I could feel him out there, as if his warmth radiated throughout his little house. It brushed against my skin, making the hairs on my arms stand on end.
Leo Miles. The man I’d known for the last few years as Iron Badger was everything and nothing like I’d pictured. He’d always had an air of mystery to him. An invisible wall he’d maintained around himself. No personal details. No real names, no pictures. No links to his social media accounts. Just a made-up name and his deep husky voice.
Now I was lying in his bed, in the softest sheets I’d ever felt, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
It was his eyes. Blue-gray and soulful, they were so sad. Like they held a million dark secrets. I recognized something in them—something I knew all too well. Shame.
What burden did he carry? I could see the weight of it. It wasn’t in his bearing, or his body. Even through his clothes, I could see he had an amazing physique. That home gym he had didn’t go to waste. He was fit and strong. But his spirit bowed, like a shelf with too many things stacked on top.
Could the people in his life see it? Did they know? They had to. I’d only just met him, and I could see it clear as day.
But I knew him. I hadn’t known his name or seen his face. But years of late-night talks had taught me a lot about him. And somewhere, deep down, I’d always known there was something wrong. Something he was hiding. Now that I’d seen him in person, it was glaringly obvious. Leo was hurting.
Of course, so was I. Maybe that was why I could see his pain so clearly.
What was I going to do when the sun came up? When Jace started blowing up my phone, demanding I come home? Demanding I share a bed with him? Now that he’d insisted, he wouldn’t back down. He’d get what he wanted, one way or another. He always did.
I sat up, letting the sheets fall. I didn’t want to wake Leo, but I was thirsty. I’d get a quick drink and go back to bed.
The lights were off, but one of his monitors glowed. He sat in his office chair, dressed in the same long-sleeved shirt and sweats. I paused, gazing at him. At his face.
The left side was marred with scar tissue from his hairline down his neck. His hair hung down, but I could see the remnants of his ear between the strands. It was nothing but a stub. The corner of his mouth was misshapen, like the flesh had been torn—or maybe burned—showing a flash of white teeth, even with his lips closed.
I’d noticed the tattoos on his hand, but now his sleeve was pulled up to his elbow. The ink continued all the way up his arm—and so did the mottled skin. Unless they were confined to his face and arm, he could have scars over a huge portion of his body.
What had happened to him?
He looked up and blinked in surprise, then quickly shoved his sleeve down.
“Sorry,” I said. “I was going to get a drink.”
“That’s fine.” He got up and his chair rolled away behind him.
I followed him into the small kitchen. It was clean, with almost nothing on the counter tops. “You’re up late.”
“I’m always up late.” He filled a glass with water and handed it to me. “You know that.”
“True. Were you gaming?”
“No, just watching pointless YouTube videos.”
“Do you want your room back?” I asked. “Because I can totally sleep out here.”
“No, it’s fine.”
I didn’t particularly want to go back to his room and stare at the ceiling. And since he was up anyway…
“If you can’t sleep either, maybe we should run a quest or something. I have my laptop.”
The corner of his mouth turned up. “Yeah. Let’s do it.”
I grabbed my laptop. I sat on the couch and logged in, but left my headset in my bag. Badger was here, so it wasn’t like I needed it.
He brought up the game on the large center monitor. “What do you want to run? Just something quick?”
“Sure. I’m down for whatever.”
We paired up in the game and got started. It was a quest we’d done before, but the loot varied, so it was worth doing again. Plus, it was fun to play through something relatively easy. The quest went fast, and it was fun to game with him in person. Even more fun than it had been online.
We chatted as we played, like we always did. And he glanced at me over his shoulder now and then, that half-smile on his face. It made me feel a little melty inside.
By the time we finished, my eyelids were heavy. I stretched my arms overhead. “I should probably go to bed.”
“Yeah, me too.”
“Thanks,” I said. “That was fun.”
“It was.” He turned his chair around and when he spoke, his voice was soft. “Are you going to be okay?”
I knew he didn’t mean tonight. I wanted to say yes—brush off the concern I could hear in his voice and assure him I’d be fine. It was what I always did.
But I couldn’t. I couldn’t lie to him.
“I don’t know.” I tucked my legs beneath me. “I feel so stupid.”
The glow of his monitor lit him from behind, leaving his face shrouded in shadow. “Why?”
“Because things have been crappy for a long time. And I haven’t left him.”
“Why?” he asked again.
I hesitated, turning his question over in my mind. Why had I stayed? “He wasn’t always like this. Or he didn’t act this way with me. Not at first. When we started dating, he was so charming. He was a real take-charge kind of guy, you know? Back then, his behavior didn’t seem controlling.”
“But things changed?”
“Gradually, yeah. He convinced me to start working freelance, and said he’d support me while I built my client base. So I quit my job and moved in with him. And he gave me a hard time when I saw my friends, so I stopped seeing them as much. Little by little, I lost touch with people—friends and coworkers. Even my family.”
“He was isolating you.”
“Yeah, I guess he was. And after I moved in, we started arguing more. I don’t even know why. It just seemed like any little thing could start a fight. He’d get so mad.”
“He always made it seem like your fault, right?”
“Exactly. I don’t know how he did it, but somehow he’d turn every argument around. I started feeling like if I could just do the right thing to keep him happy, things would get better. Like we could go back to the way things were in the beginning.”
“But nothing worked.”
“No, nothing worked.” I looked down at my hands. “You seem to know a lot about this kind of thing.”
He took a deep breath. “He sounds like my father. The details were different, but he always blamed my mom when they had problems. He made her feel like she was the one failing, when it was all on him.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s over now.”
It wasn’t over for me. I had some hard decisions to make, and I’d have to make them soon. A couple more hours, and the sun would be up.
“I guess at first, I stayed because I was in denial about how bad it was. It was hard to admit, even to myself, that I’d chosen to be with a man who could treat me this way. But now…”
“Now?”
“I’m afraid of him.” I rubbed my hands up and down my face. “I hate feeling like I’m weak, but I am.”
“You’re not weak,” he said.
“Yes, I am. I’ve known I need to leave him for months and I keep… not leaving.”
“That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you a victim in a shitty, abusive relationship.”
“Still…”
“You’re not weak, Hannah. Trust me. I know weakness.”
His screen went black—he must have had it set to go to sleep after a period of inactivity—plunging us into darkness.
When he spoke again, his voice was quiet. “I was in the Army. Overseas, doing intelligence operations. Things went bad. I got injured. I came home to recover, but it wasn’t just my body that got fucked up.”
He paused,
but I didn’t fill the silence. I waited to see if he’d continue.
“I haven’t left since. That’s weakness.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I haven’t left my family’s land since the day I got back. I can’t. I can’t set foot off our property. That’s weak, Hannah. You stood up to that fucker, even though you knew he could hurt you. That took courage and strength. Me? I’m stuck here because I’m too messed up to even go into town.”
I stared at his silhouette. Was he serious? “I’m sorry. That must be really hard.”
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, well. It is what it is. You, on the other hand, have a choice.”
“I know.” I looked down at my hands. “If I don’t leave, it’s going to get worse.”
“Then leave,” he said.
“I don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Come here.”
I looked up. My eyes had adjusted to the darkness just enough that I could see his eyes. They were intent on me.
“I’m serious, Gigz. If all you need is a place to go, I can do that. We have an empty guest house. It looks a lot like this one, except it has normal furniture and stuff. No one’s using it. You can stay there as long as you want.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” he said, his voice full of conviction. “Go home in the morning. Pack whatever you need. I can get my brothers to help you move big stuff later. But get your stuff and come back. You’ll be safe here.”
Safe. I took a shaky breath, trying not to cry. The thought of feeling safe—the way I felt right now—was almost intoxicating. I wanted it so badly. And I knew he was right. I would be safe here.
Maybe that force field fantasy hadn’t been far off.
“Okay. I’ll do it.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes.” I took a deep breath. It felt good to say it aloud. “I’ll leave first thing and be back by afternoon.”
“Good.” He leaned back in his chair.
A sense of calmness settled over me. I was tired, but that wasn’t it. I had a plan. A way out. I’d go back to my apartment, pack some things, and come here. I’d have a place to stay while I got my shit together. And most importantly, it would be away from Jace.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice quiet, although that wasn’t enough. I didn’t know how I’d ever thank Leo for what he’d just done for me. He’d given me a safe place to land, and that was priceless.
Twelve
Leo
My house felt empty without Hannah. She’d been here less than twenty-four hours, but now that she was gone, nothing seemed right. It was too quiet.
Or maybe I was just that fucking lonely.
It said something about my mental state that I was so bereft, even knowing she was coming back. It wasn’t as if she’d walked out of my life and I’d never see her again. She’d be here tonight, staying in the other cottage.
That would put her right next door to Cooper and Amelia. Coop had moved out of the apartment that had once been the bachelor pad of sin. Brynn and Chase lived there now, and for a while, Cooper had roomed with them. But he’d decided to move back to Salishan, into the cottage Amelia had been living in. I wondered if he’d even asked Amelia if she wanted him to move in. Knowing Coop, he’d just moved his shit over when she was at work, and then congratulated himself on doing her a favor by being there.
Then again, Amelia was almost as weird as my brother. She was just quieter about it.
With the mood I was in, I didn’t really feel like dealing with people. But I did need to give my mom a heads-up about Hannah staying in the guest cottage. I doubted she’d promised it to someone else, but I still needed to let her know.
Besides, seeing my mom regularly was one of the things I made an effort to do. Especially since everything had gone to shit with my dad.
I changed into a clean pair of jeans and a long-sleeve shirt before walking over to my mom’s house. I knocked as I opened the unlocked door.
“Hey Mom? Are you home?”
She was on the couch with a book in her lap. “Hi, honey.”
“You should keep that door locked.” I gestured over my shoulder to the front door.
“Sure, but then I’d have to get up to answer the door when you come over,” she said with a smile.
I walked in and sat down on the other side of the couch. “You need to be more careful. Dad was into some shady stuff, and that’s putting it mildly.”
“You think there are drug dealers wandering around Salishan?” she asked, doubt in her voice.
“Maybe.”
She picked up her mug of tea off the table and cradled it in her hands. “You worry too much.”
“Security is literally my job.”
“Fair enough. But you still worry too much. Do you want some tea?”
“No, I’m fine. But thanks.”
“So, to what do I owe the pleasure of a visit from my son?” she asked, smiling at me again.
I leaned back, relaxing a little. “I was wondering if anyone’s staying in the Hummingbird Cottage.”
“No. Why?”
“My friend Gi—I mean, Hannah—needs a place to stay for a while.”
“Oh?”
My mom’s question was only one word, but I knew what she meant. She wanted to know everything. She probably didn’t realize I had friends, let alone one who was also female.
“We’ve been playing online games together for the last few years. She’s trying to get out of a bad situation. She needs a place to crash.”
“Bad situation? Do you mean bad relationship?”
I nodded, trying hard to keep my face neutral. I didn’t want her to see how angry I was—both at that motherfucker of a boyfriend, and at myself for not being able to do more to help her. “She’s afraid he’s going to hurt her. I told her to get her stuff and come here.”
“Poor girl,” Mom said. “Of course she can stay.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Oh, everyone’s coming over for dinner tonight,” she said. “Can you make it?”
I rubbed the back of my neck. “Can I be a maybe?”
“That’s fine. Come over if you want. But if you don’t, you better get over here early for leftovers tomorrow. You know Cooper and Chase will raid the place by noon.”
“Yeah. Thanks.”
I chatted with my mom for a few more minutes, then left. Instead of going home, I decided to take a walk through the south vineyard. I was restless, my limbs jittery—like I was going to crawl out of my skin.
I’d feel better when Hannah was back. When I could be sure she was okay. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, knowing she was still on her way to Seattle, so she wouldn’t have called or texted yet. But I didn’t think I’d be able to breathe until she was on her way here.
I should have gone with her.
My heart rate sped up and my chest felt heavy. Amid the panic threatening the edges of my sanity, I was hit with a rush of self-loathing. I was such a mess, I could hardly even think about leaving Salishan.
A good friend would have gone. Stood outside her door and made sure that piece of shit didn’t get anywhere near her. Cooper and Chase would have gone with me. Hell, even Roland would have. We could have waited outside her apartment while she packed. Kept her safe.
Except I was broken and I couldn’t leave.
If anything happened to her today, I’d never fucking forgive myself.
I needed a distraction, so I went back home to get some work done. After lunch, I took a trip out to the east vineyard with Ben. He didn’t need me for anything, but he didn’t protest—or ask too many questions—when I said I’d go out there with him.
The afternoon wore on, and she didn’t call. Didn’t text. She was probably still packing—that could take a while—but with every minute that passed, my anxiety grew.
When the sun went down and I still hadn’t heard from her, I thought I might lose my mind. I texted her to check in, but she didn’t reply.
/> I paced around my house, dread growing in the pit of my stomach. Something was wrong. She was supposed to call when she left her apartment. That was the plan.
Where was she?
I’d never felt so helpless. And that was saying something, considering what I’d been through when I was overseas. At least then I’d felt like I had some degree of control. Or I had until I’d passed out from the pain of half my body being burned.
Raking my fingers through my long hair, I walked back and forth, passing the front door over and over. Willing her to come through it every time. Desperately hoping she’d dropped her phone or the battery had died.
My family must have been sitting down to dinner. I thought about going over there—maybe being with them would help me calm down—but what if I missed her? What if her phone was dead—or lost—and she came here looking for me?
I’d wait it out. Mom would understand.
All this pacing wasn’t doing me any good, so I slumped down in my office chair. Checked my phone again. It was plugged in, battery at one hundred percent, the sound turned all the way up. There was no way I’d miss her call.
It rang and I shot bolt upright out of my chair. My heart stuck in my throat as I looked at the screen. Hannah.
“Hello?”
“Leo?”
“Yeah. Are you on your way?”
Her voice was shaky. “No.”
There was definitely something wrong. “Are you okay?”
“No,” she said, her voice breaking. “No, I’m not. He, um… he came home.”
I sucked in a quick breath and balled my hand into a fist so hard my fingernails bit into my palm. “Where are you?”
“Hospital.”
“Fuck,” I whispered. That piece of shit bastard fuck. “How bad?”
“It’s pretty bad,” she said. It was like she could barely get the words out. “They’re not keeping me overnight, but, um… I’m hurt.”
“Which hospital?”
“Swedish on Cherry Hill. I’m in the ER.”
“I’ll be there in two hours.”
“What?”
“I’ll be there.”
Hidden Miles (The Miles Family Book 4) Page 8