Her Imaginary Husband (Contemporary Romance)

by Lia London

  Janna slouched next to her and held up her program to block her whispers from onlookers. “Well?”

  “Janna, he’s a player. It doesn’t matter how cute he is.”

  “So he must be hot.”

  Nikki sighed. “Yes. Yes, he his. Exceedingly hot. Can we listen to the sermon?”

  “So why not go out with him?” Janna folded her arms across her chest and turned to Nikki as if there was nothing going on in the front of the room.

  The oldest of the ribboned girls behind them poked Nikki with her pencil. “You shouldn’t be talking about that stuff in church.”

  Janna crossed her eyes. “Judge not that ye be not judged, kiddo.”

  At that moment, everyone stood to sing again. Janna grabbed Nikki’s shoulder between two sharp fingers and dragged her down the side aisle and into the foyer.

  “What are you doing? You’re making a scene!”

  “You’ve had enough religion for today,” she said. Nodding curtly at a teenager playing a game on his phone, she palmed Nikki’s back and pushed her out into the sunshine. “Tell me why you can’t just date this guy, this Coach Hottie?”

  “Janna, I’m 99.9% sure I’m not his type.”

  “He’s chasing you, isn’t he?”

  “He’s only looking for one thing, according to Gayle.”

  Janna planted her hands on her hips. “Look, I’m not saying you have to go all the way with him. Just let him spend a little money on you. Enjoy his big buffness. Find out if his lips are useful for anything but screaming at the team.”

  Nikki hesitated and glanced back at the door to the church. “I’m not that kind of woman. I value honesty, integrity—”

  “Says the woman who lied about being married.”

  “You’re not helping!” Nikki groaned, guilt darkening her eyes. How do I explain that I want to be pursued, but…slowly? “I just would like to know that a guy wants more than my bod.”

  “You never show your bod.”

  “Not until recently, and have you noticed the drop off in interest from guys?”

  “You still have Flip-Flop Man.”

  Nikki slapped Janna’s arm. “He’s disgusting, and you know it. I have standards, after all.”

  “So you’re judging him by his bod?”

  Rolling her eyes, Nikki said, “And his blatant lack of a personality.”

  “He has a personality,” goaded Janna.

  “Not one you should take out in public.”

  “Would you prefer I snag the guy myself?” suggested Janna in a sing-song voice.

  Nikki grimaced. “Ew!”

  Laughing, Janna checked her reflection in her compact. “Not Flip-Flop. The Coach. He’s got those dreamy big eyes and strong jaw.”

  “No!”

  “The rest of him is that yummy, huh?” She snapped the compact shut and dropped it into her purse.

  “Shut up.” Nikki turned and started walking back into the church. “I’m too inexperienced with men to be having this conversation. I don’t know how to play a player. Or even exactly what that means.”

  Janna quickly caught up with her and looped her arm through Nikki’s. “You’re going to regret this.”

  “Going to church?”

  “No, this whole being married thing. Mark my words,” she said, wagging a finger as they re-entered the chapel to find the pastor praying. “This is going to come back and bite you in the butt.”

  The congregation exclaimed in unison, “Amen!”

  7~The First Day of School

  Nikki was breezing through her highly rehearsed welcome-to-the-first-day-of-class speech when a caveman-like voice interrupted her train of thought. “Where’s the teacher?”

  Squinting at the back, she saw a student standing in the doorway looking more than a little bewildered. Someone muttered, “Loser.”

  “Um, right here,” said Nikki, waving.

  The kid looked at her, taking his time to focus. “Nuh-uh.”

  Giggling ensued.

  Nikki lifted her lanyard with the laminated ID card and clump of brassy keys. “Yuh-huh,” she said. “I’ve got the keys.”

  “You look like a kid,” he said.

  Nikki glanced down at her petite frame. “Well, thanks for the compliment. My skin care products must be working.”

  The class rippled with laughter. The intruder, however, remained stoic. Trying to hold back her annoyance, Nikki asked, “Can I help you?”

  He waved vaguely at the door. “Tell the teacher she forgot to put out the attendance sheet. I’ll be back.” Nikki’s face flushed as he waddled out the door. Mouthing her best Terminator impression, I’ll be back, she quickly rifled through the stack of papers on her desk. Attendance sheets. Where are the attendance sheets? Who cares about attendance sheets?

  “They’re in the inbox on your file cabinet,” said a lanky boy with shaggy blonde hair and glasses.

  She checked, and sure enough, they were there. Winking and sticking her tongue out at the same time, she said, “Thanks. You’re a life-saver.”

  “Dude, she winked at you!” called a boy from the back.

  “She stuck her tongue out, too. I think that balances out any threat of harassment charges,” answered the boy in glasses drily.

  Nikki stifled a laugh behind the attendance sheets. Okay, I like this kid, she thought. “We interrupt that riveting introduction to Freshman English for this exciting roll call procedure. You know the drill.”

  The kids smirked or looked blank depending on how much sugar they’d already consumed, and Nikki stared down at the list, dreading the fact that she’d have to memorize all their names quickly or run the risk of them playing tricks on her. She managed not to slaughter any of the pronunciation except for the Czech boy, whose twelve-letter surname contained one vowel, and the Tongan girl whose name was determined to counterbalance that. The kid in glasses was named Robert—not Rob, Robbie or Bob—Robert. Nikki suspected he’d been home schooled for a few years because he talked like an adult and looked as fashion-conscious as a termite. She finished calling roll with no evidence of stowaways, and clipped the relevant sheets to the hook outside the door. The attendance aide was just rounding the corner. She gave him a thumbs-up and shut the door.

  “Now, where was I?”

  Stupor. Yawns.

  “It’s early, isn’t it?”

  A few nods and groans. Two kids already had their heads down, trying to sleep.

  Nikki clapped her hands. “Well, let’s wake up, shall we? Anyone up for a jog?” That woke them up. “We’ll run laps around the room until we’re awake. How does that sound?”

  “I’m in!” called a wiry girl with a huge, black, messy bun and perfect olive skin. She was on her feet and trotting down the aisle in a second.

  Nikki had not expected anyone to take her up on the idea, but the girl jogged around the perimeter, and within seconds, the class was chanting, “Sam-mi! Sam-mi! Sam-mi!” Nikki took a mental note: Okay, that was Samantha. I don’t think I’ll forget her name any time soon.

  After three laps, Sammi made her way back to her seat as everyone clapped and fist pumped. Laughing, Nikki lifted both arms. “Woohoo!”

  “Is everything all right in here?” boomed an adult male voice.

  Nikki froze. Officer Ross stood at the door, arms folded across his chest. His surprised look made everyone laugh.

  “Ah, yeah. We’re good,” said Nikki, dusting her jacket shoulders off as if her fists had been raised for that very purpose.

  “We’re awake now!” cheered Sammi.

  Ross tossed a chin at Nikki, but addressed the class. “Is your teacher behaving? Is she doing all right?”

  “She’s doing great!” shouted a few voices.

  Ross cocked an eyebrow at Nikki. “Well, carry on, then.”

  

  “How was your first day?”

  “Hi, Mom.” Nikki closed her eyes and massaged the bridge of her nose.

  “I’m so proud of you, Baby
! All grown up and teaching elementary school.”

  “High school, Ma.” Nikki flopped back on her pillow, wearied instantly by her mother’s call. The laundry would have to wait.

  “Yes, well it should have been elementary school because everyone knows men are intimidated by women who know too much, and high school teachers know too much.”

  Like you should be giving me advice on how not to be intimidating. “It’ll be my little secret, Ma. If people ask what I do for a living, I’ll tell them I’m still at Main Street Market.”

  “Don’t sass your mother.”

  Meriwether chose that moment to jump onto the bed from the nightstand, startling Nikki into a yelp.

  “What was that?” Ma’s voice sent a frosty mist through the receiver.

  “Nothing, Ma. Meriwether just surprised me.”

  “That cat!” Nikki could envision her mother’s sneer. “You’re going to end up the crazy cat lady, Nikki.”

  “Ma, one cat does not a crazy cat lady make. I need a starter kit of at least four or five.”

  “Don’t sass your mother.”

  Nikki grabbed her pillow and, holding her phone at arm’s length, screamed into the pink satin. She returned the phone to her ear. With a honeyed voice, she said, “Sorry, Ma. I just really like Meriwether. She keeps me company.” Ooops!

  “You wouldn’t need a cat for company if you’d get yourself a man. Aren’t there any men at that school of yours? Something nice and manly? A football coach or something?”

  “Actually…”

  Ma’s voiced pitched higher with excitement. “Really? Is he married? How developed is his pension?”

  “Is that a euphemism, Ma?”

  “Don’t be disgusting, Nikki. How are his funds?”

  Nikki ground the heel of her palm into her eyes. “I’m not privy to the financial records of my colleagues, Ma. He must be making more than I am, though. He’s been teaching for a while.”

  “Is he old?”

  “No, not old. Just older than I am.”

  “Well, you’re not getting any younger. If he’s single, you should make a move.”

  “Ma—”

  “It’s nice talking to you, Honey. I do wish you’d initiate the call sometimes, though.”

  Not likely. “Sorry, Ma. I’ve been crazy busy.”

  “Just don’t be too busy to find a nice man.”

  “Yes, Ma.” The connection died and Nikki rested the phone so it balanced on her nose and forehead. “Meriwether, you are infinitely less aggravating than my mother, even when you yerp in my shoes.”

  Meriwether purred loudly, and the sound blended into the vibrating phone. Nikki gingerly lifted the phone a few inches above her face and stared at the screen somewhat cross-eyed.

  I’ll call you tomorrow. A text from her mother.

  Nikki dropped the phone over the side of the bed and promptly fell asleep.

  8~Stupid Bee!

  Nikki hit the snooze button twice before finally getting up to realize she’d never changed into her pajamas. She showered and dressed in six minutes. Grabbing a pair of flats in one hand and her purse with make-up kit in the other, she rushed to the car. There, she slipped on her shoes and applied her mascara while her ten-year-old car warmed up. She studied her reflection. Even in the dim light, she really did look about eighteen years old. Oh well. She’d be thrilled about that when she was forty. All the same, she pinched the skin beside her eyes, willing just a few wrinkles to appear. Who’ll take me seriously as an authority figure if I look like their lab partner?

  Running up the back steps of the school, she ducked her head trying to avoid eye contact with Officer Ross. No luck.

  “So, Coach Fallon, are you planning on taking your class running again today?”

  “Huh? Oh. No.” She flailed her hand and opened the door. “That’s a special thing for the first day,” she said sheepishly, glancing down at her feet. Oh. My. Gosh. She had grabbed mismatched shoes—one black and one blue. Nikki stared heavenward. “What did I ever do to You?”

  “What?”

  Her gaze snapped back to Ross, and she tried to stand in such a way that her feet were behind her, which resulted in a strange lean that closed the door on his face.

  He looked at her through the little window in the door, a bemused smile on his lips.

  “Gaaah!” She gargled in frustration and shuffled as fast as she could to room 31.

  Ten minutes later, students started arriving, and Nikki could hear them out in the hall. She couldn’t go out there with these shoes! How was she going to teach?

  The door across the way opened, and Gayle came out. “Hey, how’d that first day go? And how come you didn’t join us for lunch in the department lounge?”

  “We have a lounge?”

  She gestured with her thumb at the room she’d just left. “It’s smaller than a walk-in closet, but it’s ours. It’s got a secret stash of Lunchables, too.”

  “Lunch! I forgot to pack lunch!”

  “Well, you can brave the cafeteria or come hide out with us. See you then? I want to hear all about your first day.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be there.”

  “Watch out,” she said, glancing down the hall. “Here comes Trouble.”

  Nikki turned to find Will approaching with a lop-sided grin. “You know,” he said, drawing out the word in a long note. “You really are supposed to check your mailbox in the office, Mrs. Fallon.” He held out a stack of memos and envelopes to her. Just as she was about to take them, he snapped them back to his chest protectively. “But I am happy to deliver them to you if you ever find yourself running behind schedule.”

  Nikki grabbed for them. “Thank you, Coach Carlin. That’s very considerate and totally unnecessary.”

  “Just being friendly, Mrs. Fallon,” he said with a wink, and he turned to strut away.

  Nikki scuffled back into her room and got behind her desk—to hide her feet, of course—and sifted through the stack. Under the announcements and the cafeteria menu was a small, handwritten note. I hope you’ll still let me take you out to lunch sometimes. W.C.

  Nikki stared at the note. W. C. Will Carlin?! He doesn’t care that I’m married?! She slammed the papers down with disgust and caught sight of her hands. The ring! I forgot to get a ring! She closed her eyes and put her head down. This was going to be a long day.

  “Do we need to go running, Ms. Fallon?”

  “Is that you, Sammi?” asked Nikki, not moving.

  “Yeah.”

  “How about you just crack open a window?”

  “That works, too.”

  Nikki smiled at the students entering and turned away to face the corner while she applied the rest of her make-up. A few minutes later, the final bell rang. The kids seemed to be in a pleasant enough mood, and she hoped that meant she’d done all right the first day. She crooked a finger at Robert, and he approached the desk warily.

  “Robert, you seem to be a responsible sort. Is it likely that you’ll get beat up if I ask you to take roll for me every day?”

  He pushed his glasses further up his nose and shrugged. “I’m a second degree black belt in Tae Kwon Do, so I doubt it.”

  Nikki’s jaw dropped open, which was preferable to snickering.

  “I get that a lot,” he said.

  “I would love to watch the security cams when someone tries to bully you. I bet it’d be YouTube worthy.”

  Robert gave what passed for a smile. His was not an expressive face.

  Nikki managed to direct the class through a study of the first chapter of Elements of Fiction without leaving her desk. However, eventually, someone asked, “Aren’t you going to get up today?”

  “She’s feeling sick,” whispered Sammi. “She had her head down before class. It’s probably that time of—”

  Nikki shot to her feet so fast that her rolling swivel chair banged into the wall and knocked her decorative photo frame askew. “All right, let’s get this party started!”


  A loud scream came from a seat by the window, and three of the fluffier girls started batting at the air hysterically. “A bee! There’s a bee in the room!”

  Nikki’s heart jumped, but she forced calm into her voice. “Is anyone allergic?” Inside her head, she was screaming, too.

  “I am,” whimpered a very large boy in the middle of the room.

  Nikki snatched the yardstick from the tray of the classroom chalk board. “Let’s try to usher it back out the window, shall we?” She lifted the stick, wielding it like a sword. “Mr. Bee, sir. You were not invited.”

  “That’s not a bee. That’s a wasp!” said Robert, stepping a little closer to the door.

  Crap.

  Kids squealed and scraped back their chairs, tipping and leaping to get away from the Two-inch Terror. It circled low over their heads once and then drifted up into the fluorescent lights that hung down on rods from the twelve-foot ceiling. Shaking the yardstick to one side of the wasp, Nikki tried to scare it into moving back towards the window, but it just went higher. Determined to get rid of the wasp, she stepped up onto one of the newly vacated chairs, and from there climbed up to the desk top.

  “Go, Ms. Fallon!” shouted one kid.

  “Be careful! Don’t fall!” called another.

  “Thanks, Mom,” answered Nikki, grimacing in effort. She stepped from desk to desk, knocking a few binders and a Starbucks cup to the floor before she finally caught up with the wasp. Swinging up into the lights, she hit the bug so that it buzzed angrily against one of the suspending cables. “Ha! You’re no match for me!”

  The class roared with laughter, and Nikki dropped her arm to look at them. “Oh, come on. It’s not that funny.”

  They weren’t looking at her. They were looking towards the door where not only Officer Ross, but Principal Geoffreys peeked around the doorsill with alarm.

  As she shrank back down to the floor, red-faced, Sammi said, “Did you know that you had one black shoe and one blue shoe, Ms. Fallon?”

  

  “Hey, Nik!”

  “Charlie!” Nikki swung her purse over her shoulder and grabbed her keys. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”