Wild guess.”
“The crowd was much more interested in securing halftime snacks than they were in my award.”
He wanted to drag a trail of kisses down the side of her throat, then continue along the line of her collarbone—
“I’ve been making up for the deprivation of football in my early years,” she went on, “since Dylan started playing. I haven’t missed a single one of his home games.”
The girls handed Leah her change and a bag containing her new shirt. She put the change away and looped the bag over her wrist, then met his eyes. He felt the reverberation of it deep in his chest.
“Can you give me an update on Levi and Isabella?” she asked. “I’ve thought and prayed about them often.”
Have you thought about me, Leah? Because I’ve never stopped thinking about you. “Levi went home.”
“Wonderful.”
“Isabella struggled with fluid around her lungs, but now she’s on the mend.”
“I gather no heart’s become available?”
“Still no heart.”
“I’m sorry.”
He didn’t want to make her sorry. About anything. He wanted to make her life lighter, not heavier. “How’s Dylan?”
“Content to drag his feet with his college applications and to procrastinate conversations about potential career tracks. In other words, he’s fine, but I’m dying inside because of the feet dragging and procrastination.”
“I see.”
“Thank you again for the art supplies you gave him. He loves them. So much so that I regret not giving him a set like that for his last birthday.”
“Not all of us can be superior gift givers.”
“The next time you realize what gift my brother requires, will you kindly text me to let me know?”
He dipped his chin.
The announcer’s voice came over the sound system. “Welcome! Please find your seats. Sophomore Daisy Harris will sing the national anthem in five minutes.”
Don’t leave, he thought.
Her hair dipped over her eye. She pushed it back.
Stay.
“I always sit with my friends Tess and Rudy,” she said. “You and Ben are welcome to join us when you finish your shift here.”
“Thank you, but . . . ” Ben won’t want to sit with you if I’m there, too. “The Colemans saved us seats.”
“Okay. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
“So am I. . . .” His sentence faded as he caught sight of Ben. His friend stood several yards away. People drifted between their two positions, yet Ben was looking right at him and Leah.
How long had he been watching?
Sebastian refocused on Leah. “I’m glad, too.”
Leah left and Sebastian’s world turned dull and flat. Ben handed drinks to the girls. He said nothing about Leah, but Sebastian could almost hear the wheels of his friend’s mind turning.
As in many small southern towns, Misty River’s high school football team was the whole town’s team. It didn’t matter whether a resident had a child in high school or whether they’d graduated from Misty River High. For many, including the Colemans, cheering for the Mountaineers at Friday night home games was a family tradition.
Sebastian sat in the stands with a niece on one side of his lap and a nephew on the other. He remained mostly silent during sporting events. The Colemans didn’t share his approach. From every side of him, they shouted a running stream of encouragement and criticism at the players and referees.
After the Mountaineers kicked a field goal to win the game, the spectators filed from the stadium in a satisfied tide of blue and gold.
In the past, Sebastian had kept one car in Atlanta and one car in Misty River so that whenever he flew here, a car was waiting for him at the field. But he’d wrecked his Misty River car the day he’d met Leah and hadn’t replaced it. Because of that, he’d been driving here lately instead of flying since it was a headache to get around town without a car. This weekend was the exception. He’d missed flying enough to pilot the twin-engine here earlier today.
Ben had given him a lift to the game, so they walked together toward the faculty lot. The farther they went, the more the crowd thinned. Only the light from the outdoor fixtures punctuated the darkness.
“Everything okay?” Sebastian asked. Ben had been subdued during the game.
For several seconds, Ben didn’t respond. Then he said, “I’d like to know how you feel about Leah.” He kept his head fixed straight ahead.
“Nothing’s going to happen there—”
“Sebastian,” Ben said calmly. “Please just tell me honestly how you feel about her.”
Sebastian pursed his mouth. If their friendship was going to continue to be as strong as it had been, it wouldn’t be because of lies. “I feel the same way I felt about her the day I met her. My feelings haven’t changed.”
They walked without words.
“I could tell that by the way you were looking at her tonight,” Ben said. “And I could tell, by the way she was looking at you, that she’s attracted to you.”
“Ben—”
“I regret what I said when I called you at work the day after she and I went out to dinner. I was disappointed. And jealous. And selfish.”
“And honest. I understood why you said what you said. You’ve shared everything in your life with me.”
“Here’s the thing, though. That doesn’t give me the right to decide whom you’re allowed to date. I was kidding myself to think that it did.” He looked across at Sebastian briefly. “You and I both like Leah, but she only likes one of us back as more than a friend. And it’s you.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
“If so, she’s made a mistake. You’re the right person for her.”
“I’ll be the right person for someone someday, God willing. But I’m beginning to think that you’re the right person for Leah Montgomery.”
Because such powerful hope was rising in him, Sebastian had to make sure he reacted not in the way he wanted but in the way that was right. “Let’s say she is interested in me. And let’s say we get together. It would be painful for you to have to see us together, to have to hear about our relationship. I can’t be with her if I know it’s going to make you unhappy.”
They’d reached the fender of Ben’s Jeep. They faced each other.
Ben knew him better than anyone, and Sebastian couldn’t help but feel as though his skin was being pulled back so that Ben could see inside.
“Remember that time,” Ben said, “when we were in middle school and those two kids hissed racial slurs at me when they passed us on the field? You ran after them and started punching them in the face. All three of you got suspended.�
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“Yeah.”
“I could name at least five other times when you’ve stuck up for me. I think you felt like you had to defend me because I was Black and because I’ve never been the kind of person who strikes back when someone insults me. But you might not know that I’ve also always felt the need to defend you. Because of your history, I can’t help but want the best for you.”
Sebastian bristled, his brow knitting.
“Don’t give me that look. I don’t pity you, Sebastian. I just want what’s best for you.”
Except that Sebastian suspected that Ben did pity him, regardless of the things he’d accomplished.
“Go ahead and ask Leah out,” Ben said. “I won’t stand in the way.”
Sebastian stared at him with disbelief. “Like I said, even if she does want to be with me, I can’t be with her if it’s going to make you unhap—”
“Good grief. Can you stop being so bullheaded for one minute?”
Sebastian supposed the question was rhetorical.
Exasperated, Ben shook his head. “I really do deserve a medal for putting up with you all this time.”
This statement, too, seemed rhetorical.
“You might not have noticed, but I’m no longer someone you have to defend,” Ben said. “I’m a grown man, and I can deal with pain.”
“But—”
“Men fall for women all the time who don’t end up feeling the same way about them. The fact that Leah doesn’t want to date me isn’t going to ruin me.”
Sebastian set his jaw.
“I’m trying to give you my blessing,” Ben said. “The only thing I’m worried about is whether or not you’re ready to open yourself up to a real relationship. Are you?”
“I don’t think she’s going to want to date me, let alone get into a serious relationship with me.”
“That’s a non-answer.”
“It’s all I’ve got. I honestly don’t know what I’m ready for.”
“She’s my friend. So I don’t want you to insult her or me by keeping her at arm’s length like you’ve done with your past girlfriends.”
“I don’t think she’s going to want to date me,” Sebastian repeated.
“I think she will want to date you. But she’s not like the others.” Ben considered him. “I have to believe that you’re not going to be able to hold back your feelings with her, even if you try.” Ben pulled out his keys. “In fact, between you and Leah, you’re probably the one in need of prayer.”
A text arrived from Ben’s mom, CeCe, the following morning while Sebastian was running.
I’m going to be working in the garden for the next two hours. Come see me.
Sebastian read her message on the smart watch he wore while exercising. Sweat ran down his face. His shirt stuck to his skin in wide patches.
He’d intended to mow his lawn after this. But now he’d shower and Uber to the Colemans. A message like this from CeCe was equivalent to a command from the president.
You did not—could not—say no.
CeCe got right to the point when he arrived at her side. She was harvesting broccoli from her vegetable garden, located in a raised planting bed that ran along one side of her home. “Ben tells me that you’re interested in Leah and that Leah’s interested in you.”
Surprise made him unsure what to say. In telling his mom about the situation with Leah, Ben had made a strategic move. Ben would have known that CeCe would get involved immediately. He’d wanted that either as a way of showing Sebastian that he’d meant what he’d said last night or as a way of shutting the door for good on his own hopes for a romance with Leah. Or both.
“If Ben thinks she’s interested, then she almost certainly is,” CeCe stated. “But of course you’re concerned about dating her because Ben has liked her for so long.”
“Yes.”
“That’s kind of you, Sebastian.”
“Thank you—”
“But stupid.” She straightened. Gardening gloves covered the hands she set on her round waist. “If you like that woman, go after her with everything you’ve got. Marriage and family—that’s the hardest stuff of life. But it’s also the very best stuff. So you’re a fool if you pussyfoot around Ben’s feelings and miss your chance.”
“He’s your son.”
She shoved his shoulder. “You’re my son, too.” Her glare dared him to contradict her. “Ben will be just fine.”
He said nothing.
“Go after her,” CeCe demanded.
“I want to.”
“Then do.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“No, it’s not simple. Neither is medical school. But you did that, didn’t you?”
A smile cracked across his face.
She knelt and yanked several carrots from the soil. She brushed one off and handed it to him. “Eat that.”
“Ma’am?”
“Eat it. You look skinny.”
He wasn’t skinny. Dirt stuck to the carrot, but he knew that CeCe believed the dirt was good for them. He’d offend her if he cleaned off his carrot more than she’d cleaned off the one she was eating. The bite he took crunched between his teeth.
“I hope you don’t think you owe Ben or any of the rest of us anything, Sebastian.”
“You’re kidding, right? I owe you guys everything.”
She shot him a slit-eyed stare. “Like what, exactly?”
He hesitated. “I wouldn’t have any success or any family if it weren’t for you.”
“Bull. You earned your success yourself, every day, with every paper and assignment and test and patient. Now, we did pull you into our family—and hardly gave you much choice in the matter, that’s true enough. But the love we have for you was, is, and always will be free. Totally free. There are no debts between us. Do you understand me?”
He’d lost count of the times CeCe had belligerently asked him, “Do you understand me?” over the course of his life.
“Do you understand me, Sebastian?” she repeated, when he didn’t answer quickly enough.
“Yes.”
“Then, c’mere.” She tugged him down so she could kiss his cheek. “Go on now and steal the heart of that girl,” she whispered.
Sauntering toward the back door, she pulled off her gloves. Then turned. “What’re you waiting for? Chop chop. I’ve got about ten chores for you to do inside.”
Since May, Sebastian had been in an almost constant bad mood over the way things stood between him, Leah, and Ben. Yet at least the way things stood had made sense to him. He couldn’t make sense of the encouragement that Ben and CeCe had given him regarding Leah.
He’d felt rotten every time he’d thought about the possibility of Ben and Leah as a couple. It had to be the same for Ben when Ben thought about him and Leah together—yet Ben had taken the noble course. Ben always took the noble course. Ben had been raised in an environment that nurtured nobility. Sebastian had been raised in an environment that nurtured survival.
Five days after his conversation with CeCe, his phone alerted him to an incoming text message. He should have gone home for the day a few hours ago, but he was still in his office, trying to catch up on work.
He focused on the screen through eyes gritty with weariness. It was Ben.
Have you asked Leah out yet?
No.
If you won’t at least try to win her over, I’m going to be mad.
Sebastian scowled.
His phone chimed again. A text from CeCe.
We’re having a family dinner at our house on Sunday, and I’m making your favorite. Shrimp in butter sauce with mashed potatoes, green beans, and homemade rolls. You’re not allowed to come, though, unless you’ve asked out that woman by that time. I really hope you can come, because I’d hate to give your shrimp to Eugene.
Groaning, Sebastian bent forward and set his forehead on top of his forearm on the desk. He didn’t deserve the things they did for him. He’d never felt that he did. Which was one of man
y differences between him and them. The things they did had nothing to do with whether or not he was deserving. The things they did were motivated by simple love.
For him, love was not simple.
Another text from Ben.
The PE teacher and the vice principal at Misty River High both have a crush on her. You’re burning valuable time.
And then, from CeCe:
Call her. Or I will.
In his whole life, he’d only formed two deep attachments—with his mother and the Colemans. Loyalty to Ben ran in his blood.
It was difficult to think about acting contrary to that.
It was also difficult to think about how to protect his heart from Leah if she agreed to go out with him.
It hadn’t been difficult to avoid giving women the power to hurt him in the past. But he already felt uncomfortably far gone over Leah, and they weren’t even a couple.
Warnings were stirring inside him. He heard them. Yet they were pitted against his attraction to Leah, and Leah was winning.
She’d told him point-blank that she was not looking for romance. If she did agree to go out with him, she’d want to keep things light. Right? Yes. Which was reassuring. It meant she wouldn’t demand vulnerability from him.
What should he do?
Should he really move forward with this?
He wrote a text to both Ben and CeCe.
Are you sure you’re okay with the idea of me and Leah?
CeCe answered almost immediately.
As sure as God made little green apples.
Then from Ben:
As sure as death and taxes.
Sebastian picked up his phone and selected Leah’s contact. Filling his lungs, he remembered how she’d looked at the football game in her jersey. Her pale hair. Her long eyelashes and straightforward gaze. She was quirky, self-reliant, sacrificial. Her personality entertained him. Talking to her challenged him. He often dialed-in conversations with people. But he’d never be able to dial in a conversation with Leah Montgomery. Keeping up with her demanded his full attention.