I was used to the feeling of my chest constricting, of not being able to breathe. It was part of my condition, and it happened on an all-too-regular basis. But this time, standing here now, my breath was catching and my heart was pounding for an entirely different reason.
“I won’t, Quinn. I promise. I will always be here for you, no matter what.”
Freshman Year
August
“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive over with you?” My mother gnawed on the corner of her lip, a habit I’d noticed had become more pronounced in the last few months.
“It’s not that I don’t want you to be there, Mom.” I rubbed her arm and smiled. “It’s just that it doesn’t make any sense. You have the meeting with the estate attorney, and there’s nothing for you to do at the college. Gia and I are driving over together¸ Nate’s already there, and we’re just going to bring in my clothes and stuff. Unpack. You can come over tomorrow, for the parent crap.”
“Nice language, Quinn.” She rolled her eyes, but her voice was mild. “But all the other parents will probably be there. I don’t want you to feel like an orphan.”
“I’m not an orphan. Just fatherless.” I tried to keep it light, but my mother winced.
“I’m still not sure you’re doing the right thing, though. Daddy wanted you to go to Evans. He was so excited about it.”
“Yeah, well . . . that was before. We’ve been over this, Mom. I’m happy about my decision. Birch is an excellent college, and I can be with Gia and Nate.”
“You’re sure you’re not just staying because you’re worried about me?” She narrowed her eyes, suspicious.
“Absolutely not. I’m completely selfish.” I winked. “I’m not ready to be that far from you yet, but that’s for me, not you.” I paused. “Do you think I’m being a baby? Do you think Daddy would be ashamed of me?”
“Oh, sweetie, of course not.” My mother pulled me into a hug. “Don’t be silly. I’m thrilled you’re going to be just a few minutes down the street from me. But I don’t want you to look back and have regrets.”
“Nope. No regrets.” I leveled a look at her. “Right? We’re not living that way.” My phone buzzed, and I glanced down at the screen. “Oh, that’s Gia, wondering where I am. Okay, I need to go, but call me when you’re done with the meeting. And I’ll see you tomorrow for brunch and stupid orientation.”
“It’s not stupid, but yes, I’ll be there. Send me a picture of your room tonight.”
I opened my car door and climbed in. “Mom, you’ll see it tomorrow.” When she only cocked her head at me, I sighed. “Right. I’ll send it. Love you, Mommy.”
“Love you, too, sweetheart. Be safe.”
I focused on starting up the car and backing carefully out of the driveway, ignoring the lump in my throat. Unfortunately, I made the mistake of glancing at my rearview as I pulled away. Mom stood alone in the driveway, her hand to her mouth, and I knew she was fighting the same tears I was. Resisting the urge to stop the car and run back to hug her one more time, I steeled myself to turn the corner.
But once I was out of her sight, I burst into ugly crying.
“What’s wrong?” Gia’s concern was etched into her face and voice as she opened the passenger-side door. “Are you okay?”
I shook my head and sniffled. “Leaving Mom—was hard.”
“Oh, Quinn.” She rested her arm on the seat of the car. “What can I do?”
“Toss your bags in the trunk and let’s get moving. I just need to stop thinking and get there.”
She smiled at me. “You got it.”
I popped the trunk and watched as Gia maneuvered her bags around mine in the back of the car. I hadn’t packed too much, but the trunk wasn’t very big. When Mom and I had picked out a used car for me, we’d been focused on reliability and price, not trunk space.
Finally, she slammed it shut and came back around to slide into her seat. “Okay, we’re golden. Ready to become two official college students?”
“Sure.” I shot her a smile. “It’s got to be better than high school, right?”
“Fingers crossed.” Gia fiddled with her seat belt. “So was your mom emotional?”
“We both were, but we were also both pretending it wasn’t a big deal.” I braked at a stop light and then turned onto the main road that would take us to Gatbury. “Where was your mother?”
She shrugged. “We had a good-bye breakfast, and then she went to see my sister and the grandkids in Princeton. The whole leaving-for-college deal isn’t a big thing for her when it comes to the sixth kid.”
“Still. I’m sorry, G.” I couldn’t imagine my mother not caring enough to hang around for my college departure. She’d hated missing move-in, even when I’d insisted I was okay with it.
“It’s fine. And my dad texted this morning that he’d be in town in October and hoped to see me then. At least he remembered I was leaving today.” Gia’s parents had divorced ten years before, and the split had been far from amicable. I knew my friend had frequently felt as though she was the rope in an endless game of tug-of-war. Lately, though, it seemed both her dad and mom had better things to do than to pay attention to their youngest offspring.
My phone, resting on the console between us, buzzed an alert that I had a new text message. “Speaking of texting . . . can you look at that, please? It’s probably my mom, checking to see if we got there okay. You know, because I’ve been gone for about fifteen minutes.”
Gia scanned the screen. “Oooooh, it’s the Lion. And God, who knew he had such a dirty mind?”
My face felt as though it turned five shades of red. “Gia! Give it to me.” I kept my eyes on the road and one hand on the wheel as I attempted to snag my phone back.
“Settle down. I’m just teasing you. He says, ‘Happy move in day, Mia! Call me when you’re settled. Practice til five. Love you, baby.’ Awwww . . . how sweet.”
I relaxed and turned my attention back to driving. “He is sweet. And he probably sent that during a break in practice. They’re really working them hard, and he says it’s damn hot down there.”
“I bet.” Gia stretched her arms. “When are you planning to go visit him?”
“Three weeks. Two days.” I grinned sideways at her. “Six hours.”
“Not that you’re counting or anything.”
“Not much.” I slowed to make the turn into the college’s main gate. “Actually, I was going to ask if you wanted to ride down with me. We could do the whole road-trip deal. You know, mix tapes and junk food and sleeping in rest areas?”
Gia grinned. “I’m so in. But can we update that description to be playlists instead of mix tapes? Since your car doesn’t even have a tape player?”
I lifted one shoulder. “Well, it won’t sound as poetic, but sure.” I peered out the windshield as we reached an intersection. “Can you check and see where we go from here? See, this is good practice for you being my navigator.”
She pointed to the left. “The sign says this way to Gibbons Hall. How was that?”
“You’ll do.” I steered us around a bend, down a dip in the road and then back up to a tall brick building with a large wooden sign on the outside, proclaiming it to be Gibbons Hall. There was a loading area on the side and a parking lot across the street. Since we didn’t have too much to tote and the loading spot was pretty crowded, I chose the lot. “Here we are. Home sweet home-away-from-home.”
“Looks like it.”
We both climbed out and hoisted bags onto our shoulders. “Let’s take your stuff up first, and then we’ll check out my room. Okay?”
Gia smiled. “Thanks. How did you know I didn’t want to go up and meet my roommate by myself?”
I bumped my shoulder against hers as we crossed the street to the dorm. “Because I don’t want to do it alone either.”
Just inside the double doors at the front of Gibbons, a long table was set up, manned by a bunch of people behind laptops. A line of freshmen waited to pick up their
keys. Gia and I stood in the back of the queue until it was our turn.
As it turned out, Gia was on the fourth floor, and I was in a room on the second story. We climbed up the steps to her room first, stepping around knots of people chatting in the hallway and parents carrying up boxes.
“Do you think we’re doing something wrong, that we don’t have more shit with us?” Gia eyed up a guy carrying a stack of milk crates overflowing with books. “Some of these people look like they’re moving in forever.”
I shrugged. “We have the advantage of knowing home is less than fifteen minutes away. Anything we might need, we can get pretty fast.”
“I guess so. Oh, here’s my room.”
We stopped outside a door that was closed, and Gia fumbled with her key. Casting me a here-goes-nothing look, she unlocked it and pushed it open.
The room was shadowed and bare, with two beds, each pushed up against an opposite wall. A set of dressers abutted each bed, and desks with matching chairs were next to them.
“Well, it’s . . . basic.” I stepped into the room and searched for a light switch. “But about what I expected.”
“Yeah. Let’s drop the bags. We’ll put the sheets on my bed, and then we can go check out your space.” She deposited one suitcase on the floor by the left-side bed. “Hope Ellie the roommate is okay with me choosing my side.”
We worked together, with me making up the bed while Gia unpacked her clothes and dumped them into the dresser drawers. I noticed Gia glancing over her shoulder every time we heard voices outside in the hall, but by the time we’d finished, there was still no sign of the roommate.
“Okay, then.” She scanned the room. “I’ll put up some posters and pictures later. Let’s head down to the second floor and see if your roommate is here yet.”
I picked up one of my duffel bags. “If you want to wait up here in case Ellie shows up, I’m okay. I promise.”
“Nah. I want to see who the housing department stuck you with. And Nate should be around somewhere, right? Wonder how he’s making out.”
“He texted this morning that his mom and dad were driving him over, if I wanted to ride with them.” I flashed a half-smile at Gia. “I was glad you and I had already made plans. I love the Wellmans, but it would have felt weird to come here with them. Like some kind of bizarro-world version of my own family, you know?”
Gia nodded. “Still, I’m sure he’s going to want to see where you are.”
“He won’t be able to navigate those steps very easily. They put him in a handicap-accessible room, you know. So he’ll be on the first floor over at Liddleton. I have a feeling we’re going to be hanging out there more than here.”
“Maybe he’ll end up making a whole new group of friends and forgetting all about us.” Gia winked at me. “Remember all those stupid videos the guidance counselors made us sit through last year? ‘Going to College is A Brand New World.’”
“Yeah.” I smirked. “But the people who made those movies didn’t know Nate. He’s got quirks and faults, but he’s loyal. He’d never turn his back on us.”
We made it down to the second floor and counted off the numbers until we reached the room I’d been assigned. Unlike Gia’s door, mine was ajar, although I didn’t hear any noise from inside. I hoped like crazy that I wasn’t going to walk in on a happy family, all helping their college freshman to organize her new room. I wasn’t sure I could take too much family vibe today.
But when I peered inside, there was only one person there, a girl. One side of the room was clearly claimed; one bed was made, one dresser moved and one desk already stacked with books, while on the other side, nothing had been touched.
The girl sitting on the edge of the made-up bed was beautiful. Not just your typical, run-of-the-mill college pretty, but catch-your-breath-and-turn-to-stare gorgeous. She was probably about as tall as I was, I thought, although it was hard to be sure before she stood up. One long tanned leg was folded beneath her, while the other was bent, her foot resting on the mattress as she stroked color on her toenail.
The door creaked a little as I pushed it open further, and she looked up, brushing back a curtain of long white-blonde hair. Huge blue eyes regarded me with interest.
“You must be the roommate.” With measured movements, she replaced the nail polish brush, screwing it back onto the bottle. She untwisted her leg and dropped both feet to the floor, then stretched her arms over her head languidly as she rose. “Nice to meet you. I’m Zelda Porter.”
I took a few steps forward. “Quinn Russell.” Hooking a thumb over my shoulder, I added, “And this is my friend, Gia Capri.”
“Hey.” Zelda nodded. “So I got here super early and set up my stuff on this side. I hope that’s okay.”
“Sure.” I dropped one of my bags near the foot of the empty bed. “I’m not fussy about what side of the room I have.”
“Cool. Please tell me you’re from a big family, and you’re used to having a roommate. ‘Cause I’m an only child, and I don’t know shit about sharing.”
I shook my head. “Sorry, I’m an only, too.”
“But she’s really easy to be around.” Gia leaped to my defense. “Quinn’s one of the nicest people I know. She’s patient, and she’s funny, and she—”
“Gia.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Seriously. I don’t need you to testify for me.” When I saw her expression shift to hurt, I added hastily, “But thanks. It’s nice to know my fan club has my back.”
“I’m sure we’ll get along great.” Zelda lay back on her bed, carefully crossing her bare feet at the ankle, mindful of the still-wet polish. “But I do have to ask—what did you do to get me as a roommate? I was pretty sure I was going to end up with some loser, given the situation.”
“What situation?” I sat down on a corner of the mattress that was apparently mine.
Zelda flicked an assessing glance at me. “I had a roommate. Or I had someone who was assigned to be my roommate, more accurately. She decided that we weren’t a good fit anymore.” The corner of her mouth twisted up a little.
“Uh huh.” I resisted the urge to look at Gia, who’d never been known for her poker face. “Did you . . . um, disagree?”
“You might say that.” She lifted her foot again, examining the line of her polished big toe. “I fucked her boyfriend, and she disagreed with my rationale for doing it.”
Gia sucked in a quick breath, and I was pretty sure my mouth sagged open. “Oh.”
Zelda sighed and set her mouth in a firm line. “Here’s the thing you need to know about me. I like boys. Men. And I like sex. I don’t do relationships.” She fingered the small charm that hung from a thin silver chain around her neck. “The girl I was supposed to room with—she lives up by Trenton. Since I’m from Lancaster, not too far away, she invited me to come up for a weekend this summer, so we could get to know each other. I did, and we got along great.” She paused. “Until she caught me riding her boyfriend’s cock in his Jeep, while it was parked in her driveway.”
“Holy God.” Gia muttered behind me, and I couldn’t blame her.
“Listen.” Zelda leaned forward, her eyes fastened on me. “I just told you the thing you have to know about me is that I like men and I like sex. Both true. But you also need to know, I’m not a poacher. I don’t steal boyfriends.”
“All evidence to the contrary.” Gia murmured words again, but if Zelda heard her, she didn’t acknowledge it.
“That guy—my would-be roommate’s boyfriend—he came on to me. He made it clear in a hundred different ways that he wanted me. He made the move. Did I say no? I didn’t. Should I have?” She hesitated. “Maybe. But I’ll tell you something. I wasn’t the first girl he cheated with. Far from it. I’m just the one he got caught fucking.”
“And that makes you . . . what? The hero of the story?” This chick was hitting me where I was vulnerable, I knew. A long-distance relationship was trying under the best of conditions. But having a boyfriend who attracted attention whereve
r he went, who was part of a popular college football team and probably had girls throwing themselves at him every day and night . . . that definitely added an element of unease. The idea that there might be someone like Zelda down at Carolina, willing to sleep with any guy—yeah, that was unsettling.
“No, I never said I was a hero. But I’m not exactly the villain, either. I didn’t so much as flirt with that son of a bitch. All I did was fail to say no when he made the offer.” She stood up again and put her hands on her hips. “By the look on your face, I’m going to assume you’ve got a boyfriend, and now you’re wondering if he’s going to be safe around me.”
“I do have a boyfriend. But he’s never screwed around on me. I trust him.” I took a deep breath. “As far as trusting you—as long as you don’t give me any reason not to, I will. You didn’t have to tell me what happened with the girl who was supposed to be your roommate. But you were honest with me, and that counts.”
She nodded. “Thanks. I appreciate that.” Her lips curved into a half-smile. “So I’m guessing you didn’t have the same experience I did. How’d you end up here, with me?”
I unzipped the bag at my feet. “I had a late change of plans, and so everyone had already been assigned roommates before I signed up for housing. I was supposed to go to another college, and I changed my mind at the beginning of the summer.”
“Oh, yeah? What, did you decide to follow your boyfriend to Birch?”
“Nope. My boyfriend’s not here.” I pulled out a framed picture and held it out to Zelda. “He goes to Carolina University.”
She took the photo and examined it carefully. “Damn. He’s a cutie.” She gave it back to me, smirking. “Don’t worry, doll. That’s as close to a flirt as I’ll get. So if your man’s down south, how’d you wind up here?”
The pain slid through me like a ghost, chill and full of dread. “I was supposed to go to Evans. It’s a small college up in New England.”
Hanging by a Moment (Keeping Score #2) Page 9